I finally know what a ’50’s housewife feels like having spent most of the day in the kitchen and scooting snackers the hell away. Damn, that’s a long day on my feet. I could use a cool, refreshing and slimming Marlboro right now!
To The Game!
Ravens/Niners:
-Career Bestie: That’s Lamar’s total completions and completions %. And 23 yards from now it’ll be total passing yardage.
-Game Manager: That’s the only thing a qb drafted in the last round could possibly, right? This stinks of media draft types, front office guys and scouting types banding together because they can’t stand being so wrong. His nine tilts with a qb rating over 130 is tied for the record.
-That D!: The Ravens have held a team with a touchdown or less in nine games-the previous record was six.
-Reminder: Jackson is 19-1 vs the NFC.
-On a Tear: Congrats, Deebo drafters-your guy has been outstanding down the stretch with 7 total TD’s over the last trio of fixtures.
-Prop Time: Take Likely’s receiving yard number of 35.5-since Edwards called it a day he’s been getting 6 or more targets and has racked up 93 yardos. San Fran defends the position well but what else are you going to spend your money on? Food? Your children? Booze? Ok, booze is acceptable.
I’m done.
They Shoot Kyle Hamiltons, Don’t They?
Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!
I hope you all are having a good day today.
Too bad Brock Purdy is channelling his inner Giovanni Carmazzi, today
Fuck the NFL, give me corgis racing and cheap-shotting each other while racing and I will watch that without moving until the heat death of the universe.
During halftime of one of the NBA games today I literally turned the TV off when they told me Stephen A. Smith would be coming on after the next commercial break.
Merry Christmas, reprobates and miscreants alike.
I’ve eaten enough stuffing and gravy today that feel like I’ve been run over by a Peterbilt.
Peterbilts don’t drive in Ottawa, only honk
There are 3 legitimate options for MVP:
1) Myles Garrett (Hippo’s vote)
2) Lamar!
3) Micah Parsons
Lamar should probably get it, followed by CMC. Garrett and Parsons will never get it because the voters go “hey, this year let’s consider a defensive pl…” and then burst into laughter before voting for a white QB instead of, say, Aaron Donald.
Give it to the Detroit Lions’ center!
https://twitter.com/Nate_Tice/status/1736833029707116725
oh, that’s some DEEP CUT action there. I LIKE IT!
God grant me the optimism of someone who thinks the voters would ever consider an offensive lineman for the MVP.
McCaffrey has a say so.
When Miami gets the #1 seed
4) Tuuuuuuuuuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Tua without Hill on the field this season:
123/155 – 79% comp
1316yrds
6TD 0Int
116.8Rt
He’s also doing this with a banged up o-line
MIL’s plastic containers went home completely empty at the end of the evening-Oldest son and I saluted her on the porch as she got into her vehicle-none of the three of us know what that even means.*
*but it felt good
My son’s girlfriend has a cat. They all now live together. For Xmas she got him a customized T-shirt that has a picture of him playing with the cat and the caption “Not the stepdad, the dad who stepped up”
oh holy shit, SHE IS A KEEPER!!!!!
He needs to put a ring on that young lady’s finger five minutes ago!
I don’t ask questions but I get the impression that neither of them is really all that concerned with
I agree, definitely time to walk away.
She was THAT CLOSE and didn’t even call|???? SAD HIPPO
Solo’s apparently trying to get her shit together, including rehab for issues with alcohol. If she’s sincere, more power to her and I’m certainly not going to make fun of her. If, on the other hand, she’s doing it because she’s boxed in after a long history of really bad decisions well, I guess we’ll find out.
Either way? STILL WOULD
Who could cast a stone?
I’m still going to make fun of her (because I don’t discriminate when it comes to mocking athletes), but that doesn’t mean I don’t still very much respect her contributions to the U.S. women’s soccer team’s success during her time with them.
I have very little respect for the USWNT. Bunch of bullies who are getting their asses handed to them now that the rest of the world has started to catch up.
Go ahead and run around like lunatics while beating Thailand 9-1 or whatever. Here comes England. And Spain. And Canada. And Norway. And Sweden. And Brazil.
And suddenly you’re not all that great.
One of the most enjoyable days of watching sportsball was when the “Dream Team” got knocked the fuck out. I put the USWNT in the same category.
I fully support most of their social positions, (gay rights, equal pay, Trump sucks), but their on-field stuff is just obnoxious.
What do glassy eyes smell like?
“STOP RESISTING”
-cop who wrote that, while shooting BugEyed Boo in the back 18 times.
Daughter’s cat, digitally done up as Gandalf. I had it put on a canvas for Xmas.
as one DOES
Outstanding.
He’s absolutely a Wizard. Stay on his good side.
Zooming in on Brian Griese as the QB coach when Purdy’s having a 4-int game is a little savage.
most depressed Brian since Wilson during Smile sessions
Welcome to the 2023 NFL Season, where its all made up, and the records do not matter.
It’s like no one even wants the 1 seed
Dallas certainly has no interest.
….
Because Jerry Jones touches strippers.
Well shit. I’m out.
Oh, that’s why Purdy was drafted last!
I wanna give Trent Williams the FR. How often do the offensive line get to force and recover a fumble for the defense? Come on!
My gawd, Purdy’s having a late career Jake Delhomme game.
oh man, I remember that WC Saturday night
Better warm up
the retSam Darnold!FFS
Agholor non drop! This game is krey zee.
Fractured Skull Boy and Cummins Engine Girl Groupie-
-Working title for a graphic novel that kicks ass
-Two people that are sleeping in my basement right now
-The two leaders of the weirdest cult in northern Ontario
/pick one
“Sleeping”…
There’s been plenty of the other thing but he’s sick as a dog at the moment. He went to a large Xmas event with his girlfriend’s clan and may have caught Unemployment Benefits Syndrome as well.
Has he been claiming that his symptoms are due to “vaccine shedding” or “ivermectin deficiency”?
I mean, I know it’s B, but I really, really want it to be C.
– Todd Marinovich, with regards to his hepatitis diagnosis
Punter late hit penalty!
Who was that punter who used to lay devastating tackles? Was that Johnny Hekker?
Ray Guy would lay a motherfucker out.
He used to play safety in college, if my wine-addled mind is remembering correctly.
There were a few weren’t there? I know Sav Rocca had at least one pretty kickass tackle
close game at half truly a christmas miracle
If I see you wearing overalls with your team colors/symbols on them it is on sight, so please do not do that.
Because I am in my 50’s, highly unlikely to win the fight, and will likely just get pretty badly hurt.
The espen deportes playoff promos put the Ravens as the “team of destiny”. Disclaimer: for Hispanics, early death is a common destiny.
I thought their common destiny was 6-12 hours of reliable power a day?
Heh heh. There’s blackouts all over the US now (source: you). We were just pioneers.
We lost power for 25 hours and were ready to riot.
Puerto Ricans would line up to slap us silly, and they’d be right to do it.
Ah yes, a Connecticut riot. Which consists of things I’m too drunk to think of, but they would be funny and very bourgeois.
Christian McCaffery has gotten into golf, which is very unusual for rich white guys.
almost as much as Manifest Destiny!
54’40 or fight!
Brock Purdy died of dysentery
I miss the Makeitsnow liveblogs through that game. I believe that last one involved getting to California with 3 grandfather clocks and maybe one member of the original caravan surviving.
I got the Oregon Trail revamp on Switch, I should play that soon
That’s more like it
So this hotel doesn’t have actual TV, it wants me to sign into a youtube tv account to watch. I could just use one of the accounts of past guests who didn’t log out, or I could just bw lazy and watch on my laptop. Stupid hotel that isn’t willing to spring for basic cable
Joe Buck: “It’s hard to wrap your mind around Monday Night Football on Saturday!”
Me: “I’m knee deep in whiskey and beer, Joe Buck; it’s not hard at all.”
Also….today is Monday
Next week Dallas plays Detroit on Monday Night Football, but it’s on Saturday!
Actually it’s this week, not next week, because today is Monday and my mind is already blown by ABC’s clever marketing.
Forgot to mention. My mother, who I love, is not a good cook. For years my wife has run interference at Xmas, bumping Mom out of the way and saving the ham or whatever. This year my sister decided that enough was enough and ordered a brisket delivered to my mother’s house, (from South Carolina; I do not even want to know what that cost her, or more accurately, my brother-in-law), but holy mother of God that brisket was insanely good.
Has anybody told Purdy that the spirit of holiday giving doesn’t need to involve, y’know, the ball?
Family gone, 20lbs bird cooked and put away along with all the trimmings. And the house does not look like a tornado hit it but me feet hurt and I’m so very tired.
Hope everyone had a good day
personal foul, attempted rape. Declined.
Of course it was declined, I mean duh doy.
FLAGKAKKE!!!
I ate more leftover homemade apple pie (everybody at the family gathering wanted the pumpkin, which is CLINICALLY INSANE as a preference) than seemed humanly possible. But Hippo likes a good challenge.
That reminds me that I have leftover apple pie in the fridge.
I still cannot believe that the Raiders had a meaningful win over the Chiefs. On Christmas!
Chiefs twitter is a must read right now.
I’m sure they’re reacting entirely reasonably!
This may surprise and shock you, but no, they are not.
that’s what happens when you don’t get a SINGLE CALL IN UR FAVOUR smgdh
What do the analytics models have to say about 5-3 games?
My analytics model wanted a 4th down stop, then a safety for 5-5.
Let’s not forget what’s important today:
Final season of Letterkenny starts streaming in the US tomorrow.
That’s what I’s appreciates about you.
Purdy with the pick and the suplex.
My family gifted me a sample of Whistle Pig whiskies today. Tonight’s contestant is their 10 year-old small batch rye.
My, that’s tasty. Does have a strong burn at the end, likely due to it being 100 proof.
100 proof is the proper proof.
I miss booze.
Got a thrashing at pool, which I richly deserved. Lost 3 games to 2. Each of us won one game when the other hit the 8-ball out of order, because it looks like all the other solids.
My other win was a fluke sinking of the 8 off the break, which I have never done before and certainly was not trying to do then.
Wait, that’s an auto-win? I figured auto-loss.
Those are the rules I’ve always played by…
We looked it up and found rules that said both. The one we settled on was that it’s an automatic win unless you fouled on the break, in which case you lose.
You can look up pool/billiards situations and find rules that say both sides are right. I think they’re designed to start fights in bars.
I haven’t puked in a few hours’ wooohooo! I’m as wobbly as a newborn foal, but I’ve taken a few shaky steps on the road to recovery.
There is waaay too much left over food but MIL was thoughtful and brought a bunch of sealable plastic containers with her.
Those leftovers are going to be your Xmas present next year.
[injures self doing the Safety Dance]
I was gifted 6 bottles of wine this year.
They know me very well.
Tripped over the ref for a Safety. Nice.
Ok, that was funny!
A Christmas edible and a bottle of pinot grigio?
Don’t mind if I do!
Good teaching moment for me to explain to oldest kid that the official is part of the field
“Reminds me of that time I made Ron Jaworski part of the field.”
-LT
I don’t remember that!
-RJ
Who?
-Trent Green
SAFETY DANCE
How many points does the ref get though?
Does FanDuelDraftKings have odds on Lamar! having to poop again?
Like, ever?
I mean, ain’t none of us getting no younger. YOU NEVAR NOE
CINDY BLACKMAN WOO
Lessee, to pull off an upset over EggnogGuyEddie… I need Deebo and CMC to combine for fewer than… 10.1 points.
Welp, I tried.
See you in the Bronze Medal VodkaMatch next week!
“Christian McCaffrey playing on Christmas Day. Thank you NFL, for not employing ‘woke’ schedule-makers!”
-L. Boebert, somewhere close to Oblivion, Colorado