Evening Hoopsball Thread

I am not watching, but Scotchy’s work ethic called and the content monster shall not rest.  So you get the below half-assedry!

10MW Colorado State (+2.5) v. 7MW Texas (6:50, TNT)

I feel like this is an animal-fondler Derby.  One knows all the Texas jokes already, but have you BEEN to Fort Collins?  What else are you gonna do, if not interested in talking about how Jesus Gets Us!

14S Oakland (+13.5) v. 3S Kenfucky (7:10, CBS)

As spam rightly (and hilariously noted), the underdog side are basically the hardwoom embodiment of Imposter Syndrome.  But on the bright side, they now have the same number of professional sportsball franchises as the real Oaktown!  Calipari by 20+ here.

12MW McNeese nee State (+6.5) v. 5MW Gonzaga (7:25, TBS)

Will “Strong-Ass Offer” Wade takes his silly, re-named(ish) team up against the formerly-relevenat-but-now-a-shell-of-they-former-selves Zags.  Hilarity to ensue.

15E South Dakota State (+15.5) v. 2E Iowa State (7:35, truTV)

Every goddamned year, I fall for one of the Montana/Dakotas teams, and every year, they get smashed into a bloody pulp.  Honestly, I had no idea Cornpone State was any good at all.

15MW St. Peter’s v. 2MW Tennessee (9:20, TNT)

Heh, St. PETER’s.  Peckers up, lads!  Rick Barnes won’t be able to make this one interesting.

11S NC State (+4.5) v. 6S Texas Tech (9:40, CBS)

These are two ideologically similar universities/paranoid fanbases, except (i) we Wolven Sort never had a Mike Leach experience to enjoy; and (ii) Guns Up!! have been relevant in basketball this century.  I appreciate the ACC being shitty enough for us to finally hang a banner this year, though.  #StillNotWatching

13MW Samford (+7.5) v. 4MW Kansas (9:55, TBS)

Wowzers.  Not only did Rock Chalk not win the Big Twaaaaalllllve (regular season or torneo) for like the first time in EVAR, but they are only single-digit faves against their opening round minnow foe.  But Samford is interesting, as they play 10 guys on the regular, and press like maniacs.  Maybe worth a watch, maybe they get ther shit pushed in.  Great analysis, I know.

10E Drake (-1.5) v. 7E Washington State (10:05, truTV)

Do we hate the Drake?  One suspects Cream Abdul-Jabbar surely does.  Valley teams almost always show up, and who knows what the PAC-2’s lone entrant is really capable of. Remember when Tony Bennett made the Sweet Sixteen with the Cougs?  The above-pictured gals don’t.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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litre_cola

Samford is done

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

…or ARE they?

Mr. Ayo

I also said they were done, and when have I ever been wrong?

Last edited 7 months ago by Mr. Ayo
yeah right

I have to be honest, I haven’t watched as much college hoops as normal because UCLA but I recorded the late game and they pulled me back in!

SonOfSpam

And Kansas is thisclose to blowing it. C’mon Kansas, you can do it (choke)!

Mr. Ayo

I don’t think the combo of Sam and Ford can pull this off.

Horatio Cornblower

Much like the Oakland game I feel like Samford just doesn’t have the guys to pull this out, and much like the Oakland game I hope I look very stupid in 10 minutes or so.

litre_cola

I messaged twbs thank you

SonOfSpam

Important to show gratitude where appropriate

litre_cola

Agreed. I will text him again when I need them to roll Oakland.

Horatio Cornblower

Don’t forget to close the Oujia board!

SonOfSpam

The Hippo Seamuses just made Litre some loonies!!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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litre_cola

LETS GOOO FAT GUY!!!

SonOfSpam

Thanks buddy, I’m doing fine.

litre_cola

Go Birds.

/fist bump

litre_cola
Senor Weaselo

The Custom House in Brooklyn Heights is fantastic for at least 2 reasons:

1. I love their Buffalo chicken wrap, which has a nice kick and uses grilled chicken instead of fried.
2. It’s right next door to the church we have rehearsal.

Horatio Cornblower

Looks like it’s gonna be a rough couple of weeks in The Bluegrass State

https://twitter.com/NoEscalators/status/1771006507192119514/photo/1

Horatio Cornblower
SonOfSpam

That’s quite good. I assumed my bracket was ruined because I had UK in the finals in my preview, but in my money pool I have them losing to Houston. SECOND LIFE!

Redshirt

RE: Kentucky fans

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Horatio Cornblower

Like they’d even second-guess it.

SonOfSpam

Like Disraeli said, poon is poon

Redshirt

To be fair, if you based your bracket on UK, you only have yourself to blame.

Horatio Cornblower

Friend of mine just lost 1/4 of his Final Four.

I’ve been berating him since.

litre_cola

#metoo

Game Time Decision

My rando bracket is now toast

yeah right

To be fair!

litre_cola

Dear TWBS,

I have kept your FF league alive and sent every winner a shitty bottle of vodka and a Big Turk. I need your almond matter to win for 300 dollars. Do what you can.

litre

SonOfSpam

That’s some good gambling-begging.

litre_cola

I legit messaged him on slack for help here.

SonOfSpam

So you went money line?

litre_cola

Yes sir. 3rd game on a parlay

SonOfSpam

Well, I picked Tech so you should be good.

litre_cola

Legit, my buddy changed the 3rd team from Dayton to this one. He is feeling heat as it is a shared ticket. (is custom)

SonOfSpam

Yikes, he was probably feeling SMRT most of the Dayton game.

litre_cola

Oh he be smug at halftime.

WCS

When I grow up, my almond matter will be Bovine Univerisity!

Senor Weaselo

Well, I don’t think St. Peter’s is going to go to the Flacco Eight this year.

SonOfSpam

Might not make it to halftime.

Brocky

…. how have I never seen this before….

https://www.youtube.com/watch?si=rqi1oN3GXxhOqQhl&v=NH_qCH4PeZ4&feature=youtu.be

Boy this did NOT age well

blaxabbath

I like it.

litre_cola

Ok. Malort.

litre_cola

“Smells like straight alcohol, gross. Does not smell appealing. ” – Mrs. Cola.

Smells pretty herbaceoUs to me, like a soft wormwood or tree.

I mean I have had worse right?

litre_cola

“you now we have parent-teachers tomorrow right?”

/have had 2 bottles of wine and am now entrenched

litre_cola

Taste not harsh at all, kind of Eastern Euro.

Sweet fuck the after taste is like sucking on a rusty screwdriver that was used to kill babies. What in the fuck is that?????

Horatio Cornblower

Someday I have to try this magical elixir.

Sharkbait

4-0 at games this year WOOOOO

Senor Weaselo

Too bad Flyera had the gall to lose in OT.

Senor Weaselo
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

BAHAHAHAHA STUPID KENTUCKY!

SonOfSpam

-America, after Rand Paul was elected

Horatio Cornblower

You really don’t need any words there after “America”

Brick Meathook
WCS

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Horatio Cornblower

Need more of that. Team Bull all the way. The world needs more dead matadors.

Brocky

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WCS

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WCS

My cousins are natives of Oakland County, Michigan.

My aunt taught a young John Calipari in elementary school.

These have been your true, useless WCS facts.

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Doktor Zymm

I mean, if bad stuff happens to you now I feel more sympathetic due to your crap backround?

Horatio Cornblower

“Fire Cal” trending on Twitter.

Brick Meathook
WCS
Brocky

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WCS

I approve of Yinzburgh and Dookwezznee hosting a Tournament upset.

Bonus points for ruining Yinzburgh’s own John Calipari’s season.

Horatio Cornblower

Oakland’s coach looks like he might share bunk space with Jim Tomsula and his bindle.

Mr. Ayo

So long Kenfucky. Thanks for coming out!

Mr. Ayo

So to get out of that lifetime contract, do they have to kill Calipari?

Horatio Cornblower

No jury in Kentucky would convict the murderer.

Horatio Cornblower

WE ARE AT FULL PLAID IN PITTSBURGH! I REPEAT, FULL PLAID IN PITTSBURGH!!

Doktor Zymm

Why is beer so much better in glasses?

WCS

The carbonatation and physics.

litre_cola

Just like women.

/fetishey

Horatio Cornblower

Better access to the smell of it, enhances the flavoUr.

ballsofsteelandfury

Just like women

SonOfSpam

I think it’d be okay wearing contacts too.

Game Time Decision

The pour helps to aerate the beer and thus make it taste better

litre_cola

Oakland’s PG looks like an investment banker.

scotchnaut

“Come On Oakland!”

Brick: “Sure. Is Saturday afternoon okay? Around 4?”

litre_cola

Deci in bed in 30 mins. Then it is Malort time.

Doktor Zymm

DOOOOO IT

litre_cola

shit its time soon.

Horatio Cornblower

As much as I’d love to see Kentucky and Calipari go home in the 1st round I cannot see Oakland keeping this up.

Horatio Cornblower

I mean, I don’t see Oakland losing by 14.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

BAHAHAHAHA STUPID HORATIO!

Horatio Cornblower

I’ll take “Things Said By Law Professors From 1991-1994 In Hartford Connecticut” for $400, Alex

Brocky

Found a joke:

Me: Jesus, you gotta stop giving me your toughest battles

Jesus: just fold the laundry man. You already washed and dried it, just one more step

scotchnaut

Hey! Good news folks, the Internet is done.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-d-L9dx_yA&ab_channel=TheTRYChannel

Horatio Cornblower

Traditional Irish food from 1848.

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Doktor Zymm

I’ll work up the numbers but you gotta pitch it because only 2% of VC goes to ladyfolk

Doktor Zymm

Deal

WCS

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Horatio Cornblower

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WCS

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scotchnaut

OMG! My Wife is Sleeping With My Nephew!- He’s 12 years old, the rest of his family is away. He doesn’t like to sleep alone so Wifey sleeps in the bed next to him.

/did that sound click-baity?

Brick Meathook

12 years old? Make him sleep outside.

Doktor Zymm

Close, but you gave exonerating details instead of linking to a paywall

scotchnaut

I’m old school like that.

Brocky

It’s only click baity if you’re into that stuff

Redshirt

.

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Sharkbait

Ok. Better second period.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Sheesh, I can’t even *remember* the last time I had a second period.” – Tiffany Rivers

Doktor Zymm

I ate too much delicious pizza

litre_cola

Bullshit you did. That’s like oh, we have too much weed, or pills for those involved.

Doktor Zymm

Maybe not too much, just too quickly. Either way I am very full and have less for later

Doktor Zymm

Oh I’m not going to have nightmares, I’m just gonna be one of those boa constrictors you see that can’t move for a couple days because of the incredibly ambitious meal distending their body

Sharkbait

Said no one ever

litre_cola

DAy drunk wooooooo

ballsofsteelandfury

You have a woman’s bracket???

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SonOfSpam

DEATH BY SNU SNU

SonOfSpam

Yes, my bracket is spotless, and I’m told most players think I’m handsome.

scotchnaut

They take so long to warm up, amirite?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

ANNOUNCER: One spurt could be a problem.

TIFFANY RIVERS: Tell me about it…

scotchnaut

“Uhh, Rikki, you spelled ‘Yet Another Opportunity to Spread For God’s Gospel’ wrong.”

-T.R.

Sharkbait

Jonathan quick better be slapping people in the room between periods

scotchnaut

“Seriously? TIL goalies get periods.”

-B. Shapiro

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THIS GUY MR. AYO I CALL HIM BEN SHAPIRO BECAUSE THE INDOOR SPACE WHERE HE SPENDS MOST OF HIS NIGHTS IS BEST DESCRIBED AS “FRIGID”.

Sharkbait

Not a good start.

Doktor Zymm

Japan is weird

Senor Weaselo

You mean other than light wire fraud?

Doktor Zymm

Started watching Tokyo Vice, kind of want to eat some tonkatsu ramen and not be stabbed now

ballsofsteelandfury

I’ve been watching that show. I like it a lot. But yeah, Japan is SUPER weird. And I’ve been there too.

It’s the closest we will ever get to landing on another planet

Doktor Zymm

Yeah, it’s a really fun place to visit but it is very clear how much of an outsider you are. Even moreso than Korea or even China.

SonOfSpam

“Wanna bet?”

-S. Ohtani, I MEAN MY INTERPRETER HA HA

Doktor Zymm

That whole thing is EXTRA weird, Japan weird PLUS America weird

Doktor Zymm

That Oakland is also the one where the parents were just held criminally responsible for their kid’s mass shooting. Although the kid was also tried as an adult and given a life sentence which doesn’t seem to quite square, but I guess since we are a punishment based system it doesn’t matter if the responsibility adds up to more than 100%

scotchnaut

Stop with the mathing-JAIL EVERYONE INVOLVED IN MASS SHOOTINGS-IT’S NOT HARD!

Redshirt

Was the bad person allowed to have a gun?
If no, JAIL THE PERSON(S) WHO ALLOWED THEM TO GET THE GUN!
If yes, continue.
Is there an apparent flaw in the legal process to give this person a gun?
If yes, FIX THE LAWS!
If no, continue.
Is this the third time you’ve reach this point in a month?
If yes, RE-EXAMINE THE PROCESS AND LAWS!

Doktor Zymm

Depending on your definition of involved we should be jailing dozens more people per shooting then. And it’ll all be ineffective because getting at root causes is hard and no one wants to do it. But this is way too serious when we should be talking about shooting HOOPS and masses of them although stupid Oregon ruined my bracket

Redshirt

Of course Nevada would be the first school to have a brief fling with March Madness only to end with an embarrassingly fast divorce.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m just happy that the Smartest Coach on Earth years are behind us so that I can watch some *other* Nevada-based team blow a 17-point second half lead.

Doktor Zymm

It won’t be really impressive until the Golden Knights do it

Senor Weaselo

Does 2019 Game 7 against the Sharks count? (Four goals given up during a five-minute major, turning a 3-0 lead to a 4-3 deficit, losing 5-4 in OT.)