Wild Card Weekend Boogaloo: Packers/Cowboys Edition

Welcome back to the festivities! Are the pizza, pills and booze at the ready? I’m sure they are. Let’s go.

To The Game!

Packers/Cowboys:

-Huh. I didn’t realize that Love finished #2 (gross!) in TD passes this year. How he did that with starters Watson and Doubs being banged up most of the time and tight ends Musgrave and Kraft being serviceable but nothing special tells me that there is more to come. Especially with Wicks and Reed stepping up as rookies.

-Harbinger?: Green Bay is 5-0 at AT&T Stadium. Of course getting the W today is a hard ask given the way that Dallas has played at home this year.

-Dallas Never Gets The Calls!: Au contraire, mon chou-chou. The team led the league in first downs via penalty flags with a robust 43.

-Reminder: It’s a bit hard to believe that this young-ish Packers squadoo was dead in the water at one point. After nine games they were sitting at 3-6.

-The rumor has yet to be confirmed but Micah Parsons eats planets for breakfast.

-Personal Observation: I don’t want Jerry Jones to have any nice things. I won’t be taking any questions.

-Though Green Bay is on a roll, so is Jaire Alexander’s ankle. He’s a game-timer and should he not be able to play there’s no way Lamb lies down in Arlington.

-Much will be made of the playoff history between these teams and for once I think it’s warranted. There’s been several memorable tilts but they’re also tied in second place in all-time playoff wins with 36.

Show me what you got.

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LemonJello

No, Greg, nobody is jumping over anything to hire McCarthy. You buffoon.

Horatio Cornblower

Did he really say that?

LemonJello

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Don T

Olsen can smarm wit the worst of ’em!

Redshirt

Green Bay put their starters back in?

Brocky

Yeah take that green bay. No obscenely large margin of victory for you!

Doktor Zymm

Poor people on the inbound landed 40 minutes ago and have just been sitting on the tarmac. Gate change so maybe we can get those people offloaded and get outta here!

I’m surprisingly optimistic about air travel for some reason

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Aaron Rodgers knows the Epstein flight logs better than his Jets playbook

Brick Meathook

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Horatio Cornblower

Didn’t need to see Jerry’s O face, but thanks.

Horatio Cornblower

“Dallas has made it interesting…”

I assure you, Kevin Burkhardt, they have not made anything interesting

King Hippo

yeah, I heard that in “Narrator” voice

Horatio Cornblower

Put Cooper Rush in.

I mean, why not?

Horatio Cornblower

Clearly this is not all McCarthy’s fault. He’s not telling the defense to not tackle and he’s not telling Dak to throw TDs to the other team. At least I don’t think he is. But there’s only one common-denominator in all these post-season bed-shittings during his tenure, and it’s him.

ArmedandHammered

I do think some of those things come back to the coach as he is responsible for their training and discipline. With that said, fuck him, he got lucky with a great QB, and rode him to an undeserved job.

ArmedandHammered

And as you pointed out, he is the common denominator.

Brick Meathook

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ArmedandHammered

Yeah, really sucks when the blow gets all caked up in your nose.

LemonJello

Dallas Cowboys tonight, artist’s interpretation:

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Horatio Cornblower

I mean, that dumpster is moving forward, so this isn’t entirely accurate.

LemonJello

Their endzone is to the left.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Legit don’t know why I bothered to turn this back on

King Hippo

We’re old and need proper visuals to finish?

Beerguyrob

Can’t wait to find out what a Dallas Southie accent sounds like once they hire Belichick. HOLY FACK Y’ALL WE GOIN TO DA SUPAH BOWL! PRAISE JEBUS!!

King Hippo

Two years with “Regular Season N-GCp” and he’ll have the record, which is all he really cares about. Rubbing Shula’s nose in his pile of old man poo.

Horatio Cornblower

There are still some things we can all, Cowboys fans and Cowboys haters, be happy about.

And Ol’ Double J making this face again in one of them.

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LemonJello

If he’s not careful, it’ll get stuck like that.

Horatio Cornblower

Turned the TV back on just now.

I see Dallas will have a new head coach next year.

fleshwound_NPG

tuesday.

Horatio Cornblower

Yes, I phrased that as poorly as McCarthy seems to have prepared the NGPs for this game.

Downfield Matriculator

Jerry is busy paying hookers to give him an alibi for any post game murderin’.

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King Hippo

48 is also equally divisible by 24, but much less fun

clint greasewood

Here comes Dax
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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

When I heard Celine Dion had stiff-person syndrome, I was so glad she got it long after Dice Clay was famous

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

EYY CELINE, I GOTTA STIFF PERSON SYNDROME FOR YOU RIGHT HEAH! WHADDYA GETTIN HARDONS NOW?

LITTLE MISS MUFFET
SAT ON HER TUFFET
EATING HER CURDS AND WHEY
DOWN CAME A SPIDER
SAT DOWN BESIDE HER AND SAID
WHO CARES ABOUT THIS FRENCH BROAD OHH

Don T

That sack was not Dak’s fault

LemonJello

McCarthy not calling plays, he’s calling his wife, the realtor, and the Witness Protection Program.

ArmedandHammered

Having Instacart deliver 50 gallon barrels of ice cream to his house.

Spur

Am going to the bar to get ready for the next game.

Don T

Have fun, man. You deserve it.

ThePirateSloth

This result fills me with glee.

Don T

Can you IMAGINE the Packers going to Santa Clara and dropping the Niners. After all the playoff whuppins Qaron got?

It would be nice for me too.

King Hippo

well, now you’s on Petronel’s naughty list

Petronel

Meh, I was given a Pack stock cert a while back, so I don’t mind ‘em too much…

but yeah, fuck QAaron

King Hippo

Pretty satisfying weekend so far, and we’ve yet to even see a competitive fixture

Beerguyrob

Well, as the pregame said, the Cowboys do enjoy home cooking.

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Sharkbait

I haven’t seen cowboys get fucked like this since Brokeback Mountain

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

The last time the Packers fucked up MLK Day weekend, Louis Farrakhan saw a

LemonJello

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

For $20/month you too can buy the Buddy joke kit. Remember those awful movies you saw in the 90s? Shoehorn a reference of those with your new Gen X and watch the compliments come in!

Did Summer Sanders make you tingly as a 6 year old watching Nickelodeon? Endless joke fodder.

Call now!

King Hippo

48 is equally divisible by 16 ,, ppl forget that

Redshirt

McCarthy returning to Locker Room (Artistic Interpretation)

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/VjgUBs_sRr4

Petronel

The power of Love is a furious thing.

King Hippo

don’t need a credit card to ride this train!

LemonJello

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clint greasewood

THESE COWBOYS I CALL A 737 MAX 9 WINDOW BECAUSE THEY AREE GETTING BLOWN OUT.

King Hippo

That’ll do, pig. That’ll do.

Beerguyrob

Hopefully, this is also helping kill those Dan Quinn to the Seahawks rumours.

JimU

Mike McCarthy is going to be available after this game.

Sharkbait

Belichick head coach by Tuesday

LemonJello

Packer sideline: “Alright, who wants to score on the next drive?”

Gatoraids

Cowboys bout to exceed their new years weight loss resolution by 300 pounds

LemonJello

What did Dem Boys say about Jones’s mom to make him take them all to the woodshed like this?

Game Time Decision

Fuck you Shoresy

King Hippo

Texas will have to pause their myriad book burnings to incinerate some processed ham product.

Doktor Zymm

THESE DALLAS COWBOYS I CALL THEM MY FLIGHT OUT OF CHICAGO CUZ THEY AINT GOING ANYWHERE

King Hippo

BUT THINK OF ALL TEH AIRPORT BAR FRIENDS YOU’LL MAKE!!

ArmedandHammered

At least its a home game, no horrible flight home, or for Blue Bunny, long walk home.

LemonJello

He’ll need an MRAP to get home from the stadium tonight.

ArmedandHammered

Does’t he already need to be chauffeured in the back of a Ram Heavy Duty, dualie?

Redshirt

!

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ArmedandHammered

Gonna need a bigger dumpster.

Spur

I’d stay out of bull whip range if I was a Dallas player. Double J is gonna get his pound of flesh.

Brocky

Several pounds in this case

King Hippo

I don’t see anyone other than the N-GCp going into the Santa Clara railyards and getting the better of the Tomsulas, neither. But I’d love to see Detroit TRY.

clint greasewood

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Spur

As a Cowboy fan, I hate it. As a little Brother, I love it.

Don T

The kid on the left looks alive. 2/10
-Herod

LemonJello

Olsen just a throat goat for ANY TE on the field.

Game Time Decision

But did he play basketball somewhere?

Beerguyrob

Jerry Jones at least has arranged McCarthy a ride to the airport.

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Spur

Fat and to the Right.

King Hippo

Green Bay is challenging the call, just because they can

hippofant

Wow, the reverse angle of that Musgrave TD shows the Dallas defensive linemen looking back and their body language just going, aw dangit.

BugEyedBoo

I saw that. “Look at #95!”

Wakezilla

Can Jeral set aside his ego and let Bill Belichick run the Cowboys?

LemonJello

Short answer: No.

King Hippo

Who would kill who first?

WCS

That would cause a gamma ray burst.

Spur

He cant be GM . Stephen Jones has the GM role down.

Wakezilla

Can Stephen Jones be named Assistant regional manager and Jerral call it a promotion?

fleshwound_NPG

wait, aaron jones needs 1 more td to tie the polk high panthers record

Spur
SonOfSpam

Hey, Jerry Jones is upset. MORE FACIAL SURGERY!

LemonJello

Not enough hookers and blow to make him happy with his team tonight.