Can you believe it’s week 11 already? Previous Thursday nights have been overrun by droolers named Bagent, Pickett, Young and Levis, this time around we get some quality play-callers in Burrow and Jackson. I have hopes. Will they be dashed against the Rocks of Mediocrity? MAYBE!
Minutiae:
-What’s Old is New Again: The Browns are going to try to ride out the season with rook qb DT-R. (Down To Run) Stefanski pretty much said that Dorian was nowhere near prepared enough to play earlier in the season but now he’s ready. We’ll see.
-NEWS FLASH!: The Chargers will not be making a run at the playoffs this year. Why? Because Dumb Brandon told reporters that he will continue calling the defensive plays. He’s in a tough spot because if he ceded the responsibility he’d be admitting failure and that would pretty much guarantee his firing. However, if he continues with the playcalling he’s going to get fired anyway. Getting some fierce Sword of Sisyphus energy from that guy.
-Kyler noted that his success was also the team’s success because of ‘it’s just a different energy’ in the building these days. A lovely jab at Kinksbury or whatever his name is right there. In related news his agent has announced that his game controller will now have Energizer batteries rather than Duracell. The guy killed two birds with one statement.
To The Game!
Bengals/Ravens:
-Baltimore is having a JJFozz Appreciation Celebration but they’re calling it a Blackout Night. Let the Bourble flow…
-Reasons to bet Ravens: There are a few good ones. They are undefeated on Thursday night. LAMAR! is 7-1 vs Cincy. The Bengals can’t defend the run and their best run defender Sam Hubbard is out. Ravens DC Mike McDonald hasn’t allowed Burrow to throw for 300 yards in four tries.
-Seriously, It’s a ‘Must Win’ Game: Although all the teams in the division are bunched together, Cincy is 1-3 division-wise and 1-5 conference-wise. Tiebreakers will bury them at the end of the year if they lose here.
-Ravens are first in the sack race with 39 and are 4th in INT’s with 10.
-Lands of Contrasts: Bally is #1 in total yards gained and the Bengals are dead last.
Enjoy the tilt.
Remember my game intro that you didn’t read? It said something about there not being 2nd class qb’s playing on Thursday night, finally!
(sharpening claymore)
I remember.
Too many men on the line
That’s what I meant
Brother Mouzone just sniped Lamar.
Evening folks
I am starting to think that the Cinci defense isn’t very good.
I think they’re missing their top end and a good offence. You’re just an anti-Cincite. And yet you stood by me and made that mediocre chili in my kitchen.
That shit was delicious.
It was. And we were as drunk as one can get without shine. I bet it’s a sober “pretty good”. But who’s eating that sober? So I guess you’re right. Ish.
Anti-Cincite, lol!
Breaking News From The Sideline: “Burrow, who didn’t start the 2nd half, is still out.”
https://twitter.com/BBCWorld/status/1725352570602885598
Taylor Swift breaking up with Travis this week. “Do I come out to Kansas City and catch passes from Patrick!? NO! NO I DON’T!!! Know your role and stay in your lane, Travis!!”
Taylor’s break up song about Kelce is going to be epic
Bitchmode November Rain, its gonna rule
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAjXm7Oc5Xg
Cue Canada’s unruly pants lining him up to run for president against the rock. I bet they haven’t even dressed up in blackface once. Pathetic!
If the Ravens don’t sell out to stop the run and put this game to bed. Or as Fozz would say, “Flay their hides…sewer…dull end of axe…skull…hot fryer oil…drop from an airplane…elephant’s rectum…sailor’s knot…esophagus…”
Missing so many swear words…
I was half expecting offensive PI
Offsides on ravens there
Fucking nfl refs making me root for a team from ohio
No flag eh?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__0C1lxp1Q4&ab_channel=hangman86
You can thank Senor Weaslo.
I was going to save this for Sunday but I may as well is it now.
The Predator kicks ass. TheShaun needs to be hunted for sport.
Tendon/ligament issue for Joey Joe Joe?
Sounds right based on his reaction
when you hear half the QBs in the afc north are dead and one might have lost his best target
the shit eating grin of a motherfucker about to moonwalk into the postseason outgained in all 17 games and having a QB named pick-it
You play to win the game.
https://twitter.com/ArtButSports/status/1725345912216596905
I’m about 50 pages deep on the third Dark Tower book. No clue where we are going but i feel comfortably strapped in.
It’s your first time reading it? Get comfy, shit is gonna get insane.
Blaine is a pain.
When The Electrician showed up? I nearly wet my pants.
He fixes the cable?
I keep trying to read book five and i just can’t seem to get into it
It’s slow, but gets better when King finally starts moving the story forward and absolutely sets up the last 2 books.
I forget. Was the before or after he wrote himself into the book and spent hundreds of pages trying to sell his book ‘Insomnia’ and/or shitting all over the guy that ran him over in real life, to the point that I started to feel bad for that guy, who to be clear does not deserve any sympathy?
I only have heard that described by others, so I think before
When I read the books there were only 7. I’m pretty sure he started that somewhere in Book 5.
The first three are great, some of his best work. The 4th is good but as it kept going I started to get worried about some things that were getting pulled in and didn’t really seem to fit.
And the last three, as you may have noticed, I have some strong opinions on.
I think Book 4 was during Kings “let me describe every. single. detail. for an entire chapter” writing phase. Some of his other books from that period has the same taking forever to get somewhere feeling.
King’s greatest mistake was becoming so successful no editor dared to cut the waste from his books. His later stuff is just terrible.
I’m sure he gives a shit what I think. The man could spend the rest of his life wiping his ass with $100 bills and still buy the entirety of Maine and a good chunk of New Hampshire.
If I remember right, books 5-7 were all written together because of that guy running him over and King freaking out that he’d leave his epic unfinished like some other famous authors.
I did hear that. And having read them I believe that he wrote all three over a long weekend, then had them published without looking at them again.
It’s my first. And i don’t know the story.
It starts out as a kick-ass Western/Magic Show, then they get on an evil train, then King got hit by a car and the whole thing just goes in what I’ll exercise some restraint and call a ‘different direction’
On the 3rd Margaret Atwood dystopian trilogy book. Heartily endorsed.
Finish that one and then set the rest of them on fire. I’ll tell you how it ends, you’ll be like “What the absolute fuck!? He really wrote all that!?” and then I’ll say “Yes. Yes he did. And he got defensive about it when people called him out on it.” And then we’ll laugh and piss on the ashes of the books you just set on fire, just in case there was anything legible left of the pages.
only thing keeping me around is i know ballmore loves fucking up the 4th quarter
but if burrow is ded they cant do it (theyll still try)
Good grief, that TD was like a “lights out” message from God.
/wakes up to see Browning threw 4 second half TDs
Is his nickname “Master”?
Make-up no-call?
That was NOT PI!!
“Totally agree bro.”
-Archimedes
Weak ass call
Fix is in.
I’ve never read the Wheel of Time books, but I tried giving the show a watch and I just can’t get interested past the 2nd episode. I dunno, something about how whatshername does her magic movements bothers the fuck outta me.
Oops, meant to ask if it gets more interesting or better deeper into the show?
I personally enjoy the show, but it doesn’t shift dramatically so it’s unlikely you would grow to like it any more were you to keep watching.
Who dies next? Can hardly wait to find out!
“Cuts back on labor overhead.”
— Mike B., OH
Bengals are falling left and right.
And they all lived happily ever after!
Finally finishing off my last case of free Bud Light. Maybe we can convince Magaworld that corvettes are the official sponsor of RuPaul’s drag race.
It’s not a lie…
If you seem outraged enough.
Okay, I may have greatly underestimated the number of injuries on this game.
It’s like Santa Anita out there!
Joe Flacco esque
question saw on my timeline is a legit one:
has any announcer ever blatanly mailed in their final years harder than al michaels
The Unabomber?
Pat Sumerall. No wait, that was the gout
Rich Eisen isn’t in his final years, (that I know of), but his performance during the Eurpoean games this year has been put in the mail without postage of any kind.
Those games deserve such emotion.
I wouldn’t know. I check in just long enough to get my ‘mandatory’ credits and then I watch Premier League, as God intended on weekend mornings.
/Replay shows Burrow holding his wrist
Al Michaels: “It looks like he’s holding his wrist.”
/thanks Al
“Looks like a shattered lung to me.”
— Chargers medical staff
That idiot Dr David Chao would have killed Burrow if he’d seen that wrist. Dr David Chao is the posterchild for what the hell is wrong with the NFL’s contracts gig approach to player gameday health. That man — Dr David Chao, make no mistake about the identity to which I am referring right here — should have his hands licensed as lethal weapons and, associatively, should be barred from enterring any NFL game.
I cant imagine what caused him to be so incompetent. A lot of people like to talk about him being a [goofy-looking] drunk but I inclusively see a man who happened to be good at memorizing things and generally focusing. I don’t think he was some clown like me who had to use every trick; hack; fetish-fulfillment; and retake to make it to be a guy with a BS from a state school (after grabbing an outstanding chemical lab credit from the community college the semester after executing the formality program graduation ceremony and starting my “…upon graduation” job).
No — I think David Chao’s useful days are behind him is all. His medical liscense should be limited to a Morgue or Pre-Morgue capacity. He was fine once; a product of America’s decent schooling for medical professionals. He did the job. Then he couldn’t. Now he can’t. Isn’t this why i pay in to social security?
Alas, I say the response to David Chao’s experience has been adequate. And, while I care not to be trivial or punitive…..
A seperate thought….
…
If i looked in the mirror any one morning and saw the face staring back at me was that of some dirtweed attorney who had so little class or dignity but to be the “pitbull” trying to protect, ultimately, the medical license of a man — Dr David [HIC] Chao — who should be giving drug talk dinners, not taking out a former Bills quarterbacks in a manner that some American Jews might describe as, “a brutal hate crime.”
Chao is the gun. The law school grad shitbags who work for his blood coin are the ones who want to secure that gun’s decision-making power (snide Roe comment: even though I don’t care about Roe because it’s a womens issue and women could have easily voted to make Choice law but they hate other women so whatever here we are ladies don’t blame me I’m libertarian it’s not even a vote it’s a “I’ll defer this issue to the 51% of Americans who are directly impcted by this issue,” and I can sleep at night).
Dr David Chao’s attorneys are the enemy. Let’s find them, Patriots.
These are definitely the rantings of a man who will enjoy The Gunslinger.
Forget would I said earlier, solider, you forge right ahead.
(this advise does not apply ti Ashli Babbitt, who probably could have done with less forging)
What is the Montana/Montana State Derby called?
Schizophrenia
Brawl of the Wild, but everybody makes fun of it. They never really made “fetch” happen. Most people I knew in Bozeman called it the Cats/ Griz game. Or just the game.The trophy is ginormous, as I recall.
Can a cat really fight a bear? Have to be one stupid cat, or at least REALLY prideful (even by cat standards)
Brawl of the Wild
We just lost our franchise QB, BLEERGH. Give us this one?
Hey redshirt, I know a guy
Gary saw that joke coming, WCS, and he doesn’t appreciate it.
Wait, so Andrews gets hurt for Baltimore and Burrow gets hurt for Cincinnati?
Yinzers everywhere:
Header: “Marshawn Lynch gets ready for Black Friday.”
Republicans: “Oh shit, he’s going to lynch a few of us, isn’t he?”
Sounds like sponsored Wal-Mart content disguised as THE FRONT PAGE HEADLINE.
REPUBLICANS: HE’S BLACK! RUUUUUUUN!
I am slowly becoming public enemy number one on the ravens subreddit
Did you bad mouth Old Bay Seasoning?
He is just comparing every Raven to a character in Emily in Paris.
That is beyond my ken.
Or Ray Lewis’ stabbing technique?
They’re so fucking blind, anything you post that is not a 100% blowjob for the purple and black gets dogpiled.
They do have cool uniforms set up.
Also, winning Super Bowls / being the character city in the hbo hit drama the wire makes the uniforms cool.
Did you call Seven Nation Army mediocre?
Did you say The wire season 2 was the peak of the show?
Nothing wrong with S2!
it was truly the best one for Justified. Mags Bennett!
I give S3 the slightest of edges over S2, because Neal McDonough was absolutely terrifying as the big bad.
Can’t go wrong with either one, though.
yeah, that was some fine casting
I thought the one that people really got mad at was the one that focused on The Baltimore Sun.
I loved it, because both my parents worked for newspapers. I didn’t follow them into the business, because newspaper journalism is a dying industry and I don’t like eating cat food for dinner.
What about Frank Sobotka? I’m not seeing his name in here anywhere!?
https://doorfliesopen.com/2023/05/29/the-wire-6/
Just to clarify, I don’t think s2 was bad. I also did not watch the show until like 4 years ago, but I remember the THEY RUINED THE WIRE from friends back then.
It was a bad season.
Pour one out for Ziggy’s duck.
Since this is the perfect opportunity to touch on it, I like that the roster limit is slightly inadequate.
55 man roster to add a QB and a shitty lineman
Cut it to 40. Guys are too specialized. Nuk don’t even practice.
Go ahead and keep an army at the facility like one of those mega high school programs but, gameday dress, 40. Maybe dude’s dont even play consecutive weeks. Really get the rep scheme in order for guys. Extend the season til everyone dies; should be about the exact time of the Pro Bowl.
And send the XP kick back to the spot of the 2pt conversion.
Went too far with the XP. Chaos… good!
Otherwise, fine suggestions. A reign of terror is the NFL next step.
If I was an NFL team I would simply have TWO good quarteredbacks on my roster in case one got hurt.
Fucking do it, Bengals. Nothing matters anymore.
I’d be onboard with see Harbaugh be sacked.
Guy playing for a last place team who played less than 140 games wins AL MVP!
Voters continue not to understand what the word ‘valuable’ means!
Whereas World Series champ Aaron Judge won it last year.
Silly East Coast opinion-haver.
Yankees made the play-offs last year.
All I ask, (which sadly is more than the voters), is that an MVP come from a team that goes into September in contention for the expanded play-offs. It’s not a high bar!
And also would have ruled Judge out this year.
THIS BENGALS QB BROWNING LEMME TELL YA I CALL HIM 1911 BECAUSE THE BENGALS’ PLAYOFF CHANCES ARE NOW SHOT
In at QB, figure skater Tod Browning.
Our national hero figure skater Kurt Browning.
Are they not the same guy?
I thought you like that Elvis dude.
Elvis Stojko! We are a cornucopia of figure skaters.
An embarrassment of flaming riches!
Speaking of embarrassing Canadian figure skaters, here’s Jamie Sale to tell you why the worms in her brain don’t want you to get vaccinated.
She was unbelievably hot back in ‘02.
Now crazier than a shithouse rat.
She had to have hit her head a few times during practice skates.
Her partner in whackadoodle is Theo Fleury. He defo has CTE
+1 for ‘shithouse rat’. Needs to be used more in everyday conversation.
Wasn’t that a long time ago? He skated at the same time as Brian Boitano, I think.
I’m sure they kicked an ass or two, because that’s what Brian Boitano would do.
did a few bees sting burrow’s hands before the game?
It looked swollen as fuck.
Why the fuck did they not make McCarron the Emergency QB?!
There’s no hope, one would assume, at this point.
Then Mike Brown would have to pay him $16 more a game. Does he look like he’s made out of money!?
2023 Bengals Playoff Odds (Artistic Interpretation)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTzSi5G8vbQ&pp=ygUMRGF0YSBvaCBzaGl0
That division been doing some regression to the mean this week
Drone invasion! Someone get DJBOT3000 back to get Ukraine outta here!
I’ve always liked this movie. A really good example of 80s movie magic
This was one of my favorite movies as a kid.
Maybe Snoop can shoot it down with a nail gun.
Ice Cube with a Bop Gun.
That your spawn, Fozz?
“…and a drone is floating around the stadium…and heeere come the pretzels!”
Be better if it was turkeys.
God as my witness…
Hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement?
Like a breast?
lamar cant run
burrow cant throw
refs cant see
good to see the machines trying to rise and drones trying to dronestrike this dumb game