Welp, it’s finally here. As with most of the folks here, I could do without all the silly stories surrounding the game designed to draw in the casual fan. (although one story about a story-it was to be expected-that MAGAT’s were all up in arms about Swift/Kelce being some sort of psy-op that will bring more votes to Biden-that’s a keeper) I can’t stress it enough, when you’ve had your fill, run to the mute button. There’s simply too much air to fill.
To The Game!
Chiefs/Niners:
-Did I get the ‘home’ team right? (Narrator Voice: Nobody cared)
-Knock Me Over With a Dropped Pass: If reports are correct, Kadarius Toney will be starring in the role of “Player Nobody Gives a Shit About” and will not be bringing his unique brand of hapless football to the game today. Maybe it was the pass deflections that turned into interceptions, maybe it was lining up offside at a critical moment. Really, it could be anything. I’ll wager a hot fiver that his ten cent brain will be somewhere else next year.
-Don’t Bother About Trent Williams: As a whole the Niners o-line is ranked 15th in Pass Block Win Rate. That takes into account TW’s 96% rating-so yeah, the rest of the line can be had. The prevailing theory is that the Chiefs will put a speed guy like Danna or Anudike-Uzomah against him and have Chris Jones attack the middle or other side.
-In a game such as this reducing mistakes is paramount but Reid and Shanny Jr. especially tend to make errors when deciding whether or not to go for it on 4th down. By ESPN’s metric Shanny has the worst in-game decision-making skills, making the wrong call 28% of the time on non-obvious 4th downs.
-To Blitz or Not to Blitz: Chiefs DC Spagnoulo (?) employs that sort of pressure at a 32% rate. The trouble is that Purdy has a 86.4 QBR and 14 TD’s when blitzed, easily finding safety valves Kittle and McCaffrey. Spags will no doubt create some new wrinkles during the pre-snap period but how effective will they be?
-Speaking Of: Look for McCaffrey to be used early and often against the Chiefs suspect run D. San Fran will not make the same mistake the Ravens did when they came out throwing. The Niners were #1 in yards per carry on zone runs and K.C. was 31st defending. That’s the kind of statistical disparity that Shanny and run game coordinator Chris Foerster simply can’t ignore. By the same token, Reid and OC Matt Nagy would be fools not to have Pacheco running straight at Chase Young.
Guaranteed to Happen: A 30+ yard shot play to MVS. It’s happened in both playoff games so far.
-Feast or Famine: Cb L’Jarius Sneed has rightly won praise for making big plays in a timely fashion but he’s also been flagged 17(!) times so far this year for holding/pass interference, etc. as well.
It was a pleasure putting these together for the 9th(?) year. Shit, has it really been that long? Enjoy the game and comment like you’ve never commented before!
Game so far is a throwback to a 70s defensive battle.
Gary Yepremian passing coming up
I’ll say this…
I liked it better than Rhianna last year
Yes, it was better in every way.
For the 26th year in a row, I didn’t watch the Halftime Show. Based on the comments, I made the corrrect choice.
I remember the days when the Super Bowl halftime show consisted of hobos let loose from cages and future Hall of Famers would shoot them in the back with buckshot. Len Dawson was the best of them-One Foot Willie never stood a chance if Len had less than three beers in his belly.
Can you imagine the fun of King Laserface stalking Jim Tomsula in an abandoned section of LA?
I’m taking Tomsula all day long over Laserface stumbling around with his semi-erect dick poking out of his khakis.
ah can’t spill this seed and displease teh LAWD, cockwallet!!!
Horniest halftime since Prince.
We love to see it.
Left a party as that field goal was kicked and made it home in time to turn my tv on and see Usher say thank you.
Perfect.
Is Lil Jon on roids?
Hope not, he’s too old.
He did seem kind of swole, didn’t he?
Stage is BOUNCIN’
I call my next dance The Painfully White dance.
Why does everyone look like they’re bout to head out to kill runners on this weeks The Running Man?
If there is one thing that pisses me off is that we do not have a real life Running Man TV show.
I think if they vacate the Speakership again, this is how they’ll name the next Speaker of the House. That or Wacky Races.
We are a few years behind. It was set in 2019
Stripper pole tech has come a long way
What I was thinking while my family was talking all throughout the first half (Artistic…no, I’m sorry Literal Interpretation)
FINALLY this song!
My dad just turned down the sound.
Probably
My dad turned on the subtitles last year.
Not even joking
What the fuck am i seeing?
Well this was inevitable
Oh he getting HORNY horny.
Make stripper revue! Alright it is Vegas after all
She makes me miss Prince.
… I thought she did alright
She did! Just reminded me of times and halftime shows past,
I have to admit, I enjoyed the roller skating. That could have gone wrong in so many ways, but didn’t.
I agree!
Wardrobe malfunction
Thanos glove, yay or nay?
Moar like a Michael Jackson glove
I am no fan of RFK Jr., but I think I’d be remiss if I didn’t note that Dre Greenlaw was vaxxed.
Really makes you think
Stupid question….
Would there honestly be any downside to having little info graphics pop up when a new artist shows up during these things?
Get with the times old man
Taking part of my previous komment back. Ushers already better than most halftime shows just on give-a-fuckery.
Sequins doing some heavy lifting right now.
Alicia Keys still looks good.
Sounds good too
How many old folks can’t figure out who’s signing and why there’s so many randoms on their TV box?
On a scale of 1 to 10, how racist is it that I’m thinking of Chris tucker in the fifth element?
The showgirls I saw in Vegas were showing far more skin
That’s not a joke it’s a fact
Andy Reid forbid Usher from showing his abs
I guess there’s no Cirque shows in Vegas tonight since they’re all in Usher’s floor show.
Kelce has replaced Andy Reid with Jack Antonoff at half
More like Travis Smell-ce, amirite???
“Slant Underneath Right (Trav’s version)”
So glad the SB halftime moved away from tired old rock acts from 20 years ago to…to…ohhhhh.
Kansas City Chiefs Halftime Speech
Animal House: Germans Bombed Pearl Harbor (youtube.com)
So, maybe in the second half they sub in this Mahomes. Couldn’t go worse.
That was quite the first half of a preseason game
‘quarterback sack ist vie dada!’
No idea what that means but it sounds great
The Dada Sack Quarterback Era was the most obscure/briefest part of the alternative Albanian art movement. Why Marcel Duchamp didn’t throw his weight behind it is a mystery for the ages.
Ce n’est pas un quart-arrière
?quality=65&strip=all
Putting two tight ends on the strong side was derided widely as a baroque affectation. But deep down it was a neoclassical nod to single wing fitbaw.
Dan Campbell thinks Andy Reid is wrong
And boneless wings TWO FUCKING LIES.
Mahomes does not look good
– Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue editors, expressing both surprise and disappointment
Is Tay-Tay showing UNDERBOOB??
Wouldn’t that be a rib on her?
Ooh, Mahomes got hit like Britt Reid was driving.
Do we know if HI I’M MARK DAVIS and Tonight Girlfriend are in attendance?
He can’t afford it.
Mark Davis being rebuffed in his attempt to secure a ROBOT TONIGHT GIRLFRIEND (artist’s conception):
What the fuckity fuck was THAT?
You up there in the hat thought Tori Amos covers Aerosmith was an abomination, we down here in the jorts just got treated to a Robert Kennedy Jr campaign ad. With a tune. A horrible obnoxious tune.
Oh boy. JFK gonna be roooooolling in his grave after that RFK Jr. nonsense.
Republican SuperPAC nonsense. The whole strategy is about getting idjits to vote for that weirdo or the equally vacuous Cornel West.
Yep this is classic ratfucking
which, frankly – if enough of the population falls for it, then Western civilization deserves to end
I thought he stopped running when the Republicans realized he was pulling crazies away from trump?
You’d think after what the CIA had done to his family he wouldn’t have joined up with the Taylor Swift psy-op.
Can’t wait for my post- game chat with my boomer father about voting for Kennedy.
Ad could hardly be more out of touch if mentioned MTVs Kennedy
They’re trying to swing the senior vote with nostalgia which…he won’t win, but it’s not the dumbest play.
This is when I realize I’m the old guy because I have no idea who these ads are catering to.
Holy shit the most hilarious commercial was Kennedy for President.
Kelce ain’t gonna win a Grammy this way…
Kelce has caught 1 pass for 1 yard. Taylor Swift fans not enjoying this at all
Who’s the dude that looks super proud of himself for having his hand on Lady Gaga’s leg?
I mean, that seems like a thing to enjoy?
Say what you want about Lady Gaga but she’s got a killer body.