Congratulations to the Florida Panthers. You have placed another nail in the coffin that is The Natural Order.
We’ve covered many times how the Modern Captialist Corporatocracy is not satisfied by mere excellence, but demands infinite growth. Unchecked growth is also one of the definitional characteristics of cancer. Extending the metaphor, the Demands of Capital often result in what I shall call Consumer Tumors. Behold: Icee Cereal
Icee.
Cereal.
If you needed more proof than the Patriot Dynasty that God has turned His face from us- here you go.
It promises a “cooling sensation,” which is exactly what I look for in a breakfast cereal. The list of ingredients is, unsurprisingly, mundane on its face:
Corn flour blend (whole grain yellow corn flour, degerminated yellow corn flour), sugar, wheat flour, whole grain oat flour, oat fiber, contains 2% or less of soluble corn fiber, salt, calcium carbonate, red 40, natural and artificial flavor, blue 1, yellow 6, BHT for freshness.
Apparently horse liniment qualifies as “natural and artificial flavor” now?
OTHER SIGNS THAT WE HAVE LOST THE MANDATE OF HEAVEN
-In an apparent effort to keep their hard-won Middle Age Swiftie fans in the event of a breakup, the Chiefs have joined in an unholy union to produce a Hallmark Channel Christmas movie. “Holiday Touchdown: A Chiefs Love Story” will be shooting in Kansas City and stars among others, Ed Begley Jr.
The article gives a synopsis of what I am forced to refer to as the “plot”, but I invite the Commentariat to speculate freely on what the plot SHOULD be. Mostly I am picturing Rashee Rice crashing a sleigh at 125 mph and Andy Reid eating a life-size chocolate Nativity Scene.
-Despite being an objectively terrible franchise since David Tepper bought it, despite Tepper’s history of fucking over municipalities on sports projects, and despite the lack of relocation threat, the City of Charlotte bent over last night and begged the Panthers to fuck its taxpayers in the ass last night, to the tune of $650 million for “stadium renovations”. Tepper, with a net worth of over $20 billion, will be on the hook for roughly $150 million.
Well, he won’t personally be on the hook of course. I’m sure the obligations will be assumed by a shell company with a name like “Fuckwallet Pancake Ventures, LLC”. Personal liability is soooo 20th Century…
Tangent: whenever I see the name “Tepper” in a football context, I immediately think of Lou Tepper and his disasterous stint as head coach at the University of Illinois in the early 90s. Today I learned that he went 25–31–2. David Tepper, by comparison, is 31-68.
WHAT’S ON TONIGHT:
Fuck if I know. It’s hot. The Holy Shit They Are Over .500 Glorious Beisbol Cardinals are supposed to be playing the Stank Braves, but the forecast suggests otherwise.
Maybe crack a beer and listen to an audiobook. “Unruly” by David Mitchell (of the Are We The Baddies? meme) has been excellent.
All right, time for three fingers of whiskey and bed. Good night, all!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0RsNTNw2BEU
Maudlin? Dwarves dancing on tables? I swear I had something for this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6bNqGiOhXc
GODFUCKINGDAMMIT WE JUST HAD THAT POOL TABLE REFELTED AND WE TALKED ABOUT THIS!!!!
Guess he’s sleeping in the shed for the rest of the week.
Profar with the Grand Slam HR tonight for the Padres!
They got the W!
https://bdata-producedclips.mlb.com/e8e14d9b-ce9e-4e07-958f-ff925df979ff.mp4
It’s Rockinggggg!
Hopefully that mp4 video works here…
Sadly it does not, wordpress tries to wrap it with something and it’s just a link. Not hotlinked, even!
There was some kind of white bird with a very large wingspan hanging around in a tree adjacent to my yard tonight. He did *not* appreciate me shining a flashlight at him. I wonder what he was.
Seagull.
Jonathan Livingston.
Sounds like he was annoyed.
I’m going to be wrong, but I’ll guess White-Tailed Kite
That’s a good guess, I could totally see it being that.
He came back around (and left again). Made a cry that sounded hawk-like but a bit more hoarse. Hopefully he’s still around in the morning so I can get a better look at him.
Went to a local farmers’ market this evening, because there’s a vendor there that sells pretty awesome tamales. We’re wandering around, and the missus says, “I want some cookies,” and goes to a vendor that has a sign on their booth, “Blah De Blah Sugar Free/Gluten Free Cookies.” Not normally her style, but she was moving like she had a plan. She tries a sample of banana something or other, then buys three chocolate chip cookies.
So we’re heading home, and the conversation goes like this:
Her: I hope those cookies are better than that sample, it wasn’t very good.
Me: Probably not, since they’re sugar free and gluten free.
Her: WHAT! Why didn’t you stop me from buying that?
Me: You acted like you wanted them, I wasn’t going to argue with you about it.
Her: Well shit. That’s $16 gone. Maybe I’ll give them to mom, she’ll eat them.
We get home. “Mom, I bought you some cookies!”
Gettin’ maudlin in here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6MegTgHW6sg
“Did somebody say ‘deport every last one of those parasitic vermin’? No? Huh. I guess it was just my internal monologue.” – Morrissey
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DKobFN4gpI
No one said that, Morrissey.
“Well, we’re all thinking it, aren’t we?”
Good evening, I am a motherfucking G.
/Saunters into the clubhouse with tonight’s free shirt courtesy of the Hudson Valley Renegades tied around his violin case…’s wing-wang?
Hello.
I hope you made God Bless America your bitch and did not use lube.
First, yes.
Second, they were checking on themselves, “Do we have someone to sing Take Me Out to the Ballgame”? To which I replied, “Oh, I can cover it.” So I did.
Did I catch players singing while I played? Also yes.
I was never concerned that you would be knocked unconscious by a barrage of pretzels, yet still feel relieved.
Of fucking course this exists…
Is it gently used?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8LdQ5lxzZE
I am sick and tired of all the rain we are getting this year. C’mon man… It’s almost July. Knock that shit off. This is cramping my checkinoutscantlycladchicks game. Nobody wants to see hoodies round here in late June.
Send some to SoCal! We’ll gladly take it!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DyD-x18waKM
The song kicks ass and (I’m pretty sure) she’s old enough to buy drinks.
I don’t want to share too much personal information, but if competitive bowel movements were a recognized Olympic sport, you’d be hearing the Star Spangled Banner right now, giving you a great swell of pride in your bosom, despite the fact that I kind of wish I was dead right now.
An old roommate said the best kind are the ones you’re embarrassed about.
Bridge Over The River Kwai is a must-see movie for everyone. Just fantastic.
It’s one of my old man’s favorites, along with Run Silent, Run Deep.
Somehow, that knowledge of those films movies helped my team advance to the quarterfinals in some high school trivia contest. I think we lost in the semi-finals, probably because no questions about obscure (for 1999 high schoolers, anyway) World War II movies were in that round.
I ended up reading the book later at WVU. Yes, WVU did (STILL DOES!) have several libraries. Very good novel, too.
Does the library provide complimentary (that means free) crayons for the books?
We had to bring our own mud to use as ink.
My college roommate once summoned a bunch of us to check out the massive dump he had left in the dorm toilet.
The damndest thing was, I actually thought “well, I have to see this,” and went along.
Look, freak shows at the annual carnival do well for a reason.
Is that where you found Lowratio?
(glances around Clubhouse)
Jesus fucking Christ I walked myself right into that.
Are you leading in all of the major categories? Length, girth, stench?
I had decent opponents from the Bulgaria, South Korea, and Peru, yet the judges scored me highest.
USA! USA! USA!
My people call that a Class I download. IYKYK.
In the US Navy it’s sometimes called “dropping an 0-4” or “Putting The Marines ashore.”
FS1 is showing a rerun of England v. Slovenia. At some point someone has to realize that the reason absolutely loaded English teams coached by Gareth Southgate not only can’t score goals but really don’t even try to score goals is because they’re coached by an absolute fucking idiot named Gareth Southgate, right?
I thought I was over rootlng for the English team to get sent home via hilarious disaster, but I’m totally not. I can’t wait to see what they come up with this year.
My daughter informs me that Shoresy S3 is available in the US for streaming starting tonight, so looks like a 4 AM bed time for me.
I recently binged Welcome to Wrexham S3 and got so many promos for Shoresy that I want to murder everyone involved in that show.
I haven’t seen S3 yet but the first two seasons are some of the best TV I’ve ever seen. Alternatively hilarious and heart-rending. It’s so, so well done.
I hear that from a lot of people. But then, I heard that about Letterkenny, and I just couldn’t get into it. I think part of the problem is that I grew up with these people, and I am not nostalgic about it!
Shoresy is better than Letterkenny. But hey, there’s so much TV these days watch what you want. It’;s hell trying to keep up.
I will say that if you don’t like Letterkenny than Shorsey is probably a stretch for you, even if it is better.
Also I just finished Wrexham S3 and I have to say I’m pretty much done with that show. It’s a good story, but by now I know what’s going to happen months before the season starts. I wish them well.
Yeah, that is a problem. I knew the ultimate outcome of this season for them, but didn’t know the details, so I was ok watching it. But it’s very much a disposable, binge-watching while I do laundry/cook/make cocktails and post shit on DFO show.
yeah, that’s what it’s become, and I hate those shows. That’s what sports are for.
See this is why it’s great to watch shows about soccer but not actually watch soccer
Hanging out on Board Game Arena tonight if anyone is up for a game
I have no idea what this is, but I am intrigued by your post and wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
/also due to the heat I made a bomber margarita and followed it up with an 8% beer, so I’m probably just going to stare owlishly at my book from 1951 about archaeology and then go to bed.
Fun fact, reading older books you find, in this case, when you move into an old house, is hilarious. I read a book from then 1930’s that covered women’s suffrage and HOLY SHIT could you not get that published today.
Oh, boardgamearena.com is a site that has digital implementations of card and board games. Cribbage, Hearts, Castles of Burgundy, Agricola…. lots of stuff.
A few months ago a bunch of other DFOers joined, and we have a “Friends of Shamus” group on there so it’s easier to find each other.
I’m not on there much — I mostly get my fill of gaming in person — but this last week I’ve been hanging out there a bit.
Basic membership is free and allows you to join any table; you only need a paid membership to create tables for certain games.
I will check that out.
On a night where I am not a Steve Austin margarita and 8% beer deep. Tonight hydration is key.
Roger that. My username there is Reg Dunlop, and of course the group name is actually spelled Friends of Seamus — any of us can send you an invite if you create an account.
I play Yahtzee there all the time
Tongue still healing, can eat soft foods with relative lack of discomfort now. At least I know my teeth are strong I guess, lol
It was all the vitamin R you drank growing up.
Well, Carli Lloyd certainly brought the girls out to play tonight!
I found a theme song for, uh, our little friend:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nn9iBPNn1vc
Don’t encourage him, Dunstan.
For the love of Xenu, do not encourage him!
Found a funny:
Aioli is just mayonnaise that studied abroad.
Also an excellent word to get you out of a jam in Scrabble.
Austria won their group! 🇦🇹
They were in the same group as France & the Netherlands!!!
That’s Rocking!
Well, the last time an Austrian whipped up on France and the Netherlands it was nothing but wine and roses for the world, so I’m sure this bodes well.
That’s impressive!
I hope some Austrian dreamer put a couple of Euros on that happening.
Best performance by an Austrian since this sweet bastard Falco:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cVikZ8Oe_XA
Dogs and cats live together all the time, I personally know several people with both in their household.
And horse liniment is the same as any other liniment, I’m not sure I ever used it though, maybe once in high school?
RTD is one!
Case in point:
Ferocious beasts yinz have there, Rik.
Ok, but horse dewormer is a miracle drug that cures COVID
I tell every MAGA voter I know the same thing, as well as no matter what to be sure they vote on November 18th.
I wonder if that’s what fixed RFK’s brain worm?
Finally feeling more human after this nasty sinus infection. My balance is still slightly wonky (thanks inner ear!) but at least I dont have constant vertigo anymore!
Just now started watching Chile v Argentina.
Scoring may begin.
Well if you’re watching all the scoring will clearly come from the back.
Fun fact: I played sweeper in high school yet I still scored a goal.
So, yes.
Was the goal disallowed when VAR showed the spin was caused by an unusual amount of KY jelly on the ball?
“What a coincidence, I spent some time as a sweeper in a high school as well!” – Jim Tomsula
Now I’m just pining for curling season
(Reds post game press conference)
David Bell: “Any questions…”
(dozens of hands go up)
Bell: “…other than keeping the kids who threw up on the mound in for four innings and six earned runs?”
(all raised hands go down)
It gets better:
The picture they just put on IR for a blister on his finger; he already had the blister and he threw 70 pitches on it.
Our best player that got hit by a pitch in April; they just decided now to get surgery.
A young player is 0-for-27 and went 0-4 with 3 Ks. He’s still in the majors because he still has a bit of confidence left.
I’m starting to think he’s a Double Agent.
Aaron Judge coming up with 2 outs and the bases loaded.
Too bad the Mets are already up 9-3.
Welp, it’s now 9-7.
Does this mean that Mrs. Met needs to blow Grimace again?
Depends on whether Grimace can close out the 9th.
I am not familiar with that technique.
I thought that was the other way around?
My neighbor is getting up there in age, (lovely woman, by the way), and at some point is going to sell her house. Or her estate will. At that point I’m going to have to at least consider buying it, to prevent it from going from some private equity firm that rents to college students, which will result in all sorts of pesky things like “disturbing the peace” this, and “retaliatory arson” that, and if I do buy her house I am going to protect myself with an LLC, which you can now bet is going to be named Fuckwallet Pancake Ventures.
Two can play at that game, Tepper.
Go full Redneck to ward of perspective buyers. Gutted out car and Refrigerator on the front lawn. Wearing a Confederate flag NASCAR shirt and that’s it, including underwear. You don’t have to consummate it, but marry a blood relative for appearance.
You can do this.
I already sort of have that across the street, but at least they’re mostly quiet.
I HAVE AN OLD COUCH YOU CAN TORCH
“Hey! I was crashing on that couch!” – Todd Marinovich
(that said, cleansing it by fire is not a bad idea)
In fairness, one of these days I want to say “Hey, go back to your country!” to someone who flies a Confederate flag.
It may be the last thing I ever do, but it’ll be plenty clever!
Sadly for you, me and my 40 shares of REIT stock can NOT let that happen
Clubhouse! Clubhouse!
/Andy Reid comes running
Only GAWD ABUVE could halt the #BFIB winning streak. We’ll show ya whatfer tomorrow, Dirt Sherman’s Ashes.
Don’t look at me. I’m praying for God’s forgiveness for me asking for the Grim Reaper to do a pickup for two on Thursday.
Second part of a home and home.
Go Lakers
There it is. A meme that describes Cincinnati sports.
Why am I not surprised they’re playing the Pirates? I’m just surprised everybody in the stands isn’t barfing too!
I would make a playoffs joke but that would guarantee Burrow pull a Willie Beamen against the Steelers in the playoffs.
Actually mentioning the Reds and the playoffs are a joke in of itself.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9s1tnjrzIK4
People make fun of the Bengals playoff failures, and rightfully so, but the Reds are definitely better at laying an egg postscriptly.
Reds have multiple World Series in our lifetimes. The Bungles remain the Bungles.
The Wire-to-Wire Team seems more like a dream every season. The Bungals just have a stupid play here, there or everywhere to lose a winnable game. The Reds act like someone just unplugged their controller.
Final: 9-5 PIT
As was foretold…
There’s a great line in Stephen King’s ‘It’ where Henry Bowers is watching his crazy father polish a sword, (not a euphemism), while getting ready to listen to a radio broadcast of the Red Sox against the then-Washington Senators, “a prospect that would have made even a sane man reach for the 40 oz. bottle of (I think) Schaefer that Henry’s father had next to him.”
I got a propane tank situation. Never dealt with one before.
Long-story short, gas co wants to swap out my old oval tank with a couple 100lbs cylinders. The tank is in a kinda bad spot and this little change does seem simpler — what’s the rub? It’s not a daily-use kind of property. I’m just deciding, if now is the time to do it, then I’ll just do it. But I’m also like, “how is it that all of a sudden you say it needs a mirror and stuff now that I own the thing?”
Anyone got Hank Hills’ number?
Propane AND propane accessories!
Fuck them. It got grandfathered in. Unless they’re willing to pay for everything.
They are. They’ll even replace the little blocks underneath and stuff. But they’re (pretty understandably actually) uppity about the access and vegetation garbage and inspection and stuff.
Given the recent news of fires in communities — and recognizing ain’t no one ready for nothing up there — I’m pretty much in with the caveat that I do need adequate supply but don’t understand what 100 LBS really covers.
I’d verify with them how often they will go to your site to refill and how much notice they’ll need. It looks like you’re losing capacity, so they need to be able to service you as you need.
We have the two tank thing for our kitchen gas. I’m pretty sure it’s just easier for the company to swap those out when they run dry than send a truck out and fill up the bigger one.
I base this theory on the idea that companies always do whatever’s easier for them, whether or not it makes sense for you.
But I will say we’ve never had a problem with it.
THANK YOU!
Given that it’s the gas company is doing what is best for them — but I am also someone who prefers to just get my service than sit there empty and bitch their big stupid tanker can’t make it up my lava-slicked driveway in the pouring rain.
I mean, we’re in CT and you’re in, (gestures vaguely at globe), wherever, but as soon as we notice that the propane, (and propane accessories) are running low we call and they’re out with a replacement tank within 1-2 days. Your mileage may vary.
[looks at those dimensions]
[imagines them in centimeters]
[smiles wistfully]
– Deanna Favre
“filling the tanks as needed”
/shudders self to death
-D. Favre
/RIP