Your Monday Night NFL Football Open Thread

Hey folks, this is your friendly neighbourhood fantasy flounderer coming at you the last time this week. I hope every one of you has made a poor decision recently like I have. Multiple ones, even! Let’s wrap this puppy up.

Fallout:

-I usually start off with injuries but I won’t go that route. I see Johnathan Taylor will be back at practice on Wednesday, absolutely nothing having been resolved and the air full of bad feelings on both side. Should be interesting the rest of the way.

-Russ Francis, a tight end for the Pats and then the Niners in the 70’s and 80’s died in a plane crash. He was a solid player but Ozzie Newsome and Kellen Winslow got the name recognition. Still, 5 of his 6 years on the Pats he was a top 11 te in fantasy and he won a few Super Bowls as well. Think of him as a Greg Olsen, Keith Jackson or Jeremy Shockey type-you were glad to have him on your team.

-Chase Claypool complained about his usage and now the Bears have little to no use for him. He was impressive as a rookie but it’s been all downhill sledding from then which is appropriate given that he’s a Canuck. (he learned to whine at Notre Dame-just want to make that clear)

-Arthur Smith is probably in a stronger position within the organization than it would appear to be because he’s insisting that Ridder is the starter next week. I guess he’s weighed the options and doesn’t want a qb kerfuffle by starting Heinicke but he could couch it in no uncertain terms by saying that Ridder needs a ‘re-set’ or somesuch.

To The Game!

Seahawks/Giants:

-Continuing issues on New York’s o-line (beyond injuries) is why you’ll see Dimes running around again. The Giants completely abandon the run game when Saquon is out so we’ll see a touch of Breida but not much.

-Besides, Seattle’s rush D is giving up 2.9 yards per but 7 yards thru the air on attempts. That and the ‘Hawks are down three corners.

-The visitor’s O doesn’t strike me as all that effective but they’ve only turned the ball over once, average 3 punts a game and excluding end of halves and games, they come away with points 65.5% of the time. That sort of efficiency wins games but doesn’t attract headlines.

-After three weeks the Giants are already sporting a -5 turnover differential. (I thought it would be slightly higher) Those missed tackles are piling up as well.

-I’m not surprised they’re 1-2 because I’ve said many times the early sked is a killer but they’ve been manhandled for 10 of 12 quarters. There’s a narrative creeping up that they’re on the soft side. Robinson was punched and another player was thrown to the ground after the whistle and the response by teammates was tepid. There’s a lot to criticize about how things are going and now ‘leadership within the team’ is being added to the list.

Enjoy the evening.

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Redshirt

Is this a good 7-0 game or a bad 7-0 game?

Mr. Ayo

Bad. Very bad.

LemonJello

“Game” is an overly generous description of whatever this is.

LemonJello

Giants-Seahawks game and I’m getting bombarded with California tourism commercials. Make it make sense.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Because California RULEZ!

LemonJello

Oh, god. A Horse Cock Lock sighting! THIS IS NOT A DRILL PEOPLE!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Or is it?

LemonJello

This IS a drill:

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Sharkbait
SonOfSpam

Does he have one of them screw cocks like ducks have?

fleshwound_NPG

yep, this IS a nina hartley approved mnf!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

…Horse Cock Lock…

“Man, wish we’d had one of those.” – ladies-in-waiting for Catherine the Great, ruing their subsequent unemployment

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Geno Smith, better receiving performance than Chase Claypool this week!

fleshwound_NPG

and next!

BugEyedBoo

It’s a goddamn samsquanch, called for Holding!

Sharkbait

I need him to go over 35 rushing yards. RUN JONES RUN

King Hippo

I need so much from Waller that I didn’t even look it up (and am very glad I did not)

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I need him to do nothing and like it. If the game ended right now, I would lose by .05.

King Hippo

I enjoy how the Vertically Enhanced Persons’ faces of desolation in the stands are somehow completely different than the Jest’

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s the effect of having 10% less Neanderthal DNA.

King Hippo

I am starting to understand why Scotchy chooses huckey practice as his safe space/coping mechanism. Can’t nobody hurt him thar!

Sharkbait

That and hockey is awesome.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Alright I’m in front of a TV now and with that score, I need DK to outscore Waller by 3 points the rest of the way to win.

Can’t wait to be let down like I’m at Soldier Field.

LemonJello

This seems like a game between two teams that just don’t want to be there.

fleshwound_NPG

then what in the holy hell are we gonna see thursday

LemonJello

I’ll be at FedEx, and I can only imagine it’ll make a monkeyshit fight at the zoo look like a battle of the titans.

Sharkbait

The Aristocrats?

LemonJello

Bearsenschiesse*

/hat tip to Dok

litre_cola

They really shouldn’t have resigned Jones.

Sharkbait

They absolutely should have resigned him to the bench.

King Hippo

I shudder to think who/how bad his backup must be.

King Hippo

That sundial in DImebag’s head must need re-adjusting again.

Sharkbait

Death
Taxes
Backbreaking Daniel Jones fumble.

Sharkbait

I am sadly without the Manningcast this evening, as Mrs sharkbait would like to see the full display of giants ineptitude*

*Description of events may or may not be the opinion of me.

LemonJello

Jebus. If MNF is this bad, I am starting to worry if TNF will go to plaid early.

Col. Duke LaCross

Will Ferrell sounds high as balls right now.

Sharkbait

BLEEERGH running wild right now

jjfozz

This Monday is Columbus Day. I will celebrate the achievements of my family members who came to this country and worked their tails off. They were proud of their new home, and loved it dearly. They fought and bled for America, and never turned their back on her.

I learned about faith, family, and a thousand other lessons from my grandparents.

I’ll never be ashamed to celebrate this day.

Also, I’ll pound down two bottles of good red wine.

Gumbygirl

I think of it as Italian- American Day.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

“Me, too!”

–Native Americans

fleshwound_NPG

game so far:

-tush push that needed an extra foot penetration
-cheeks making contact
-a muff
-loose balls

fleshwound_NPG

nina hartley approved mnf

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LemonJello

Bah gawd, King! That’s Buddy Cole’s music…he’s in the building tonight!

LemonJello

Thursday Night Football on a Monday?

jjfozz

I have forbidden my sons from drinking any type of seltzer frou frou alcoholic drink.

You get fucked up on beer and cheap whiskey like your father did.

We have a reputation to protect.

litre_cola

This past week on my vacation my buddy just added more vodka to his cans of seltzer. He may have a drinking problem though.

BugEyedBoo

Boone’s Farm should be allowed.

jjfozz

I will allow that. Also MadDog 20/20. First time I drank that I spent half an hour throwing up on my best friend’s girlfriend’s lawn.

litre_cola

Malt Liquor too

jjfozz

There used to be a malt liquor called Crazy Horse. It was very tasty. Too tasty.

SonOfSpam

(logs in to Drizly, orders cases of Zima sent to Fozz house…total is $3)

Horatio Cornblower

I know he lives in the Baltimore area but I’m sure Fizz’s house is worth more than $3.

fleshwound_NPG

plz let that stupid play stand

Mr. Ayo

TOUCHDOWN, SEAHAWKS!

fleshwound_NPG

THAT 4TH DOWN PLAY LEMME TELL YA I CALL IT KOBE IN COLORADO BECAUSE IT WAS A TUSH PUSH THAT ENDED VERY BADLY

jjfozz

I got this as a gift for my first Holy Communion, and as a bonus I didn’t get molested by Father Porker.

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BugEyedBoo

At least as far as you remember.

jjfozz

I would like to write a post for DFO about my childhood toys and the stories behind them.

Overlords of DFO, do I have permission?

ballsofsteelandfury

Absolutely!!

Gumbygirl

I would happily read that.

Game Time Decision

HELL YES

SonOfSpam

Didn’t know Fisher-Price made buttplugs.

jjfozz

Marx Playsets were fucking incredible. There’s a museum dedicated to these toys somewhere in West Virginia.

This was the first one I ever got – I’m sure today’s parents would shit eggrolls if their precious sunflowers got a Civil War themed toy. Fuck them.

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BugEyedBoo

Wheeling, I think.

Gumbygirl

Gumby just sent me this. The 60’s and 70’s were a golden age of dangerous toys!

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BugEyedBoo

You know you’re jealous,

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LemonJello

Atomic bazooka?

BugEyedBoo

Yes!

Gumbygirl

Ping pong balls?

litre_cola

That is on Patpong road in Bangkok.

BugEyedBoo

What Lemonjello said. From back when life and functioning eardrums were cheap. I think it took about a day to break it.

jjfozz

These were great. I remember shooting these at my father’s head down the beach. He went abotu 15 minutes before threatening to kill me.

BugEyedBoo

I had this guy, it would fold up into that case, shown in the corner.

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fleshwound_NPG

last night new york jets crashed and burned, filling the nation in anger how it happened

tonight new york giants will tumble in a heap in the same spot

and pete carroll will just not believe how it happens

litre_cola

Dimes is 22-33 and didn’t he just get a big contract?

jjfozz

The Guns of Navarone playset. Hours of fun, and plenty of fistfights over who had to be the Germans.

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LemonJello

I wanted one of these for years.

Horatio Cornblower

A German?

jjfozz

I had this toy until I was about 9. The house I lived in had a creek behind it. My cousin and I took this boat and set it on fire and floated it down the creek. It was awesome, like a plastic Viking funeral.

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Gumbygirl

My brothers used to ritually slay my Barbies. I’m pretty sure I remember a Viking funeral.

jjfozz

Our neighbor was out front one day and said, “Guys come here! You have got to see this!”

We went over and wathed him run a lawnmower over his sister’s favorite Barbie.

Imagine flesh-colored shrapnel coming at your face 100 miles an hour.

It was legendary.

Brick Meathook

In grade school me and my friends were all avid model builders. Tanks, ships, fighter planes, etc they all looked good.

Then we would take them down to the creek and blow them up.

jjfozz

Same here, we would also thrown them out of our house onto the sidewalk. So much fun.

Gumbygirl

My friend Susan lived at the top of a steep hill, and a couple of blocks down was a fairly busy secondary road. We threw her older brother’s shotput out the window, for some bizarre reason. It was whizzing down the street, last time we saw it.

jjfozz

Two rubber bands, eight plastic pieces with ball bearings, and fucking hours of fun.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Man, it’s so neat to have my memory jogged about so many of these games.

jjfozz

Bachelor in Paradise, because Americans are fucking idiots

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

STRIP CLUB DEEJAY: “All right everybody let’s give it up for Paradise! Which lucky gentleman out there would like to buy two tickets?”

Col. Duke LaCross

You think Eddie Money has to put up with this shit?!?!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MY_fUiMofQs

jjfozz

I have officially stopped submitting suggestions, ideas, or game plans to my mother and sisters about everything. I sent a strongly worded email to both of my sisters today, and both responded – and didn’t mention what I had said in the email.

I feel much better now.

LemonJello

You have to stop using the “Ransom Note” font in Outlook for your emails.

jjfozz

Well, stapling my ideas to the head of a dead horse didn’t go over too well

litre_cola

Did you put the head in their beds?

jjfozz

Nah, they’re used to that from when we were part of “the family.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ann Coulter died? That’s awful.

Wait, no, I meant “awesome”.

Gumbygirl

Oh dear. At least you can take some comfort in the thought that when the shit inevitably hits the fan, you will be able to point your finger and say “I told you so.”

jjfozz

I’m watching Pictionary right now because I hate myself.

jjfozz

Since his old team is playing tonight, Eli can have Dunkaroos AND a Danimal!

LemonJello

“I hadn’t planned on washing bedding, but after that snack, I’ll have to tomorrow morning.”

-Olivia Manning

fleshwound_NPG

wait, theres somebody on the hawks named bobocomment image

Gumbygirl

I remember it.

SonOfSpam

Yes, it made its way down here, like a polar vortex or the Nordiques.

ballsofsteelandfury

I have!!

Brick Meathook

Here’s a Golden Bachelor parking spot in front of Pink’s:

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ballsofsteelandfury

What possible tie in would they have with that show??

EVERYONE KNOWS OLD PEOPLE HAVE PROBLEMS DIGESTING HOT DOGS!!

Brick Meathook

You’re not kidding. I had a physical therapy appointment this afternoon, and they took my vitals and my blood pressure and pulse were through the roof. I told them what I had for lunch and they said I had eaten about a cubic inch of salt. We waited a while and I got better 😀

Gumbygirl

Gumby always has to wait awhile. I think he has that white coat syndrome.

herodotus450

They also wrote one about when a wrestling match goes too far
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJzrVtioigo

LemonJello

“The Angry Chair is where I had to sit when mom overheard me telling Peyton to ‘kiss my butt’ when he wouldn’t give me back my Starscream in the middle of an epic Transformers battle.”

-Eli

Brick Meathook

La Cienega, West Hollywood

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ballsofsteelandfury

Love that place

Col. Duke LaCross

Drove past it the other day with the future Duchess LaCross. She was unimpressed.

Also wasn’t a fan of me dragging her to Al Weiss to help me pick out a new suit.

“Where is this tailor?”

“Uhhhhh, right next to skid row.”

Gumbygirl

They are playing the Safety Dance on Sirius. Shades of things to come?

Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

It’s like you can read my mind.

Gumbygirl

What a tale your thoughts could tell.

Brick Meathook

I bought two deck chairs from Gordon Lightfoot’s ex-girlfriend at a yard sale in Silverlake. True story, dude.

Doktor Zymm

Back in the US (well, not quite, I’m in New Jersey) with a glass of champagne and a cookie! Gonna hang out in the Polaris lounge for the next couple hours before boarding my flight to SFO

Doktor Zymm

The cookies here are nawt as good as the ones at IAD, but they have garlic bread

Doktor Zymm

There are false penguins that live in France

herodotus450

Don’t forget “fraudulent-cheating-draft-lottery-fixing” in front of Penguins.

Gumbygirl

Yinz hate us cuz yinz anus.

WCS

NO ONE DENIES THIS

litre_cola

Back to reality. Uggh.

Doktor Zymm

Good thing there are substances to modify reality!

litre_cola

I do! Also Mrs. Cola and Deci are heading to BC but I am working the resto Fri/Sun and the final regular season Cavalry FC game is on Sat. Solo weekend!

Last edited 1 year ago by litre_cola
Brick Meathook

I started my day with a doctor appointment. This interesting artwork sat on the table in the examining room.

Note: I was there for a scalp itch.

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SonOfSpam

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Gumbygirl

Cooties?

Brick Meathook

Scalp AIDS

LemonJello

Rectum? Dammed near killed ’em!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Whew. Looks like the game won’t be starting for a while. What say we kill a little time with some epic tunes? And by “epic” I’m talking about a 10 minute minimum duration.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Wy8em8OySI

SonOfSpam
SonOfSpam
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Gettin’ astronomical, eh?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Xic-CHInek

litre_cola

weird it didn’t show up when I posted mine. Odd.

Gumbygirl

That will always make me think of my son. I miss him

ballsofsteelandfury

I don’t know about y’all, but I want to see more of Brick’s Day Out in LA instead of this game.

Brick Meathook

The public has spoken

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