Your Sunday Morning NFL Football Open Thread (with added soccer goodness)

I don’t know who is playing footy but that should take care of itself in the comments. This is late so here we go…

To The Games!

Colts/Ravens:

You wouldn’t think it but Indy is only allowing 2.6 ypc so far. Expect that stat to be nudged upward by 4pm EST. Zay Flowers has 13 receptions after two weeks and all other Ravens wr’s have 16.

Titans/Browns:

Both these teams defend the run very well and each are getting less than adequate play at the qb spot so maybe expect this tilt to be a slog. Hey, KHunt is back in the mix!

Broncos/Fins:

Miami’s passing game (355 yards per) should continue to cruise even though Waddle is a no-show. Denver has Surtain but as a team they’re 23rd in defending the pass. So use that Braxton Berrios, you know you want to. Horsey’s are staring at 0-3.

Pats/Jets:

New England has won 14 straight and the beatings will continue until the Jets qb situation improves.

Bills/Commies:

Washington giveth and taketh in equal measure just as God herself intended. They’ve accumulated 12 sacks but have surrendered the same amount. They’ll need to keep Allen in the pocket (a tough ask) because he generates a number of positive plays outside it.

Falcons/Lions:

If you thought McCaffrey was the rb with the most catches you’d be mistaken. Bijan is the safety valve with the mostest. Detroit is down a few linemen so Gibbs has his work cut out for him. I’m curious to see if Atlanta’s 2-0 record has any substance behind it.

Saints/Packers:

Tony Brown, fresh off the practice squad, had himself a day last week with the two TD’s. With Williams on IR and Kamara away for another week I wonder how much we’ll see of rook rb Kendre Miller.

Texans/Jags:

How to destroy a young qb’s career. First what you want to do is pile up as many injuries on the o-line as possible so that he gets sacked 11 times in two games. (though he hasn’t thrown a pickeroo yet!) The Texans have a decent pressure rate so maybe Lawrence (44% when the cows come home) will struggle a bit.

Chargers/Vikes:

Somebody gonna get in the win column. All the positive juju that got used by Minny last year has evaporated and the underlying stats have come home to roost. Akers is in town now but big deal-this O runs thru JJ, Hockey and Addison.

Have at it.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

4th and 1, shotgun draw is dumdumdum

Petronel

Aaaand that’s game.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s very clear who DOINK favored today.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

@Dok if you’re listening I apologize, this seems to be getting out of hand.

Doktor Zymm

I was just sidetracked by an older German gentleman who came and talked to me about immigrants so whatever is getting out of hand is probably comparatively okay

bk109

Looking at the score in Miami… I think Hippo should watch something a bit more cheerful to get his mind off this.. Something lighter-hearted like Straw Dogs or Schindler’s list

Gatoraids

Requiem for A Defense

Redshirt

Elmer’s Glue Instructional Video

LemonJello

Vikings going down like its a boat race to Valhalla

fleshwound_NPG

“going down on a boat, you say…”

-fred smoot

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Holy Pitt-man!

Redshirt

One missed field goal and suddenly Ravens have no faith in Tucker’s superhuman kicking range.

WCS

comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Super excited for Colts – Ravens tie….

Petronel

Man, those matte purple Vikes helmets continue to be gorgeous.

[insert “purple helmet’ joke here]

Gatoraids

No one has gone down this much in Miami since Deep Throat

Gumbygirl

What the fuck Bolts? Is Staley trying to get fired?

Gatoraids

Dolphins have to end this with the most spiteful field goal in history

LemonJello

Did Peyton say something about McDaniel’s mother?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

McDaniel took some bath salts and is now eating Sean Payton’s face

fleshwound_NPG

clots coach proving football coaches cant have an iq over 75

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Zay Flowers for Algernon

Redshirt

…the fuck was that, Dolts?!

WCS

69?!

NICE

Redshirt
King Hippo

goddamned receiver slid instead of diving forward

Redshirt

Who are you calling “Billy”?

fleshwound_NPG

bwhahahahaha announcers hyping up justin tucker and too short!

WCS

I swear one of them said “Jason Tucker.”

fleshwound_NPG

hilarious prevent defense by the clots

litre_cola

Who is drunk at 10 AM??? MEEEEEEEE!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Juju and Judon on the same team sounds like what Louis Farrakhan calls his lawyer team

Gatoraids

Daniel lettings Broncos score so he get the offense back on the field to go for the offensive record

hippofant

This some NFL Blitz shit now.

King Hippo

63-13

fleshwound_NPG

has to be a scorigami

Redshirt

It is and is it a near certainty we’re getting a scorigami.

WCS

63-20!

King Hippo

70-20

LemonJello

This has been the worst defeat of Washington since George surrendered Fort Necessity.

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LemonJello

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Doktor Zymm

Hmmm, Irish sports bar 22 minute walk away,far busier than normal according to google maps though, and booze is free on the boat… Still tempting, I’ll decide when I finish my pastis

Redshirt

Jordan Love with some much needed self-love.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Judon is what Uncle Ed used to call the owner of the Clippers

fleshwound_NPG

fat hump fans really confused that they have to cheer for somebody that’s gay

WCS

/Mike Pence gets the strangest semi

King Hippo

ACHTUNG!!! SAFETY DANCE!!!!

WCS

Sweet mother of piss, Clots…

clint greasewood

0-3 start gives Peyton the ammo to bench Charmslinger and start Stidham against the shitty Bears and Jets.

Senor Weaselo

Broncos Country, let’s try (for next year)

LemonJello

Broncos Country, Let’s Cry!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That Chargers catch was in DOINK’s realm, right?

King Hippo

Zay Flowers baits the Humps into a game-sealing facemask? NOPE. GUH

fleshwound_NPG

running a damn jet sweep on 3rd down, ballmore deserves that missed call

WCS

56-13
37-0
27-3

This are all ongoing scores.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HiSNkIaJi_U&ab_channel=PapitodaSilva

TheRevanchist

I just need Washington to get some junk time scoring to secure my win.

litre_cola

ORLOVSKY!

King Hippo

Scotchy starts Tank Dell, buck-fitty and a score. That is “engrave on tombstone” worthy.

Senor Weaselo

I picked up Achane because he’s projected to have more points over the course of the rest of the year than Perine.

If I had known they were all this week I would have started him as my flex over Judge Jeudy.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Saints have a new Dome Patrol: a cadre of toothless women offering blowjobs by Lake Ponchartrain

hippofant

Honestly, what the fuck is MIA doing? It’s Week 3, they’re up 30+ points in the 4th, McDaniel’s still showing off new plays and their MULTI-CONCUSSION QB is still in?

Redshirt

*MULTI-BACK-SPASMS

(fixed it for you)

litre_cola

My buddy just said that!!!

hippofant

I’m not your buddy, guy.

litre_cola

Listen pal…

King Hippo

Charmslinger still in the game, down 43.

King Hippo

aaaaannnnnddddd a starting OT down now

Gatoraids

Let Russ Cope

fleshwound_NPG

minshewmania orlovskysafety!

WCS

Minshew just Orlosky’d

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh, that’s delightful.

Redshirt

JLove has entered “F— it, I’m throwing it deep!” territory.

King Hippo

Seriously, when did an NFL squadron last hit 70?

Redshirt

1966, Washington R(stactis)ns.

List of highest-scoring NFL games – Wikipedia

King Hippo

I was -7 then, no wonder I don’t remember the game

Gatoraids

Washington seems to have gotten a week start on the shutdown