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Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
There is a fellowship more quiet even than solitude, and which rightly understood, is solitude made perfect [in bed].
Robert Louis Stevenson
Jeez buddy, just say you like to sleep alone. Personally I sleep better beside Mrs. GTD than alone, but your preferences may vary.
Got out for a quick 9 holes, of golf, you sickos, on Friday afternoon. It’s a pretty flat and easy course, so tried to remember to stop trying to drive the ball through the trees or over the hazards and just to lay up for a better next shot. The other thing was to stay on my toes, as I realized that my weight was all on my heels when hitting and that’s not a good thing.
So with those things in mind I did manage to get 2 bogeys and only got 1 snowman, so thought that was a good improvement over my usual round, and did feel less pressure to make the easier shot instead of trying to go over things. I would have prob done better if it hadn’t rain about 2 hours before the round as the greens were very hard to read. A three putt seemed to be the rule and not the exception for the day.
As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.
Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
[from the coaches draft] Mike Tomlin . Speaks in nothing but garbled coachspeak, can make chicken salad out of chicken shit.
BugEyedBoo
I’ve been logged out multiple times today, which I assume is Chuck Noll’s fault
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Jerry Jones letting Johnson go is simply criminal stupidity. Dallas with 10 more years of Johnson would have put up results exceeding the Patriots and Tom Brady.
Horatio Cornblower
Which makes it all the funnier.
WCS
Due to home renovations I had to empty my office and switch everything to the basement, which included disconnecting two TVs in order to ensure wifi access for the house.
Truly I live in hell. (ignores everything going on literally everywhere else on the planet)
Anyhoodles, I just noticed an enormous spider scurrying around the basement and have decided to not tell Mrs. Horatio about it, on the theory that the renovations should be done by the end of the week, but her burning the house to ashes is forever.
Horatio Cornblower
“Which is why we are looking at cold to cooler places for retirement and they have to have legalized recreational weed, because I would prefer to be legally stoned all day rather than illegally. “
Hey man, I’m sleeping with a Connecticut real estate agent; I can hook you up.
To be clear, with real estate. I’ve got enough issues with Lowratio already.
Horatio Cornblower
OWAH LONG NATIONAL NIGHTMAHR IS OVAH!
spits
GOD BLESS THE PARQUAH AND DA GARDAHN!
chugs a mickeys
NO ONE DENIES THIS!
Mr. Ayo
Walking past Wrigley and it sounds like the Small Bears are doing well
Doktor Zymm
They really did a nice job with the renovations, this is hopping on a Monday night
Doktor Zymm
Did you yell at them that Hippo sez they’s Bastard Men???
King Hippo
Next time I walk by I will let them know that an imaginary semi-aquatic mammal that runs a futbol team a couple centuries in the future said they are Bastard Men. I will also buy you a Cocaine Bear Cubs shirt.
Doktor Zymm
G’day mates! Got me Taz Devils jumper in the post today. Suns out, guns out now. Right proper recco on upsizing. Fits me tummy-rubby perfectly now.
Mr. Ayo
Don T
I’m more and more convinced that open fire is the way to go. Just drip that shit into the flames, none of this greasetrap or cooking utensil you have to clean shit. Fire cleanses!
Doktor Zymm
Speaking of “fire cleanses”, I have a wasps nest I must deal with. I have the spray but I’ll be waiting until after dark to make sure they are all at home.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
RTD, Artist’s Interpretation:
LemonJello
WCS
Great insights here Rev.
Ciao tutti.
2Pack
BeefReeferLives
Two seats open and first on the upgrade list boarding in 15 minutes. Chances are good methinks
Doktor Zymm
And boom! Upgrade
Doktor Zymm
THIS FLORIDA HOCKEY TEAM, I CALL THEM THE ALBERTA OIL SANDS BECAUSE THE OILERS ARE JUST DRILLING THEM MERCILESSLY TONIGHT.
LemonJello
TSN SportsCenter this evening, folks
1st Story: The Flames goalie Jacob Markstrom was traded to the Devils.
Analysis: The Leafs missed out on getting him. He could have solved their goaltending problems.
2nd Story: Oh yeah I forgot, Connor McDavid is good.
scotchnaut
-Gilmour’s going off for dehydration concerns.
-Huh. I thought Gilmour could do without Waters.
/bows, trips
Don T
Scotland-Switzerland is ROCKING.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Those male Scot fans in the crowd have some nice tits on them.
scotchnaut
for a people (i) who very much sunburn easily; and (ii) equally very much lack “beach bods”…they surely do like showing their milkshake off.
King Hippo
“Ach! Me milkshakes bring all the lassies to the turf!”
BeefReeferLives
I picked Turkey, but this is great. I had my eye on teams that have huge migrant populations that get shit on in Germany. This is like that bullshit NFL announcers try to pull with Steeler fans. “Boy, they sure do travel! They show up in huge numbers in every stadium we go to!”
Actually, doofus, all the steel mills closed down and they left Pittsburgh for better economic opportunities elsewhere. They live here, but still love the Steelers. Same with all these happy maniacs screaming for Albania. Pretty sure most of them live and work in Germany.
Fronkenshteen
My excited news… 6 weeks after planting the first produce is coming in. Zucchini and beets… Let the seasonal dishes cooking begin. Cucumbers and celery will ready soon, tomatoes, peppers and eggplant in late July.
2Pack
Kings got rid of albatross Pierre-Luc-Jean-Claude-Grenouille-Connard Dubois for a goalie named Darcey. Whatever, good trade.
SonOfSpam
a goalie that won a stanley cup. with one good eye!
fleshwound_NPG
What’s this mean for the Toronto Maple Leafs playoff chances?
LemonJello
You are basically Canadian media now.
litre_cola
Will Fredbird appear in a dashiki tomorrow night? STAY TUNED!
King Hippo
A hood is approximately 84% more likely.
SonOfSpam
So I didn’t get to talk about last night’s whatever show. Live birds in cages! Super long speeches! Senor nailing a solo in a terrible key at almost 1 AM! Little kids dressed up as the Village People ready to sing their hit song, YMHA!
Okay, only the last clause was made up.
Senor Weaselo
Wifey Update:
She had a hernia surgery at a place that does nothing but since 1945. (seriously, this place is world-renowned and she met folks from BC, Cali and Bulgaria(!)) She’s hobbling about but she’ll be fine. Thanks so much for your good wishes regarding me doing a shit-ton of driving back and forth. Seriously, I woke up at 4am on Monday and picked her up and drove back home the same day and it took 14 hours. All she did was sit in the passenger seat and complain.*
*the painkillers were in the backseat and it’s not like I was going to stop for something other than gas
scotchnaut
Ugh I still haven’t packed for tomorrow’s flight. I’m sure grabbing a drink won’t interfere with all the things I have to do tonight.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
(tomorrow afternoon)
BFC: “Why did I pack a cactus and 3 sparkplugs?”
(looks around)
BFC: “Why am I in a gender-transition-while-u-wait clinic in Cyprus?”
SonOfSpam
Like I have sparkplugs
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Pride night here. Kinda like this version of the jerseys. Looking forward to the ignorant comments from the degens here
Game Time Decision
What? Are these guys afraid to say Gay? Where’s the fully rainbowed-out jersey? Where are the sequin numbers?
I seen these jerseys and the first thing I think is, “I could a bang a chick wearing that.”
blaxabbath
The players will blow each other after the game, but that’s normal lacrosse bro stuff.
SonOfSpam
The lazy guy that had yet another long day today (that’s three out of four this week, boo-hoo, right?) thinks that this [COPA Argentina Preview] should double as the nighty open thread. Because Canada/Argentina in 30 minutes. Who’s with me?
[scattered applause from the mob]
scotchnaut
Guess I gotta tske a shower now if I’m hosting. Daaah OK.
Don T
To be fair, I think the 8-1 ruling was less “Common Sense Gun Rights” and more “Screw You, Justice Thomas!” Either way, good job being on the good side for one and crossing the egregiously low bar Chief Justice Roberts, Justice White Thomas, Justice Stereotypical Old White Guy, Justice Disgrace-to-Alcoholics-Everywhere and Justice Shame-to-Coneys-Everywhere!
Redshirt
Found a funny:
“Can’t eat this 7 course breakfast mom, it’s clearly noon outside so I’m running late for school, don’t want to miss my whole two classes, science and gym.”
-80s movies
rockingdog
How do I know that Ruby is my dog?
The SIL brought her gregarious canine over and Ruby did the play thing for a bit and eventually ran upstairs to my alcove to get away from the other dog. She’s got a limited window for interacting with others of her species just like her old man.
scotchnaut
Whelp, at 58 years of age a completely new experience – my first use of a bidet, an automated one, while very stoned, and still trying to figure out how to control what ever the fuck is happening here. My sphincter is still feeling very clean.
ArmedandHammered
Now this is more like it.
Fucking 74 and sunny and the walk was gorgeous, the music was grinding and I had the biggest goddamn smile on my face.
Come visit me in Pedro folks. I’ll show this town off and there will be homemade comestibles and drinks.
yeah right
GRAB THE HICKORY WOOD AND FIRE UP THE BBQ BECAUSE THIS TURKEY IS GETTING SMOKED!
scotchnaut
Gumbygirl
I’m 55, is it too late to get my captain’s license so I could steer one of those cargo ship motherfuckers? Or at least, get a job as a macjhine gunner for somali pirarets.?
jjfozz
Found a funny:
Stork: I have a baby.
Pigeon: I have the mail.
Canary: I have bad news.
rockingdog
After a week of a renovation project that involved having all of the first floor ceiling essentially torn apart, resealed, and then painted, which in turn involved moving all of the furniture from room to room like some kind of deranged game of…I don’t know, some game where you move things around for no reason…I now have my office back and will be here more often wasting time.
I apologize in advance.
Horatio Cornblower
Did Lowratio get to move up from the basement to a little condo under the stairs with this renovation?
LemonJello
I am not happy to be awake right now, because before I woke up from my nap I was having the most wonderful dream where I was about to hook up with a school nurse who looked like Christina Hendricks.
Oh, I was an adult in the dream, it wasn’t like I was about to be molested or something.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
RTD, attempting to recreate the dream using his own imagination instead (artist’s conception):
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
I haven’t made fondant potatoes in forever. Maybe it’s because I made them for a family get-together once and my hill people in-laws whined about there being no mashed potatoes. Grown adults, whining about the lack of mashed potatoes. Goddamn it.
scotchnaut
That shit infuriates me, or would if anyone tried to pull that with me.
If you believe that “it’s not Thanksgiving without [your beloved dish, which is probably some gross green bean casserole or marshmallow-festooned monstrosity that nobody who wasn’t conditioned from birth to like it would enjoy], then either volunteer to make/bring the damn thing, or stay the fuck home.”
I’m a terrible food snob, but if someone’s hosting me, I would never bitch and moan about it, even if they served the aforementioned shitty dishes.
Dunstan
One time wifey made deviled eggs with duck eggs and one of my SIL’s would not shut up about how terrible it was. I finally said, “They’re not terrible, YOU don’t like it. There’s a difference and I can’t believe I have to explain this to an adult!”
/I’m so far out in front as the leading causer of awkward silences, no one is ever going to catch me
scotchnaut
so g’d nervous right now…
WCS
911 call gone wrong?
Mr. Ayo
First overnight shift on my own.
“Get your cherry ass out there, Meat.”
Into the wild blue yonder….
WCS
“The police are on their way. Can I text you a Simpsons gif while you wait?”
ballsofsteelandfury
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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
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