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Wumbo Wednesday With Weaselo: Hey, My Cable Sign-In Works!

Senor Weaselo

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So I can watch some team handball—Denmark vs. Argentina. Listen, Senorita Weaselo can watch all the swimming and gymnastics on the big-boy channel, but I remember what we played in gym class and I played a solid goalkeeper. (Denmark leads at the half.)

I’d have more stuff, but the fantasy football name guide’ll be in the next couple weeks and I’m sifting through the best couchfucking jokes. No, we can’t give them carte blanche, we gotta have some standards! Already putting the ground rules, no “Hawk Tua” jokes. It’s been done at this point and the meme has run its course. (If you have any feel free to put them below or send them to me, and the good ones’ll make the list.)

What’s going on in NFL land?

-The big one is to use the Hawk-Eye sensors in the preseason to test out in terms of replacing the chain gang.

–DJ Moore got the bag.

–QAARON’S QAME WATQH: Much to BFC’s chagrin, everyone’s favorite not-vice presidential candidate will probably sit out the whole preseason until Week 1. Maybe a cameo in the Snoopy Bowl.

-The Army tried to market with the UFL. They want their money back.

What’s on the telly?

The usual Olympic tape-delay coverage (NBC), including swimming, probably gymnastics, probably basketball. You know, the usual stuff.

Not the Olympics!
JV lesser footy: CONCACAF U-20 Cup
Mexico vs. Costa Rica (7:00, FS2)
Honduras vs. Cuba (10:00, FS1)

Lesser lesser footy: The Leagues Cup
Not-George vs. A House Divided Will Not Stand (Santos vs. D.C. United, 8:00, FS1)
(Other selections on Apple TV, but no one cares about Apple TV)

Enjoy your perusals!

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blaxabbath

By the end of the week, I will have my flight to hawaii booked. It’ll be my first visit to the hale since closing. The wife went solo in June to hang(?) so this is my chance to (1) regret, and (2) start planning the work on the place and ingratiating myself with the neighbors (“HEY YOU HAWAIIAN GUYS WANT SOME THIS HUNGARIAN GOULASH?”) — and hang(?). When I went out in the spring to shop, it was on the tail-end of a work trip and I was working/fried/doing-my-own-researching hard. Since then, it’s been summer and summer-work bs. Really, I had reserved that I may not make it out until after Christmas but this is cool and I’m glad I can go alone this first visit.

So I’m going to get in a surf lesson. Always wanted to learn. The nearest beach park is APPARENTLY good for beginner waves/spacing. I did see a group of keikis on the waves one of the days I cruised by so that’s kind of something I’m looking forward to doing with my son.

So the boy starts his first day at school (NEW SCHOOL) kindergarten on like a Wednesday. How soon after the first day may I bolt? I figure, fmthat first half-week plus a full-week, I can leave that Friday. Within 8 schooldays I should know if we have a problem (which is not at all expected). Is that adequate parenting or am I absentee fathering here? Either is fine, just want to set reasonable expectations.

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DJ TAJ

As I dream of drawing for (no tells) the future this floated by, not sure what to do with it so beer number 4 said why not share

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Doktor Zymm

Italian gymnast Giorgia Villa. She’s sponsored by Parmigiano Reggiano which is both amazing and the most Italian thing ever

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Doktor Zymm

Say cheese!

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Gumbygirl

Gumby had his third round of chemo today. His numbers are good, the oncologist is happy, and said there’s definite improvement. He told him to cut way down on his Lasix, which will be nice at night, because his blood pressure has been running lower than usual. He’s on a three week schedule, so his next treatment is around the 20th or so. Today was a good day.

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WCS

That’s just awesome. Fantastic news to yinz. Keep kicking that fucker’s dickless nutbag.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Hope things continue going well!

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SonOfSpam

Wonderful! Here’s to many more good days. We’re all rooting for you guys!

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Doktor Zymm

When I was in Australia I met a guy who said he drank alcoholic ginger beer and cider all through chemo because that was the only booze that didn’t make him throw up. He’s doing great now so there’s definitely hope! And maybe non-alcoholic ginger beer is good too? Glad to hear there’s improvement 🙂

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SonOfSpam

Better listen to her, she’s a doktor.

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Gumbygirl

I’m afraid beer is what got us in this situation in the first place! He’s doing fine with weed gummies and pharmaceutical morphine. He has something for nausea, but he’s only needed it a few times.

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blaxabbath

“Fine with pharmaceutical morphine.”

– K Hippo, when the waiter offers ground pepper

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DJ TAJ

I love you guys

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hey, I want QARon to make it to week one of the regular season and then need to be carted off the field directly to the nursing home.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’d rather he get hurt in Week 5 or so, the rest of the Jets fight gamely to keep their playoff hopes alive, then he comes back to tremendous fanfare in Week 16 and throws six interceptions to kill their postseason chances once and for all.

Last edited 1 year ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
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Mr. Ayo

I’d prefer any scenario where the NFL media completely ignores him for most of the season. Your proposal, while funny, means we’d hear about that insufferable asshole every week just like last year.

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SonOfSpam

Early-season Covid death would be so motherfucking funny.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

As long as we all agree he deserves to die of gonorrhea and burn in hell.

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Doktor Zymm

On field rectal prolapse due to ivermectin overdose

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SonOfSpam

Funny AND sexy!

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Gumbygirl

Chicken pox or mumps would be even funnier.

0
WCS

https://new.reddit.com/r/IASIP/comments/1egu3cf/it_should_say_bovine_joni/
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Last edited 1 year ago by WCS
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Gumbygirl

No Regerts. Zeero.

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WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjuorHVXgHw

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m imagining Matt Gaetz and JD Vance watching women’s gymnastics together and getting super creeped out by what the other one finds sexy about the proceedings.

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Senor Weaselo

JD Vance watches men’s gymnastics for the pommel horse.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, he’s really into the tumbling mats – they’re as alluring and exotic to him as a green-skinned alien sexpot was to Captain Kirk.

3
WCS

Meanwhile, Jim Jordan and Denny Hastert don’t see what the big deal is.

Last edited 1 year ago by WCS
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rockingdog

Hahaha!

That’s Rocking!

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WCS

Weird/Al 2024

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rockingdog

Found a funny:

(talking to gen Z employee) It would be brat to submit your timesheet today

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WCS

I don’t know if this is supposed to be funny, because that could be something they say. I’ve reached “confused by younger slang” years.

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2Pack

Army “tried” to market in the UFL? The couple games I watched they were the Only sponsor visible. Too bad they left me off of the decision staff action on that one. I could have used those millions on a few other things.

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Doktor Zymm

Just, wow

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Doktor Zymm

I hadn’t really considered learning how to make deepfakes before, but I kinda want to learn so I can make a photo of Vance as a mermaid on a chaise longue

4
WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_d2Cc4eFf_U

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rockingdog

And Bye Bye Kershaw!
He allowed 7 runs thru 4 innings!!!

Gooooo Padres! ⚾️
That’s ROCKING!!!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oof.

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rockingdog

OMG!
Profar with the RBI Hit!
Now it’s 6-1!!!! 💯

That’s Rocking!

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rockingdog

And now it’s 5-1!!!!
That’s ROCKING! ⚾️
Gooooo Padres!!!

0
rockingdog

I was gonna go work out but
But I saw Padres have a day game rite now vs The Dodgers
And Future Hall-of Famer Clayton Kershaw is pitching for the Dodgers!
And the Padres are currently winning!!! 4-1!

Gooooo Padres!!! ⚾️

1
ArmedandHammered

I was gonna work out, but I got high.

0
WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-hJFoSgXfM

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Doktor Zymm

I’m fine with Qaaron sitting out the preseason, it would be so anticlimactic for whatever horrible injury awaits him to happen before an actual game

4
WCS

Either way, it’s still going to be hilarious.

What’re the Draft Kings odds on him missing a significant amount of time due to some kind of easily curable disease?

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Doktor Zymm

If they aren’t taking action on the specific injury/disease that takes him out they are missing a golden opportunity

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LemonJello

Will it be scurvy or rickets?

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My money is two weeks spent recovering from a trepanning operation.

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WCS

Whatever you get from drinking unpasteurized milk.

4
WCS

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scotchnaut

I’m thinking we need a Wishcasting post.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That would be great fun. NFL genie!

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

This

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Dunstan

Got to say I’m enjoying the spectacle of white people who can go on and on about how they’re Scots-Irish-German-Dutch pretend to be baffled that someone can be both Black and Indian.

But hey, I guess they’re the experts on “race science.”

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Doktor Zymm

If they think Kamala isn’t black, I guess they also think Couchfucker’s kids aren’t white, so that’s fun

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Dunstan

Don’t judge J.D. Vance’s kids by the color of their upholstery!

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LemonJello

No, you should judge them by the polyester content of their stuffing!

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WCS

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

They don’t think they’re white. The crazies think he’s a race traitor, which is a lovely thing for anyone to be comfortable saying out loud in the year of our Lord 2024

1
Doktor Zymm

I’m amazed his wife hasn’t divorced him

1
WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixhYxl4yRzo

go ahead and downvote away

0
WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QASxIJ0XJ3I
It’s the last day of July, so we’re officially into late-summer vibes.

Last edited 1 year ago by WCS
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rockingdog

That’s Rocking!!!!

1
Senor Weaselo

In other news, the Dirt, uh, *checks notes* Colts? have lost 17 games in a row.
https://giphy.com/gifs/3o7aTI0gz4vCheGkOA

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litre_cola

The Fuck You to Fifa and the Olympics that the Canadian women are collectively giving is a god damned thing of beauty. It proves 2 things in that Bev Priestman was not a very good coach, and a pointless cheater. I also believe that Jon Herdman did it for our men but he is at TFC now so we shall see what FIFA does. I hope Jesse Marsch did nae do it because we finally sho promise and are hosting the WC in 2 years

Which brings me to the things you could find out droning a practice.
1. Formations (just adjust during the game you fuck)
2. Starting lineup. Ridiculous that you give a rats ass
3. Penalties. Have you heard of watching tape?

So dumb to get caught doing it. Bielsa used to hide in bushes and watch the opposition practice. To quote Delores “Everyone is doing it, why can’t we?”

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litre_cola

Furthermore, drones are illegal in France. Who the hell doesn’t look into that when trying to cheat?

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scotchnaut

Had a chat with my dude that played at lower level English leagues and in the MLS

He maintains that-

-attempts at spying occurs on a regular basis in all major soccer leagues

-he was asked to sneak into a practice once (he was kicked out by security)

-it occurred on several teams he played for (not drones but video-taping)

-within the soccer community it was ridiculous/laughable that the Patriots actually got caught

-Canada feeling the need to video an obviously inferior team pretty much proves it was a de rigeur, on-going practice no matter the competition.

/no idea if what he said would stand up to scrutiny

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litre_cola

Don T and I still giggle about abielsa in the bushes when he coached for Leeds. Bev is just a moron to have gotten caught, when it is against the law to fly a drine in France.

Good on the women saying fuck you we got this. Beating France was immense.

3
Doktor Zymm

“is trimetazidine illegal in France? Asking for a friend”
– Chinese swimmer

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LemonJello

Hey.

You, sitting there thinking about couch fucking jokes.

Ya got a minute? Do you like football? Fantasy? Movies about gladiators?

Well, we’re starting the tWBS Memorial Lowratio League. You should probably join before we’re all throw into the gulag…uh, I mean Reducation Camps for the Most Glorious Future!

It’s free. It’ll be fun. Top teams move up to the tWBS Freezer Vodka League. Their worst teams will be relegated to us.

So, much like Lowratio at a urinal, you’ll need to stay on your toes.

https://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/f1/209105/invitation?key=3a07144c86507a29&soc_trk=lnk&ikey=79d23a09c66a6ad9

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LemonJello

Forgot to mention, there’s only one spot left!

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litre_cola

There will be a writeup with the parametRes on teh Hippo Saturday Post. Now with all Fantasy Football!

2
Senor Weaselo

Have the promotion/relegations been determined?

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litre_cola

Tune in and find out!

3
Horatio Cornblower

Will we get a draft order ahead of time, so I can do a bunch of mock drafts, focus on the appropriate position, draw up a detailed outline of who’s likely to be available where, so that I can get all pissed off when everyone drafts the person I’m targeting 2-3 spots ahead of me?

Because that’s the only way I can get an erection.

4
LemonJello

Looks over to the corner of the clubhouse at Lowratio in a Deadpool costume with raised eyebrows

Uh,sure?

4
litre_cola

Ours is day of. I ain’t cheating so I have no clue.

1
litre_cola

It’s the anticipation for me, and hippos kicker ire

Last edited 1 year ago by litre_cola
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Gumbygirl

I’m just going to wing it. It’s pretty much how I do everything!

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