TGIF! Everyone enjoy their day of leaping? Well, we’re on to March now! The Madness is just around the corner.
Survival – Personal Edition
Ever make the terrible choice to have children? And then have that wonderful sensation of them getting sarcastic with you? Let’s deal with that.
- When that behaviour starts, just ignore it. By not engaging and giving them a reaction they can quickly lose interest.
- Bring attention when their behaviour is obnoxious. Make to point out the specific information that is unacceptable. Also, for fun, keep a yellow flag or card in your back pocket. Then, whip that yellow flag or card out and raise it in the air in front of that child. Explain the information above, then give them a time out in the corner.
- Remove privileges. Start small by reducing screen time and internet time. If necessary, start sending their devices and toys to a “Sass Prison”. Explain in detail why you’re doing this and the good behaviour needed to free their imprisoned stuff.
- Naturally, our natural reaction in these parts would be to sass back and enjoy it quite immensely. Unfortunately, that’s just re-enforcing their behaviour and will make things worse. Also, they’ll just come back with even better sarcasm next time.
- Now you’re probably asking, isn’t this stifling this child’s wit and humour? No! This is teaching them not to sass you and their elders. Instead, try channeling this display of humour into something more productive. Sit them done and watch movies and comedians with sarcastic wit to show them how it’s done successfully and respectfully.
- Remember that children learn from their parents, so try to curtail the sarcasm with others when your children are around. As the famous ad says, “I learned it from YOU!”
Hopefully your child is now a famous comedian and treats you all the proper respect.
Click here to get to commenting
Survival – Species Edition
Time to put the sexy in Friday!
Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to the comments!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfGkhhm4vXw
Red stripe is still solid.
It was the first really beery beer that I liked
I have one of those cans as well.
https://twitter.com/WWE/status/1763737977295933797
Weren’t we just talking about how Phoenix had no reason to exist?
I will find you, and I will kill you.
In the basement pub. Shit week. THIS is when hip hop was stellar.
/shakes fist at clouds
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmj1q67NDAk
Do those clouds look like sausages to you?
Maybe the white ones from Germany. Those ones are good!
Like there’s another coloUr the Germans would consider good.
Horatio, do you have this one?
Goddammit to hell.
As seen in Repo Man!
Damn skippy!
That was actually sold at Ralph’s in the 80s in SoCal.
In the nineties, too. We had it more than a few times when I was in college from 94 to 98.
No, because the best line of that movie isn’t on a T-shirt.
Shitty GF: “Nice friends”
Otto: “Thanks, I made them myself.”
Dudes just gave up. Short shorts are still a thing lads
Oh, the black dude from south carolina who is an Olympian high jumper in 1960 has had a hard life? YOU DON’T SAY
Here’s a bear shitting out a cat:
Bear shoulda paid more attention in Lamaze class
This is why a breach birth goes Caesarean.
Okay, 1960 soviet basketball dude really illustrates the idea of a jaw you could crack walnuts on. Damn, gotta get some walnuts and head back to try it out
I’m not sure what lady number 7 is doing but I like it Mr Ayo.
That’s why she’s my favourite
Ok, no one told me max had weirdass niche shit. Silent shorts with a dude removing his head multiple times? Recaps in Greek of the 1960 Olympics? This is my jam
Oh fuck yeah, weightlifting in a dome time!
There was an olympic weightlifter who worked for the library of Congress? And he’s a humanist! Gotta look up this dude
He lived where I went to high school!
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Bradford_(weightlifter)
Bikers are crazy, the motorcycle types get a bad rap but it’s the non-motorized ones who are the real nutters
It’s the shorts, they cut off the blood flow and you can’t think straight
I am fully of the opinion that 1/3 of bicyclists could be run off the road and into various hard and unyielding objects with no loss to humanity.
I love getting around on the bike. It always makes me feel like I am 8 years old.
Love biking here. Buying a second bike this summer.
It’s a fine hobby. Just don’t pass out from amphetamine use, take a swig of brandy and keep on racing, no matter how tempted you are to keep going since all the bones from your last crash have mostly healed
Swimming is so weird. Never really got the hang of butterfly even though I swam it as a kid. Scissor kicks are where it’s at
It’s fantastic exercise and an absolute test of how well you can tolerate boredom.
And also I’m convinced it gave me tinnitus from all the water that got jammed in my ears.
I tried to do one of those treadmill pools and it’s amazing how quick I got bored. Still a decent swimmer but know I’ll tire too soon to call myself a strong swimmer.
One of SNL’s finest moments.
Saw it live and was stunned. WTF was that? Amazing.
I stopped when I got tinnitus but before then I could go 2500 yard w/o an issue, and it was amazing exercise, but also…why?
Also, having people jump into my lane makes me want to fight faster than being shithead in a game of Asshole.
Some old dickhead jumped into my lane on Wednesday; there were already two of us in it – and there were two other lanes that only had one person in each other them? I have no idea what the fuck that guy’s problem was.
Love swimming, hate sharing lanes. Kind of stopped after a mother sent her kid down my lane without warning, we smashed heads, and I wound up coming out of the pool and inviting the father to embarrass himself in the pool or out of it, his choice.
Really not a great reflection on anyone involved, including yours truly.
Insert…wait, not insert? Scissor joke
Premium? It must be good!
You can’t lie in advertising, that’s just a fact.*
*May not actually be a fact.
https://ibb.co/Zzs8S0s
Giant Foods! The grocery store of my youth
Brick just obviously trying to make me go bankrupt looking for beer-themed T-shirts at this point.
Got Dad the ’33’ T-shirt.
On the plus side his birthday shopping is done.
On the negative side I am almost certainly going to have my credit card information jacked by someone just south of Phnom Penh. Eh, whatever, they could use a break.
They’re probably buying a motorbike and it will change their life so thanks in advance on their behalf
Look, as long as they get the bike and shave the VIN off before I cancel the charge I’m good with it. Stick it to the man, Nguyen!
I HAVE A CAN OF THAT!!!
The torch thing is kinda meh since they split the Olympics methinks
Bought the Black Label t-shirt.
Damn you all to hell, I’m going bankrupt tonight!
/starts looking for Vietnam’s infamous ’33’ beer, which my father has described as the worst beer he ever drank. A lot of.
//finds T-shirt for it immediately.
///GODDAMMIT!!!
Don’t you need a Sean Burke dark Whalers sweater?
You shut your whore mouth.
Full disclosure, I was never a fan of the Whalers dark blues.
Can nae find em China wise. Mark Howe would be tight.
I was partial to the dark blues in the last few seasons
Green/White, Ride or Die.
This right here is a Roughriders fan.
If I have learned one thing, everything is a t shirt
The first movie under “serious cinema” is I Dream of Genie
Block or charge?
Sandwich
clearly within the restricted arc
/and yes, also a sandwich
Do they even make proper trench coats any more?
Too cool to be a hipster thing? Is beige ever that cool?
It’s not a trench coat, but one year for Xmas my wife got me a very nice cowboy-type* duster that I will wear until it rots off of me.
*please note that it is clearly for indoor use and any actual cowboy would whip wholesale ass on me if I called it that on the Wyoming plains.
Eh, you didn’t try to pass it off as an oilskin or something so I won’t add my (incredibly muddy) boot to the mix
Yes, and I have one. The story of me buying it is long and complex, and here it is.
I was searching for the perfect trench coa . . . [dies of heart attack]
“he left some initials traced in the sand!”
“what sand? He didn’t die near a beach”
“that’s the mystery of brick and his trenchcoat”
“Why are there two sets of footprints leading up to the point where the trench coat lands in the sand, then only one set sprinting off into the seas!!?!”
I have a black one that matches a couple suits I have. Havent worn it in a while but I do own one
A romp you say? I think I’m mentally and emotionally up to watching a 1960s era romp. Pink Panther it is
Since we’re all just free-balling here, one of the funniest sit-com scenes ever.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HvmtbZzA40
Even if Marilu has a non-speaking role.
So good.
She jammed the pencil into her hand to try to keep from breaking
That’s awesome. I don’t think I ever noticed that. Danza isn’t even trying at the end, and I don’t blame him a bit.
Kids who sassed in public got slapped or worse. Ahhh…
[looks wistfully towards horizon]
I mean, yes, that was my experience growing up as well.
Hell, my height chart growing up was holes made in the wall with the back of my head.
My kids behaved themselves very well, for a reason.
That said, sassing me back never got them in any trouble, as long as it was funny. Fuck, if you burn me good I’ll tip my hat.
Bunnies and duckies!
BUNS!
Kinda drunk, stoned as is custom. May watch some standup after Deci goes to sleep. Any one recommend anyone ?
Taylor Tomlinson’s first two Netflix specials. Most recent one is good but the first two are great.
saved me the typing
She’s been amazing, but her decision to take a late-night hosting role solidifies my theory that comics, no matter how good they are, have 2, maybe 3 great specials in them and then it’s either trading off those for the rest of their careers or going outside comedy and doing other things.
I think the lifestyle of a standup is just not that great, especially once you’re out of your youthful party days, so successful ones always want to try to parlay that into things that either pay a lot more per hour of effort, and/or let you stay in one place.
I think there’s really only so much creativity in one person in general, but your point definitely plays a huge role in it.
Patton Oswalt is a goddamn genius and has reduced me to tears many times, but listening to him joking about getting paid $50K plus to tell jokes to drunks about his sit-com days just isn’t the same as ‘Sky Cake’
Yeah, and some comics can’t make the transition stylistically. Maybe you’re a big hit in your 20s with material about partying and banging groupies, but when you’re 40 and the audience knows you’re married with kids, are you going to try to turn into Jim Gaffigan with material about parenthood, or keep pretending you’re someone you’re not? And if you do the former, will your audience come along with you?
Very much this. I’m really not aware of anyone, stand-up wise, who pulled that off through a bunch of life transitions.
Chris Rock did.
I respectfully disagree. Rock had a couple of absolute genius stand-ups, (‘Black people vs. word-I-can’t-say’ might be peak comedy), then got caught cheating on his then wife, lost a ton of money in his divorce, and his stand-up since has been little more than making bitter jokes about how women are gold diggers and men are no better than their options. Fuck, his HBO special was him bombing in front of a Baltimore audience.
Carlin had a good long career, but it helped that he didn’t really base a lot of material on his personal life.
Sarah Silverman I think has evolved effectively. I’ll be curious to see if Iliza Schlesinger can.
Carlin is someone I think cruised on his reputation well past his expiration date, but I recognize that I’m a very small minority on that.
Silverman has never been my thing. Comedy is subjective, what can you say.
Schlesinger is the best example, because she’s done, I think, 3 specials and had yet to be anything but hilarious, at least to me. But she’s also getting into acting and might follow the Oswalt route, where she does comedy but uses that to tap into other outlets.
I would agree but think Dave Chappelle is an exception.
We are on to it. She is funny.
Go to YouTube and find everything Norm MacDonald, including his SNL Weekend Update compilations, his internet talk show, and his standup shows.
Seconded. (Also agree with the Tomlinson rec.)
Or dig up an old Richard Lewis special in honor of the recently departed.
I mean, yes, the classics speak for themselves.
Prison sushi!
$17,000 dollars! Well done gal!
I’m not sure I actually like David Lynch, I think I might just like pie and coffee and the song Blue Velvet
How do you feel about Pabst Blue Ribbon?
It’s aight, but overpriced nowadays especially compared to other surviving gramps beers. Will take an old style or schlitz first
For years my brother, father, and I had a bottle of either Schaefer or Schlitz that we swapped between us at various gift-giving occasions. Didn’t happen regularly, (because that would ruin the surprise), but you never quite knew if that obvious bottle-box you were opening was good wine, good Scotch, or a 10+ year-old bottle of Schaefer/Schlitz.
It disappeared after we included my brother-in-law in the tradition and I’m convinced my sister tossed it.
This round of birthdays I might have to find a 40 oz of something horrid and restart that.
https://youtu.be/brpeiH4Iyjo
I am about to do an internet search for “Schaefer Head” with full knowledge of what’s going to happen and with no regrets.
My father always used to crack up at the “Schaefer more than one” ads where someone was scratching a ‘2’ into their second frosted mug of Schaefer. To be truly accurate, the old man said, a shaky finger needed to be scraping a barely decipherable ’31’ into the side of the mug.
I have a giant mug that holds exactly a 6 pack of cans. It’s a Schlitz promo item with a giant question mark on one side. “out of schlitz (giant question mark??) out of beer (normal sized exclamation mark)
It is a proud though useless possesion. I am also happy that I once drank Olympia beer before it folded. Olympia beer, It’s the water!
I couldn’t find the Schaefer Head from the commercial, (a long shot, admittedly), but who has two thumbs and just ordered three of these T-shirts?
This guy!
And no, my brother-in-law isn’t getting one.
Well done!
You know I’m gonna try and get a 12 pack tomorrow
“Hey Mabel, another Black Label!”
Fuck, now I’m off on another T-shirt hunt.
Oh shit, forgot about carlings
It tastes like grass clippings, and I mean that in a good way.
Didn’t buy that shirt.
Yet.
There’s another one with a better representation of Brick’s comment but I didn’t like the way the image came out.
Not sure though. may have to stew on this a bit.
Nah, first one is better. I more know Carlings from the UK, I recall it being kind of a chav beer, but in a sorta good way somehow?
It’s gotta be the first one, right?
Obviously
Black Label is good old man Canadian beer, there shall be no slander on the timeline.
Also on this list is 50 and OV
STUFF I SAW BETWEEN 3:30PM AND 5:30PM TODAY :
A German Navy Enigma machine
https://ibb.co/fH2L6Zh
Richard Petty’s race car
https://ibb.co/h8ptcFY
One of John Ford’s Oscars
https://ibb.co/m9V1MvQ
The Collier Trophy
https://ibb.co/bz7bLNh
A small-block Chevy V-8
https://ibb.co/Msmvzkf
A Douglas DC-7C cockpit
https://ibb.co/W21Q2Jc
James Bond’s Aston Martin DB5 from Goldfinger
https://ibb.co/TcjykWD
Neil Armstrong’s moonwalk space suit from Apollo 11
https://ibb.co/2ZY8Wjk
A vintage fallout shelter sign
https://ibb.co/wNpBhVq
Why were you in my basement?
Man, I’m checking out that chick in the back of the pick-up with her camo pants just tossed to the side and I can just hear the violent argument the two of us are about to have over gun control.
You’re just picking a fight for the makeup sex. She doesn’t even have a gun!
Buddy, if there aren’t 6 guns in that cab there isn’t a Toby Keith CD jammed under the seats either.
Oh, Major League Rugby starts this weekend! Can Americans play rugby? Perhaps!
They hopefully can at least bring some ba-donka-donk!
Second tier sportsmen TRY HARDER. Also, no pesky felonies because they aren’t popular enough to get away with stuff!
Johnny Dangerously mentioned repeatedly below, and it’s Sexy Friday, and no one mentioned Marilu Henner? It’s like I don’t even know you people anymore.
As I get older (and obvs, leave the house less), I have taken to showering at night instead of the morning. The hot water relaxation puts me in a good zen for pre-sleep booky-book time. Only problem is that I can end up blowing it off because I get too tired to do anything (even as easy and enjoyable as showering), and then I feel like a hobo and/or get repulsed by own funk the next day.
I have no idea where I was going with that pointless anecdote. YES, I have taken #4thPill
Other Hippo, remind Hippo to mention the start of F1 season starts tomorrow at 10AM ET (8M DFO time, 7AM best time). Thanks and god bless.
Hey, you want to go into my tomorrow post and add some geekery about driving in a circle? No skin off Hippo’s ass, chuh chuh.
As a lowly author I do nae have such privileges
Demand that Rikki upgrade your Content Miner privileges!
(being upgraded as we speak, because Rikki is everywhere at all times oooooooo)
You do now!
Yeah! Promotion!
With work from home I almost never shower in the morning. During the day I’m going to walk the dog 2-3 miles and go to the gym, (unless I have a bit of a cold, like now: then I’m going to curl up and whine like a 3-year-old), so there’s no point in showering before doing that, just to take another shower.
I’ve always been a night bathing aficionado. It just feels nice to be clean and slip into the sheets and sleep. Why should I be fresh clean for assholes? Sleep is ME time
As a youngster, the limiting reagent for me was that my hair would look like Kosmo Kramer in the morning. But time has allowed me to not give a fuck. And my hair has lost some of its waviness (or at least static electricity) as an old.
I no longer even bother using pomade. Losing a good deal of my life’s work at metrosexuality.
I used to put my hair in a few braids overnight and then it would be wavy in the morning. I’ve gone in and out of effort on my appearance
That’s what I do. The best thing about getting old is that I’m not a greaseball any more. I only wash my hair a couple of times a week, and I don’t sweat much, so if I skip a day’s shower I won’t gross anyone out. I figure I’m good until the incontinence kicks in!
It’s weird how body smells work. I think most people don’t smell nearly as bad as they think except for the people who smell wayyyy worse
Fargin eisholes
You go betty boop ripoff! Explode them cartoon testes!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXInk1PCsc8
Betty’s all ” I’m wiggling my butt over here! Are you some kind of pansy?”
Been a while since I was in Chicago for a whole weekend. Will hafta spend a decent amount of sunday doing more interview prep, but tomorrow I can brunch!
I bet Chi**** is an excellent brunch town.
Practically invented here, I got dozens of bottemless mimosa places within a trebuchet’s toilet toss
In keeping with today’s theme for Request Line, tonight’s workout movie is “30 Days of Night”.
Whilst the young ladies above definitely fit for Sexy Friday, Imma show my love for the Regal Sexy Ladies instead.
Like Helen Mirren
Shohreh Aghdashloo, because her voice alone will destroy weak men.
Helen Mirren’s ass:
I assume BAFTAs are always sexy even though I have no idea what I’m talking about here
Michelle Pfeiffer at any age honestly, but One Fine Day is my favorite. AND she was an architect!
I could write an entire dissertation on Alfre Woodard as Mariah in Luke Cage:
Can’t forget Annette Bening myself
Liam Neeson on first seeing Dame Helen
https://mashable.com/video/liam-neeson-helen-mirren-first-meeting
On a cheerier note, there’s some awesome stuff on Max. Rewatching things I haven’t seen in years. Right now, Johnny Dangerously! Pinstripes need to make yet another comeback. Amazing how health care costs have been just high enough to drive people to crime for the entire last century
I was a bit… What the Victorians would call overwrought earlier, but I still kind of wonder if there might be something to this. I’ve been fortunate in that I haven’t encountered much really overt sexism, but I’ve also run into it and been too willing to dismiss it as something else when it later turned out that yeah, it was sexism. So I’ve kind of been getting the impression in a lot of my interviews that I’m expected to be naturally good at the communication bit, and I’m just not. I’ve worked on it, but if I’m being held to a higher standard on those bits where others are given a pass bec. ause chicks should be good at talking about things then that really blows. And there are certain people where I can tell it’s distinctly not happening, which gives credence to my impression that it does happen. It’s annoyingly unquantifiable. Also I know this is a block of text and borderline unreadable but I’m not gonna fix it.
Hey, it’s the weekend. Get that Leap Year drink, draw the warm tub, and relax for the evening. The overt sexism will still be there next week.
Cheers to that. I had a gin and tonic with some ice that had freezer funk flavor on it, but fresh ice for the next one! And hey, maybe freezer funk has vitamins or somthing? At least I won’t get as much malaria if I time travel back to colonial India
Yeah, that is some bullshit. As a man who hates yard work and knows fuck shit about cars and/or car repair…I get it.
And it sucks like 100x worse to have that icky feeling as a woman, for sure.
I mostly hate that I can’t trust it which seems weird. I don’t want to scapegoat on sexism if it really is something that’s on me, and I also want it to be something I can actually act on and fix, so I’m actually more willing to accept that it’s on me, but eventually the evidence is enough to overcome all that for a bit and that sucks too. I don’t even know anymore, I’m just kind of genrically ugh. Good thing I have a couple days before I have to perform i.e. Interview again
Right? That’s what bigots don’t get – VERY few people want to feel like they are “playing the woman/race card” even when it is 100% merited.
Performing is a good way to describe the interview process. It’s really exhausting, especially for introverts.
As an aside, you would have fit like a glove in my undergraduate environmental engineering crowd. We made a seamless project team because it was all womenfolk who preferred to do page after page of calculations, then walk me through it enough so I could write a competent report. We were all soooooo against type.
Really miss that group. It was the most at home in the real world that I’ve ever felt.
I love that
https://ibb.co/y6C01MD
The levels of chemistry that Hippo was not smart enough to have to learn.
Chemistry is mostly good for bad jokes and making fun of chemists
Sexy Friday Appropriate?
Seems like a good way to get lockjaw.
.
First off, a big thank you to the inventors of birth control who have allowed me to have irresponsible sex that probably still had emotional consequences but at least didn’t have pregnancy type consquences.
If I did encounter this situation, I would probably deadpan it. Nothing kills sarcasm like having to explain you were being sarcastic. For reference, see the entire internet and/or comic book guy from the simpsons
My my Lucky 7!
See, Balls and I would be good wingmen, because we gravitate towards different types. Except that I am repellent both physically and in my personality.
I’m a fantastic wingperson as ladies trust other ladies when we say you’re actually awesome. It’s a bit nontraditional though, so can be weird initially
But doesn’t the higher calling towards the sisterhood win out?? Oh honey, you can DO BETTER.
They probably can’t though, I think I have pretty decent dudes as my friends, and self-deprecate all you want, but you don’t know the absolute crap that is out there
Hippo really shouldn’t be so hard on himself.
We do have totally different types. We would be perfect wingmen!
Shoulders in the kitchen? Hippo likey. That white lace bra shows off the (not overdone) tan nicely, too.