Happy Thanksgiving! Your First NFL Football Open Thread

It’s a sloppy, cold and miserable day out there up here in the north. A perfect day to skedaddle out of work and make sweet, sweet love to the couch and TV-a wonderful threesome if I say so.

It must also be a great day to be a Lions fan. By no means would it be worth the several decades of what they’ve gone through but here we are-a standalone game on a holiday, a relevant and widely admired team, a team that is most likely to bury a hated division rival in front of millions of folks. Sweet.

To anyone and everyone that has commented on this site over the last year, be well, have a good time today and drop by and say hello. You might even say what you’re grateful for. (as long as it’s snarky)

To The Game!

Packers/Lions:

-Ouch! I’ve never lacerated a kidney but that’s what Luke Musgrave did and he’s now on IR. Wear your kidney cup next time, Luke. smh…

-Detroit, as you might expect, has been winless on this most hallowed of football days for the last seven years-should end that streak today though.

-Goff is 5-1 vs Green Bay, one of the best records percentage-wise against them. One of the guys ahead of him is the drunkard Jim McMahon and the other is the legendary Bobby Layne.

-Monty on a Roll: No, that’s not a sandwich dedicated to a British WW2 general that died in a very loud boating accident. T’is actually a reference to David, who has averaged 105 yards rushing over his last four games.

-He’s not playing at Night on Broadway but you may want to take Gibbs’ combined rushing/receiving prop of 79.5. Seems like easy-peasy to me but then again, it always does.

-At 4-6 the Packers are 8th in the playoff race. Ugh. That’s a lousy football conference.

Get in here and type.

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litre_cola

I just won a Miller Lite Beer Pong table.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Don’t let it compromise your integrity

Senor Weaselo

“Tastes great” and “less filling” do not apply to the table.

ThePirateSloth

Without looking it up, I don’t think I remember a Thxgiving Day game that went into OT. Anyone else?

ThePirateSloth

Heh, and this one won’t.

BugEyedBoo

Steelers/Lions about 20 years ago, again without looking.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

…again without looking.

– Blaine Gabbert (aka The Flow), throwing a pass

King Hippo

Not enough Viagra in the world for these LioUns to fuck today.

Brick Meathook

One thing I really like doing is slapping female coworkers on the ass watching the Lions play on Halloween Thanksgiving.

And they always squeal lose!

TheRevanchist

That halftime show reminded me of when I was in San Jose watching Fresno State in some bowl game. They may have been playing Michigan State. The halftime show was a boy band called Townsend. No one had heard of them. The booing that ensued restored my faith in humanity.

I still hate Michigan State with a passion.

WCS

The Lions losing on Thanksgiving: a tradition unlike any other.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think the NFL needs to institute a policy of “miss five fourth down conversions, get a fifth down free” out of pity for the Lions.

TheRevanchist

The Lions wouldn’t be that far back in the score if they maybe kicked a field goal or actually punted the ball more than they did. This loss is all to blame on the coach.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I blame you.

TheRevanchist

Are you my wife?

WCS

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litre_cola

Send lovely picture of myself and a longtime friend to my mom.

“You have 2 beer each in front of you and a breakfast menu Litre…”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yeah, why no whiskey?

WCS

You can’t take the Fuck out of the Liouns.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Never change, Fuck Liouns

Senor Weaselo

Fuck Jack Harlow for the incredibly specific reason of that time Hermana Weaselo went to his concert at Barclays with the guy she was on again off again seeing and his friends/siblings, got totally wasted because he bought her one too many, and then (since they lived upstate) they had the audacity to ditch her and foist her on me when the staff wouldn’t let her leave under her own cognition because of how drunk she was, so I had to go pick her up and drive her back to Casa Weaselo.

Thank god they left so I just had to deal with the ambulette people, because otherwise someone would have had to drive me home from jail, because Senorita Weaselo can’t drive, so someone would’ve needed to get my car.

Also, somehow that’s her better birthday of the previous two. (Hermana Weaselo to this day still profusely apologizes for ruining her birthday that time.)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

MUSIC EXEC 1: Get this – he’s a rapper, but he’s white. And he’s from Kentucky!

MUSIC EXEC 2: That’s something for every demographic! Everyone in America will love him!

Game Time Decision

white + rapper + Kenfucky = new wave country

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Excellent choice of bumper music, though:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9bpywP004U

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Jack Harlow is the Poochie of music.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

…and was raised on a horse farm near Shelbyville.

I was more right than I realized.

Mr. Ayo

I, for one, enjoyed that halftime performance.

TheRevanchist

I asked my daughter if she is a fan. She reacted in disgust. I told her good, as it was a test to see if she was really my daughter.

Doktor Zymm

Seems like we don’t get satellite tv out here in Guarnaja so nawt watching. Will go snorkling instead of watching the NFC East mess that’s up next

Brocky

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TheRevanchist

*built in lube

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Look, the next prize for winning a DFO tipping pool

litre_cola

I will find something equally disgusting for the TWBS pool

Game Time Decision

nah, his future’s so bright, he’s gotta wear shades

Senor Weaselo

A tradition unlike any other isn’t The Masters. It’s the Lions playing like turkeys on Thanksgiving.

King Hippo

I think we were all planning naptime for Commies/N-GCp, but one must always retain nap flexibility.

King Hippo

C’mon FAIR CATCH FREE KICK!

Redshirt

Thanksgiving is at house. Entire family is over. Voices in head have returned but are now making good points and arguments.

Brocky

Are they refuting right wing talking points?

Redshirt

Not yet. One comment making fun of Biden, but to be fair, it was accurate.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Get it to Gibbs you Goofy Goff

King Hippo

Baby Buster’s Bailout BLEERGH

King Hippo

Key for DET is running out the half with this drive, AND scoring.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, about that…

ThePirateSloth

I can’t stop watching and laughing at these kids: https://www.instagram.com/reel/CxpYdr_hc2r/

The Maestro

Good afternoon. Happy Thanksgiving to all those celebrating. I have parent-teachers interviews, an evening jazz rehearsal, and hockey all back to back to back tonight. How much of a faux pas is it to be caught napping in your office by a VP?

Senor Weaselo

Gotta go with the Indiana Jones hat over the eyes. I mean, it worked for his life in academia.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Pants on or off?

Redshirt

Does Love get credit for a tackle for loss?

Horatio Cornblower

He should at least get an assist.

2Pack

I hope this is sustainable. But it’s too early to hope.

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Horatio Cornblower

I just turned on the game.

What the fuck, Detroit?

Mr. Ayo
King Hippo

M-O-O-N! That spells No Fuck LioUns return!!

Mr. Ayo

— Lea Michele

Horatio Cornblower

I thought it was what they called masturbating monkeys, but I may be confusing ‘gibbous’ with ‘gibbons’ now that I type that out.

Gumbygirl

Me too. Crazytown!

King Hippo

Baby Buster Butter Knuckles!

Mr. Ayo

So today is defense AND extra point optional? That’s some good footballing.

yeah right

Do you know the best way to set the olfactory tone for Thanksgiving?

First thing you do is roast a head of garlic.
That will get their attention.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“FUCK!” – Lions

Mr. Ayo

Turkey Day LioUns showed up

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think our nickname for Donovan Peoples-Jones should be “Kool-Aid”.

King Hippo

I too had a Jones FOAR ppls! – Hannibal L., Arlington, VA

King Hippo

Hey looky-loo, 2022 Christian Watson is here

ThePirateSloth

For some reason, anytime I come up for a Seahawks game, it’s almost… comforting? not the exact word, but close… to me when I’m laying in bed in my hotel and hear random people screaming random things down on the street. It’s kinda like an “I’m home” feeling, even if I’ll never live here again.

Right now, it’s some random, I assume drunk at 945am white guy in his mid-late 20s, screaming his hatred of the 49ers at 49ers fans. That’s almost music to my ears.

8-midnight after Sunday games is the most chaotic of times with all the random yelling and screaming. It’s rather entertaining.

King Hippo

Traditional recluse feast – two “Dave’s Good Bread” cinnamon-raisin protein bagels. Time to pop another caffeinated V8 (Mixed Berry is today’s offering).

DOn’t b all jelly smh.

Senor Weaselo

Couldn’t even splurge for the Killer Bread? Come on, man!

King Hippo

oooh, I knew something was wrong in my sentence. Better get another pill lined up to go.

King Hippo

LaPortaDOWN FOAR Vodka Hippo, da!

Mr. Ayo

God. Fucking. DAMMIT!

Senor Weaselo

Well, Madre Weaselo’s at work, Hermana Weaselo’s got a cough, so I was in charge of the mains: turkey breast and a honey ham.

We’ll tune back later to see if anyone’s died. I was instructed under no circumstances was I allowed to put hot sauce on things while cooking.

Senor Weaselo

The pies are not homemade. Just as well, not a fan of pumpkin. Pies of choice (if I had the choice) would be cherry, apple, and the raspberry pie Senorita Weaselo made a couple years back.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We had a peach-raspberry pie last week that was terrific.

Mr. Ayo

I’m grateful for dick jokes. For example, Brett Favre.

King Hippo

Maybe we’d all be marble-mouthed welfare cheats if we had micropeeners smh

King Hippo

Maybe this Love fucker really DID turn a corner? Crazier things have happened.

King Hippo

GB being #8 makes me better appreciate how high SKOL’s percentage odds are of making el torneo.