Because, goddamnit. It’s Derby Day, and as usual we have no fucking chance to even swindle a point out of those Redshite Motherfuckers.
The game is on USA at 7:30 EST. Which hopefully means I will sleep through it. Poor little grandson Bronco doesn’t yet know to give me a wide berth on Derby Day. Key word being yet.
A whopping FIVE matches in the 10a window, led by Suddenly Reeling (by their standards) City of Men taking on the plucky Trashbirds (USA). Lose or even draw today, and you’ll start seeing people foolishly question whether Pep has lost his fastball. He really should re-think his preference for such a small playing squad, though. You need hungry players that give you options to shake things up. In Pretend Bernard Gilkey’s unassilable opinion.
I have some streaming interest in Robins Hood home to Luton, but that’s just ’cause I’m weird. You can and should do better. Praise Beesus (alarm bells ringing there) hosting Boo-urnley? Both teams could use a boost (Lowratio joke, high five!).
Sportlight Dance is indeed a treat, Chelski hosting Arsenal (12:30, NBC). Should Handsome Mikel’s men want to be viewed as True Contenders to the Lesser Throne? They need to win matches like this one. Their Blue foes have the teeniest bit of momentum and belief, though. Gooners need to hit them early, break their will, yada yada.
Peacock annoyingly streaming Team Knifey home to Men Untied (3p), while there is only ONE stinking match on Sunday. And EVEN THAT bleeds into Precious RedZone Time (Villa hosting Rum Ham, 11:30 Sun, USA). I mean, it’s like they schedule without consulting Hippo at fooking all smh.
Last and maybe least, Mighty Whitey visit Spurs on Monday Night Footy (3p Monday, USA). I do believe its too soon for Swarthy Ange to really lead this group to a title challenge, but Top Four is a realistic stretch goal. Fulham just need to get right and go after Zooropa NIT qualification, or at least mid-Table comfort.
Ballsy’s La Liga Minute:
It’s a smaller story, but I know you’ve been following it. Real Madrid (/Don T spits on the ground) is currently leading the league by two points over the young, enthusiastic, and well-coached Catalonian team we all love: GIRONA!
Yup, it’s true. Little Girona from Catalonia (located north of Barcelona) is in second place, one point in front of Barça after 9 games. As the British say, it’s still early days, but I dare say this is probably the highest that Girona have ever been in the table this far into the season. Felicitats!
Paedo State (+4) at tOhio State (Noon, Fox)
Pre-expansion B1G really only plays three games a year, and the first of these has finally arriven. Cheering for the Tree Nutz feels weird, but hey – they don’t make a point of fucking 12 year olds in the shower. Well, at least not outside of rasslin’ (we see you lurking over there, Gym Jordan). This one will be a physical, defensive battle. Home field likely decisive.
UCF (+19) at Oklahoma (Noon, ABC)
Sorry, I still have square root of fuckall belief in Steerfuckers North. Really expecting the Hitler Mice to at least make a game of this.
Mississippi State (+6) at Arkansas (Noon, ESPN)
There are few things I love MOAR in JV NFL than a True Desperation Bowl, and this one qualifies. Loser starts to wonder whether they might pitch a shutout in SEC play, which is always a great way to get fired. Winner goes back to thinking they can salvage a 6 or 7 win season and a December exhibition. Exhibit 2,307+ of how hard it is to follow an Air Raid coach and deciding to change the offense.
Washington State (+4) at Oregon (3:30, ABC)
This was a much better looking matchup before Wazzu laid a home turd against Bear Down FOAR Midterms, But I’d expect a bit of a reaction in a shootout-type game. Quack Attack will probably play angry, but we will have to see how effectively.
Tennessee (+9.5) at Alabama (3:30, CBS)
Roll Damn Tide has some kind of absurd home winning streak in October. I guess it’s some kind of Saban Sweet Spot? But I’m telling you it could easily end today, in what (like Paedos/THEEEEE) will be lower scoring than the casual fan expects.
BDSM State (+3.5) at West By God Virginia (3:30, ESPN)
Loser could possibly go into a tailspin here. Winner wants to think about somehow getting into the Big 12 title game, thanks to some favoUrable scheduling.
Night post is up.
Iowa got fucked by the refs. Just bent over and fucked hard.
I’ll allow it! – Judge Other H., Apex, NC
There has never been a MOAR B1G West game.
Jesus, what a shitshow the officiating is in the Pitt game.
My guess is that “Illegal Touching” is the most-called penalty in the Big Ten Or Whatever.
/prove me wrong
Like Mississippi State/Arkansas earlier, just so bad it’s compelling
Minny up on Iowa 12-10. I’m watching, but Paint Drying U vs Grass Growing A&M is slightly more interesting.
If you have a terrible offense, like Iowa, why do you try to run anything other than the option? They don’t even have a top 100 offense. Going into this game they ranked 133 out of 133 D1 teams. Try anything else?
“Light My Fire” as the playout song from the bama game?
We’ll see if “Southern Cross” is next!
One of the CBS grandpas just called the Vols’ QB “Milroe.” I get they’re both Black, but I can at least recall which team each quartered back plays for.
Anyone want a free mushroom, black olive pizza? Only missing a couple of slices.
My favorite pizza joint delivered someone else’s pie and they’re correcting it right now.
Damn this thing is hot and fresh too.
Black olives are the Devil’s fruit
It was most definitely NOT my order.
I thought that was Saddam Hussein?
I don’t like black olives but I’m not going to drag religion into it. smgdh…
“Wait? Rutgers football is 6-2? Welp, looks like we’ve got to get the old band together.”
-Cthulhu, texting the Four Horsemen
Crowd shot of bearded honky Bama fan making the “White Power” ok sign.
Shocked
BREAKING: Los Angeles Rams Wide Receiver Robbed At Gunpoint (msn.com)
Would this be Pass Interference or Illegal Contact?
[clicks on article]
Don’t worry folks, it wasn’t Hakuna “The Big Matata” Nacua.
Depends, were they in the pistol formation?
It’s Senor Weaselo’s adventures in rental world!
Like how I had to give back the first rental because the tire started to bubble, and then had to frantically panic and make sure that my rental was extended because they had only given me until that day (no idea why).
And now I learned that my current rental (‘21 Camry SE) has 203 hp so I can cross “200 hp in not Gran Turismo” off my list, so I got that going for me.
Ioway doing the cornhole push to get into the endzone.
Oooh, my Blazers got smoked by Memphis. Congratulations Taj! I was driving home from Riverside and missed what must gave been a horrendous second half. Perhaps hiring a high school football coach wasn’t the best idea, even if he did win a Super Bowl?
The Greek Rifle-Athan Kaliakmanis-is keeping Minnesota in the game vs Ioway.
She never talks back
“Yet.”
-David Berkowitz
I DON’T CARE WHAT COLOR THE FUCKING SIDING IS! I DON’T CARE WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF SHUTTERS WE’RE GETTING! PAINT THE FUCKING HOUSE BLACK OR PUT A RAVENS LOGO ON IT! JUST STOP ASKING QUESTIONS!
My inner dialouge for the past 2 hours while being badgered by my wife.
“Like it just the way it is,” worked for me.
I must have said, “It’s your house, your choice” hundreds of times. I don’t give a good fuck.
Fozzie in a couple of months: “What blind retarded spunkmonkey picked this hideous color?”
All i know is that it had something to do with “taupe”, which is fucking light brown. no matter how you cut it, it’s fucking tan
Even if one team wins this Ohio-Penn game, both teams should drop in the polls. This is terrible football.
Okiehoma, too
Yeah, isn’t going to strike fear into the SEC.
Nobody anywhere induces fear, really. Be damned fun if 12-team bracket started this season.
one BLEERGH away from JV NFL BLITZ!
ok, 4th and 30??
I’m having reservations about PSU’s “Don’t cover their best receiver” strategy.
Block Zero too
Hardly the worst strategy Penn State has employed when it’s come to covering things.
Three South African mauls collapse, and every single time it’s their own fault. Sure.
One what channel might I find the rugby?
Peacock.
Fuck Peacock.
Unless it’s free.
Nope, have to subscribe to watch. Reverting to my ‘fuck Peacock’ stance.
FUCK PEACOCK!
/Flips on TV
Hot Lafayette-Holy Cross football action on the default weird local channel.
“eh, what the hell.”
Immediately see two TD in 3 minutes of game action.
Senators making the House look sane.
Underrated comment right here.
My father, after the game:
“Chelsea beats Chelsea, 2-2”
From cheering on the Tree Nutz, to the Hitler Mice now. Christ and Sonny Jeebus
I’ve hate rooting for this team. At least the Bungals at their worst years were entertaining in a bad way.
and these are the TWO BEST sides in the League??
/Michigan hasn’t played anyone and was cheating anyhoo
So who you got in the Big10 this year? Michigan or Iowa?
This Timeline very much deserves Team Cornpone in the playoffs.
That was a pretty entertaining way to lose possession.
fuck these refs
The Nazis ruled France for 4 years, and that country and culture survived.
Emily in Paris managed to completely ruin Paris in half an hour.
Blazers look to be down to stems.
And we are level in Outer Fulham!
“Fuck.” – Rikki, having forgotten which color the team he’s rooting for (Arsenal) is wearing
I hope every team you root for loses. I hope you get trapped in an elevator with Trump. I hope your pubic hair is infested with the fleas of a thousand camels.
“Fuck.”
— O. Hippo, NC realizing K. Hippo gave Rikki the wrong pill
Look, ah done told y’all Hippo ain’t seen that moviefilm