TGIF! It’s October everyone! Which means it’s time for pumpkin spiced everything! And Christmas decorations at your local Costco! But for me, this is the time of year to eat all the Kit Kats and Reeses Pieces.

Survival – Personal Edition

Today’s lesson is pretty straightforward. But, even the simplest of tasks should be reviewed and practiced, since in the time of need you may panic and not have the mental capacity to think through the steps. Speaking of which, we’re going to go over the process of driving both up and down stairs with a car.

DOWN

• Aim the car. More importantly remember that your eyes steer the car. So look dead center of the staircase right at the horizon. You want to launch as straight to the staircase as possible.
• When you near the top of the stairs, accelerate hard. You want to do this just before the front tires reach the stairs. This will move the weight of the car to the rear and help you avoid smashing nose first on the descent.
• Protect yourself. Clench your teeth to protect your teeth and your jaw. There’s going to be a lot of bouncing.
• In the same manner, protect your limbs. Keep a firm grip on the steering wheel and keep your feet away from the pedals. You want to use your firm grip to keep you pinned to the back of your seat. And you want your legs away from the pedals to avoid any ankle, knee, or hip injuries.
• Keep alert to the aim of the vehicle. The back will want to step out to the left or right. When it does, steer into it. As in, if the back bounces to the right, steer right, if it bounces to the left, steer left. This will help keep the car going straight.
• When you get to the bottom of the staircase it’s time to act. Floor the gas pedal to avoid the car getting stopped on its nose and to get the rear bumper over that last step as the car levels out.
• Once clear of the stairs, straighten the car out and get back to whatever it was you were doing.

UP

• In this scenario, it’s important to plan ahead. Ideally you’ll be in an all wheel drive (AWD) car. Otherwise, you should be in forward wheel drive (FWD) car. If you’re cool, you’ll only have a rear wheel drive (RWD) car. But fret not! You’re cool, a RWD car can still do this, it’ll just require more go pedal.
• Aim the car. You want to be aimed at the center of the staircase and as straight as possible. If you’re not straight, each driven wheel will grip the stairs at different times which will cause you to careen to one side.
• As your front wheels near the base of the staircase, accelerate hard. This will shift weight to the rear of the car and lift the nose of the car to help the approach angle to the stairs.
• Maintain your acceleration on the stairs. The car will want to slow down due to gravity. It’s important you maintain speed especially since the tires are not going to be in constant contact with the stairs.
• Keep the car pointed straight. The rear of the car will want to step out to the left or right. This greatly reduces the vehicle’s ability to maintain speed. You want both wheels on the same step and the same time for maximum traction. If the rear of the car goes left, turn left, if the rear goes right, turn right.
• As you approach the top of the stairs, floor it. Doesn’t matter if the car is pointed straight or not. The main goal is to get to the top. You can regain control of the vehicle much easier afterwards.

Please note that you will incur significant damage to both front and rear bumpers during both maneuvers. The underside of your vehicle will also suffer some damage, though the amount will largely depend on the vehicle’s ground clearance. Once you’ve done this a couple times you should apply to be a stunt driver in Hollywood. With any luck, Brick will CGI your work into oblivion.

Click here to get to commenting

Survival – Species Edition

Time to put the sexy in Friday!

Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to the comments!