I am not watching, but Scotchy’s work ethic called and the content monster shall not rest. So you get the below half-assedry!
10MW Colorado State (+2.5) v. 7MW Texas (6:50, TNT)
I feel like this is an animal-fondler Derby. One knows all the Texas jokes already, but have you BEEN to Fort Collins? What else are you gonna do, if not interested in talking about how Jesus Gets Us!
14S Oakland (+13.5) v. 3S Kenfucky (7:10, CBS)
As spam rightly (and hilariously noted), the underdog side are basically the hardwoom embodiment of Imposter Syndrome. But on the bright side, they now have the same number of professional sportsball franchises as the real Oaktown! Calipari by 20+ here.
12MW McNeese nee State (+6.5) v. 5MW Gonzaga (7:25, TBS)
Will “Strong-Ass Offer” Wade takes his silly, re-named(ish) team up against the formerly-relevenat-but-now-a-shell-of-they-former-selves Zags. Hilarity to ensue.
15E South Dakota State (+15.5) v. 2E Iowa State (7:35, truTV)
Every goddamned year, I fall for one of the Montana/Dakotas teams, and every year, they get smashed into a bloody pulp. Honestly, I had no idea Cornpone State was any good at all.
15MW St. Peter’s v. 2MW Tennessee (9:20, TNT)
Heh, St. PETER’s. Peckers up, lads! Rick Barnes won’t be able to make this one interesting.
11S NC State (+4.5) v. 6S Texas Tech (9:40, CBS)
These are two ideologically similar universities/paranoid fanbases, except (i) we Wolven Sort never had a Mike Leach experience to enjoy; and (ii) Guns Up!! have been relevant in basketball this century. I appreciate the ACC being shitty enough for us to finally hang a banner this year, though. #StillNotWatching
13MW Samford (+7.5) v. 4MW Kansas (9:55, TBS)
Wowzers. Not only did Rock Chalk not win the Big Twaaaaalllllve (regular season or torneo) for like the first time in EVAR, but they are only single-digit faves against their opening round minnow foe. But Samford is interesting, as they play 10 guys on the regular, and press like maniacs. Maybe worth a watch, maybe they get ther shit pushed in. Great analysis, I know.
10E Drake (-1.5) v. 7E Washington State (10:05, truTV)
Do we hate the Drake? One suspects Cream Abdul-Jabbar surely does. Valley teams almost always show up, and who knows what the PAC-2’s lone entrant is really capable of. Remember when Tony Bennett made the Sweet Sixteen with the Cougs? The above-pictured gals don’t.
Samford is done
…or ARE they?
I also said they were done, and when have I ever been wrong?
I have to be honest, I haven’t watched as much college hoops as normal because UCLA but I recorded the late game and they pulled me back in!
And Kansas is thisclose to blowing it. C’mon Kansas, you can do it (choke)!
I don’t think the combo of Sam and Ford can pull this off.
Much like the Oakland game I feel like Samford just doesn’t have the guys to pull this out, and much like the Oakland game I hope I look very stupid in 10 minutes or so.
I messaged twbs thank you
Important to show gratitude where appropriate
Agreed. I will text him again when I need them to roll Oakland.
Don’t forget to close the Oujia board!
The Hippo Seamuses just made Litre some loonies!!!
LETS GOOO FAT GUY!!!
Thanks buddy, I’m doing fine.
Go Birds.
/fist bump
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4m5jQy5A2U
The Custom House in Brooklyn Heights is fantastic for at least 2 reasons:
1. I love their Buffalo chicken wrap, which has a nice kick and uses grilled chicken instead of fried.
2. It’s right next door to the church we have rehearsal.
Looks like it’s gonna be a rough couple of weeks in The Bluegrass State
https://twitter.com/NoEscalators/status/1771006507192119514/photo/1
I’d like to report a murder.
https://twitter.com/mtosc98/status/1770995658574483618
That’s quite good. I assumed my bracket was ruined because I had UK in the finals in my preview, but in my money pool I have them losing to Houston. SECOND LIFE!
RE: Kentucky fans
Like they’d even second-guess it.
Like Disraeli said, poon is poon
To be fair, if you based your bracket on UK, you only have yourself to blame.
Friend of mine just lost 1/4 of his Final Four.
I’ve been berating him since.
#metoo
3/17 DFO pool participants!
My rando bracket is now toast
To be fair!
https://youtu.be/dRlXYe8vo2M?si=CKQDnO4hDfJh6UqU
Dear TWBS,
I have kept your FF league alive and sent every winner a shitty bottle of vodka and a Big Turk. I need your almond matter to win for 300 dollars. Do what you can.
litre
That’s some good gambling-begging.
I legit messaged him on slack for help here.
So you went money line?
Yes sir. 3rd game on a parlay
Well, I picked Tech so you should be good.
Legit, my buddy changed the 3rd team from Dayton to this one. He is feeling heat as it is a shared ticket. (is custom)
Yikes, he was probably feeling SMRT most of the Dayton game.
Oh he be smug at halftime.
When I grow up, my almond matter will be Bovine Univerisity!
Well, I don’t think St. Peter’s is going to go to the Flacco Eight this year.
Might not make it to halftime.
…. how have I never seen this before….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?si=rqi1oN3GXxhOqQhl&v=NH_qCH4PeZ4&feature=youtu.be
Boy this did NOT age well
I like it.
Ok. Malort.
“Smells like straight alcohol, gross. Does not smell appealing. ” – Mrs. Cola.
Smells pretty herbaceoUs to me, like a soft wormwood or tree.
I mean I have had worse right?
“you now we have parent-teachers tomorrow right?”
/have had 2 bottles of wine and am now entrenched
Taste not harsh at all, kind of Eastern Euro.
Sweet fuck the after taste is like sucking on a rusty screwdriver that was used to kill babies. What in the fuck is that?????
Someday I have to try this magical elixir.
4-0 at games this year WOOOOO
Too bad Flyera had the gall to lose in OT.
Also this, obligatorily:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OGjo1JjXsLU
BAHAHAHAHA STUPID KENTUCKY!
-America, after Rand Paul was elected
You really don’t need any words there after “America”
https://ibb.co/TmQC0hc
Need more of that. Team Bull all the way. The world needs more dead matadors.
https://twitter.com/BpenfieldJ/status/1770887509452497118
My cousins are natives of Oakland County, Michigan.
My aunt taught a young John Calipari in elementary school.
These have been your true, useless WCS facts.
I mean, if bad stuff happens to you now I feel more sympathetic due to your crap backround?
“Fire Cal” trending on Twitter.
https://ibb.co/hZrYRbp
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GaHdzujBRyI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7-no8QqeUc
I approve of Yinzburgh and Dookwezznee hosting a Tournament upset.
Bonus points for ruining Yinzburgh’s own John Calipari’s season.
Oakland’s coach looks like he might share bunk space with Jim Tomsula and his bindle.
So long Kenfucky. Thanks for coming out!
So to get out of that lifetime contract, do they have to kill Calipari?
No jury in Kentucky would convict the murderer.
WE ARE AT FULL PLAID IN PITTSBURGH! I REPEAT, FULL PLAID IN PITTSBURGH!!
Why is beer so much better in glasses?
The carbonatation and physics.
Just like women.
/fetishey
Better access to the smell of it, enhances the flavoUr.
Just like women
I think it’d be okay wearing contacts too.
The pour helps to aerate the beer and thus make it taste better
Oakland’s PG looks like an investment banker.
“Come On Oakland!”
Brick: “Sure. Is Saturday afternoon okay? Around 4?”
Deci in bed in 30 mins. Then it is Malort time.
DOOOOO IT
shit its time soon.
As much as I’d love to see Kentucky and Calipari go home in the 1st round I cannot see Oakland keeping this up.
As anodyne as I made my previews, I still managed to get absolutely everything wrong. Kind of perversely impressive, no?
I mean, I don’t see Oakland losing by 14.
BAHAHAHAHA STUPID HORATIO!
I’ll take “Things Said By Law Professors From 1991-1994 In Hartford Connecticut” for $400, Alex
Found a joke:
Me: Jesus, you gotta stop giving me your toughest battles
Jesus: just fold the laundry man. You already washed and dried it, just one more step
Hey! Good news folks, the Internet is done.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-d-L9dx_yA&ab_channel=TheTRYChannel
Traditional Irish food from 1848.
Million dollar idea, folks. Laudanum-infused coffee.
I’ll work up the numbers but you gotta pitch it because only 2% of VC goes to ladyfolk
You can explain all the intricate parts, then I can be all liek okay sweetie, the MEN are going to talk now
/then I assume we all just stare into space and try to feel important? Sounds rite for VC-world
Deal
YES, she is indeed my dream woman (2nd only to Sweet Dee).
/excellent callback too
OMG! My Wife is Sleeping With My Nephew!- He’s 12 years old, the rest of his family is away. He doesn’t like to sleep alone so Wifey sleeps in the bed next to him.
/did that sound click-baity?
12 years old? Make him sleep outside.
Close, but you gave exonerating details instead of linking to a paywall
I’m old school like that.
It’s only click baity if you’re into that stuff
.
Ok. Better second period.
told you that Moon Goddess meditation would help
“Sheesh, I can’t even *remember* the last time I had a second period.” – Tiffany Rivers
I ate too much delicious pizza
Bullshit you did. That’s like oh, we have too much weed, or pills for those involved.
Maybe not too much, just too quickly. Either way I am very full and have less for later
I’ve started having nightmares on #ShamePizza nights. I may have noted before, but my brain really hates me.
Oh I’m not going to have nightmares, I’m just gonna be one of those boa constrictors you see that can’t move for a couple days because of the incredibly ambitious meal distending their body
Said no one ever
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THDc2MAMwok
My version of Bob Belcher’s “daytime whiskey” is nighttime coffee. Which I am preparing right now.
DAy drunk wooooooo
Pretty sure my women’s bracket is doing much better, since they ain’t started playing yet.
You have a woman’s bracket???
DEATH BY SNU SNU
Yes, my bracket is spotless, and I’m told most players think I’m handsome.
They take so long to warm up, amirite?
ANNOUNCER: One spurt could be a problem.
TIFFANY RIVERS: Tell me about it…
“Uhh, Rikki, you spelled ‘Yet Another Opportunity to Spread For God’s Gospel’ wrong.”
-T.R.
Jonathan quick better be slapping people in the room between periods
“Seriously? TIL goalies get periods.”
-B. Shapiro
THIS GUY MR. AYO I CALL HIM BEN SHAPIRO BECAUSE THE INDOOR SPACE WHERE HE SPENDS MOST OF HIS NIGHTS IS BEST DESCRIBED AS “FRIGID”.
Not a good start.
Japan is weird
You mean other than light wire fraud?
Started watching Tokyo Vice, kind of want to eat some tonkatsu ramen and not be stabbed now
I’ve been watching that show. I like it a lot. But yeah, Japan is SUPER weird. And I’ve been there too.
It’s the closest we will ever get to landing on another planet
Yeah, it’s a really fun place to visit but it is very clear how much of an outsider you are. Even moreso than Korea or even China.
“Wanna bet?”
-S. Ohtani, I MEAN MY INTERPRETER HA HA
That whole thing is EXTRA weird, Japan weird PLUS America weird
That Oakland is also the one where the parents were just held criminally responsible for their kid’s mass shooting. Although the kid was also tried as an adult and given a life sentence which doesn’t seem to quite square, but I guess since we are a punishment based system it doesn’t matter if the responsibility adds up to more than 100%
Stop with the mathing-JAIL EVERYONE INVOLVED IN MASS SHOOTINGS-IT’S NOT HARD!
Was the bad person allowed to have a gun?
If no, JAIL THE PERSON(S) WHO ALLOWED THEM TO GET THE GUN!
If yes, continue.
Is there an apparent flaw in the legal process to give this person a gun?
If yes, FIX THE LAWS!
If no, continue.
Is this the third time you’ve reach this point in a month?
If yes, RE-EXAMINE THE PROCESS AND LAWS!
Depending on your definition of involved we should be jailing dozens more people per shooting then. And it’ll all be ineffective because getting at root causes is hard and no one wants to do it. But this is way too serious when we should be talking about shooting HOOPS and masses of them although stupid Oregon ruined my bracket
Of course Nevada would be the first school to have a brief fling with March Madness only to end with an embarrassingly fast divorce.
I’m just happy that the Smartest Coach on Earth years are behind us so that I can watch some *other* Nevada-based team blow a 17-point second half lead.
It won’t be really impressive until the Golden Knights do it
Does 2019 Game 7 against the Sharks count? (Four goals given up during a five-minute major, turning a 3-0 lead to a 4-3 deficit, losing 5-4 in OT.)