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Your Monday Night NFL Football Open Thread

scotchnaut

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First things first-I have so many thanks to give to Hippo for filling in while I was putting 1,000+ kilometers on my vehicle this weekend. The dude is always there-just like tWBS was back in the day. Is it a NC State thingy?

Fallout:

-“Regressions? I’ve had a few.”- That’s Mac Jones, a candy cigarette hanging out of his mouth, waxing philosophic after the game in Germany.

-Well, well, well-look who slid slyly into the 2nd overall draft spot in 2024. Why yes, it was Tommy DeVito and The UnDesirables.

-The Steelers have still not outgained a single opponent so far this year. I’m thinking they’re first round playoff fodder at best but if an unscheduled Total Eclipse of the Moon occurs during that scenario, well, all bets are off.

-Noah Brown went off again, this time for 172 Cubits.

-C.J. Stroud is giving me that, “Dan Marino in his rookie year” vibe. That’s two special games in a row. The Deanna Favre in me says it’s a small sample.

-Brain Burners: Indy/Pats, Giants/Cowboys, Jets/Raiders.

-Barn Burners: Browns/Ravens, Lions/Chargers, Texans/Bengals.

-A guy on Sirius said last night, “Arthur Smith is a really smart guy, just ask him if you have a half hour to spare.” Bijan has only received 19 or more touches three times this year-the results are 172, 137 and 106 combined yards. The rest of the time Atlanta has been a shitbag team.

To The Game!

Broncos/Bills:

-Buffalo moves into a playoff spot with a win. This is not a thing I expected to be typing in week 10.

-Latavius Murray has already called two “Players Only” meetings but the most recent one was to ask if anyone had seen his reading glasses recently. Von Miller pointed out that they were on his head.

-Has the Broncos D seen the light? Although overall they give up the 2nd-most points per game (that 70 point loss to the Fins will mess with your metrics) in their last three they’ve held opponents to 19, 17 and 9.

-Diggs is the ball hog that runs the Bills O (how’s that going for the Bills O overall?) but when Gabe Davis is targeted 6 or more times he’s good for 87+ yards and TD’s to boot.

Hey, have a good one out there!

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Horatio Cornblower

Someone around here is pretty damn happy about that Sutton catch

1
Cecil Rhodes

Sutton has soft hands. He definitely uses the lotion.

2
WCS

He doesn’t want the hose again.

1
Mr. Ayo

Sutton WOO!

0
Redshirt

This game, I call it the Mid-Life Crisis of the 2023-24 NFL Season, because its just over halfway completed, but we’re having severe doubts on what is happening, what has happened and where we’re going.

2
Fronkenshteen

I’m starting to suspect Denver +7.5 may be on some rather enormous win tickets in Las Vegas. I guess the sports betting giants on the strip don’t move often, but when they do they REALLY send it in. It’s starting to look like everyone has this Buffalo mob pretty well figured out on offense. I wonder if the smart money is on Denver here?

2
SonOfSpam

They secretly replaced a Monday Night Football game with a Thursday Night Football game. Let’s see if anyone notices.

5
Cecil Rhodes

I would be happy to provide a different kind of entertainment if you like. Let me just look for my Q Lazarrus record…

2
SonOfSpam

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1
litre_cola

All day I hoped Russ would turn this into a good game, not Josh turn this in to a Thursday Nighter.

0
SonOfSpam

Buffalo looks good!

This one here, not the team:

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3
Doktor Zymm

NAWT SHAGGY ENOUGH, 4/10 WOULD NAWT BANG

5
Dunstan

My understanding is that Emily in Paris would, though.

8
litre_cola

Only if he was bashful, disheveled and smoked Gauloises Red.

2
Doktor Zymm

He clearly smokes American Spirits, but has the bashful and disheveled down so he could totally get laid at NYU

4
The Maestro

I wish I were as talented at doing anything as Josh Allen is at throwing interceptions.

2
Cecil Rhodes

It kicks the punt inside the 10, or else it gets the hose again!

5
Don T

Who runs Espen Deportes Wardrobe Dept.? Flashy Pentecostals
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4
Redshirt

Oh, look at those sexy wrists…

3
Don T

But the neckline of a WHORE
tsk tsk

6
King Hippo

Let Russ Steal Second

0
Doktor Zymm

Let Russ have his youthful optimism and faith stripped away until he’s a husk of a human just doing the minimum to present a game face to the world while the winds of fate whistle through his hollow soul

5
Redshirt

Well that skipped some levels.

3
SonOfSpam

Denver has a guy named Manhertz? Throw it at his balls!

5
scotchnaut

“Whoa, whoa, whoa-it’s gotta be consensual!”

–That guy

2
Doktor Zymm

He gets that frequency, I mean frequently

2
King Hippo

God I hate, hate, HATE these fat people commercials.

1
SonOfSpam

I do too. We are NOT that jolly.

5
scotchnaut

Listen, fat folk’s structurally-compromised, wobbly near-diabetic knees support our fast food economy!

0
Doktor Zymm

Spotted today

IMG_20231113_095823_692~2.jpg
11
jjfozz

It amazes me that Bill Burr has enough time in his schedule to also coach the Buffalo Bills

6
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Not like he’s spending his time writing ground breaking new material.

1
jjfozz

I watched his latest show on Netflix, boy that last 15 minutes was a snoozefest

0
Horatio Cornblower

I like Burr, but it’s probably time to transition to full-time acting. His last couple of stand-ups have been some tired shit.

1
Doktor Zymm

Oh, BURR nawt BARR

0
jjfozz

If you haven’t checked out F is for Family on Netflix, you should

0
King Hippo

Turning 2 road turnovers into a 3-point lead seems like a great recipe for failure.

2
Doktor Zymm

Just gotta get the turnover every drive, then it won’t matter that you can’t convert to points!

3
King Hippo

See, this is why-come you is a DOKTOR

5
King Hippo

Let Russ Quick Kick

1
King Hippo

McGlinchey might wear #69, but I don’t think he’s niiiiiiiiiiicccccce

Last edited 2 years ago by King Hippo
1
Col. Duke LaCross

Does Shaun O’Hara live at Archie and Olivia’s house?

1
jjfozz

The words “balls” and “coming that hard” were just used in one sentence.

My day is turning around.

3
WCS

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scotchnaut

That gif? I didn’t see it coming.

0
BugEyedBoo

I’ve got Josh Allen and James Cook on my FF team. I need 20 points. Going great!

3
jjfozz

We’ve replaced the Bills with every Browns team in the past. Let’s see if anyone notices.

2
Horatio Cornblower

Time for another team meeting!

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m bowling now and hadn’t even noticed they have the game on directly above my pins.

Turn it off.

3
litre_cola

Bills looking sharp.

0
King Hippo

GUH, of course that happened

0
Horatio Cornblower

Buffalo has the drunkest fans in the NFL, but it seems to have carried over to the players on the field tonight.

3
jjfozz

I wish there was a camera focused on my face while I was working, like they have in the NFL. I can only imagine the results.

2
Doktor Zymm

Whenever I feel like the universe hates me, I can always console myself by remembering I’m not a Bills fan

2
clint greasewood

Bills Fan here, born cursed. Father grew up in a superfund site known as the Love canal.

8
Doktor Zymm

I was born in Rochester, but escaped Bills fandom when I was 3 and my parents moved to the DC metro area. A little bit of a frying pan/fire situation, but at least Snyder was of shorter duration than whatever is wrong with the Bills

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Didn’t we (almost) all come out of the Love canal?

2
Doktor Zymm

Yo mamma so slutty they declared her Love Canal a Superfund site

3
jjfozz

You all know me, so I’m going to post this observation.

Lately, in three different commercials I have noticed actors with Vitiligo – basically white patches that occur on people with darker skin.

That’s very heartening in my opinion.

3
Horatio Cornblower

I’ve noticed this as well.

1
jjfozz

So far, those actors have only been in the background – if you watch the NFL Team Shop commercial, there’s a quick cut of a woman with vitilgo

2
Doktor Zymm

Y’all are paying way too much attention to commercials

1
jjfozz

As a life long marketing weasel, I notice these things.

4
Horatio Cornblower

I don’t know why I just thought of this, (other than being kind of a degenerate), but this would make an outstanding audible

comment imagev

4
Don T

No. This is just the Minshew overexposure talking.

1
Gumbygirl

Kind of?

70d843d0-3a95-4556-bd09-aa38ad7903ff_text.gif
3
WCS

Sex Cannon’s been saying this since middle school.

1
King Hippo

Thank absolute fuck I don’t need any points out of Cort Sutton tonight. 5-5 here I come!!

0
litre_cola

Hippo, the Broncos offensive lineup is brought to us by Barefoot Wine. NAWT A GOOD SIGN.

5
King Hippo

yeah even I know that’s some rank shite

3
litre_cola

Hippo getting erecter

1
Doktor Zymm

Welp, that was quick. Will probably be the highlight.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Well that’s a less-than-ideal start for Buffalo.

1
Redshirt

I wonder if this will be the game that finally brakes Peyton.

1
litre_cola

That’s a big flag.

1
WCS

THE SHIELD LUVS TROOPZ

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

This game is optional, right?

1
Redshirt

If you don’t watch this game, don’t bother showing up for the Thursday and Sunday morning games!

3
Horatio Cornblower

Wait, is that an option!?

4
ThePirateSloth

Fuck you Dancing with the Stars

1
jjfozz

It’s catnip to old folks. My mother will not answer the phone when it’s on.

1
Doktor Zymm

Today I discovered why AI sucks. There’s a company called Remotasks, which basically hires people with expertise in various fields to rate and improve how the AI responds (it’s called human feedback reinforcement learning or HFRL, which is a stupid acronym). It’s paid as piece work, but I figured I would give it a shot seeing as I’m doing the unemployment thing. I started the training on rating responses and holy crap are their guidelines fucked up. Apparently calling pi “something we use to learn about circles” is an accurate and complete answer to asking why pi has so many numbers in it. And it’s perfectly concise to have two seperate sections that list the exact same type of content. So yes, we can blame the training data, but instead of making it better AI developers are going out of their way to create new data that is just awful.

1
herodotus450

That’s why i still use 5er to outsource all my funniest DFO comment jokes

3
jjfozz

I’m looking for sidework, is it worth looking into?

1
Doktor Zymm

Maybe, although it seems like a pretty good amount of effort for what they pay. Probably worth checking out and seeing how it fits into your bullshit tolerance though, even if you don’t end up wanting to ‘task’ for them, it’ll give you some good material for bitching about AI

0
Horatio Cornblower

Just sell heroin. it’s much less damaging to society.

3
Redshirt

Go to the Trump Rallies and call it Trump MAGA Powder. Make a profit and do a public service.

4
Doktor Zymm

Oh lookit you mister toofancyforfentanyl!

3
Redshirt

A computer program is only as smart as the monkey who programmed it.

4
Brick Meathook

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3
Gumbygirl

Dive! Dive! Dive!

3
jjfozz

“What I Did on My Monday”, by Fozz

  1. I woke up and argued with my son and told him to get in the fucking car.
  2. Came home, realized cables to my monitor were missing. Went berserk.
  3. Got on the phone and had five meetings. None of which mattered.
  4. Left home, met my mother and sister at a managed care facility. Listened to the pitch. Watched my mother and sister cry.
  5. Walked my mother out to her car, watched her cry some more.
  6. Drove home to answer an email and saw the dog had gotten into the garbage.
  7. Drove to another fucking managed care facility. Mom stood hunched over and didn’t ask a single question.
  8. Got in car, considered driving it into a school bus, figured I’d be too tasty a treat to survive in jail.
  9. Picked up son.
  10. Got home, finished up work, listened to my sons argue over an X Box controller.

This is how I spent my Monday. It sucked elephant balls.

9
WCS

Well, Don T and Denzel have the elephant balls part covered down below.

1
Doktor Zymm

Cheers to survival. I really don’t understand why people make such a big deal about managed care places, most of them are really very nice. My grandmother resisted for years and loved it when she eventually agreed. I recommend you ask ChatGPT to write you an argument for why they’re a good thing, then don’t say any of that and go punch someone who deserves it in the nuts instead.

2
jjfozz

My mother is selfish and stubborn. I am the only child who cuts it to her straight. My sisters swoop in and protect her. Now the party line is, “Let’s wait until after the holidays.”

My response, “Oh, ok. So when he punches one of his caregivers, or falls and hurts himself, or walks out of the house and gets lost, it’ll be okay because you know CHRISTMAS TIME WITH FAMILY.”

AND, yes having someone in the house with dementia and trying to prepare for the holidays makes everything even more fucking festive.

I’m not going to get involved with any of this shit. Fuck it.

4
Doktor Zymm

Put a bunch of LSD in the pumpkin pie, then dip out

4
Gumbygirl

My Grandma fought it too, she was in a really nice place. My parents moved back to PA from years in Florida, because my mother wanted to die at home. She never even made it to the assisted living condo they bought, the trip up killed her. Dad lived there himself until he died 5 months later. Wow, this is depressing, I’ll shut up now.

3
jjfozz

That’s devastating, so sorry to hear that.

My talent is compartmentalizing my emotions so I can use pure logic. I’ll visit those emotions once all this shit is done. Maybe. Well, when I get blasted on vodka, they’ll all come out. But I won’t cry. ever.

3
Redshirt

I’m already planning on getting a cabin in the woods, some hard liquor and dealing with my feelings when this is all over.

But not now; my family needs a rock and I’m the only one who can be that,

3
jjfozz

I hear ya. Struggling mightily, and failing more often than not, to not bring this anger and frustration home to my family.

I have a playlist in Spotify that is marked Anger. It helps me when I’ve finished a phone call or interaction with my family.

2
Redshirt

My Dad is not quite there yet but he already said he doesn’t want to put us through that. No feeding tube or breathing assist. As soon as the ALS hits his throat or diaphragm, he’s on hospice and that’s the final countdown.

So, yeah, you could’ve been living this dream. Yay.

5
King Hippo

I had a long-ass migraine nap today. Feeling ok-ish now, and ready to be hurt again (Donks WOO!!!)

0
Don T

I say HELL YEA
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2
Gatoraids

two envelopments at the same damn time

1
Don T

Heh heh. Had to look that one up.

0
herodotus450

Why would you say “atop of an” instead of just “atop an” ? Twitter ruined brevity smdh

2
Don T

Why not just say the elephant was beneath him. Humans rule dammit! God’s will #EmbraceIt

0
King Hippo

Never leaving the house allows one to do game coverage on short notice. ESPECIALLY how little thought I put into my typety typing. SoUrry about all that hellscape windshield time.

1
litre_cola

Gorgeous drive from our nation’s capital to the hobo killing fields North of Ontario.

2
scotchnaut

The driving was done (I like driving but maybe not that much in such a small window) because older staple-headed kid is having a rough time and I thought hanging out together would be a good thing.

5
scotchnaut

Scott Van Pelt’s wardrobe reminds me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekIV3wIdch8&ab_channel=VJDadoKeller-ThePlaylists

3
ballsofsteelandfury

This game is going to be a massacre, isn’t it?

0
scotchnaut

“God, I hope so!”

-Andrew Jackson

4
Redshirt

…but for who?

2
Doktor Zymm

Got my Spikevax and flu shot this morning and I’m just starting to feel my lymph nodes swelling up, fun!

6
litre_cola

LIke Viagra but different!

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