Bonus Thursday Night Hippo FITBAW Coverage

Bearistocrats! (+6) at Commies (8:15, Amazon Prime)

What a country.  Our FITBAW fix served up to us by….our home delivery overlords.  The feed was shitty last week, at least for me.  Or the last time I watched?  I may have over-napped last week.

Anyway, I have a random feeling that Chi**** wins this.  Is it mostly Hippo hating Rebecca Malone way, waaaaayyyyyy MOAR than Strawberry Fields (who is really just an amiable dope, in my view)?  MAYBE.  But I expect them to run the ball this week, and wait for the Commies to fuck up (ie, turn the ball over – Ms. Malone’s specialty).  I take their semi-competence at the Iggles on Sunday with a grain of salt.  Division games are weird, and PHI has played in second gear most of 2023 (to date),

Fantasy advice?  Khalil Herbert.  Maybe Cole Kmet.  The Bearistocrats! D/ST, if you are a true riverboat gambler (unlike Ron Rivera, playing for OT on the road against a superior opponent).  Vodka Hippo (aka Stoma Fuckers Utd.) will play DJ Moore, but I expect Rivera to scheme to limit him.  I just have no good options/alternatives.

Anyway, it will be hilarious to see all the Chi****land HAWT TAEKS gnashing their teeth about screwing up draft position.  But take consolation in the Black Panthers falling to 0-5 this weekend.  Inshallah, it is written.

Oh wait, maybe you is thinkin’ “Hey Hippo, I wanna have a laugh about someone fatter and shittier than me!” – well, Josh Marshall has ya covered.

Enjoy your booze, pills, and/or intoxicants of choice.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Doktor Zymm

Josh Harris: “I’m not Dan Snyder!”
Everyone: “hooray!”

Doktor Zymm

It’s probably hard for the refs to know who to favor when two teams like this play, so I’m good with their decision to be lazy and play on their phone instead of calling stuff

litre_cola

Anyone watching Palmeiras v Boca?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t know how anyone can see a missed interference call like that and refuse to believe that the refs have been instructed to make this one a bit more competitive.

Doktor Zymm

Eh, and the missed grounding call?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

no but that doesn’t fit my narrative

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

so we’re ignoring it

Doktor Zymm

Despite nawt playing somehow the CHIEFS win this game

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Nuts to that!” – Rebecca Malone

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m so proud that’s catching on

scotchnaut

These Commies alt unis had to be conceived under Snyder’s regime, given that they look exactly like something that would be rejected by a graphic design course professor at WVU.

BugEyedBoo

Pretty sure they’re throwbacks. Those numbers on the helmets are typical of old-timey helmets.

Doktor Zymm

I can confidently say that these are nawt throwbacks. Never in their entire history have they been dressed so much like complete chumps

BugEyedBoo

I…actually like those uniforms? They’re better than their red ones.

Doktor Zymm

Maybe if they had black as a team color they would be fine, but they aren’t even identifiable. If anything they look like the Steelers.

BugEyedBoo

My bad – they’re just black unis.

Gatoraids

all the charm of a clear cut forest

Doktor Zymm

I was already in a crap mood before this game and the Bears can’t even Bear properly to cheer me up? Since when was it too much to expect the Bears to be comically bad? Although I can’t really blame them, it would just be embarrassing to lose to dudes dressed in outfits designed by some illegitimate toddler sired by the training staff during the snyder era

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hey, what site do you all use to upload a photo so you can link to it?

Mr. Ayo

postimages.org

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Thank you, sir.

SonOfSpam

Grindr

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The only way that miss on the deep throw could have been any worse is if it had been intercepted.

Doktor Zymm

Did one of the O-line just duck and cover?

WCS

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Gumbygirl

Stop, drop, and roll.

LemonJello

Headed down to the field shortly. Who do I blind side first?

litre_cola

Now that Snyder is gone, I dunno. Times are a changin.

Doktor Zymm
scotchnaut

“Who should you blind side? For real? Leigh Anne Tuohy, for sure.”

-Michael Oher

Doktor Zymm

Apple unintentionally honest when they leave out the space between ‘on’ and ‘us’

Doktor Zymm

Amazon can fuck right off with that ‘press a button so we send you more ads about his ad’

fleshwound_NPG

dj moore, very exists

fleshwound_NPG

super exists!

WCS

Sam Howell fever, catch it!

/it’s Ebola

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Doktor Zymm

I guess I can’t complain about the kerning on the uni text, so that’s me looking on the bright side. RAINBOWS AND LOLLIPOPS

Last edited 1 year ago by Doktor Zymm
Doktor Zymm

I assume the pass rush is less effective because they’re dressed like idiots and are playing under a stupid name

Doktor Zymm

At a stretch, you could say the team captains are sorta in command, but it’s just putting on airs for the rest of the team

fleshwound_NPG

buttrecovery!

LemonJello

THIS PLACE, FEDEX FIELD, I CALL IT A FIELD LATRINE BECAUSE THE COMMANDERS ARE SHITTING EVERYWHERE AND EXPECTING SOMEONE ELSE TO CLEAN IT UP!

Doktor Zymm

‘good job by this offensive line’
Did I hear that right? During a Bears game?

clint greasewood

🗣️THESE WASHINGTON COMMIES I CALL KEVIN MCCARTHY BECAUSE THEY ARE ABOUT LOSE IN THEIR OWN HOUSE.

Doktor Zymm

I managed to find some merch from when they were Football Team, and it was on clearance

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ok I seriously just watched the two episodes of Night Court that Dick Butkus was in instead of watching this game. But I’m here now.

scotchnaut

Thank you for your sacrifice.

scotchnaut

Stupid Kid Update:

He woke up this morning and told us, “I don’t want anyone to know what happened to me unless I tell them.”

The kid has a fuckton of friends/co-workers that blew up wifey and my phones while he was sleeping for 44 of the last 48 hours. (his phone was dead)

Me: “That ship sailed in the same way you sailed over the handlebars of your quad Monday night.”*

*I’m embellishing a bit

ballsofsteelandfury

At least he’s feeling better!

scotchnaut

Still not out of the hospital yet-we’re hoping to spring him tomorrow.

Doktor Zymm

Make inheritance conditional on wearing a helmet at all times, not just while on open vehicles

scotchnaut

Wife and are debating-I’m advocating for a bat to the knee (have to incapacitate him) but she’s old school and just wants to choke him out.*

*she’s always been really hands-on as a parent

Gumbygirl

Both, just to be safe! I’m glad he’s going to be ok, you guys have been through it the last couple of days.

WCS

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That resembled… competence?

litre_cola

DJ Moore prop cashes immediately! Praise Gamblor!

LemonJello

Commanders tonight are the ones shitting on the field

WCS

Normally it’s the stadium shitting on itself.

Doktor Zymm

Oh just wait, this’ll make a German porn director proud by the end

fleshwound_NPG

bears…offense!

Gatoraids

normally a different type of offensive

Brocky

Dick Butkus was my grandpa’s favorite player. Probably had something to do with them both being named Richard.

He passed away earlier this year as well. Seems almost fitting

Gumbygirl

Gumby’s dad, also a Richard. Died on Christmas Day. Bad year for Dicks.

Doktor Zymm

I hate these uniforms. Gee, black for a team who doesn’t have black as a team color. SO FUCKING INNOVATIVE. Like burgundy wouldn’t be enough of a color contrast to WHITE for them color blind folks

Doktor Zymm

They look like a shitty college team, both in talent and aesthetics. The Bears look like the Bears at least, whatever that’s worth

litre_cola

This is the battle of Zymm no?

Doktor Zymm

I think I actually went to every game WAS played at Soldier while I lived in Chicago and the Bears lost each one. Never really became a Bears fan, although it is lots of fun bitching about the Bears. It is very odd, I don’t dislike the Bears, yet I find joy in them sucking.

And I’m kinda starting to like WAS again, sans Snyderstench

Doktor Zymm

*but those unis are snuffing the rekindlement of fandom, just ew

Horatio Cornblower

“He had a good year in Hartford…”

Buddy, nobody has a good year in Hartford.

scotchnaut

Sens! Jets! Let the whelming-adjacent hockey-playing begin!

litre_cola

ARE YOU NOT WHELMED!!!!

LemonJello

Bears fans behind us with bags over their faces. AKA Chicago Prom Night.

litre_cola

How bad is my FF season going? The fact that I have multiple interests in this game is all you need to know. Just utter dreck. But hey! Football!

Gatoraids

sitting 1-3 and got Terry in this game, tanked hard enough to get Kyren and Achane to make up for my Chubbs going down

Gumbygirl

They have a pill for that.a

scotchnaut

Leafs are down a goal so the parade to the penalty box begins for the Red Wings.

/hey, the refs have to get into mid-season form as well

Horatio Cornblower

I just learned that Bruins made Marchand the captain, which is really testing my leaning towards just rooting for the nearest NHL team to replace the Whalers.

I could root for the Rangers, but there’s that Dolan ick to deal with, and let’s face it, the Islanders aren’t real.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

…let’s face it, the Islanders aren’t real.

Would you sing a different tune if they showed you their long-form birth certificates?

fleshwound_NPG

espn got the wings in top 5 best future. looooong overdue wings bullshit calls are comin. the yzerplan must not look bad

Horatio Cornblower

They must have imported another crop of Russians.

Horatio Cornblower

After yesterday’s fun with the shingles vax I was back at work today, off to one of our fine State institutions that pay the maximum amount of attention to security and making sure their guests stay right where they’re supposed to for the assigned “guest of the State” status.

Nothing like multiple steel doors slamming shut behind you as you go to meet with your felonious client. Really gets the blood pumping.

scotchnaut

Horatio as I imagine him. No bow tie but a very loud, conventional purple tie. (the convertible at the beginning is a rental, of course)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2ObCoCm61s&ab_channel=CarlJones

Horatio Cornblower

Dead on about the ties. I favor Jerry Garcia ties, (so much better than that band of his), and I don’t trust an adult who wears a bow tie.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Dr. Mrs. worked on the defense of a guy accused of torture and murder and I was always extremely edgy when she went to confer with him in lockup.

He got away with it found not guilty, though!

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/the-mysterious-death-of-felicia-tang/

Horatio Cornblower

My client today told me that he didn’t do what he was accused of that got him locked up. I told him “I’m here for a car accident, I really don’t care what else you did or didn’t do”

We got along great after that.

Horatio Cornblower

“As I walked in the bedroom — oh my God … looked like a bomb went off,” he told Maher. “The closet was broken, there was globs of hair on the floor, the bedding was all over the floor…there was a big wet spot on the bed…”

Look, if that’s a crime you can just lock me up right now over my honeymoon.

And yeah, having read the story RTD linked to, that fucker totally did it. The religious ones are always psycho.

Brocky

I got the covid booster flu combo yesterday. I haven’t had body pains like this sense college. Fuck

Redshirt

I really hope this Bears don’t win, because some desperate fan will see they won on the day Dick Butkus died and start hunting Chicago Bears legends on game day.

You know what. Someone call Hollywood! I gotta a horror-movie sequel idea for “Celtic Pride.”

scotchnaut

start hunting Chicago Bears legends

“Watch out behind you, Mark Bortz, I mean, Tom Waddle!”

Brocky

Pretty sure waddle has mentioned living in lake Forrest, so you’ll have to find some more challenging play

Brocky

start hunting Chicago Bears legends on game day

gives the side eye to mike ditka

Idk, we could stand to trim the fat a bit.

Just leave steve mcmichael alone. Fucker has suffered enough.

Horatio Cornblower

/pummeling Richard Dent as hard as I can for 8 minutes before collapsing from exhaustion.

//Richard Dent never even notices.

Brocky

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Doktor Zymm

Shouldn’t take long considering the likely shape guys who spend their youth playing football in the early 80s or earlier are in

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

He’s like a reverse Joe Thomas.

fleshwound_NPG

you can almost insert any linemans name here. they all vanish that weight the moment after the last snap. no more bakers dozen big macs (for the meal between breakfast and brunch)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s why I’m so eager to see Donald Trump get out of politics. It’s for his health, you see.

scotchnaut

I’m guessing that putting a stop to the muscle-enhancement voodoo stuff might be a factor as well.

LemonJello

I am making a list of jerseys seen here that are not Washington or Chicago. Boots on the ground ya filthy animals!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

It would be a short list if you just wrote down current Bears jerseys

LemonJello

I saw a Walter Payton already.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

LemonJello displaying the list by the end of the game (artist’s conception):

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LemonJello

End? You flatter me, sir!

Brocky

I wore a Walter Payton jersey to a colts titans game. Saw a steelers Polamalu jersey there.

Because fuck the colts

Gumbygirl

There has been a Steelers jersey at every sporting event I have ever been to. Prove me wrong.

fleshwound_NPG

o great tank commander field marshall justin zhukov fields

park your tanks out of respect. for uncle dick

your fellow commies will understand

tank-commander-marshall-fields-2.png
Horatio Cornblower

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Death of Stalin is a very good movie. Jason Isaacs killed it in this role.

Horatio Cornblower

(I don’t know what that “You’re” is for, other than that I wasn’t paying attention when I copied the gif.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I just read that the guy who molested a whole bunch of girls at USC was found dead yesterday, but there must be some kind of mistake, because by all accounts Mark Sanchez is alive and well.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

(to be clear, I have nothing against Mark Sanchez, he seems better than most, actually. But NOBODY is safe from the razor-sharp wit of Rikki-Tikki-Deadly!)

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I heard a prominent actor passed away?

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LemonJello

We are in FedEx. I am 3 beers in. Lady LemonJello and I may be on the field at halftime. I will throw up the DFO gang sign if possible.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

WOOOOOOO congrats. If you ever make it out of Landover, let us know.

scotchnaut

Warm up the Zamboni-the LemonJellow’s have plans!

/wait. What?

herodotus450

pre-emptive RIP to Lemonjello’s various cruciate ligaments

litre_cola

We have a gang sign? I thought that it was just a wanking motion.

LemonJello

It can be two things!

Gumbygirl

We’ll know it’s you because of the pantsless thing.

WCS

The Bearistocrats are so Bearistocraty their greatest player would rather leave the Earth Realm than witness them again.

fleshwound_NPG

also, a reminder what the bears can soon do with a possible two top 5 picks. in 1965 they drafted BOTH butkus and sayers at picks 3 and 4. they went 1-13 next season. neither played a single playoff game in their lives

more things change…

fleshwound_NPG

commies unis looking like wish.com stillers

scotchnaut

Many thanks to Hippo for covering for me this fair evening.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Appreciate the link to Talking Points Memo. It’s a goOd website.

Brick Meathook

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Gatoraids

RIP to Name Hall of Fame first ballot inductee Dick Butkus

fleshwound_NPG

had a butkus t-shirt and the jr. high basketball team made fun of me for wearing it during practice (ok, not my smartest idea) forever calling me buttkiss, among other forms of middle school bullshit

prob my darkest days. i was decent at ball but shy-introvert mixed with jocks was kinda stupid on my part. and then the butkus shirt. total 90s homophobic jock teenage assholes. would want to wish that shit on anyone.

they (the a-team, i was b-team…the jr varsity, if you will) then lost EVERY game in 8th grade. i actually had my best year and played with the a-team a couple of times.

at the very end of the very last game sitting in the locker room a player dropped a homophobic slur towards yours truly and as soon as the coach entered one player had a meltdown tirade at the coach, changing the subject and mood of the scene entirely. he broke down into tears for the team going 0-fer and not getting enough playing time (he had a hammy issue, iirc). no wisecracking after that. nobody walked outta there in a positive mood…except me.

one of the very, very few good memories in jr high besides getting super mario rpg for xmas.
still brings a smile to my face.

rip uncle dick, fuck them hoes

fleshwound_NPG

for one night, park the tank, bears. this shit wont fly tonight.

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