Sexy Friday – 20231020

TGIF! Glad the week is over. I did way too much actual work this week and felt way too much stress. That’s unhealthy. But! We have a great weekend ahead of us before it all starts again.

Survival – Personal Edition

Now that we’re deep into football season, footy season, JV football season, hockey season, and playoff dirt season, you may find yourself spending a lot of time at home watching TV and ignoring your significant other. So much, that they’re now your ex. Just one problem, you both still live together. No fear, here are some helpful guidelines to live together as peacefully as possible until your ex gets their shit together and moves out.

  • Divide up the apartment. Use tape on the floor to separate the sides of rooms. Then hang some sheets or drapes to help it really feel like a separate room.
  • Still only have one bed? Setup a piece of board in the middle of the bed. Divide up the pillows equally.
  • Assign sides of the refrigerator and freezer. Label your food.
  • Take all your pictures, cut them in half, and return each half to the appropriate party.
  • Divvy up the medicine cabinet.
  • Schedule custody of any shared pets. Have a timetable that clearly outlines when each of you is allotted time with each pet.
  • If possible, arrange for two entrances. One gets the front door, the other can use the fire escape. If not possible, schedule times when each is leaving and returning to avoid conflict.
  • Conduct any communication through post it notes, emails, or text messages.

Now just grin and bear it until the ex is gone and you can reclaim all of your space back.

Click here to get to commenting

Survival – Species Edition

Time to put the sexy in Friday!

Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to the comments!

 

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Mr. Ayo
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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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yeah right

Alright. I’m gonna listen to this.

2Pack

Great tune

yeah right

Hadn’t heard that in a bit. You put on the headphones and that shit worked.

I saw them live at Family Values tour in…
Processing…
2001 is my best guess and Primus played!
And I saw Method Man And Red Man..

And they all opened for Limp Biskit.

Which is why I’ve never shared this motherfucking story before.

Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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2Pack

I’m with you man, baffled…

Brick Meathook

Yeah, the one you lost oil pickup on the track. You posted it late one night and thank goodness I was as awake and was the the only one who knew what the fuck you were talking about.

But that’s okay Ayo, I’m glad you discovered dry sumps. When you get past pistons, feel free to ask me about motors, batteries, thermal fission, or even bigger pistons.

God bless you son.

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yeah right

And now it’s a four day birthday weekend.

Actually, that last year was one of my favorites.

I feel really great and it’s an honor to be here.

How the fuck you doing people?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m good, but also fall asleep/pass out level intoxicated.

yeah right

Hydrate and get some sun tomorrow.

Walk the doggie.

SonOfSpam

Happy Fucking Birthday you Portuguese traitor!

Brick Meathook

Happy Birthday!

TheRevanchist

I’m lovely. But you are the most lovely. Happy birthday weekend to you!

2Pack

Good man. Buon Compleanno!

BugEyedBoo

One more lap around the sun, go you!

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Doktor Zymm

Ugh, teeth and tits

SonOfSpam

-J. Dahmer, looking through his freezer

WCS

/Ed Gein grunts in agreement

Doktor Zymm

Oh! I know which Scotch he’s drinking! Good taste Francis!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m convinced that the bumper music for this show is the my baloney jingle from Psych

ballsofsteelandfury

Ba ba ba ba baloney!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I am a sucker for a bad game show and let me tell you that new David Spade one qualifies.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

When you said “bad game show” I thought you were talking about Thursday Night Football.

jjfozz

Just an FYI, you’re a dead man. I mean, you’re my imaginary internet friend, but you’re dead.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Did you start Bridgerton yet?

jjfozz

No goddamnit, I haven’t. I’m still working through season one of this shitfest. Then I’m writing the article. THEN SOMEONE IS SENDING ME A BOTTLE OF BOURBON BECAUSE I NEED TO ERASE THE MEMORIES FROM MY MIND.

SonOfSpam

But he said Jon-Benet “wasn’t that hot” so he gets a pass

Doktor Zymm

UK House of Cards, gonna rewatch. Better than reality. Reality will happen whether I pay attention or nawt.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Sup

Doktor Zymm

Sdown

Horatio Cornblower

Craig Kimbrel’s ERA and my blood alcohol level.

Last edited 6 months ago by Horatio Cornblower
Senor Weaselo

Craig Kimbrel sucking sparks joy.

Horatio Cornblower

Watching him come in for a team you’re rooting for is…well, it’s an experience, that’s for sure.

2Pack

Ciao tutti. Well done Ayo. Lady number 6 runs with me this morning. Coincidentally I found a picture of lady number 5’s grandma.

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Horatio Cornblower

“You have my attention”

-Bill Belichick

Doktor Zymm

He’s about the same age as most players grandmas isn’t he? Or quite a bit older

2Pack

That adds up.

Brick Meathook

2Pack:

You recently asked for book recommendations by David Halberstam and I said “The Reckoning” (about Ford Motor Company) and “The Fifties” (about the 50s).

The following block quote is from the beginning of Chapter Seven of “The Fifties,” which introduces us to MacArthur’s great failure at the Yalu River during the Korean War. This is Halberstam’s description of the Communist Chinese Fourth Field Army

“The Fourth Field Army was one of the great infantry forces of the modern era, even though it consisted of peasants and remarkably little hardware. It had fashioned a brilliant victory over Chiang, who had far greater firepower. It moved on foot instead of by wheels and, lacking even the simplest of modern communication systems, coordinated its attacks with bugles—which had the additional advantage of terrifying the adversary. The troops had grown up in a world where the enemy always controlled the skies. Therefore they were trained not to move at all when an airplane passed overhead. To say that they were tough and experienced was a vast understatement. They marched (or trotted) 286 miles to their assembly point at the Yalu in eighteen days, carrying only eight to ten pounds of gear and supplies: a weapon, a grenade, eighty rounds of ammunition, perhaps a week’s supply of rice, and a tiny bit of meat and fish. An American soldier, by contrast, carried sixty pounds. Being familiar with the terrible cold of the Korean winter, the Chinese soldiers did have thickly padded, quilted jackets. They were not expert marksmen; rather, they were trained to attack close to their enemy and unleash bursts of automatic fire, a method that demanded that they take extremely heavy casualties.”

— The Fifties by David Halberstam

Horatio Cornblower

There’s also Halberstam’s ‘The Coldest Winter’ which tells you what happened to the Chinese armies that threw back MacArthur’s arrogant advance. The Marines, while retreating, turned the better past of 2-3 Chinese Army corps into hamburger. The Marines still had to retreat, however, because there’s no end to what you can accomplish when you don’t give a shit about how many men you lose.

2Pack

Thanks. Winter reading season is upon me so these are going on my Christmas list.

2Pack

I do count my blessings every day. I have so many friends no longer here or too broken to enjoy the things that I know have kept me in the fight. I am a fortunate guy.

Doktor Zymm

So an amazing thing about the world, it contains enough stuff that I can learn about a new edible and tasty nut well into adulthood! My favorite winemaker served pili nuts when I picked up my shipment this week

Doktor Zymm

If there is one thing I learned during Covid, it’s that I am completely incapable of not touching my face when people tell me not to touch my face

herodotus450

Number 1 way to avoid Covid? DO NOT send $100 to me through Venmo right now.

Doktor Zymm

I just bully Covid and it avoids me because it’s too much of a wuss to rat me out to its parents

Horatio Cornblower

My takeaway from Covid is that it’s our great hope in eliminating MAGA dipshits.

Me: “Hey, there’s a potentially deadly respiratory illness going around, but you can greatly reduce your chances of getting it, and greatly reduce it’s severity if you do get it, but masking up, getting a free shot, or both.”

MAGA dipshit: “I absolutely will not.”

Me: “I am suddenly less concerned about gerrymandering.”

2Pack

I have been through the whole Covid-19 thing without so much as a sniffel. I think throughout my career I’ve been vaccinated and boosted for so much shit, so often, I’m like a cyborg or something. Management really appreciates the whole never sick bit too. Those bastards.

Doktor Zymm

I’m a Typhoid Mary or something. Never had symptoms of flu or Covid, although I did test positive for Covid once. It’s great, hope it lasts until I drop dead from something sudden.

Horatio Cornblower

Having Kyle Schwarber try to steal 2nd when Harper has two strikes on him is certainly a strategy.

Brocky

Spoiler

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This one is for balls

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ballsofsteelandfury

Thank you kindly!

2Pack

Nice Buddy. Plenty of swimwear… couple bicyclist in there… Nice.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Damn I love some Filth Pig.

https://youtu.be/mcOlzivnkfA?feature=shared

Brick Meathook

Can’t we all just agree that The Phillippinnes shouljd be divided amongst us.

WCS

Steady on now, General MacArthur.

Last edited 6 months ago by WCS
Doktor Zymm

I’m good with that, I only need a few islands with acceptable volcanoes for expansion lairs. Split the rest amoUngst yourselves

Horatio Cornblower

I’m much more inclined towards American Samoa. In a pinch I would accept Guam.

Gumbygirl

How do you feel about Truk?

Gumbygirl

Oh wait, they chuuked that name out in the 80’s. I can’t keep up!

Horatio Cornblower

Good wreck diving!

scotchnaut

How do I know that Fractured Skull Boy’s hand-eye coordination is coming along ok? He shot six partridges today.

/maybe this kid is indestructible, I don’t know

Horatio Cornblower

Weird way to spell ‘Hobos’, but OK.

Gumbygirl

Jesus Christ, I know everybody hates Tracy, but this seems like overkill!
https://youtu.be/wJYSu2OVCGM?si=wJdFq_l6u0erzT9T

Horatio Cornblower

On the subject of bird hunting, this song, and this group, are absolutely phenomenal.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2ZW0pA5COc

Doktor Zymm

Get him to play QB for the Browns or the Bears, you’ll find out within 3 years whether he’s indestructible or not!

WCS

We’d also accept “New York Jets.”

Horatio Cornblower

Pretty sure we have definitive proof that jets in New York are not indestructible.

WCS

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2Pack

I took a skull fracture when I was about 9 years old and turned out just fine.
/ totally misses his mouth pouring hot coffee in his lap.

Horatio Cornblower
Brick Meathook

Let’s give some more, folks.

Doktor Zymm

Give some more what? I hope you don’t mean shits because recently I have been giving fewer shits than ever

scotchnaut

So there’s this tune by Tom Petty called “Something In The Air”. I stumbled upon the original by Thunderclap Newman and then went down the rabbit hole. The band (which was put together by Pete Townsend) had only been together for a few months and the song went to #1. Thunderclap Newman was not the lead singer, he was the piano guy that played that wacky thingy in the middle. Oh, the young-looking fella to the right of the singer was a 15 year-old kid.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJae3Q2l-BY&ab_channel=Beat-Club

Horatio Cornblower

That explains why Pete Townsend was interested in them.

scotchnaut

There you go!

Horatio Cornblower

I have a friend who’s a huge Townsend fan and it’s an absolute blast to tell him “Townsend’s into child porn, you know that, right?’ and have him launch into a rant about what that’s not true.

Which, to be clear, it is.

Last edited 6 months ago by Horatio Cornblower
Gumbygirl

There’s some fing in the air.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

UPDATE: we went with bourbon negronis, which consist of equal parts bourbon, sweet vermouth, and Grand Mariner. It’s a nice drink.

Doktor Zymm

A) A bourbon negroni is a Boulevardier
B) That is NAWT a bourbon negroni anyway since Grand Marnier is NO AN APPROVED SUBSTITUTE for Campari

Doktor Zymm

Or wait….if it’s a Trumpublican Negroni that actually works because it’s all wrong!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Except a boulevardier calls for rye

Doktor Zymm

Neither bourbon nor rye is French so no idea why it’s a Frencher name than Negroni when the French invented gin (although the English made it nawt vile)

ArmedandHammered

The Philles appear to have a meth dealer pitching for them.

ArmedandHammered

And a hippie with beads in his hair playing left field.

Doktor Zymm

I’m glad baseball is getting back to it’s recreational drug use roots

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

ISIS once scoped out Temple University expecting it to be a Jewish seminary but instead got their catalytic converter stolen and junkies asking them if sold halal out of their Mercedes Sprinter

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Look Mahmoud, I know you can prance around your magnet high school with banners and chanting “from your mom’s twat to the sea” or whatever but just let that goofy Jewish girl in the performing arts section of the school that you have a crush on give you a shitty handjob under the gym bleachers that you never tell anyone about. Shit rules.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

And that girl is probably named Shayna and she hasn’t been in a temple since she was Bat Mitzvahed to make her grandparents happy.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

In celebration of the Cheesbro’s guilty plea today, we’re having RICO negronis.

WCS

Republican
In
Cocktail
Only
?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

All these high school students protesting about Israel and Palestine reminds of when I desperately wanted to bang this Lebanese chick from our sister all-girls school.

For real, just hookup with someone from the opposite tribe and none of that matters anymore.

This has been my TedTalk.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

That being said I am not Jewish and she was not Muslim, but I fired missiles that were intercepted by the IUDome

Brick Meathook

That’s some real Christian love there, Buddy, and I too have loved the Muslims and the Jews.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“Fetch me the remote Fatima, the Rangers are playing the Canucks and I think I can catch the third period”

Senor Weaselo

She wasn’t Lebanese…

/Boom, REVERSE Mean Girls joke!

Brick Meathook

Do you know what a broken-down half-assed war hero looks like?

Neither do I. Here’s a stock photo.

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Horatio Cornblower

Haven’t seen a beard like that since Buddy Cole’s Lebanese crush.

Brick Meathook

Be careful, counselor, I have photos of you from Baltimore.

Brick Meathook

Now let’s put some likes up there, Horatio.

Horatio Cornblower

It’s a compliment on the beard, sir.

ballsofsteelandfury

Dominoes and carrots:

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Hoo boy you should get that looked at.” – Damar Hamlin

ballsofsteelandfury

Girl on couch with boots:

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Horatio Cornblower

I like how inspiration struck so hard and fast that they couldn’t be bothered to clean up the carrots and half-empty beer. “No, fuck that; we gotta go now, now, NOW!!!”

Horatio Cornblower

Whoops, wrong girl. My comments stand for #2.

ballsofsteelandfury

Guenter is pretty

ballsofsteelandfury

But she needs to wipe better

WCS

Mrs. Cartman?

Brick Meathook

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scotchnaut

I will watch the blowout that is SMU/Temple and try to formulate a Pony Express/dead hooker joke. I WILL NOT BE JUDGED!

Horatio Cornblower

“Joke?”

-James, Craig