(Though I would argue slight Abed, considering come on, there’s definitely some neurodivergence up in here *points to brain*). All right, let’s Carpenter this!
Okay, quick ramblings that would make Rascal Renegade proud (who gets a shoutout because he’s getting married on Saturday—I tried to see if they could use a string quartet while figuring things out for my performance a few weeks ago, and while they were interested, they didn’t have the budget for it, and I’d never be able to get three other musicians to play an event an hour and change away, where there’s bridge tolls involved, for exposure. Senorita Weaselo is baseballed out from the game we went to at Fenway. No way she’s doing it for no money.)
I was thinking of this one as I traversed the George Washington Bridge for the third of four straight days. This is widely regarded by me as too many days in a row. But, as maybe like three of you know, the exits getting onto and off the bridge are numbered 70–73, with the exit to I-80 being exit 69 (yeah, yeah). These exit numbers then proceed to be… the I-80 numbers, not the I-95 numbers as you get to the NJ Turnpike. So, whose bright idea was that? Oh believe me, I have others in the New York area, such as:
-The exit numbers on the Cross Island Parkway follow the Belt Parkway numbering system (probably enough to cause a debate on whether it should have been the Cross Island getting the numbers or the Southern State, but that’s neither here nor there). But the just-mentioned Southern State starts at like exit 13, and I don’t understand that one. If it was 1, I’d get it. (The reason is because the Cross Island used to be numbered north to south, 1-12, instead of south to north following the Belt. Those exit numbers then carried over to the Southern State. Regardless, this has to be 30+ years old in terms of inconsistent numbering, as it’s been like this the entirety of my memory.
-Speaking of, they recently “fixed” the numbers on the Hutchinson River Parkway so it matches the mileage. First off, this is why you have 1A, 1B, 1C and so forth in the Bronx, though it did fix giving the ramp to 684 an actual exit number, so that’s nice. But second off, it continues to not fix not-New York’s problem, which is why the Merritt Parkway starts at Exit 27. My guess is exits were added to the Hutch and Connecticut couldn’t be bothered to update the numbers, but come on, new state, feel free to start back at 1.
Okay, got that off my chest. Now for… sports? Ha, SPORTS? We got summer league basketball, and if you’re watching that you’re either a) in a place where even GAMBLOR would be worried about you or 2) hate-watching Bronny.
Actually, there is WNBA on ESPN (Indiana Caitlin Clarks vs. the TV Land Crew, the Dallas! Wings). “But Senor,” someone said, “there’s MLS.” Wow, like you think we care about MLS when we were spoiled with all the international footy that already occurred AND is still to occur with the Olympics later on!
So what is there to watch, then? Well, I probably should watch the things I say I’m going to watch on Netflix (like Bojack, which I still haven’t watched, or the Scott Pilgrim anime, or the other host of shows). Or Taskmaster. Or the current season of the JMR Sand Marble Rally—for those not aware, it’s an entirely different set of marbles than the Marble League groups, as solo marbles race through various sand courses. I also need to do laundry, so that’ll be there too.
Good, I shattered word count and it is now 7:15 local time, so this better go up! Here’s some music for Fascismpalooza. I’d embed it, but WordPress is deleting the whole article rather than letting me post a second Youtube link.
How you cover girls basketball then dump on MLS?
They’re both sportsbook fodder leagues, at best.
Because I can be cleverer with the WNBA names!
Do you remember when the light was unsafe?
Thank God they’ve made light bulbs to make the light safe again.
Fucking fuck. Well, it seemed like an idea at the time.
I get it.
Decided to experiment with a NY Times recipe for “Peanut Butter Noodles.” This spaghetti tossed with peanut butter, regular butter, Parmesan cheese, and soy sauce. The flowery text says it “recalls those cheesy peanut butter sandwich crackers.”
No it didn’t. I wouldn’t go so far to say it was terrible, but it wasn’t good. Oh well. I’m throwing out the rest (and I hate wasting food).
I don’t know if this is behind a pay-wall:
https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1025047-peanut-butter-noodles
Sounds like something that an AI came up with based on noticing that humans seem to like carbs drenched in salt, fat, and umami.
AI is probably right. After trying it I began to wonder why I thought it would be good in the first place. A mind is a terrible thing to have.
Maybe I should actually read his stupid book
The heck with this election nonsense. The real problem is, “Who is the father of the child?”
Last last random:
Really hoping we get some good/random/funny video election memes like we did 4 yrs ago
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Je3DNls528o&pp=ygUWMjAyMCBlbGVjdGlvbiBhdmVuZ2Vycw%3D%3D
Last funny:
🐻
I think its obvious that Joe Biden cannot win, and being testing positive for COVID is a sign he should drop out.
He should do the respectful thing and go to Milwaukee and shake the hand and talk with every single person there ending with being the same, small room as Donald Trump, sharing a pizza and drinks and perhaps making out a little. They are both Presidents, so its not gay or anything. Its being respectful.
The convention would be a fun level on Katamari
Alright last joke before I go to bed:
How come Barbie can’t get pregnant?
Because Ken comes in a different box
Found a cool:
Decarbonization: Stocks & Flows, Abundance & Scarcity, Net Zero
https://www.nathanielbullard.com/presentations
Here’s a purple top turnip that I bought 5 days ago that was sitting covered in a bowl on my kitchen counter. Looks like I’m a farmer now.
Lately I got a hankerin’ for boiled root vegetables (no Jainism for me either). I chop up potatoes (smaller eastern golden potatoes not Idaho russets they’re for baking/frying), turnips, parsnips, carrots, onion, and celery and then boil them in salted water for 25 minutes. Lately I’ve been using 50/50 salted water and chicken broth. It’s actually really good.
I have no idea what gave me the urge to make this in the first place, but I think I was reading about Sherman’s March to the Sea during the Civil War. Those guys pillaged every farm along the route in a rich agricultural area that had just completed a bountiful harvest and they lived off the land. They more scared people than hurt anybody (although they killed a few and burned everything). Sherman’s soldiers and animals foot marched 300+ miles from Atlanta to Savannah and they all gained weight.
https://ibb.co/TLCPK4b
That’s Rocking!
That is a hefty lookin turnip!
Found what might be the dumbest joke I’ve ever seen:
“Hey man, you ready for the party?”
“Yep, check out the outfit!”
“Why are you dresses like the monster from Jaws?”
“Because every girl is crazy about a shark-dressed man!”
I’ve told dumber
What’s the difference between a tuna, a piano, and a pot of glue?
You can tune a piano, but you can’t piano a tuna.
What about the glue?
I knew you’d get stuck on that.
Hah!
Dumb? I read this and I’ve been laughing for ten minutes solid. Man that’s good stuff.
Speaking of Carpenters…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=teBV0EoJJY8
In other roadside distractions
So Mrs. Horatio is likely going to land just behind the line of thunderstorms making their way through our state. That’s good!
Mr. Horatio is going to have to drive through them to get to the airport on time. That’s bad!
Also this frogurt has sodium benzoate in it.
It’s too bad those froyo places that let you go nuts with toppings never had fun toppings like MDMA
Wait, can we add that to project DFO 25? Party drugs on every froyo?
All the froyo places went out of business so first you’d have to bring them back.
But then yes.
16 Handles and Red Mango still exist!
Also 16 Handles is surprisingly not the name of a liquor store.
As do Menchies and FrozenYo but at about 15 or so percent as many locations as a decade ago.
I managed to program a new key fob for my car. It was going well except for the car refusing to start for about ten minutes (with *either* fob) for some inexplicable reason.
Must have been the hamster’s nap time
Got a 4 hour nap, which wor!ks since I’ll be able to get to sleep again now. Should eat something, but still too tired to do anything as involved as boil water, so the Indian pizza from the freezer it is! Yet another religion I couldn’t successfully follow is Jainism. No onions or garlic or anything else that grows underground? Nope, nawt for me
Jainists also can’t kill mosquitoes, another non-starter
No potatoes?
Nope
Seal Beach, CA
7/17/24
https://ibb.co/YLHWLz5
When posted here my photo looks way over-processed. You always have to take into account the final publishing medium; you can’t just judge it on an expensive calibrated monitor, which is what I use in my studio complex here in my hilltop fortified compound. I give myself a C+ on this one.
Ballsy’s Project 2025:
Ban Ticketmaster
Ban PACs (including the old 12 and the existing 2)
Eliminate the NCAA
Ban unpaid internships
Tax credits for anal sex
Legalize and regulate prostitution Nevada-style everywhere
Trade Rhode Island to Denmark for Greenland
Miss BumBum USA Pageant
Expand AFL to Vancouver and Los Angeles
Rename the US Virgin Islands to Whore Islands
Is THAT why you’ve been sending the IRS your sex tapes?
I got a REALLY big refund this year…
Rename Virginia. As after it left the Union to run off with that harlot the Confederacy and had Grant march all over her, she no longer is qualified to have that name.
West Virginia will need renamed as well, for the cousin thing.
Virginia becomes Slutslovakia.
West Virginia becomes West Slutslovakia.
Why not change it up a bit and make West Virginia Slutslovakia, and Virginia becomes East Slutslovakia?
Submarine veterans with >300 days submerged running don’t have to pay for anything ever again, and especially get free top-notch mental health care for the PTSD and claustrophobic nightmares.
I didn’t say that out loud, did I? I meant to say everything’s great!
(caresses Glock 19 pistol) One day Betsy, you and me got a date . . .
Ah shit I didn’t say that part out loud, did I? Goddamit, that totally ruins the surprise . . .
I meant to say, have you seen that new movie, the one with, you know, the elves and shit? I didn’t see it because I hate elves but I read on the internet that some people liked it. Perhaps you should go see it, and I’ll just wait here by myself, not bothering anybody, just cleaning and oiling these bullets here.
(heh heh that should hold them over. brick you still got it)
caitlin clark set a new wnba record for assists in a game (19)
they still lost
big time young connor mcdavid vibes from her (assist goddess, also has a god-tier teammate to pass to, both dragging a sorry ass coach and team way further than they deserve to be)
and can confirm, living in indiana nearly as dreary in the winter like edmonton, but not as cold
you’d still rather live anywhere else
I read somewhere that the other teams are bringing their, “Let’s beat the champion!” vibes to the game.
Tungsten Handles O’Doyle vibes.
Trolls: “What’s with all the assists? Can she not score? Get back in the kitchen!”
Imagine my disappointment when it was Bagger Vance who was going to be Trump’s VP.
Oh fuck your editing right in the mouth
I think it’s funny this way
Exit numbers must be an East Coast thing. I’m sure we have them here, but we go by street names.
“Take the 405 to the 710 and get off on Cherry Ave.”
Here’s the first westbound exit on the I-10 Santa Monica Freeway ‘The Ten” coming off the ocean out of the McClure tunnel. But yeah I never use the exit number.
https://ibb.co/xSH5tj8
I was there today!
Get off at exit 1A!
I was actually getting on the eastbound Ten from the on ramp right above it!
Santa Monica: formerly a nice place
Speaking of, I was in Venice…
I live in Playa del Rey, and I can’t even get into Santa Monica during the day. Between here and there they’ve added about 100,000 people in the last 20 years with no improvement in infrastructure. And it’s all ugly new condos that they tore down all the cool stuff to build them. I lived in Venice when it was funky (now it’s hipster dipshits when it’s not homeless), Pacific Palisades (swank), West L.A. for a time, Santa Monica (when it was fun), and I’m in Playa del Rey now (beach side not fucking Playa Vista) and I love it here.
I can get to Hollywood easier than I can get to Santa Monica or the Palisades.
I hear they’re doing a decent job improving public transit for the Olympics, hopefully that’s legit and will help eventually
Where did you hear those lies?
Lyft driver at LAX I think, or maybe a fever dream
I’m guessing he’s thinking of the People Mover at LAX, which is going to be way worse than the one at Disneyland.
I live next to LAX and drive around it all the time. They are building the shit out the place. Massive new parking and rental car structures east of Runways 24 L and R, all connected by a people mover to the terminals and the Metro Green line at a new station there. Also new a Airport police station is now open on Westchester Parkway, and also a bunch of mysterious glass-walled structures over the fence, which I can’t find any info about, but they can’t be separate loading gates because they seem to close to a major runway. Mysteries, man, mysteries . . .
https://youtu.be/ambKf2QJg5o?si=fRpa9Aq8A1TrZ5NW
The video explains the mystery of the glass buildings at the ten minute mark.
Wow! They’re building them there and then going to move them into place in the middle!
I fucking hate Venice hipsters.
The only way to get to the Palisades is via Sunset, as God intended.
Playa Vista Scum is a thing.
That’s the O.J. route
Radio: “Hi, I’m Troy McClure and you’re in the McClure Tunnel. You might remember other road structure recordings such as the “Chesapeake Bay Bridge-Tunnel of Lies” and “I Can’t Believe We’re Still on Lake Pontchartrain Causeway!”
A lot of older CA road signs don’t have em, which is annoying when google maps does
The one I hate is when they don’t say which direction the highway goes (i.e. E or W) but rather which city it goes towards (i.e. Escondido).
I prefer that because the 101 in the Valley says North or South but it really runs East and West.
I’d say it depends on the highway, but some of it is redundancy, where there’s like 2 Union Turnpike exits on the Grand Central.
Found a funny:
we should publish a 925 page rebuttal to project 2025 that includes policies like legalizing molly mdma, encourage eating ass, and a three day work week. we’ll put 100 justices on the supreme court and liquidate private equity firms. really hit the gas on moving the overton window.
ban pickleball too.
billionaire hunger games. tax credits for your pets! close the fucking charter schools. get rid of the senate. land back, just all of it. free slurpees on fridays.
close all the golf courses and turn them into public parks & co-housing.
Banning pickleball? I’m in
Judging from the injuries I hear the older people talking about at the gym I’m pretty sure the pickleball fad is a problem already working on its own solution.
“close all the golf courses”
WHOA! Let’s not say things we can’t take back!
Just go use the ones in Japan
Toilets, yes.
This just reminds me that many Democrats, and specifically the elected ones, have typically supported about half the Heritage Foundation’s bullshit for the last 40 years.
Can we add a max age to be in politics
So you may remember a few days ago I mentioned that due to his new found bitey nature, the shih tzu now requires pills before going to the groomers.
Apparently they weren’t strong enough for them to finish around his little face, so we have a follow up appointment for him
This has the unintentional effect of him looking ridiculous
Until then, he looks like this. Do not adjust your screens. He’s not being abused, he’s just skinny.
Click at your own risk
I love it when dogs have horrible hairdos! Very cute
That’s hilarious
I always love how little dogs look after a haircut, like they’ve lost half their body weight
Like wet cats, but less pissed off
I can hear Sarah McLaughlin singing in that picture.
Also, Abed was shockingly good at sports!
Where’s a clip of that fucking montage?
I was falsely imprisoned by a Wayne autonomous car last night for fifteen minutes. I deserve at least $40 million in damages.
Maybe if it was a Bruce Wayne autonomous car.
It blocked the driveway until the people inside finally got out and started walking and then it almost ran them over running home to Mom. And no good deed goes unpunished, so we gave those people a ride and they accidentally broke something in the backseat.
life isn’t fair ……..
In other news, Senorita Weaselo and her dad (well, it’s his car lol) got sideswiped by a hit and run driver on the Belt just now. She is furious.
Don’t blame her.
Only time in my life where I was mad enough to throw hands at a complete stranger was when some idiot was following me to close at a snow storm. I got pushed into another vehicle
Shit. Fuck. Are they okay?
I should have literally read the room first.
Yeah, she’s fine. Again, angry more than anything, especially because the guy flipped her off.
You were with us in the clubhouse the whole time.
What an ass! This is why people have dashcams, too bad there’s no comeuppance in store, I don’t trust karma or whatever
Supposed to pick up Mrs. Horatio at the airport at 10:15. So far delayed until at least 11:30. I suspect I may be going to the airport at 3:00 am.
Seems like a little help around the Cornblower estate would be appreciated.
Yeah you’d think there was someone around he could ask to keep an eye out for its arrival.
At this point you should just plan to get a new wife
It’s worked for the last two presidents.
cunt eastwood
the magnificent seven kids i never see
High Plains Grifter
Billion Dollar Crybaby
Raw Apart-hide
ESPN is showing cricket and I’m so confused right now.
Maybe this can help?
[footage of dwarves playing cricket not found]
(I spent ten minutes hunting and came up empty and I’m heartbroken. It would have been such a good joke)
I hate when a good joke comes up short like that.
“As long as they don’t show spiders. I HATE SPIDERS!”
-Eli Manning
“As opposed to spying, which fortunately has never been an issue in the NFL.” – Roger Goodell, stomping on a videotape
Ok, fine, fuck it, I’ll be the Democratic candidate for President.
(checks White House for any signs saying “You Must Be This High To Enter White House”)
Nope, nothing. You’re in, Lowratio.
I’m n bad terms with moloch right now.
hi and stuff
If Biden drops out and they put Kamala Harris at the top of the ticket you can definitely start booking all the Trump inauguration facilities and hotels now, because that woman couldn’t win a sack race.
If the Democrats want to win in November they better reach into their ranks and produce a white guy whose first name isn’t Gavin. That’s not racist that’s simple demographic mathematics, which is how you win elections (why do you think Biden won in 2020? He was a white man alternative to Trump. He won the white male vote that Hilary Clinton lost. It is THE deciding factor). Go for the win or try to be cute and lose. If women of color don’t like it wait until Trump is elected again then they really ain’t gonna like it; at least in a Democratic administration that get some say in things .
The white male demographic is the dominant electoral bloc in this country and the majority of them are not huge fans of Trump and can be won over, but you better appeal to them. They say black women are the most loyalist Democratic voters, and that’s probably true, but guess what? They are about 5% of the voting bloc, and that ain’t gonna win an election.
Winners rule and losers go home.
You write that like the Democrats are a unified party and not a bunch of cats trying to fuck their way out of a wet paper bag.
I know I know, they’ll never do that. But they should.
How would “they” go about doing this? What, specifically, is the mechanism here, and which actual human beings can act on behalf of “the Democrats”?
Biden has to step down, (which I think may actually happen, just too late to matter), or there has to be a contested primary. And I’m not even sure that the latter is possible given the number of delegates that have to support Biden releases them.
Right, my point is that the only person who can take action here is Biden. Other Democrats can try to influence him, but there is no “Democrats” who “should replace Biden.” It’s one guy’s decision.
If he doesn’t step down, there’s no mechanism that stops him from winning on the first ballot at the convention. Unless someone comes up with “One Weird Trick.” At which point the argument from the Republican side is, “We’re fascists? Your party just fucked you out of your primary vote!”
There’s also some kind of issue where some states supposedly won’t run anyone but Biden as the Democrat nominee, because he won their primary. I don’t know how true that is, but give how impartial and not at all corrupt our Supreme Court is these days nothing would surprise me.
Not true. If that were the case, then Bernie Sanders would have been the nominee in various states in 2016 and 2020.
There is potentially an issue with anyone other than Biden or Harris being able to access certain campaign donations.
The way I thought it worked (with my vast interwebs research) is that the first ballot at the convention is automatically cast by the pledged delegates for the candidate who they were pledged to. If no candidate has a majority (a plurality won’t cut it), then the delegates can vote who they want to and the smoke-filled rooms come into play.
Sanders did have a substantial number of delegates in 2016. See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2016_Democratic_National_Convention . But Hillary had a majority.
2020 is a better example. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2020_Democratic_National_Convention . A bunch of candidates got some votes, but Biden went into the convention with the majority of delegates.
You’re talking about something different.
You’re talking about votes at the DNC.
I understood Horatio to be talking about who states will allow on the Democratic line in the November general election.
Ah, I see.
I don’t think that’s possible? Unless we’re talking about that DNC/Ohio fuckup, where the candidates on the ballot had to be selected before the convention. The Ohio legislature was trying to pass law quickly to put Biden on the ballot, but this was before this Biden horseshit.
I prefer the phrase, “Monkeys trying to fuck a football,” but I like that cats phrase.
But actual cats could do that, which gives them probably 30% in the polls. Too bad any cat old enough to run would be dead
Trump can’t stand to lose to a woman. Go with the Michigan Governor and some white guy from the South. Don’t go west coast and avoid Newsome. If Newsome is on the ticket, you may as well give Trump the election.
Biden won because he’s mainstream and attracted the independents and Never Trumpers. Those groups are slowly backing away from Biden’s and peaking into Trump’s. Don’t change what worked in 2020.
Who gives a shit what Trump likes or doesn’t like. Elections appeal to the electorate, not the other candidate. Last I looked, the governor of Michigan is a woman who is not, I repeat not, a white male.
The white man is still the dominant bloc in this country and that is a simple irrefutable mathematical fact. Math is ice cold and objective, bereft of emotion. Win the white male electoral demographic (and they are winnable for the Democrats) and you win the election, pure and simple.
One problem with Operation White Guy. Kamala Harris. You replace her with a white guy, you piss off a good portion of your base. True, they should remember what happened in 2016 when they stayed home but the American Voters are idiots.
1. The Democrats hate their base.
2. The number of people who would be upset enough about Kamala being replaced by a white guy is so few that Kamala isn’t even in that group.
*Upset enough to affect their vote
Trump won the moment he got back up.
He was already at 99% before because every sleazy, lying, evil piece of fuck that made Biden’s presidency possible couldn’t maintain the lie that was obvious five years ago.
This stupid country gets the leaders it deserves, and Trump is the most American president possible.
I wanted Trump to pick Tulsi just for the hilarity of watching her body Kamala again.
He should do it because I have a little crush on Tulsi. Politically she’s a waste of air, but I like that little gray stripe thing in her hair and that Debra Winger voice.
Saame
It’s Ride or Die with Biden. He ain’t quitting, and he shouldn’t. He won the primaries. By Democratic Party rules, the delegates have to vote for the candidate they’re pledged to on the first ballot, and that means Biden. The time to fix this, “Holy shit, Biden is old!” problem should have been fixed by him not running about a year ago, not three months before the election. Kamala Harris will lose; she’s the wrong color (Obama did it, but she ain’t him) + wrong body parts (“I’d vote for a woman, but not that woman.”).
I sat and watched all of that debate, because I’m a sucker for punishment. I also watched all of last Friday’s press conference (interrupted my Jeopardy, that bastard!). Aside from about 20 minutes of him letting his brain outrun his mouth, he’s been just fine. He doesn’t have Parkinson’s and he doesn’t sundown. He gets cornfuzzled, but Biden’s been doing that for forever.
The time to fix this was five years ago
Maybe? He did win the primaries.
We used to make fun of the Soviets for being a gerontocracy. Who says God doesn’t have a sense of humor. Or irony, anyway.
Yeah, it was a complete failure on the part of the DNC that they didn’t groom a decent batch of candidates over the past four years, and then they doubled down on that by pressuring people away from the primaries. And now they’re bungling it all in a new and different way for the stupidest of reasons.
And the really stupid part is, EVERYONE ALREADY KNEW BIDEN IS OLD. The only people who are acting all shocked and now actively working to undermine him are people who are gonna vote blue no matter who.
I hope CNN’s caption was wrong because it looks like he wasn’t wearing a mask after testing positive. How in the hell do you let that happen?!
/puts on tinfoil hat
Because he doesn’t really have Covid and this is the exit off the highway.
/puts tinfoil hat back on TV
Oh, cool! Cinemax!
lol. lmao. four and a half hours ago!
(btw: thanks to kamala, soon the “maga chud try and not say the n word for five minutes challenge” will have to be “maga chud try and not say the n word for TEN minutes challenge” just to make it even remotely possible this summer)
I think you mean ten seconds to make it remotely possible.
This is the only way he quits and he has to quit.
I heard him the other day. He’s no longer persuasive; his two settings are now soft hoarse whisper and angry yelling. And nothing screams senility more than yelling and lashing out.
“Thank god we have randos on the internet setting the parameters as to what Americans should do based on anecdotal evidence. I love this country!”
-Dr. Anthony Fauci