Title Battle Begins In Earnest – Lesser Footy Saturday

You get the contenders 1-2-3 (in increasing order of likelihood to succeed, in Hippo’s view), all on USA/NBC.

The filthy Redshite play Praise Beesus early (7:30, USA), with the unsettled Ivan Toney hopefully doing humanity in the good.  He’s in the shop window for the summer, no doubt.  Surely he’d prefer the biggest/richest sides to come a-courting.  So SCORE, damn you.

Gooners/White Lives Matter is the USA pick of the 10:00 window, hopefully the ClubhoUse FavoUrite won’t be drunk on last week’s hiding away to the hapless Hammers.  Burnley is dangerous if/when one doesn’t take them seriously.  Plus, they are fighting for survival (given the points deduction likely coming to both Everton and the Robins Hood – they have an outside chance to make it).

Fulham/Villa and Cherries/Bonesaws likely the pick of the streaming options, but I am also curious to see what kind of response Moyes gets out of West Ham (away to Robins Hood).  If he does NOT get one, then I fear he has lost the dressing room.  He’s hard to fire, being in the top half and reigning kinda-sorta-champions of Europe.  But shit happens.  And I certainly wouldn’t expect him back next season.

City of Men get the recently-MOAR-crumulent-ish Chelski in the Spotlight Dance (12:30, NBC).  I’m still expecting blood here.  Arse blood.

Knifey/Trashbirds (9:00, USA) and Lutes/Men Untied (11:30, USA) are your Sunday Funday, followed by whoever-follows-Uncle Woy at Palace taking on Everton on MNF (3:00, USA).  None of these are appealing options, but fuck it.  Gotta watch something.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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yeah right

Just for research purposes I had to prove that last week’s taco experience wasn’t a fluke, we ordered them again today.

It was not a fluke. This taco place is the big swinging balls.

God DAMN that’s a good taco.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

More like Left-the-Earth Driesell, amirite?

/it’s okay to make jokes right away when a guy lives all the way to 92

https://www.espn.com/mens-college-basketball/story/_/id/39544700/hall-fame-hoops-coach-charles-lefty-driesell-dies-92

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I have the feeling the Carl Weathers was given a heads-up that these Trump sneakers were about to be released and chose to die rather than endure all the Apollo Creed jokes that would have been made at his expense.

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litre_cola

Those look like something you could buy at the Mesa swap meet.

ballsofsteelandfury

The Santa Fe Springs swap meet has the Mexican version.

Horatio Cornblower

Look, basically legalizing mass shooting while not letting the coloreds vote is one thing, but by God Tennessee you have now gone a step too far!!!

https://twitter.com/WSMV/status/1757561096238506413

Doktor Zymm

It’ll be yet another way they are inferior to Kentucky

yeah right

If it wasn’t for their barbecue there would be no reason to ever visit there.

Their barbecue is worth the trip.

Horatio Cornblower

At this point the only thing standing between UConn and a repeat championship is themselves and/or some dipshit mid-major having a Cinderella run where they shoot 80% for three weeks.

/shudders in George Mason

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t expect any team in the modern era to ever again have as smooth of a ride as they did last season. Just zero drama for the entire tournament.

Horatio Cornblower

I think the Iona game was the only one they trailed in for any significant period of time.

They are completely dismantling the #4 team in the country right now. Andrew Hurley is going to get playing time today. This year’s team might be even better. And Dan Hurley is a) insane and b) the best coach in men’s basketball today.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yes, there was a span of about two minutes late in the first half where they were down by as much as four points.

Doktor Zymm

It’s a beautiful day! I’m going to spend a few more hours reading in bed before I go out for a walk though. Or maybe play some Civ

Doktor Zymm

They’re owned by the same company that owns Pokerstars and PaddyPower

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

SUN: [is behind clouds all morning]

LAUNDRY THAT RIKKI HUNG UP: [waits patiently]

SUN: [comes out]

– five seconds later –

DR. MRS. DEADLY, ESQ.: [takes down laundry]

Horatio Cornblower

Well, you don’t want it to fade.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, definitely can’t have these couch blankets and kitchen rags lose their vibrancy.

WCS

She’s just prepping to vacuum all it.

yeah right

Fighting Horatios kicking some Marquette ass.

Early March Madness research in progress.

Mr. Ayo

At the rate I’m drinking today, I’m due for a pretty good Hurley later.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

If anyone needs me, I’m reclining in a chair at crate and barrel waiting for death and/or my wife.

Horatio Cornblower

Death will probably be cheaper.

scotchnaut

Timely goal is timely.

scotchnaut

Raheem Sterling revenge game, I guess.

scotchnaut

Don’t even think of touching The Broom or you’re getting the “Coldplay Treatment”*.

*you were all yellow

Last edited 9 months ago by scotchnaut
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[glances up from the Hugh Ambrose book he’s reading] – Bill Parcells

Mr. Ayo

Less than an hour until the green flag drops on the 12 hours of Bathurst. Best Aussie race of the year.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_CTjle7xC0

WCS

Oh, you fucker.
Now, I’m not going to able to watch anything else.

Sorry, Lil’ and Lil’er WCS. Dad’s watching the racing again, and is inaccessible.

scotchnaut

Man City now, the Senators at 3pm and Sillycuse at 5:30-the universe is coming up Scotchy today!

scotchnaut

He’s been insane in the short time back from injury. Hopefully he conjures up some more magic.

Horatio Cornblower

That pass he put on Haaland’s head was just stupid good. Can’t believe that big Viking missed.

scotchnaut

He had three great chances to score and flubbed them all. Ah well…

Horatio Cornblower

I mean, if you guys are souring on him I’m sure Arsenal would be willing to take him off your hands.

scotchnaut

Not just yet but if he doesn’t score 5 in the next two games… Is that what it’s like being an asshole, front-running fan? Didn’t feel good at all.

Horatio Cornblower

https://www.nbcnews.com/think/opinion/rush-limbaugh-died-lung-cancer-after-denying-smoking-s-risk-ncna1258395

Let’s all put aside our differences and congratulate the big man himself, Rush Limbaugh, on achieving three years of sobriety today. It’s truly a momentous achievement Mr. Limbaugh, and I hope you take some time off from being buried upside down in a pool of fiery diarrhea in Hell to enjoy it.

Last edited 9 months ago by Horatio Cornblower
scotchnaut

Let’s put aside all our differences

Screw that! I hate Limbaugh more than you!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I hate Rush Limbaugh even more now for making us fight!

blaxabbath

Very good.

I have no problem with Limbaughs death kicking off a generation of celebrating these fucks dying off.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Sometimes I like to edit one of my comments here just to make Gumbygirl jealous.

Edit: no edits necessary

Secondary Edit, made without permission: BFC is a big meany.

Tertiary Edit: It’s spelled “meanie.”

Ed. note: Both spellings are acceptable

Last edited 9 months ago by Doktor Zymm
Horatio Cornblower

Great thread on NFL teams 2023 seasons as Simpson’s clips.

https://twitter.com/TheSimpsonsNFL/status/1758631877806579883

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That whole thread is spot on.

Horatio Cornblower

They nailed it. I especially liked the Steeler one, because it’s pretty much everything our own Yinzer contingent despises about their brethren.

scotchnaut

“Suck” kinda rhymes with “Cutlet”, ppl ferget that.

BugEyedBoo

I think the Steeler fans on the intertubes are spot on! We need to fire that Rooney Rule hire, Mike Tomlin, and get a good coach. Big Ben is available. At the very least they could have hired him for OC.

/channeling inner Steelers Depot fan.

Horatio Cornblower

Ten more minutes of this!?

Even as an Arsenal fan I think that’s cruel and unusual punishment for Burnley.

Brick Meathook

I just farted so perfectly that if I had done it in a Japanese restaurant in Tokyo, everyone would have stood, bowed, and applauded.

Dunstan

Starting to think about getting a new car, so as not to wait until my current one just dies, and am realizing how annoying “buying guides” are to people who aren’t car people.

Like, I still don’t understand what fucking “torque” is, though I gather it’s good?

I’m just going to put this shit off for another couple of months.

Mr. Ayo

Here’s how to think about it:

Horsepower: Determines how fast you hit the wall
Torque: Determines how far you push the wall

Horatio Cornblower

Buy a Subaru.

Done.

Senor Weaselo

Or Toyota. Depending on what you do.

Horatio Cornblower

I drive around town, make occasional trips to the dump, grocery store and gym.

Quite honestly a Yugo would probably be sufficient for me.

Don T

Hyundai. 10 years / 100k miles warranty is unbeatable. Bought one last week after much research AND introspection.
The ’24 Elantra: exact sentiment, fucking terrible song
https://youtu.be/oaEM4JYFPfw?si=thWqA_udu-LJTt3r

Last edited 9 months ago by Don T
blaxabbath

I’d not object to seeing if a Hyundai is right for you.

But Mitsubishi made the Zero. Never buy Mitsubishi

litre_cola

Honda man here. Had 3 my entire life. They are indestructible by common weapons.

yeah right

C’mon Cherries, close out the barcodes!

Horatio Cornblower

Seconded

Mr. Ayo

Welp

yeah right

FUCK. Always giving up the late stoppage time bullshit equalizer.

Fuck.

Horatio Cornblower

These Arsenal kits are still awful, but if they’re going to score 5 or 6 goals a game while wearing them I am willing to learn to tolerate them.

Horatio Cornblower

Little pudgy Burnley kid behind the Arsenal bench making a face like he just realized Burnley isn’t going to win this game.

Don’t worry kid: lesser footy glory is temporary, cake is eternal.

Horatio Cornblower

That’s why Arsenal paid millions for Kai Havertz! Garbage time goals against overwhelmed teams!

Horatio Cornblower

They seem to be going for it, anyway.

Brick Meathook

On a US Navy submarine there are two crew members who are required to be currently certified in doing medical sutures.

The first of course was our Hospital Corpsman (we didn’t carry a doctor)

The other was the Executive Officer (XO) who was second in command. He also had to be currently certified.

Why?

In case he had to sew up the Corpsman.

Horatio Cornblower

Mrs. Horatio and I stopped at a fancy-schmancy chocolate shop on Valentine’s Day and got two boxes of their chocolate.

The pieces are not labeled so we nibble on the pieces trying to avoid coconut like we’re Ukranian soldiers trying to tip-toe through a minefield.

Whoever decided to add coconut to good chocolate needs to be flayed.

Horatio Cornblower

Got a lemon one last night that was almost enough to make me believe in a just and fair God.

Almost.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Coconut in chocolate is delicious, but I’m upvoting that you had to stand in line to lead to this.

Last edited 9 months ago by BrettFavresColonoscopy
yeah right

I love coconut in anything.

scotchnaut

Nothing but savages in outer Connecticut, that’s for sure.

Horatio Cornblower

“Not sure what Burnley were expecting, sending a squad led by a denizen of the Belgian Congo up against His Majesty’s gunners.”

-Lord Cecil Rhodes, probably, sitting on his veranda wondering why the damned teletype machine isn’t letting him on DFO this fine morning, and which servant he should have shot to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

blaxabbath

Some may recall I refinished the diving board with blaxito last year. Very 4-year old and his dad on a Wednesday night production complete with some drip marks that I hate but also that’s why I did it with him right? Plus that pool equipmeny blue color hides a lot.

Anyways, we have to redo the pool now. Here’s the before with the diving board as the star.

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yeah right

Why are space aliens abducting your dog?

blaxabbath

Fucking palm trees. Or 90′ cactii. I dunno.

He’s too fat for the laser.

Fronkenshteen

You better make more iced tea.
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litre_cola

Top 5 show I have been to. I feel like death this morning. Getting old sucks.

litre_cola

They did. Was all fucking superb.

Horatio Cornblower

Got up at 10 today, (late poker tournament where my AK managed to lose to AJ; no one cares about my stupid card stories), turned on Arsenal and they were already up 1 and looking at a PK.

Then had French toast and bacon for breakfast, left over from the breakfast-for-dinner last night.

Like RTD, everything’s coming up in my favor this morning!

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Last edited 9 months ago by Horatio Cornblower
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[wakes up]

[doesn’t have too bad of hangover]

[turns on TV]

[Arsenal immediately scores]

[has good feeling about today]

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My ballot has already been received and counted. Voting by mail is the shit.

Game Time Decision

We’ve got a federal election in March, so gonna vote at the early polls next weekend

Horatio Cornblower

“Don’t forget to vote often, too!”

-Bridgeport, CT

yeah right

Same and same. Voting by mail allows a person to sit, research, contemplate and have a drink while voting.

Like a civilized society should be!

blaxabbath

But what if you learn of NEW salacious claims surrounding HUNTER BIDEN?

Horatio Cornblower

Got a flu shot once and spent that season dealing with a series of 24-hour fevers that laid me the fuck out. Haven’t had one since. Or the flu.

Now that I approach the wrong side of 55 I am going to have to change that. Not looking forward to it.

ballsofsteelandfury

You really don’t have to. The key is to be anti social and stay away from people.

Horatio Cornblower

Can do!

yeah right

Get my flu, and now COVID shots simultaneously right around my birthday every October without fail.

Horatio Cornblower

I did get the shingles vaccinations this year. That second shot will lay you the fuck out for a day.

yeah right

Maybe that’s why I stopped at the first shingles shot.

Horatio Cornblower

I think it’s over 50. All I know is Mrs. Horatio had shingles once and that was enough for me to go get two shots.

ballsofsteelandfury

Yeah, it’s over 50. The second shot, like you said, is a bitch, but it’s better than the alternative.

Fronkenshteen

Our little black kitten knocked a paper shopping bag off the counter top, crawled inside it, and has turned himself into an adorable little mini-panther/trapdoor-spider. Batting the big cats right in the nose. So I got that going for me, which is nice.

blaxabbath

OMG DO U FACEBOOK LIVE?????..

Fronkenshteen

Hammers will probably be beat by multiple goals again today, but I’d bet either Ward-Prowse or Kudus manages to find Antonio for at least one West Ham goal today.

Fronkenshteen

Me too, dammit!🤓

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s why you should never turn it off.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Or just put Alexa in charge…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwuiSuX2h8o

Brick Meathook

My retirement math is that I was planning on dying twenty years ago.

Don T

I promised myself to cut the workload after my first stroke.
But I will definitely exploit any and all subsequent disabilities for work stuff. Pity me, respect me, whatever. It’s the paying what’s important, the paying.

Horatio Cornblower

I keep telling my employer that whenever they try to do things to make work “fun”: I am not here for fun. I am here to work in return for a paycheck that clears every two weeks, along with the healthcare. Give me the money you would otherwise spend on whatever HR considers “fun.” I promise you I will make better use of it.

Fronkenshteen

If Paquetá comes back (end of the month) and West Ham is still losing and can’t score, then I’d consider removing Moyes. He’s done an awful lot right.

Fronkenshteen

Right on. I keep pictures of Babe Ruth and Bill Graham in my work space to remind me of the personality and ability I’d like to project to others. I’ll be adding some version of this for the rest of my life. He really does as well as a manager can do against the blood-oil-money clubs, and he does it with class.

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2Pack

Thanks Hippo Sir. This is all we got now so let’s ride! Napoli plays today at 3 here so in a couple of hours. Getting Yeah Right set for a potential trip there in September, where we should program him to look up Marika.

marika-fruscio-9-18.jpg
2Pack

I’d try here first YR.

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2Pack

Also from Napoli. A true World Heritage site.

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Doktor Zymm

Side note: how amazing is it when you can drink the tap water in a place? HERE IS LIFE and it won’t make you die of typhoid or anything

Doktor Zymm

Can’t remember if it’s typhoid or typhus I’m vaxxed against, but it’s probably expired either way so I’ll just avoid lice and untreated water. Seems like a good plan anyhoo

2Pack

I think they are both water bourn, but do not recall for sure. I believe part of the reason I rarely get sick is because I have been inoculated against everything and anything that South America, Africa and the Middle East could throw at me over the past 4 decades.

Brick Meathook

Submariners had to get every vaccination that existed because we were locked tightly together in a can for months and there was no doctor (we did have a highly trained Corpsman though). I never got sick once during my enlistment.

I still have my World Health Organization shot record booklet from my Naval records and since then I have always maintained my proper vaccination status to this day. I filled it up and actually had to start a new one that is stapled to the first one. The first one has a label on the front that has my name and RTC Great Lakes as my address (that was my boot camp).

After I got out I would always have the nurses enter each new vax I got onto the cards, just for souvenir value. The latest entry was a flu vaccine last September.

2Pack

I’ve stopped getting flu shots and have not had an issue with it. People around me come down with it hard, but I seem to just aviod getting it. I do have 1 yellow shot card totally filed out and the second half filed. Covid card is still in the wallet, ran into that the other day looking for an old phone number.

Doktor Zymm

Ended up at a goth night, my youth was adorable. I’m sure there’s a male equivalent, but taking the bra off at the end of a day is true glorious. Also came back to find a bottle of wine as a hotel gift which I see no reason not to open now. Cheers to y’all!

Doktor Zymm

Oh and how sweet are they, it’s the same wine I ordered at the happy hour so they took note of what I like!

2Pack

They are courting your continued patronage.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

When harvesting your personal information goes right…