Bearistocrats! (+6) at Commies (8:15, Amazon Prime)
What a country. Our FITBAW fix served up to us by….our home delivery overlords. The feed was shitty last week, at least for me. Or the last time I watched? I may have over-napped last week.
Anyway, I have a random feeling that Chi**** wins this. Is it mostly Hippo hating Rebecca Malone way, waaaaayyyyyy MOAR than Strawberry Fields (who is really just an amiable dope, in my view)? MAYBE. But I expect them to run the ball this week, and wait for the Commies to fuck up (ie, turn the ball over – Ms. Malone’s specialty). I take their semi-competence at the Iggles on Sunday with a grain of salt. Division games are weird, and PHI has played in second gear most of 2023 (to date),
Fantasy advice? Khalil Herbert. Maybe Cole Kmet. The Bearistocrats! D/ST, if you are a true riverboat gambler (unlike Ron Rivera, playing for OT on the road against a superior opponent). Vodka Hippo (aka Stoma Fuckers Utd.) will play DJ Moore, but I expect Rivera to scheme to limit him. I just have no good options/alternatives.
Anyway, it will be hilarious to see all the Chi****land HAWT TAEKS gnashing their teeth about screwing up draft position. But take consolation in the Black Panthers falling to 0-5 this weekend. Inshallah, it is written.
Oh wait, maybe you is thinkin’ “Hey Hippo, I wanna have a laugh about someone fatter and shittier than me!” – well, Josh Marshall has ya covered.
Enjoy your booze, pills, and/or intoxicants of choice.
Josh Harris: “I’m not Dan Snyder!”
Everyone: “hooray!”
It’s probably hard for the refs to know who to favor when two teams like this play, so I’m good with their decision to be lazy and play on their phone instead of calling stuff
Anyone watching Palmeiras v Boca?
I reckon at least 2 or 3 Sudamericanos?
I don’t know how anyone can see a missed interference call like that and refuse to believe that the refs have been instructed to make this one a bit more competitive.
Eh, and the missed grounding call?
no but that doesn’t fit my narrative
so we’re ignoring it
Despite nawt playing somehow the CHIEFS win this game
“Nuts to that!” – Rebecca Malone
I’m so proud that’s catching on
twas really right clever, lad!
These Commies alt unis had to be conceived under Snyder’s regime, given that they look exactly like something that would be rejected by a graphic design course professor at WVU.
Pretty sure they’re throwbacks. Those numbers on the helmets are typical of old-timey helmets.
I can confidently say that these are nawt throwbacks. Never in their entire history have they been dressed so much like complete chumps
I…actually like those uniforms? They’re better than their red ones.
Maybe if they had black as a team color they would be fine, but they aren’t even identifiable. If anything they look like the Steelers.
My bad – they’re just black unis.
all the charm of a clear cut forest
I was already in a crap mood before this game and the Bears can’t even Bear properly to cheer me up? Since when was it too much to expect the Bears to be comically bad? Although I can’t really blame them, it would just be embarrassing to lose to dudes dressed in outfits designed by some illegitimate toddler sired by the training staff during the snyder era
Fear not, they proved on Sunday they are capable of blowing a 3-score lead, no matter how lousy the opponent.
Hey, what site do you all use to upload a photo so you can link to it?
postimages.org
Thank you, sir.
Grindr
https://www.instagram.com/p/CyBc3cCu0gG/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
The only way that miss on the deep throw could have been any worse is if it had been intercepted.
Did one of the O-line just duck and cover?
Stop, drop, and roll.
Headed down to the field shortly. Who do I blind side first?
Now that Snyder is gone, I dunno. Times are a changin.
https://youtu.be/tX5VRKYDuCo
“Who should you blind side? For real? Leigh Anne Tuohy, for sure.”
-Michael Oher
Apple unintentionally honest when they leave out the space between ‘on’ and ‘us’
Amazon can fuck right off with that ‘press a button so we send you more ads about his ad’
dj moore, very exists
super exists!
Sam Howell fever, catch it!
/it’s Ebola
I guess I can’t complain about the kerning on the uni text, so that’s me looking on the bright side. RAINBOWS AND LOLLIPOPS
I assume the pass rush is less effective because they’re dressed like idiots and are playing under a stupid name
At a stretch, you could say the team captains are sorta in command, but it’s just putting on airs for the rest of the team
buttrecovery!
THIS PLACE, FEDEX FIELD, I CALL IT A FIELD LATRINE BECAUSE THE COMMANDERS ARE SHITTING EVERYWHERE AND EXPECTING SOMEONE ELSE TO CLEAN IT UP!
‘good job by this offensive line’
Did I hear that right? During a Bears game?
🗣️THESE WASHINGTON COMMIES I CALL KEVIN MCCARTHY BECAUSE THEY ARE ABOUT LOSE IN THEIR OWN HOUSE.
I managed to find some merch from when they were Football Team, and it was on clearance
You’d think that would have extra kitsch value? It was by far the best nomenclature.
Commies are playing Cover Zero far too literally.
Ok I seriously just watched the two episodes of Night Court that Dick Butkus was in instead of watching this game. But I’m here now.
Thank you for your sacrifice.
Perfect circle of incompetence – Commies win in Denver, Donks win in Chi****, Bearistocrats! win in DC. Teh pieces FIT
Stupid Kid Update:
He woke up this morning and told us, “I don’t want anyone to know what happened to me unless I tell them.”
The kid has a fuckton of friends/co-workers that blew up wifey and my phones while he was sleeping for 44 of the last 48 hours. (his phone was dead)
Me: “That ship sailed in the same way you sailed over the handlebars of your quad Monday night.”*
*I’m embellishing a bit
At least he’s feeling better!
Still not out of the hospital yet-we’re hoping to spring him tomorrow.
Make inheritance conditional on wearing a helmet at all times, not just while on open vehicles
Added bonus, he’ll get to sit in those really good seats on the bus!
You should ask the doctor how long before it’s safe to smack him around a bit.
Wife and are debating-I’m advocating for a bat to the knee (have to incapacitate him) but she’s old school and just wants to choke him out.*
*she’s always been really hands-on as a parent
Both, just to be safe! I’m glad he’s going to be ok, you guys have been through it the last couple of days.
That resembled… competence?
DJ Moore prop cashes immediately! Praise Gamblor!
Commanders tonight are the ones shitting on the field
Normally it’s the stadium shitting on itself.
Oh just wait, this’ll make a German porn director proud by the end
bears…offense!
normally a different type of offensive
Dick Butkus was my grandpa’s favorite player. Probably had something to do with them both being named Richard.
He passed away earlier this year as well. Seems almost fitting
Gumby’s dad, also a Richard. Died on Christmas Day. Bad year for Dicks.
I hate these uniforms. Gee, black for a team who doesn’t have black as a team color. SO FUCKING INNOVATIVE. Like burgundy wouldn’t be enough of a color contrast to WHITE for them color blind folks
They look like a shitty college team, both in talent and aesthetics. The Bears look like the Bears at least, whatever that’s worth
This is the battle of Zymm no?
I think I actually went to every game WAS played at Soldier while I lived in Chicago and the Bears lost each one. Never really became a Bears fan, although it is lots of fun bitching about the Bears. It is very odd, I don’t dislike the Bears, yet I find joy in them sucking.
And I’m kinda starting to like WAS again, sans Snyderstench
*but those unis are snuffing the rekindlement of fandom, just ew
“He had a good year in Hartford…”
Buddy, nobody has a good year in Hartford.
Sens! Jets! Let the whelming-adjacent hockey-playing begin!
ARE YOU NOT WHELMED!!!!
Bears fans behind us with bags over their faces. AKA Chicago Prom Night.
How bad is my FF season going? The fact that I have multiple interests in this game is all you need to know. Just utter dreck. But hey! Football!
sitting 1-3 and got Terry in this game, tanked hard enough to get Kyren and Achane to make up for my Chubbs going down
They have a pill for that.a
Leafs are down a goal so the parade to the penalty box begins for the Red Wings.
/hey, the refs have to get into mid-season form as well
I just learned that Bruins made Marchand the captain, which is really testing my leaning towards just rooting for the nearest NHL team to replace the Whalers.
I could root for the Rangers, but there’s that Dolan ick to deal with, and let’s face it, the Islanders aren’t real.
Would you sing a different tune if they showed you their long-form birth certificates?
espn got the wings in top 5 best future. looooong overdue wings bullshit calls are comin. the yzerplan must not look bad
They must have imported another crop of Russians.
After yesterday’s fun with the shingles vax I was back at work today, off to one of our fine State institutions that pay the maximum amount of attention to security and making sure their guests stay right where they’re supposed to for the assigned “guest of the State” status.
Nothing like multiple steel doors slamming shut behind you as you go to meet with your felonious client. Really gets the blood pumping.
Horatio as I imagine him. No bow tie but a very loud, conventional purple tie. (the convertible at the beginning is a rental, of course)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2ObCoCm61s&ab_channel=CarlJones
Dead on about the ties. I favor Jerry Garcia ties, (so much better than that band of his), and I don’t trust an adult who wears a bow tie.
The Dr. Mrs. worked on the defense of a guy accused of torture and murder and I was always extremely edgy when she went to confer with him in lockup.
He got
away with itfound not guilty, though!https://www.cbsnews.com/news/the-mysterious-death-of-felicia-tang/
My client today told me that he didn’t do what he was accused of that got him locked up. I told him “I’m here for a car accident, I really don’t care what else you did or didn’t do”
We got along great after that.
“As I walked in the bedroom — oh my God … looked like a bomb went off,” he told Maher. “The closet was broken, there was globs of hair on the floor, the bedding was all over the floor…there was a big wet spot on the bed…”
Look, if that’s a crime you can just lock me up right now over my honeymoon.
And yeah, having read the story RTD linked to, that fucker totally did it. The religious ones are always psycho.
I got the covid booster flu combo yesterday. I haven’t had body pains like this sense college. Fuck
I really hope this Bears don’t win, because some desperate fan will see they won on the day Dick Butkus died and start hunting Chicago Bears legends on game day.
You know what. Someone call Hollywood! I gotta a horror-movie sequel idea for “Celtic Pride.”
start hunting Chicago Bears legends
“Watch out behind you,
Mark Bortz, I mean, Tom Waddle!”Pretty sure waddle has mentioned living in lake Forrest, so you’ll have to find some more challenging play
start hunting Chicago Bears legends on game day
gives the side eye to mike ditka
Idk, we could stand to trim the fat a bit.
Just leave steve mcmichael alone. Fucker has suffered enough.
/pummeling Richard Dent as hard as I can for 8 minutes before collapsing from exhaustion.
//Richard Dent never even notices.
Shouldn’t take long considering the likely shape guys who spend their youth playing football in the early 80s or earlier are in
I really admire how quickly BloodSugarFitzMagic’s body went to complete shit. It took what, 2-3 months after retirement?
He’s like a reverse Joe Thomas.
you can almost insert any linemans name here. they all vanish that weight the moment after the last snap. no more bakers dozen big macs (for the meal between breakfast and brunch)
That’s why I’m so eager to see Donald Trump get out of politics. It’s for his health, you see.
I’m guessing that putting a stop to the muscle-enhancement voodoo stuff might be a factor as well.
I am making a list of jerseys seen here that are not Washington or Chicago. Boots on the ground ya filthy animals!
It would be a short list if you just wrote down current Bears jerseys
I saw a Walter Payton already.
LemonJello displaying the list by the end of the game (artist’s conception):
End? You flatter me, sir!
I wore a Walter Payton jersey to a colts titans game. Saw a steelers Polamalu jersey there.
Because fuck the colts
There has been a Steelers jersey at every sporting event I have ever been to. Prove me wrong.
o great tank commander field marshall justin zhukov fields
park your tanks out of respect. for uncle dick
your fellow commies will understand
Death of Stalin is a very good movie. Jason Isaacs killed it in this role.
(I don’t know what that “You’re” is for, other than that I wasn’t paying attention when I copied the gif.
I just read that the guy who molested a whole bunch of girls at USC was found dead yesterday, but there must be some kind of mistake, because by all accounts Mark Sanchez is alive and well.
(to be clear, I have nothing against Mark Sanchez, he seems better than most, actually. But NOBODY is safe from the razor-sharp wit of Rikki-Tikki-Deadly!)
I heard a prominent actor passed away?
We are in FedEx. I am 3 beers in. Lady LemonJello and I may be on the field at halftime. I will throw up the DFO gang sign if possible.
WOOOOOOO congrats. If you ever make it out of Landover, let us know.
Warm up the Zamboni-the LemonJellow’s have plans!
/wait. What?
pre-emptive RIP to Lemonjello’s various cruciate ligaments
We have a gang sign? I thought that it was just a wanking motion.
It can be two things!
We’ll know it’s you because of the pantsless thing.
The Bearistocrats are so Bearistocraty their greatest player would rather leave the Earth Realm than witness them again.
also, a reminder what the bears can soon do with a possible two top 5 picks. in 1965 they drafted BOTH butkus and sayers at picks 3 and 4. they went 1-13 next season. neither played a single playoff game in their lives
more things change…
commies unis looking like wish.com stillers
Many thanks to Hippo for covering for me this fair evening.
Appreciate the link to Talking Points Memo. It’s a goOd website.
RIP to Name Hall of Fame first ballot inductee Dick Butkus
had a butkus t-shirt and the jr. high basketball team made fun of me for wearing it during practice (ok, not my smartest idea) forever calling me buttkiss, among other forms of middle school bullshit
prob my darkest days. i was decent at ball but shy-introvert mixed with jocks was kinda stupid on my part. and then the butkus shirt. total 90s homophobic jock teenage assholes. would want to wish that shit on anyone.
they (the a-team, i was b-team…the jr varsity, if you will) then lost EVERY game in 8th grade. i actually had my best year and played with the a-team a couple of times.
at the very end of the very last game sitting in the locker room a player dropped a homophobic slur towards yours truly and as soon as the coach entered one player had a meltdown tirade at the coach, changing the subject and mood of the scene entirely. he broke down into tears for the team going 0-fer and not getting enough playing time (he had a hammy issue, iirc). no wisecracking after that. nobody walked outta there in a positive mood…except me.
one of the very, very few good memories in jr high besides getting super mario rpg for xmas.
still brings a smile to my face.
rip uncle dick, fuck them hoes
for one night, park the tank, bears. this shit wont fly tonight.
I must have HAD A PREMONITION Butkus was gonna kiss the sky. Visionary, me ramblings.