Sexy Friday – 20240308

TGIF! Hopefully you didn’t get Franchise Tagged this week and can negotiate a fair market value contract for the upcoming year!

Survival – Personal Edition

Let’s say you’re going on a business trip. Except your cheap ass company has booked you into a cheap ass hotel. Sure, that’s better than a motel, but still. Anyway, here’s some tips to endure that cheap ass hotel.

  • On check-in ask for a room in a quiet location. That means the room shouldn’t be near elevators, ice machines, vending machines, the parking lot, or the noisy bar. Also, try to get a room at the end of a hall where there’s less foot traffic.
  • Once you get to your room, don’t unpack yet. First go around and make sure everything works. Check heating/air conditioning depending on the season. Check all lights, the television, and the water pressure in the shower. If anything is not up to par, ask for a different room.
  • Remove the bedspread and make sure the sheets are clean. The bedspread and sheets are also probably really thin, so be prepared to use the room towels for extra warmth. Call the front desk for extra towels if needed.
  • Clip the curtains closed. When closed there is going to be a gap that lets in too much light. Use pins, tape, binder clips, or needles from a sewing kit to secure them. Also, carry a sleep mask for extreme situations.
  • Check the mattress firmness. If it’s too soft, place in on the floor for the extra support.
  • Check the clock in the room. Make sure the alarm is not set for some stupid early time, or set at all really. Use your cell phone for an alarm if needed. Do not rely on wake-up service as it can be unreliable at these cheap ass hotels.
  • Plan your morning shower. Some cheap ass hotels will run out of hot water sometime between 7am and 9am, so be ready to shower before or after that rush hour window.
  • Travel with two small rubber doorstops. Wedge them under the door to your room and under the door to the adjacent room.
  • Make sure to bring your own snacks and beverages. There’s no guarantee that cheap ass hotel will have anything available for you.

Now, go forth, and kick some ass doing business so you can demand better accommodations on the next trip.

Click here to get to commenting

Survival – Species Edition

Time to put the sexy in Friday!

Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to the comments!

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Mr. Ayo
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Brick Meathook

SCORE!

I just won $12 in the Mega Millions drawing tonight, on a $9 bet! That’s like $3 profit!

I am totally going to Party Down and get all the hookers and blow and booze and fast cars and a color TV and all the extra deluxe I can find! The rest I’ll invest in blue chip stocks, but I’ll set a portion aside and play around with some of the riskier stuff. No pain no gain! I’ll probably look into investment-grade real estate as well, or maybe park it in a hedge fund.

God Bless America

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I realize that just about anyone could be a “sin eater” type; just get blackout drunk and people could unload their darkest secrets on you without worrying that it’ll come back to haunt them or you.

WCS
2Pack

This really works

TheRevanchist

Of the colleges my son applied to, his only rejection so far is UC Irvine. Fucking Anteaters.

yeah right

Oh Spam gonna have some words.

WCS
TheRevanchist

He’s not even full spam. He’s only a son of spam on his mother’s side. I ain’t scared of him!

*runs away fast

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My niece got rejected at [School A] and accepted at [much more respectable School B]. There’s not telling how all this stuff works.

TheRevanchist

He got accepted at another UC and all the Cal State schools so far. We are still waiting to hear from Cal Poly and Fresno State, my two top choices for him.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

HI I’M MARK DAVIS AND I WENT TO FRESNO STATE TOO!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

(actually it was Chico State, but I’ll never let facts get in the way of an attempt at a joke)

TheRevanchist

My buddy went to Chico. I don’t want to make fun of him, but the urge is strong. Would be a bit different if I wasn’t his mentor.

Brick Meathook

I hope you didn’t leave out UC Santa Cruz. He could be a Banana Slug.

TheRevanchist

Left it out. We hate the city of Santa Cruz (sorry not sorry).

Brick Meathook

There’s a lot to hate there!

yeah right

This week just didn’t want to end properly but I made it through 2 downpours and 5 daily round trip commutes on the 405.

My new hire signed the acceptance letter and is in background check and hopefully about a week out from joining the team.

I really think she’s going to be a big part of this before all is said and done.

Not easily impressed with most applicants lately but I was impressed.

Brick Meathook

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yeah right

Now I want a shot of moonshine.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You know, if I had a halfway decent book to read, I probably wouldn’t have another glass of wine. But I don’t, so I guess I’ve got no other option.

yeah right

Try Verdigris by Michele Mari.

Promise.

SonOfSpam

Lakers beat Greek Freaks by a point without LeBron; The’Angelo Russell got 44. Sweet game.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Huh. I didn’t know that Balls was involved with a professional basketball team.

TheRevanchist

On the women’s BB side, USC /UCLA is heading to OT!

TheRevanchist

Juju Watkins is down! She is being helped off. If she is out, USC is done.

2Pack

Nice spread and sound travel dawg advice Mr Ayo. Here’s Pam for no special reason.

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Brick Meathook

That’s a nice blower there.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Videotaping this crime spree is the best idea we’ve ever had!”

https://streamable.com/p5a98r

Horatio Cornblower

Gee, I sure hope the police don’t see through their clever disguises.

ballsofsteelandfury

THE BLAX HAS LANDED! REPEAT. THE BLAX HAS LANDED!

blaxabbath

This is true.

Horatio Cornblower

Sounds like an alarm one would hear on Staten Island.

ballsofsteelandfury

Blax is 4000 feet over the sexy coeds of ASU.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Sounds like a film that Rex Ryan would be interested in watching.

ballsofsteelandfury

Blax’ flight just got cut off by another Southwest plane just like in the Calvin and Hobbes comic below.

ballsofsteelandfury

7000 feet and counting. Touchdown in 5 minutes.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

When you said 2333 yards until touchdown, I thought you were talking about the jets.

No, I mean I know you were talking about jets, I meant a different kind of jets. The New York Jets.

Horatio Cornblower

Touchdown with the plane or via parachute?

ballsofsteelandfury

Blax is at 10,000 feet on final descent.

ballsofsteelandfury

Well, we hope not

Gumbygirl

I just got a message from the HOA that sez Spectrum is going to give us a bulk rate of 30 dollars/month for 1 gig of internet. For 5 years. I’m paying 73 now, for 300 up/300 down. This sounds waaaaaaaay too good to be true. There’s a meeting with them on the 16th. I will be there.

blaxabbath

Up to…

1 gig

Gumbygirl

Yeah, it’s Spectrum, so you know they’re full of shit. But if it at least matches what I have, which is plenty for our purposes, it would save me quite a bit of money.

2Pack

Did they just retro fit with fiber cable perhaps? 10 years back when they did that in our hood we emerged from the store age.

Gumbygirl

Another company tried to come in earlier this year and wanted to put fiber in, but the HOA said no because they just repaved all the streets. I don’t know what Spectrum’s plan involves, all I saw was a basic agenda for the meeting on the 16th. It said 1 gig, free modems, 5yr contract, 30 bucks a month. We shall see.

Gumbygirl

I have Spectrum currently. Why would they want less money from me? There are 142 houses here, many of them snowbirds. I’d be surprised if most of us don’t already have their service, there aren’t a ton of choices here. Fios and TMobile are the only others I know of.

2Pack

Pity it makes a huge difference. Your issues every 3-6 weeks simply melt away.

Gumbygirl

I’ve been here 2 years, my internet is pretty reliable. It has gone out like 2 or 3 times, and that’s been briefly when it’s been exceptionally windy. We had gusts the other day over 70mph and it stayed on.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fun fact: “emerging from storage” is how Jim Tomsula starts his morning when he’s decided to take a break from riding the rails for a while and take up residence at the U-Stor-It facility.

2Pack

Stone age… fuckin auto correct…

Brick Meathook

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Debating whether to tell the Dr. Mrs. the terrible secret from my past.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

(the real secret is that I used a BOGO coupon for Carl’s Jr. burgers at lunchtime and that’s why I didn’t have much of an appetite for dinner tonight)

Gumbygirl

This might be the future Mr. Gumbygirl, when Gumby shuffles off this mortal coil.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t use the word “hero” very often…

Gumbygirl

The only way it could be better is if he was nekkid when he was meatslapping. Fuck those vegans!

Horatio Cornblower

Watching the first couple of season of ‘Vikings’ and it strikes me that Kathryn Winnick, (a Canuck!) deserves a spot on Sexy Friday.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hers can be the followup to the much-anticipated Riley Dandy edition.

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BugEyedBoo

TIL that baby carrots are really full-sized carrots cut to length and carved into shape.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wait, really?

[think BugEyedBoo might be pulling his leg]

[looks it up]

Yes, really!

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/the-secret-behind-baby-carrots/

Last edited 9 months ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Brick Meathook

blaxxabath has crossed over into the unknown airspace of the New Mexico Territory.

https://ibb.co/jWZPNXw

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I saw a suggestion that instead of doing a parody of it, SNL should just run Katie Britt’s actual response to the SOTU and just add sound effects to make it sound like it’s being done in front of a live studio audience.

Horatio Cornblower

I can’t watch more than a minute of it. It’s just so, so awful.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Self-flagellation for having missed this (a DOUBLE SHOT, even) last week.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_CJHbfkROow

Brick Meathook

blaxxabath’s plane (SWA196) is taxiing to the runway at COS right now:

https://ibb.co/QddY0Wd

ballsofsteelandfury

LOVE the Flight radar app!

Brick Meathook

Now it’s on the runway on the other side of the airport. This pilot might be lost or drunk.

https://ibb.co/tpWXQkn

WCS

They can be both!

ballsofsteelandfury

Flying over Colorado City now

ballsofsteelandfury

There’s like three planes going towards the same spot and Blax is on one of them.

They’re approximately 2000 feet apart in altitude

Last edited 9 months ago by ballsofsteelandfury
ballsofsteelandfury

Happy to report no collisions

WCS

ATC sucks

Brick Meathook

My bad, that was the wrong plane. SWA196 is aloft at 35000 ft.

https://ibb.co/Fz7tfr7

Brick Meathook

This is like following the Apollo 11 moon landing; the excitement is palpable. I hope blaxxabath logs into wifi so we can send course correction updates that he can relay to the pilots via notes scrawled onto cocktail napkins.

Horatio Cornblower

“No, no, these idiots I follow on a football and dick joke blog, say that we’re lost. You need to fix this, now!”

Gumbygirl

Pull over and get directions!

Brick Meathook

Passenger sez:

PUSH THE BUTTON

Horatio Cornblower

Discussing politics with my brother and father and we’re in agreement that if, when Marjorie “I’m A Stupid Twat” Greene yelled something at him, Biden stepped to the side of the podium and said “Shut that cunt’s mouth or I’ll come over there and fuck start her head” he’d win the Electoral College 500-35.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xsaMcw69D8

scotchnaut

I think I’m winning the non-existent “Friday Sucks” award.

12:20PM: [Tells employee that he’s done, hand over your keys, etc.]

2:20PM: [sitting in a dentist chair, waiting for the freezing to take effect so that he can pull a cracked molar]

WCS

You’re saying it’s probably detrimental to one’s health to be a drifter in Ontario this weekend?

Game Time Decision

I always wonder how many peeps have no clue where the drifter in Ontario thing comes from

Last edited 9 months ago by Game Time Decision
WCS

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King Hippo

We really should go back and print them in booky-book format

Gumbygirl

Did you get any good painkillers?

scotchnaut

Nope. But there’s a lot of leftover pills from the kiddies getting their skulls cracked open. Yay!?

King Hippo

somebody wants a Hippo Visit!

Gumbygirl

Yay!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I just saw an ad for a drug called “Arexvy”. It sounds like it would be boner pills, right? But it’s not.

blaxabbath

Ok i got on my plane. Time to stop jokes about this particular aircraft crashing today.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

On Wednesday my MIL’s plane had to divert from Burbank to…get this…LAX.

Brick Meathook

I once went to Google Flights and looked up a trip from LAX to Burbank via commercial airliners. The result was an 18 hour trip that went through Oakland AND Salt Lake City.

ballsofsteelandfury

Still faster and cheaper than an Uber.

Horatio Cornblower

/just finished book about The Lusitania

MY TIME TO SHINE!!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Horatio Cornblower

I am going to burn down every Wendy’s I can find and at my trial I am going to testify, truthfully mind you, that that goddamn ‘go dancing go dancing’ ad drove me to it and I guarantee the jury will find me not guilty.

WCS

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Horatio Cornblower

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Last edited 9 months ago by Horatio Cornblower
WCS

SRTONG TAEK

WCS

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Brick Meathook

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WCS

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Brick Meathook

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Gumbygirl

Wheeeeee!

WCS

That was my exact reaction.

ballsofsteelandfury

It wasn’t the surge pricing bullshit?

Horatio Cornblower

That was bad, but this current ad campaign is a crime against humanity.

Horatio Cornblower

It’s not that song.

If they incorporated that song into the ad I’d probably be at Wendy’s right now, ordering a triple bacon cheeseburger.

Redshirt

Sexy Friday Appropriate?

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ballsofsteelandfury

It’s that Lowratio?

WCS

It is now.

Horatio Cornblower

Goddammit.

WCS

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Horatio Cornblower

Did Girl #2 lose a quarter or something?

Gumbygirl

I had questions about that one too. Like, is she leaning over a crib? “Here baby, I got something for that diaper rash!”

Ok, that was uncalled for. Sorry.

ballsofsteelandfury

Never apologize

King Hippo

I pondered this for Request Line (what’s holier than GETTING SAVED?), but this song fits here because sexy af.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgjqhGjUIb0

/always wanted this played at the strip club (back before we realized how crazy strip clubs are, from a germ perspective)

Last edited 9 months ago by King Hippo
blaxabbath

Oh man! Hilton Garden Inn i checked out of this morning!

No free continental breakfast.
My wake up call did not call.
TV did not have signal.
No water pressure. Inadequate HEAT.
No closet bar (for open closet) and hangars stacked on shelf.
Seriously had to work the curtains closure because they were all long and the heater was under the window.
I don’t know what’s with their wifi but my phone as a hotspot provided better service.
About 2 of each towel (bad towels).

Staff was nice and the hot coffee was good. Will return.

Oh, and I couldn’t get the king bed room I reserved because just unavailable.

Last edited 9 months ago by blaxabbath
blaxabbath

Oh! No freezer in the mini fridge and no turntable in thw microwave!

Horatio Cornblower

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Last edited 9 months ago by Horatio Cornblower
King Hippo

great shoulder work this week! And look forward to F1/footy-less Saturday!

/unless you forget

//readies bullwhip

King Hippo

so help me Zuul, if you jink City of Men…

ballsofsteelandfury

Number 1 is an amazing picture

King Hippo

We are in full agreement on Ms. Sandy Nipples!