Welp, it’s finally here. As with most of the folks here, I could do without all the silly stories surrounding the game designed to draw in the casual fan. (although one story about a story-it was to be expected-that MAGAT’s were all up in arms about Swift/Kelce being some sort of psy-op that will bring more votes to Biden-that’s a keeper) I can’t stress it enough, when you’ve had your fill, run to the mute button. There’s simply too much air to fill.
To The Game!
Chiefs/Niners:
-Did I get the ‘home’ team right? (Narrator Voice: Nobody cared)
-Knock Me Over With a Dropped Pass: If reports are correct, Kadarius Toney will be starring in the role of “Player Nobody Gives a Shit About” and will not be bringing his unique brand of hapless football to the game today. Maybe it was the pass deflections that turned into interceptions, maybe it was lining up offside at a critical moment. Really, it could be anything. I’ll wager a hot fiver that his ten cent brain will be somewhere else next year.
-Don’t Bother About Trent Williams: As a whole the Niners o-line is ranked 15th in Pass Block Win Rate. That takes into account TW’s 96% rating-so yeah, the rest of the line can be had. The prevailing theory is that the Chiefs will put a speed guy like Danna or Anudike-Uzomah against him and have Chris Jones attack the middle or other side.
-In a game such as this reducing mistakes is paramount but Reid and Shanny Jr. especially tend to make errors when deciding whether or not to go for it on 4th down. By ESPN’s metric Shanny has the worst in-game decision-making skills, making the wrong call 28% of the time on non-obvious 4th downs.
-To Blitz or Not to Blitz: Chiefs DC Spagnoulo (?) employs that sort of pressure at a 32% rate. The trouble is that Purdy has a 86.4 QBR and 14 TD’s when blitzed, easily finding safety valves Kittle and McCaffrey. Spags will no doubt create some new wrinkles during the pre-snap period but how effective will they be?
-Speaking Of: Look for McCaffrey to be used early and often against the Chiefs suspect run D. San Fran will not make the same mistake the Ravens did when they came out throwing. The Niners were #1 in yards per carry on zone runs and K.C. was 31st defending. That’s the kind of statistical disparity that Shanny and run game coordinator Chris Foerster simply can’t ignore. By the same token, Reid and OC Matt Nagy would be fools not to have Pacheco running straight at Chase Young.
Guaranteed to Happen: A 30+ yard shot play to MVS. It’s happened in both playoff games so far.
-Feast or Famine: Cb L’Jarius Sneed has rightly won praise for making big plays in a timely fashion but he’s also been flagged 17(!) times so far this year for holding/pass interference, etc. as well.
It was a pleasure putting these together for the 9th(?) year. Shit, has it really been that long? Enjoy the game and comment like you’ve never commented before!
Get your Swiftie proposal prop bets ready…
Ball game.
And he head fakes the QB lead on the game-winner.
There’s your history.
Welp. He’s Football Jordan. That’s all there is to it. Hate but appreciate.
Welp.
Kelce grinding for the blow job.
Kelce completely gassed-couldn’t bother to pretend it was a running play.
Neither team deserves to win, so just declare them all losers and give Tay the trophy
Welp. Shit fire and save matches.
The script is being followed
That was a nice sling blade by Warner, there
So, are the Chiefs up against the clock?
Why don’t they just turn the damn clock off?
I guess because they swap ends of the field, and then have a second HT? But not sure.
The Second Halftime Show!
Up With People is tanned, rested, and ready!
Defense is just a half-step slow now. And it’s too much time for Kermit’s froggy-fast brain.
Herewego!
Holy shit my heart is pounding
It’s nice that I don’t care super much, though I do want a Tomsulas win. This would really hurt if was the Fuck LioUns.
“Should’ve just gone down”.
I’ve known plenty of mama’s who’d agree
Play on, you crazy diamonds
Oof…you went the wrong way
Jebus. SHUT. UP. ROMO.
MVS Brain Fartery
Someone’s mama yelled at him.
That was anticlimactic.
that QB lead has been there all night
All night.
Stop right when I get snacks? i’ll allow it
Hoo boy
This is for all the Tostitos, folks
They get the first here
It’s Four Down Territory here, Romo? No shit, Sherlock!
We need a fumbled snap here. Pretty please.
22-22 at the end of 15, and Donovan McNabb’s brain will short circuit.
IT’S-A BOSA TIME!
CMC making yards and keeping it from Brock, who I think is bluescreening and needs to be rebooted
And WIDEASS OPEN
That’s too much spatial awareness Romo.
“This drive has taken seven minutes.”
You dumb putz-doesn’t matter how long a drive is under these OT rules.
I’m guessing more for the taxing-ness?
We’re little over 7 minutes away from our first ever Superbowl tie. This is so exciting!
So, 25-22 final it is.
Underrated comment.
CMC wants the TD.
If that’s a catch, Calvin Johnson would like a word.
If that’s a catch, Dez Bryant just shot his TV.
He did that anyway
(shoots own leg in solidarity)
— Plaxico B., CA
Not a catch?
Purdy’s 2nd-best play of the night
Believe Kittle had to take a shit
CAN’T FEEL MY SHOULDER AT ALL!
CERO! MIEDO!
Breath brother, breath!
OOF.
Hot take: Aiyuk is a system receiver, and would be average on another team. Except KC, because he knows how to catch a ball.
Das ist in field goal range!
Purdy’s best play tonight
Sorry, thought you said “Porky” and I didn’t think my fart was THAT loud.
Don’t they make a playoff strength Toradol?
Heroin.
I mean, Deebo popped his hammy and came back in. EVEN RAN A TOSS SWEEP
He’s gonna wake up in time for training camp with a contract he has no memory of signing and some weird stains on everything he owns
You can’t throw that flag.
Hey, I’m down with them occasionally using their fuckover powers for good