Your Monday Night NFL Football Open Thread

First things first-I have so many thanks to give to Hippo for filling in while I was putting 1,000+ kilometers on my vehicle this weekend. The dude is always there-just like tWBS was back in the day. Is it a NC State thingy?

Fallout:

-“Regressions? I’ve had a few.”- That’s Mac Jones, a candy cigarette hanging out of his mouth, waxing philosophic after the game in Germany.

-Well, well, well-look who slid slyly into the 2nd overall draft spot in 2024. Why yes, it was Tommy DeVito and The UnDesirables.

-The Steelers have still not outgained a single opponent so far this year. I’m thinking they’re first round playoff fodder at best but if an unscheduled Total Eclipse of the Moon occurs during that scenario, well, all bets are off.

-Noah Brown went off again, this time for 172 Cubits.

-C.J. Stroud is giving me that, “Dan Marino in his rookie year” vibe. That’s two special games in a row. The Deanna Favre in me says it’s a small sample.

-Brain Burners: Indy/Pats, Giants/Cowboys, Jets/Raiders.

-Barn Burners: Browns/Ravens, Lions/Chargers, Texans/Bengals.

-A guy on Sirius said last night, “Arthur Smith is a really smart guy, just ask him if you have a half hour to spare.” Bijan has only received 19 or more touches three times this year-the results are 172, 137 and 106 combined yards. The rest of the time Atlanta has been a shitbag team.

To The Game!

Broncos/Bills:

-Buffalo moves into a playoff spot with a win. This is not a thing I expected to be typing in week 10.

-Latavius Murray has already called two “Players Only” meetings but the most recent one was to ask if anyone had seen his reading glasses recently. Von Miller pointed out that they were on his head.

-Has the Broncos D seen the light? Although overall they give up the 2nd-most points per game (that 70 point loss to the Fins will mess with your metrics) in their last three they’ve held opponents to 19, 17 and 9.

-Diggs is the ball hog that runs the Bills O (how’s that going for the Bills O overall?) but when Gabe Davis is targeted 6 or more times he’s good for 87+ yards and TD’s to boot.

Hey, have a good one out there!

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Mr. Ayo

Will Will Lutz choke again? Let’s see!

Mr. Ayo

BLEEEEEEERGH!!!

ThePirateSloth

There’s that moon ball we all know and love

Mr. Ayo

BLEEEEEERGH!!!

Gatoraids

Cutting Tyler bass after game lets go McLaughlin
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2Pack

Can relate

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Cecil Rhodes

Ooooh….time to put on the lipstick!

Doktor Zymm

I saw the best kickerss of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked,
dragging themselves through the Buffalo streets at dawn looking for an angry fix,
angelheaded holders burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry crossbar in the machinery of heaven

Last edited 1 year ago by Doktor Zymm
2Pack

I’ll have what she had.

Fronkenshteen

I was just dozing off but the sound of Hippo’s pill bottle cracking open after that botched PAT thundered down the valley and knocked the rest of the walnuts off our tree and onto our roof at once like a fucking artillery bombardment.

Game Time Decision

Nailed it
-Holder edition

Mr. Ayo

That could cost them the game. Damn, Donks, be better.

Game Time Decision

Was curious as to how much those burlap looking shirts cost, so went to the NFL shop. Holy shit they are $130 CD and are hoodies. Wtf, who’s paying that much

Doktor Zymm

I’m not convinced that any of that special edition shit sells before it goes on clearance

Cecil Rhodes

Too much lotion!

Game Time Decision

Someone is going to get the hose

Doktor Zymm

That was silly. This game is silly. I started this comment 10 multiple plays ago, but I don’t need to edit because silly keeps happening. Harrumph

ThePirateSloth

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ThePirateSloth

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Mr. Ayo

Charmslinger is slinging charms!

ThePirateSloth

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ThePirateSloth

MrsSloth and I have been trying to not drink soda much anymore, so we’ve been buying other drinks to fill in. Like Capri-suns.

I don’t think I’ve had one in at least a decade, if not more, but how in the fuck do these things still taste like they did when I was a sports kid in the 80s/90s?!?!

Doktor Zymm

Hey, when the recipe for fake pineapple ain’t broke, you don’t fix it

Edited to add and because I can: If you’re cutting down on soda because of sugar, I suspect Capri-suns are nawt better

Last edited 1 year ago by Doktor Zymm
ThePirateSloth

Haha no they aren’t, but it’s a step on the way to cutting out soda. It’s not necessarily the sugar, though that is part of it.

Col. Duke LaCross

I’m old enough to remember when Kyle Brandt was a Bears fan.

Doktor Zymm

I feel like long snappers probably get in more bar fights than any other position

Doktor Zymm

THIS GAME I CALL IT CATHERINE THE GREAT BECAUSE IT’S GETTING A LOT OF BRONCO D

SonOfSpam

“Careful with that”

-Mr Hands

Col. Duke LaCross

Banner?

Horatio Cornblower

Seconded.

Doktor Zymm

I hope it ends 15-15 and we can all celebrate this game’s quinceañera

SonOfSpam

Mark Chmura really likes that idea.

Doktor Zymm

Of all the great reasons for Lauren Boebert to fall out of favor, I’m sad that it’s gonna be her pulling an Alanis Morrissette during Beetlejuice that’s gonna do it

clint greasewood

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Redshirt

.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Cut. It. Out.

WCS

Cut. It. Off.

Lerona B., VA

Gumbygirl

.

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Doktor Zymm

There was one time during high school gym we were watching a movie indoors because it was raining and I realized the dude sitting next to me was staring at me and masturbating. About a week later he asked me out while we were walking around the track, and while I turned him down I wonder if I would have said yes if I hadn’t caught him doing that

Gumbygirl

There was a couple in high school, Scott and Darcy, who used to entertain us with their complete lack of shame during assemblies and pep rallies and such. They liked having an audience, zero inhibitions.

Game Time Decision

Lindsey Vonn somehow has less personality than both Eli and Peypey

ballsofsteelandfury

It’s all in her handjobs

Game Time Decision

Must be as she’s making Flacco seem interesting

Cecil Rhodes

It can’t just be the handjobs. It’s common knowledge that skiers are pretty good at going down.

SonOfSpam

Isn’t she a great big fat person?

Mr. Ayo

A platinum blonde without a personality? Dye me shocked!

Cecil Rhodes

This game has more turnovers than Rex Ryan’s digestive tract.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Much like Andy Reid at the buffet, this bowling alley should have known better than to tell me it was unlimited

Gumbygirl

You be careful. If you overdo it, in two days you will have a vicious case of Bowler’s Butt. It’s working your glutes way more than you think.

Doktor Zymm

I learned how to curl and I learned that curlers have great quads

Mr. Ayo

In summary, Sutton is a land of contrasts

Doktor Zymm

Sometimes the small shit is the most annoying. Like Core Power which used to be delicious switching from honey to artificial sweeteners and now tasting like every single other stupid vanilla protein drink. Whoever originated and approved that decision goes on my list.

Doktor Zymm

Having a vague memory of a movie called Joe’s Apartment where the cockroaches in his place hoped Joe would do well. Maybe the Raiders could hire those cockroaches as their next head coach, would probably be a good antidote to Josh McDaniels

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That existed, and it was Jerry O’Connell’s way back

WCS

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The ’90s is strong with this one.

Col. Duke LaCross

The original MTV skit was great!

Col. Duke LaCross
Doktor Zymm

I can’t wait for the day ENNUI is the wordle

Gumbygirl

Ennui is the wordle every day, Zymm.

Doktor Zymm

I’m gonna make it my starting word because life

WCS

eh

BugEyedBoo

They’ve beat you to it.

SPOILER! The Answer for the Wordle 716, June 5, 2023 is the following word: ENNUI .

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I still can’t believe Chris Berman voluntarily hosts a show calling himself the fastest three minutes

King Hippo

Yeah, fucking braggart. – Rick P., Manhattan, NY

Doktor Zymm

There are quite a few NFL players who could’ve used the advice “don’t force it”

Doktor Zymm

A smattering of booze? Oh, wait no, BOOOOs

Cecil Rhodes

Did the Bills re-sign J Peterman and put him in a #17 jersey tonight? Or is Josh Allen finally fulfilling his destiny as the modern day Sex Cannon?

herodotus450

It was hot steamy day in the Mekong Delta, and I’d spent all morning on a riverboat with my new companion, Phong Ngongwen. Luckily I was wearing my lightweight but stylish Executive Trousers, now in Pearl.

Redshirt

Fire Drill Field Goal!!!

King Hippo

Proper clock/game management? What sorcery is THIS???

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Summary of ESPN graphics: Josh Allen is a land of contrasts

blaxabbath

Josh Allen: Does as many commercials as Baker Mayfield.

Josh Allen: Plays like Baker Mayfield.

King Hippo

I wonder if his ded-eyed girlfriend left him, know that Baker can’t score her any more acting jobs

litre_cola

Oopsie doodle Josh!

SonOfSpam

Josh Allen will complete passes to any team, truly socialist behavior.

Doktor Zymm

THE POINTS ARE OWNED BY THE PLAYERS COLLECTIVELY

(for the glory of the owner monarchy)

King Hippo

Fabian? MOAR LIEK FAB-ian

Doktor Zymm

That is some fine kicking for a man named after the second most difficult figure skating jump!

King Hippo

I don’t recall many 12-8 HT scores

Mr. Ayo

Well, this won’t be one either.

Cecil Rhodes

Cushenberry is a wonderful name for a centre. Would be even better if his first name was Pushin’.

blaxabbath

I wonder if Russel Wilson called up Brock Osweiler to get some pointers on how to find success in Denver.

Doktor Zymm

Brown is a perfectly cromulent color, but I’m liking it less now that the SHIELD has broified it

King Hippo

Russ Needs No Tush Push!

King Hippo

Man, Cort Sutton REALLY wants to stay in the Grimace Touched My Butthole lineup!

SonOfSpam

I mean, who wouldn’t???

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The Hamburglar?

King Hippo

getting fondled started him down the road to perdition ,, ppl forget that

ThePirateSloth

We all love coming off the ball Troy.

SonOfSpam

Some of us prefer the boob, different strokes I guess

Don T

Lookit these whippersnappers with normal nosehair. Blech.

Cecil Rhodes

My favourite NFL Rule is the Tuck Rule.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Are we still talking about silence of the lambs?

Gumbygirl

He likes the tuck rule with fava beans and a nice Chianti.

blaxabbath

You give the dude an award for playing that way and, what do you know, that’s how he plays!

Doktor Zymm

Ded Bill.

Also, people always think of the obvious uses of weather machines like holding cities hostage for ransom to natural disasters, or starting a business where you make it rain on people’s weddings, but subtle manipulation of sports for gambling purposes is really where it’s at.

Doktor Zymm

Good effort, but nawt subtle

blaxabbath

I’m in.

Dunstan

DONKS DOINK!

WCS

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