Ah yes, summer camp, the wonderful fun of doing… whatever arts and crafts shit, I don’t know what goes on at most sleepaway camps. The only sleepaway camp I went to was music camp, and though we had a good time it’s not nearly as fun as the “one time at band camp” stories would have you believe. Though in fairness, the years I went away to those types of camp I was 10 and 11, so hell, maybe it was for the older kids. I remember ping pong. For one, that I’ve never been very good at it, in part because I think I stand too close to the table.
The music festival I did when I was 19 we were all adults so it was nothing like that. It was the college contingent (of which there were 5 of us) trying (and failing) to flirt with various denizens of the small Austrian town we were staying in (for me it was the waitress). Then on the last night, basically we all came together and drank what could be described as a shitload of wine and were all collectively passed out on the bus ride back to Munich.
Hey, I got to play the Brahms Piano Quintet and had Weinerschnitzel and beer and learned about the wonders of the drink Almdudler and the good Jäger, it was a good time. (Fun fact: Senorita Weaselo’s best friend can no longer drink Jäger because he tried to chug a bottle of it once. It did not go well.)
Meanwhile, it’s the start of training camp! We got news:
-Brock Purdy: “cleared and ready to go”
-Damar Hamlin: “full go”
-People got paid: Trevon Diggs, 5-97 extension with the N-GCP; Tytus Howard, 3-56 extension with the 500s; Andrew Thomas, 5-117.5 extension with the Giants (with $67M guaranteed, an OL record!); Justin Herbert, 5-262.5 extension which currently tops the field (until Burrow gets paid).
-Aaron Rodgers restructures to a small bit for this year, and then ALL THE CAP MONEY next year.
-RBs are still fucked: Saquon had to yield, signs adjusted franchise tag ($10.1M, but with incentives to potentially get it to $11M), while Josh Jacobs has not reported to camp.
We have non-football news too, that due to the various strikes, BattleBots WC8 is apparently looking for a Q1 2024 filming spot. F1 in Vegas also throws it off. (Unconfirmed on BattleBots site.)
What’s on sportsing?
Women’s World Cup Action
USA vs. Netherlands (9:00, FOX)
Tweaker Matchup! Portugal vs. Vietnam (3:30 AM, FS1)
Early Bird! Australia vs. Nigeria (6:00 AM, FS1)
Natural Rivals Series(es):
MID-way Series: 34th Street-Hudson Yards vs. Woodlawn (NYM vs. NYY, SNY/YES, 7:05) *WEASELO SIBLINGS BOOTS ON THE GROUND*
Boston vs. Former-Boston (BOS vs. ATL, ESPN, 7:10)
Texas vs. City in Texas—winner leads the AL Weast! (TEX vs. HOU, 8:10)
Chi**** (CHC vs. CWS, 8:10)
“Sell the team!” solidarity (OAK vs. SF, 9:45)
By the way, I am irrationally angry that MLB has officially changed the Diamondbacks designation from ARI to AZ. This is, however, the same MLB that can’t settle on whether the White Sox are CHW or CWS. In conclusion, this is Rob Manfred’s fault.
Not the CONCACAF Champions League (Leagues Cup)
NYCFC vs. Toronto FC (played, of course, at Red Bull Arena since the Yankees are home) (TSN, 7:30)
LA Galaxy vs. León (FS1, 10:30)
Portland vs. Tigres (FS1, 11:00… that’s what it says!)
Will Hermana Weaselo and I see offense from the home team today? Don’t fucking count on it! In the meantime, pour one out for dollar pizza (now $1.25).
Announcer: “The American women have merely tied a game against a country that 95% of fans could not identify on a map. Over to you, Mr. Kurtz for the last word.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKcAYMb5uk4&ab_channel=LuisRodrigues
Speaking of Van de Donk (I foretell that I will likely do this enough over the next few weeks to earn a restraining order), was being cast by the Fox dipshits as some kind of bully. She’s maybe 85-90 pounds soaking fucking wet.*
*would very much pay to see the soaking fucking wet
**GOD, I am such a fucking pig
Ain’t nothing wrong with any of that
Yes he should stop being so hard
on himself
HA!!!!
Yeah everyone showers sometimes
Might have to call her van de BONK after that late game incident
More like Van De Boink!
There are some tiny women out there you do NAWT want to mess with
How much weight does being soaking wet actually add? Seems like it would depend how much hair they have and if they’re wearing absorbant clothing
A gallon of water weighs 8.34 pounds, so…
A pint’s a pound the world around!
waterlogged jeans are a bitch, I remember that for some reason
Or a perspiration soaked jersey.
Pretty much any Filipina navy wife. They do not play, I never wanted to cross one.
This is a safe space. Oink your head off!
Well done my Dutch sweeties.
Tonight I have learned there is a German word for “cat dad” – katzenpapa. I EVEN HAVE A PLAQUE FROM AUSTRIA TO PROVE MY STATUS!
(thanks, oldest HippoSpawn)
Of course there is. It’s German, all you do is throw words at each other.
THIS REFEREE I CALL HER 1944, BECAUSE THE JAPANESE HAVE LOST CONTROL ON A PACIFIC ISLAND NATION AGAINST THE USA AND THE DUTCH.
About time they replaced that Roord. It had way too many potholes.
— E. Smith
Somewhere Peter King is writing an article about how a draw against the Dutch would be as big a let down as his tour of the Anne Frank house was.
His editor will commit suicide.
Just like Jeffrey Epstein didn’t do!
“Spitse has a tendency to do this….”
/starts writing joke
No, no, that’s Rikki’s turf.
Neutral crowd are booing the Americans. That’s never happened before…
[touches children] – Brad Childress
Terminal Island, November 2022
aaaaaaannnnndddd teevee box off
Sweet no goal.
Lady VAR rescued?
VAR not even needed.
Although they went to the trouble to show the VAR visual. Only her right foot was still onside.
Still 1-1.
Methinks I leave off anyway. Perhaps I was jinxing my Orange goddesses. Van de Donk is most definitely WOO-worthy.
Ye’s were due in all honesty
THAT HEADER I CALL IT 70% AS IMPRESSIVE AS IT WOULD HAVE BEEN IF A GUY HAD DONE IT, BECAUSE I’M US SOCCER AND I SUCK
I used to consider Donnie the sensible Wahlberg, but then he married Jenny McCarthy.
Everyone makes mistakes.
Dem titties tho
USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!
Bastard Man! BASTARD MAN!!!
Send some of these Footy Karens off, match official!
aaaaaaaand MUTED
Goddamn, a hip check like that is going to result in 5-minute majors and an instigator penalty.
Olympic sport makes major transgender change; world reacts (msn.com)
Only the Olympics can take a stand that can piss everyone on both sides off.
‘from now on only transgender individuals can compete in the Olympics, unless the athlete in question gives us bags of money. if they do that then, as usual, we’ll let them do whatever they want.”
The Olympics
/Gary Bettman has entered the Earth realm
This seems like a solution in search of a problem. Granted, there are 7 billion people on the planet, but is anyone out there thinking, “I’ve got it! I’ll cut my dick off and make a living as an Olympic women’s swimmer!”
This is hardly the first time a poorly thought out strategy against Vietnam is going to cost the USA over the long-term.
+nguyen
Janine Beckie on TSN Hippo.
I can’t believe Kaylyn Kyle got relegated to MLS
Too many sometime vowels is my guess.
“Don’t you find it kinda strange that a Japanese ref is giving out yellow cards to Americans?”
-Joe Rogan, throwing verbal ramen against the wall, seeing if it will stick
Not a soccer expert, but it looked like that ref swallowed her whistle. Like the esteemed Mr. Cornblower said above, that was a serious hip check and the ref said ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.
My former (long ded) grandparents-in-law liked to say “If you ain’t Dutch, you ain’t much!” YES, that probably was directed at me…but I liked them anyway.
There was a whole thing on the radio this morning about Dutch crunch bread being a Bay Area thing for sandwiches
Hells No, staple up here in Florida North.
Good to know, I was a bit skeptical of them because they also seemed to think that having tasty tomatoes in season was a Bay area thing which is clearly ridiculous
oh MY, #10 surely has earned her Orange number!!
Perhaps he was temporarily dumbstruck by the realization of how many lives he’s destroyed or made worse by his actions and that the arbitrary Old Testament God that he worships has come to wreak havoc?**it was probably just a completely debilitating brain aneurysm that will prevent him from performing his duties from now on.
His duties mostly consist of refusing to do anything and preventing anyone else from doing anything so I suspect it’ll be business as usual
Good point – you boss a game through the centre of midfield. And NED seems to have some Porsches there…
Am I mistaken in that the Murikans are waiting for Rymes With Orange to make a mistake? As opposed to going flat out aggressive which they always seem to do?
yeah, they are clearly in 2nd gear. Shit, if Portugal. The Lady Team. can boatrace the VCs later, they’d only need to draw the Yanks to bounce ’em entirely.
These gals will stick a boot in, too. <3
My kiddos have ample Dutch blood from their mother’s side. We are such total WASPs.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CNgFCIclvDs
This is a Canuck band that you’ve never heard of.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ip5b1h1hPR4&ab_channel=RymesWithOrange
That album was phenomenal.
I had that album
Go Ned’s!!
ISWYDT, you cheeky monkey, you.
Gooooooaaaaaaaaallllllio!
Well that was a hell of a goal.
Damnit, for a second there it looked like they had completely squandered that chance.
Holy Bananas!!!!
That was Pep-worthy, was it nae?
Do you think that Aaron Rodgers is going to endorse RFK Jr.?
Joe Rogan is already pimping him, so 99.999999% chance
FOAR TE HIPPO!
https://youtu.be/HqGzBqPnNBk
Deeeee-siiiiire!!!
it has been found (#17)
https://youtu.be/gmD08Na5VKI
they hold up surprisingly well, for a “hipster freshman dorm sensation” band
(or #s 11…14…20…CHRIST this is a good-lookin’ crew, like an Abercrombie & Fitch ad from the 90s)
2pack, mah gangsta! IS YOU UP AND WATCHIN??
Having my pre run coffee and checking it out. But still too early for any told ya so commentary.
So after last night’s post I am now getting targeted articles about the best books to read to get into the Warhammer universe, the way they can track everything you do online just gets scarier and scarier. Surprised I did not get ads for books for how to improve one’s writing.
No helping any of us write gooder
yeah, Hippo be 50, ALL ASPECTS are solely on the downhill slope
Funny, I don’t get targeted ads for butt toys…
They know you already have them all
They give your name as the ad for anal sex toys.
Discount code?
I would like to bartend the Dutch women’s team year end wind up party please.
yeah, they sure as fuck seem like partiers
van de DONK, WOO?
Somebody just crossed the Hippo streams.
nods in #5thPill
Completed Pass %: 76%
Look out Charmslinger!
Paganini tips his hat to you sir.
.
I’d like to cheer for the US women’s team, reciprocating what my brothers and/or sisters on this site have done for the Canuck squadoo but Rapinoe’s petty comments after their loss in the Olympics semi-final prevent me from doing so.
Please do not feel obligated to support them. We cheer for the Canadiennes because they’re all talented and not stuck up bitches about it.
And Hippo is in love with half of them.
I bet the subs bench could push me up to 60% PHRASING
what Balls said, FUCK ‘EM
#TeamDustbins
Dogs love sticks:
“Ok, stay with me here. If the stick is Civil War accolades, the big dog is Ulysses S. Grant and the chihuahua is George McClelland.”
-Ken Burns
The little dog is Gen John M Schofield
(deep cut)
Verducci (Sports Illustrated) is reporting that the Angels are definitely NOT trading Ohtani. I’m happy even though it’s almost definitely the wrong move.
oh man, y’all are gonna be SO MUCH ASS next season. Like a certain humble #BFIB raght now!
You say that like it’s a bad thing…
oy, I deserved that one!
Making a hunting digestif into a guzzleable frat beverage is one of the most impressive marketing feats ever
“From the lips of Herman Goering to the bellies of trust fund shitheads, it’s been quite a ride!”
-rejected Jager ad campaign
Sleepaway Camp?
clap clap, clap CLAP
De-vil’s-Three-some
clap clap, clap CLAP
It’s even more devilish than that, bud
Hippo…may not know the backstory of the above-referenced gif.
Well I’ve never actually seen it but
in the movie Sleepaway Camp there’s a girl at a summer camp killing errybody there and at the end it turns out she’s actually a boy.
Having met a lot of people that work at sleepaway camps, I can tell you what happens:
Sex.
Lots and lots of sex.
Teenagers with teenagers.
Twenty-something Counselors with Twenty-something Counselors.
Older adult staff with older adult staff.
And, if you’re dealing with reputable camps, those categories never intermix.
Basketball camp was the one and only place where I was hit on by both boys and girls multiple times. I realized this much later, what with me being the most naivest(?) 16 year-old that has ever walked this earth.
I regret I has no orange clothings to don for the Lady Atomic Dustbins.
That’s the perfect name for them!
they’re not sleeeeeping around!
[is one brick short of Legoland] – Eli Manning
https://youtu.be/_wDHQRWKg4M
I’m imagining that Almdudler tastes like a Ricola cough drop dissolved in lemonade…