[DOOR FLIES OPEN]

"This site goes down so often we oughta change the name to “Dating Nancy Reagan”" – Horatio

Log In

Saturday Night Open Thread – Preseason Football Starts! Edition

ballsofsteelandfury

/

, , , , ,
BktGhodCAAAjSMx.jpg

Scotchy kills hobos for our amusement on the football open threads. What would you like for me to do and relate to you?

Because preseason football has started and we need something!

I have some stories to tell but I know Hippo will judge me very very WASPily.

See, the funny thing is, and it’s an indictment of our whole society, violent stories of hobo dismemberment are happily applauded, but I tell one story with some steamy sex in it and I’M THE PERVERT!

Nice, America, nice!

***

I played golf today for the first time in a very long time. Did pretty decently too. I shall tell you about it this week so Rikki can finally tell us about the night he won the Super Bowl.

***

Allow me to remind you about DFOCon in Vegas this November. The details are first weekend in November, staying in Downtown, and good times to be had.

***

Here is tonight’s preseason schedule:

Baltimore Ravens v Philadelphia Eagles (NFL Network) 4:00 PM Pacific

Battle of Inglewood! (NFL Network) 6:00 PM Pacific

Are we having two hour games now? How the fuck does that work?

And here’s the REAL football schedule:

Calgary Stampeders v BC Lions (CBS Sports Network) 4:00 PM Pacific

Enjoy your Saturday night!

5 4 votes
Article Rating
Tags:

Leave a Reply

Subscribe
Notify of
75 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
BrettFavresColonoscopy

You know what I hadn’t missed? Driving on the left side of the road.

1
Horatio Cornblower

The ring girls with the frozen smiles of three women who don’t speak a word of Spanish.

2
SonOfSpam

luckilly unwanted groping is international

2
Horatio Cornblower

Joe Tessitore threw out more cliches in that match than either fighter threw punches.

0
SonOfSpam

The fight Horatio recommended is pretty crazy; one round left and both guys are fucked up

2
2Pack

Valdez has only got half a working face left

3
Horatio Cornblower

That’s the guy who won a championship while fighting with a broken jaw.

I’m guessing his long-term health is not going to be ideal.

3
2Pack

I hope he gets some sound future health advice. Being tough is one thing, being dumb is another.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Guy just came out and busted out solid commentary in two languages with a face that looked like it had been beaten with a shovel.

My man, I hope you have invested your money in high yield bonds and can retire soon, because you seem like a solid and intelligent guy and blocking punches with your face is not going to help that continue.

2
Horatio Cornblower

I agree with the win, but scoring that 119-109 is absolutely insane.

1
SonOfSpam

Yeah it was NAWT 10-2. But at least the right guy won.

0
SonOfSpam

Or even 11-1. Nice math asshole.

1
Horatio Cornblower

I always fuck up trying to score boxing rounds. I think 116-112 was about right.

1
2Pack

When your acordian is just too bulky

FB_IMG_1691901177314.jpg
4
Brick Meathook

I’m saving a spot for all y’all

2
herodotus450

Good thing I keep all my money in gold buried in the back yard or else I mighta splurged on a Las Vegas flight

2
Horatio Cornblower

ESPN about to show two Mexicans fight for a championship belt if you like watching boxing matches where the defensive philosophy comes down to “try to take the punch on the jaw instead of the chin while throwing two punches of your own in response.”

I mean this as a compliment.

2
Horatio Cornblower

Announcer: “This is the kind of fighter who has fought through a broken jaw!”

Me: “So he’s an idiot?”

2
Brick Meathook

Hello DFO!

‘tis I, Brick!

How fares Europe?

3
herodotus450

Luckily they haven’t fallen under the spectre of Communism, yet. Some ol’ chap named Adolf seems to have them headed in the right direction for now.

0
herodotus450

During my first term as God Emperor of the Known Universe and Delaware, I will make it a priority to eliminate “clean” versions of songs from my kingdom, and in fact will require random profanities be added to every song just for good measure.

2
Horatio Cornblower

I just want Angel Hernandez fired.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Into the sun?

0
Horatio Cornblower

Not even that far. Venus will suffice.

2
herodotus450

If you can donate to my campaign more than him, it’s done.

0
yeah right

You got my vote.

0
Horatio Cornblower

I see the Falcons beat the Jets 21-3 tod…

Hold on, I’m being told that Braves beats the Mets 21-3 today. Good god.

1
Redshirt

In their defense, if Atlanta had scored seven more runs, the Mets would be guaranteed to win it in the bottom of the 9th.

5
Horatio Cornblower

Outstanding.

1
WCS

Bottom of the tenth, really.

0
Redshirt

So why are the Chargers “LAC” but the Rams are just “LA”?

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Lack of tenant’s rights

8
Horatio Cornblower

So Kroenke has something to laugh at Spanos about during their Stonecutter meetings.

Last edited 2 years ago by Horatio Cornblower
3
herodotus450

If I go to DFOCon in Vegas can I bring my two friends?:
comment image

4
herodotus450

Diamonds are Forever took place in Vegas, partly, right?

3
WCS

Kidd and Wint were there for about eight seconds, so sure.

1
herodotus450

From the article where I stole that picture I learned one of them’s names is Putter Smith, and that Sean Connery assumed the actors themselves were also gay. I guess no one told him about the whole “acting” thing.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Which I think tells you why Sean Connery was, and always will be, the best Bond ever.

He wasn’t acting. He was being himself as a secret agent.

1
herodotus450

His character in The Rock being Jimmy Bond is a conspiracy theory I can get behind.

2
yeah right

Fully in Vegas.

1
herodotus450

What about that sequence on the moon?

0
yeah right

That was Moonraker.

You know this.

3
yeah right

Alright.

/crosses leg, sips beer

I’ve told some hard and ugly taxi stories from my younger days.

Isn’t it time for a good story?

This is a Balls post so I’ve got that going for me.

My second cab driving stint was in San Diego and I was a busy motherfucker on Friday and Saturday nights.

There was this totally nude, non alcohol bar called Les Girls?
Sexy right?

Dudes get in my cab and ask to go to Les’s Girls.

A’ight, I know the way.
Anyway.
I do this shit 5-6 times and I realize…
I’m gonna give them my business card and asked them to tell the people inside that I brought them here.

Long story short: eventually it turned out when I brought a fare here, I would park my cab, walk into the club with my fare and I would have a smoking hot, completely naked girl hand me a 20 dollar bill and give me a hug.

Plus I never paid the cover on my days off.

That’s a good damn taxi story.

8
ballsofsteelandfury

That is a GREAT goddamn story!

2
Brick Meathook

Battle of Inglewood! I live near there!

1
yeah right

I gas up there every Friday.

Best gas prices.

1
Gumbygirl

Stick got stuck, so Dicker kicked’r.

0
yeah right

Somebody recommended Reservation Dogs.

Whoever did that has my complete and whole hearted thanks.

This show is incredible.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Likely starting the last season later tonight.

comment image

1
WCS

comment image

2
ballsofsteelandfury

This is a really good article:

https://rogerpielkejr.substack.com/p/what-football-conference-realignment

1
Brick Meathook

https://vimeo.com/725076200

0
scotchnaut

“This Star Child journey through the universe sucks! Do it again!”

-Stanley Kubrick, demanding a 47th take

0
Col. Duke LaCross

Calgary is godawful.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I shall tell you about it this week so Rikki can finally tell us about the night he won the Super Bowl.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKnG06-oYcg

3
Horatio Cornblower

I swear to Xenu I I didn’t see this before posting the same damn thing in response to Yeah Right up above.

0
Don T

mood
comment image

3
ballsofsteelandfury

BC up 10!

0
Mr. Ayo

Well only someone so well endowed would name self a Dick. Congrats BC Dick!

1
ballsofsteelandfury

17 now! Look out, Jamaican bowler!

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

The REAL football schedule is the GWS-Port Adelaide match this afternoon (wee hours for you all). Gotta stay inside the 8….

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Dude, I’m so JEALOUS of your trip. Great job!

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Looking forward to next week when one of our sides collapses spectacularly and sees their playoff dreams go up in flames.

2
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hey, I’ll be there live to witness!

1
yeah right

DFOCON2023 will be my first Vegas trip since 2019 or was it 2018?

Anyway Seamus was there so we’ll have to drink copious amounts in his honor.

3
Brick Meathook

I decided at the last minute to go there and booked a flight at 4pm to fly out at 8pm and the fucking cab was so late picking me up just to get from Playa del Rey to LAX that I got to the gate just as they locked the door and they wouldn’t reopen it so I didn’t go and that was the last cab ride I ever took and I downloaded the Uber app right there and went home.

2
yeah right

Too bad. That was a fun trip and you would have liked the company.

So how about November?

1
Brick Meathook

I heard Seamus and Doktor Zymm got married in an Elvis chapel. That’s what I heard.

3
yeah right

That may or may not be entirely untrue.
Or is it?

3
ballsofsteelandfury

TOUCHDOWN BC!

0
Mr. Ayo

I didn’t realize Dick was a pilot. Good job BC Dick!

3
ballsofsteelandfury

Roof is open at BC Place!

0
75
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x