In these Off-season Open Threads, I’ll sum up the week that was, provide you with TMI-style information, and throw some random spaghetti at the wall and see if it sticks.
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Apparently, tomorrow is Cinco De Mayo also known as Drinko De Mayo in certain parts of the world. What are you doing to celebrate? Besides getting obliteratingly drunk on Mexican beer and/or tequila or tequila-based drinks.
I blame the French.
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My favourite hockey team, the LA Kings got KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. Four games to one is not improvement. Jesus, 2014 was a long long long time ago!
It is a good reminder that y’all really should take a long lunch or the day off if your local team wins the championship and there’s a parade. You never know if it will ever happen again.
Yes, I attended both.
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I now owe you TWO Balls Magazine posts on my latest golf adventures. One was a tournament with the new club and the other was a weekday trip to Palm Springs to play with a buddy that has a home on a golf course there. As Don T’s bio says, “bad decisions, mixed results”.
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I’m finishing Round 5 of my Iron Curtain workout program tomorrow. Lady Balls has complimented me on the size of my …. chest. Hey, I’ll take it.
On a related note, I laid out in my backyard to get some sun last weekend. I hadn’t done that since high school! Is that a California thing or do people still lay out in the sun to get a tan?
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I had an interesting week at work. On the plus side, I led a tour of a work site for a few of the highest level execs in the organization. On the minus side, my best friend at work said the wrong thing at the wrong time during said tour and I had to do damage control, protect him, and chew his ass out. I’ll find out next week if my efforts to save his reputation have worked.
It’s been a week….
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As I get older, I appreciate more and more that I’m Gen X and that I’ve been really lucky to grow up in really interesting times filled with amazing music, movies, and culture.
Probably the best part is me reminiscing with my friends about the shit we did back then that the poor kids today can’t. It was a perfect time to grow up.
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Your weekly Psych gif:
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Your weekly hot girl pic:
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Your weekly music video:
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I’m assuming there are sports on tonight, but honestly I don’t care.
Riga says hi to everyone.
And so does Lambeau.
They always look so happy!
They are!
Hope they were both polite enough to say good-bye to the Leafs.
Upon learning that Riga and Lambeau like to spend the spring licking their own butts, Brad Treliving signed each of them to a five-year contract.
They worship the picture of Bruin (our first Berner) we keep on the wall.
Dance movies are fun, but this Norwegian dance movie has BOOBIES!
Well, so does The Electric Blue right down* the street from me, but you don’t see me bragging.
*12 miles, and it is not worth the trip.
Norwegian boobs bring on Norwegian wood… ppl forget that.
Isn’t it good?
This is the NESN Bruins something-or-other. It’s not clear to me exactly what her role is. Maybe moderating all the retired hockey guys/writers/announcers NESN employs?
Anyway, she seems nice.
Laura Mohr!
Holy shit. That’s a remarkable pull.
I might be happy drunk right now.
Look, they came SOOOOO close to winning a round! They should just run it back with the same guys again!
They’re practiced!
I Am the recent recipient of a black belt!
In six sigma!
Bruce Lee better watch his dead ass!
It confers lots of benefits:
Personally I’m waiting for JJ Fozz’s version
https://twitter.com/thetomzone/status/1786964491436990584
Morals?
Like I said, I’m expecting a rebuttal.
DID SOMEONE SAY…oh, I see he’s already here.
Subordinates blurting something out in front of the brass is OK if what they say is true. And I would just confirm that with the brass if provoked. If they are just bitchin that’s something we’ll talk about off line.
Here is something to talk about on line. This is Balls show here ya know.
He said, “I hate this design!” with the designer and brass right there. It basically showed we weren’t on the same page. Should have been a private conversation, not in front of company.
On the bright side, I saw an email today and it appears things have been smoothed over.
Yeah that’s fucked up. Deserving of stink eye at the time, and a follow up ass chewing.
There’s an old naval adage that says “a bitchin’ sailor is a happy sailor.” The time for the officers to worry is when it’s silent and nobody is saying anything. I believe this rule also applies to prisons.
In the Aubrey/Maturin novels, it’s said to be a bad sign when the only sound in the berths is sailors rolling cannonballs or grapeshot along the decks.
Same said about soldiers. Many times the comments in that setting are funny as hell and end up being talked about for years.
“It’s quiet out there. Too quiet.”
Lohan is/was an absolute mess but those photos were tremendous.
I’m just glad all Leafs fans of all colors are thirsty for some playoff success because the last time they won the water fountains were still segregated
“Ah, the good old days.” — Jerry Jones
“Ah, my childhood” — Elon Musk
Noted Leafs fan Howie Mandel-a
Thank god, something to replace the current banner, which is both disturbing and of questionable veracity.
Haha, you wish. That banner is there for at least a month.
Counterpoint:No.
Good news for commuters or anyone having to travel to Connecticut: I-95 has been re-opened after having been closed in SW CT, since Thursday, because some fucking idiot cut off a fully loaded gas truck and basically set off a bomb.
They had to tear down a bridge and are going to have to remill the highway.
Don’t cut off gasoline trucks, people.
Hold my beer
-container ships
Yo, fuck the Suez Canal. It knows what it did.
Proper advice.
I’m absolutely crying
https://twitter.com/ok_but_still/status/1786952457173495882
“that will be an additional $5.99/minute”
steve dangle https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DFR5oZQrIVc
so many millions of dollars on like four dudes so they can score like four goals
Man, the Sun isn’t even close to coming up. Get your shit together, Toronto.
You’ll certainly have time.
Hey, don’t worry, Leafs, you’ll get them in Game 8!
Dibs on tees time
-Toronto
At least they have the pro shop number on speed dial.
That’s gotta be the biggest loss Toronto’s dealt with in the last several hours.
/Bruins are cat food, we all know this
Shameful. Should have gone at least 2 OTs.
OOOOHHHHH NOOOOOO!!!!!
drake is not going to survive the night
Oh no!
Anyway…
“Hitting a chord, probably A Minor.”
I have no idea what this is all about, but I do know there’s no coming back from that.
Long-standing grooming accusations.
/Me, cracking open a beer for the OT
It’s kind of chilly, maybe I should drink something wa…(sees whiskey)
In 1933, the Toronto Maple Leafs and the Boston Bruins played the second longest Stanley Cup playoff game in NHL history. The game ended in the SIXTH overtime period, 4 minutes in.
It was a series clincher as it was Game 5 of a 5 game series.
Toronto won.
Ha ha!! So much for that!
Well that didn’t happen tonight. Guess I should put this beer back.
Narrator: He did not, in fact, put that beer back
FUCK BOSTON THOSE FUCKS DESERVE NOTHING
1 fanbase is going to erupt in joy
1 fanbase is gonna commit mass seppuku
29 fanbases are gonna laugh hysterically well into the night
1 fanbase will not sinfully stay up past their bedtime of 9pm local time (utah)
https://youtu.be/fR3CA-kG4fM?si=4o9LGLKQXg0E6oGj
we are most definitely in the best case schadenfreude scenario now
Free Hockey! Fuck and yes!
I suspect a player is going to have to Last Boy Scout someone to get called for a penalty at this point.
Convincing Olivia to rent that for him from Blockbuster the night she went to Amy Trask’s for book club remains the greatest triumph of Eli Manning’s young life.
I don’t care who wins this game, but it is very amusing to me to see the Leafs’ fans joy turn to ash in their mouths in mere seconds.
You’d think they’d be used to it by now.
massholes firmly clinched now
nvm, this def going to 3OT now
Yeah, we’ll see the Sun come up before we see the end of this game.
God I love Stanley Cup hockey.
Too bad it’s for the Panthers’ gain…
I’m counting on the Rangers to cleanse the Eastern Conference, using the holy power of fire if necessary, anyway.
Me, every time the announcer discuss the Toronto player named Benoit:
Call me crazy, but perhaps the Bruins should stop shooting the puck at Samsonov’s midsection.
Between the Padres absolutely smoking the SNEKS yesterday and today,
And the Dodgers hosting the BIG BAD BRAVES
Baseball has been pretty ROCKING!!!!
I very much recommend this beer.
I recommend you mail me one
I have a stack of beer saved up for you and Snow. Something always seems to happen to keep me from mailing it.
Like me or my kid drinking them.
But I’ll set one aside.
Oh, DM me whatever your current address is. I misplaced it.
Yes, that’s my girl.
That tongue is disturbing on many levels.
There have been many conversations in my family about this
Hahahaha
Yes!
And then Kim hits a HR!
Padres now lead 11-0! 💪
That’s Rockingggggg! 💯
Found a funny:
“I think therefore I am”
–Yoda pointing at a photo of himself when he was four
Hahahaha!
Another base hit! ⚾️
Padres now lead 8-0!!!!
Thatsssss Rockingggg!
They’ve scored more runs in two days than the Pirates will in all of May.
There’s more shots flying in this Leafs/Bruins games than a street in Gaza.
Jesus Christ…would have been able to get this whole thing assorted if only they didn’t nail him to a couple of pieces of wood.
Mrs. Horatio would also shut me down if I stayed out of the box, so I can see why the Boston fans are upset.
Jesus, the Jack Edwards fellatio is a bit much. At his best Edwards was unlistenable.
THIS DRAKE LEMME TELL YA I CALL HIM BILL POLIAN BECAUSE HE SPOKE SOME BAD WORDS ABOUT SOMEBODY NAMED LAMAR AND HE IS GETTING TOTALLY DESTROYED BY HIM
I know it’s the Maple Leafs, but the Bruins getting shutout by a backup keeper making a last minute start would be absolute gold around here.
a backup keeper known for having bad playoff starts
Not being of the maple persuasion myself, I would rather see Tronno win than the team from Bahstain.
That’s a negative, Ghost rider
There’s nothing better around these parts than another first round Leaf loss to the Bruins
Everybody has their cross to bear. Ours is Masshole shaped.
Being within easy reach of Boston sports radio, and not within east reach of Toronto sports radio, I am going to have to disagree with you.
My second shall call on you at dawn to arrange the particulars. You’ll recognize him.
He’s short.
Bring it. I’ll give Lowratio a sock to wear and send him back
Lowratio is a free as a bird. He does it all for the nooky.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTMVOzPPtiw
I wish. He’s union.
Is this better or worse than loosing to the EBUG/Zamboni driver?
Home ice advantage should be like 5 games at home, maybe even go crazy and have all 7! Then it’d be extra humiliating for the home team to lose the series.
Looking at you WLA
/Mann Cup
As I am the biggest mush of all time, I have put a modest wager down on the Bruins. GET THE CHAMPAGNE ON ICE, TORONTO!!!
“Oh, we have. I mean, the playoffs are only one round long, right? So this is for the Stanley Cup?” — Toronto
WINNER!
Everyone and anyone associated with the new kids in the hall should be dragged through a chute filled with glass, rusty carpet tacks, and razor blades and then dunked into a vat of rubbing alcohol.
I was feeling bad for not having watched it, now I can forgive myself!
/Dave Foley WAS good in the last Fargo season, though
i used to love that show, but i made it through 10 minutes of the opener and I would rather drink a pint glass of shit
Imperial or metric?
With a Big Turk chaser
Well said, Fozz. Might I recommend the music of St. Vincent instead? You may find it considerably more palatable.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iRuux6wOS2c
Narrator’s Voice: “He did not find it more palatable.”
Hmm. Perhaps her
butchery oftake on something more familiar?https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nO7kym-d1_Y
That’s it, I’m taking this bitch to the gravel pit.
ST. VINCENT: Won’t you take me to…Funkytown?
GUMBYGIRL: [pulls up in a windowless van] Sure, sure. Hop in! Just…be a dear and make sure to stay on the plastic sheeting? Thanks ever so much, sweetheart.
“The guy in the back is named Scotchy. He’s a sweetheart.”
Rooting hard for the Leafs, because fuck Boston and New England.
Absent an appearance in the finals Jim Montgomery is probably getting fired, and it’s probably the right decision.
alright, let’s make a hateable fanbase cry
That’s guaranteed. Just waiting to see which one.
Is there anyone even on The Canadia’s only road? Such anticipation!
A Photo Finish? I didn’t know the Kentucky Derby was on Sexy Friday.
Holy shit do I love Mike’s Hot Honey.
The founder of that item originally came across the product while in Brazil. Another product he brought back from that region was Mike’s Hot Lunch which outside of providing the cling wrap industry a windfall was unsuccessful.
Oh! My Tasmanian founding members package arrived!
Did you get some cool swag?
Stickers, my dear. Stickers.
Put them on the refrigerator. Trust me, Mrs. BFC will love it!
I have finished watching GWS-Sydney.
Sorry
Holy shit the Derby was fantastic.
A photo finish! Just like Ballsy likes it!
I had to watch on the NBC app, and I got it installed and open right when the last horse was being loaded into the gate. My boy started strong but faded quickly. Le sigh.
I just hope all the horseys had fun.
I mean, John Elway had a lot of mint juleps…
Sarah Jessica Parker got to wear a fancy stupid hat.
Will no one think of Princess Anne?
If it’ll distract from thinking about Catherine the Great, sure.
I mean, you never really forget your first, do you?