Your Thursday Night Preseason Football Open Thread

Let’s get at it.

Exiling McCarthy:

To the sidelines, that is. Oh Minny, you had it all figured out. You weren’t going to give Cousins that second contract at his age and after that injury. You found an adequate bridge QB (that bridge being as short as a few weeks, perhaps longer) who, if his play suffered, could be immediately replaced by the rookie. And then that damn meniscus business rears its head. Last Chance Sam is now your leader and your diamonds at wr and tight end are just going to have to make the best of it.

Lynch The Ditherer:

Here’s how I see GM John Lynch handling the Aiyuk situation. 1) “Pfft! We’ve got all the leverage here. Take it or leave it.” 2) “Ok, fine, go find another team!” 3) “Wait. Another team is able to pay him what he wants? Crap!” 4) “Hey buddy, sit down. Let’s talk for a bit.” I have no info but it looks like he’s bungled it every step of the way.

Waiting Costs Money:

Florio has been harping on this for weeks now-Jerrah, Mike Brown and Lynch know they have to pay their wr’s but just can’t help rthemselves and the longer they wait the more expensive it gets. Jones in particular is especially stubborn given that he’s been through this with Zeke and Dak already. And yet his team is the first to be valued in double digit billions.

To The Game!

Eagles/Pats:

-Maybe check out Philly’s rook wr Johnny Wilson who has gotten the kudos in camp but had just the one reception last week. Parris Cambell has done him a solid by being his usual injured self.

-Kenny Pickett is doing himself no favors by failing to throw a pass over 10 yards last week.

-The Eagles RB4 Tyrion Davis-Price found his way on to my fantasy team last year. God, I suck.

-According to Maye he wants to express himself with his feet when the pocket gets wonky.

-Pats rook wr Ja’Lynn Polk can jump to the front of the line because the catching talent is so weak. Should you draft him? God, no. What are you thinking?

See you out on the field.

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blaxabbath

GIVE ME MORE OF THIS LACROSS KID JUST SQUARE OVER ON HIS BACK ALONE.

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LemonJello

Easy there, Sandusky.

Game Time Decision

turf monster got him, those lines are tough to get over safely

blaxabbath

I could see this playing on Creed’s junky Walkman headphones.

WCS

that call was the opposite

hug your kids

WCS

Chalk up a win for good: I took a call for a violent domestic, but PD got his ass, and he’s spending the next few days in county lockup.
Took this call meself. I’m not a great person, pretty shitty, honestly. Still feels nice to help get someone shittier.
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ballsofsteelandfury

Great job! And you’re not a shitty person. Your team just has shitty QBs.

2Pack

Well done. Fuck any asshole like that.

WCS

Well done. Fuck any asshole like that.

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— balls

WCS

Absolutely no bullshit, just got another. Not exactly the same, but close enough.

This time, I’m guessing dude didn’t realize someone had called already, and he wasn’t able to get far.

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Two inside an hour. That doesn’t happen in two months.

blaxabbath

Because they only can keep these dudes locked up for 8 weeks.

2Pack

Out on the morning run I caught the first scent of ripe grapes. Always the first hint that seasons will change here soon.

Senor Weaselo

I just caught a lanternfly!

On my couch.

SonOfSpam

“Three-way!”
-JDV

Gumbygirl

Extreme prejudice.

blaxabbath

— DOOR FLIES OPEN —

:: Stands in doorframe dressed in Sexy Stanley Steamer Outfit ::

– JD Vance

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So I went surfing today and managed to catch a lot of waves despite shitty conditions. That always feels good.

blaxabbath

How many waves do catch in a surfing? 10 an hour?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Seven (I think) with a few misses (one or two falls and backed out of a couple because I was too late/too heavy of a drop) in about an hour.

There are a lot of factors that can change things (crowds, rate of rideable waves, etc.), but people who are really good will probably catch them at twice or maybe even three times that rate.

blaxabbath

Economy looking bad when there ain’t no work for this piece.

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RG3 makes sense.

Game Time Decision

For those of us that don’t watch any sport talky shows, who is that?

SonOfSpam

What part of “this piece” did you not understand?

Mr. Ayo

Sam Ponder. Hosted the Sunday Night Countdown (and nothing else) for just over 1MM/yr. Had one year left on her contract and was bought out.

Mr. Ayo

And yes, her husband is failed Vikings QB Christian Ponder

Dunstan

Apparently he’s not as big a failure as I thought.

Although — wasn’t there some controversy around one or both of them? Was she covering the team when they started dating or something?

blaxabbath

I swore I thought this was going to be the beginning of all girl sports reporters marrying players.

SonOfSpam

“Piece? Sir, you are treating this breedmare as though she were a sexy furniture component and that will not stand! Go immediately to your nearest Ethan Allen and apologize to those beautiful alluring separates and sets. Oh god I am gonna cum”
-JDV

WCS

haldo

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Recovery Whiskey

“That play wouldn’t have worked if Belichick was still coaching”

blaxabbath

If Bill comes back and wins one in DEN with his cutoff sweatshirt, Youth Will YEET him. And that would make him clearly more important than boring old cheater player who hops on a winner elsewhere for one more.

He can even bring back Russ if he wants to cook together.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

RTD: on Spain, don’t sleep on the north.

I mean, literally do sleep because siestas rock, but some of my favorite parts of Spain are in Rioja and Cantabria.

Recovery Whiskey

Are you watching this live at 3:40 AM ?

Game Time Decision

Finals, game 2. Let’s go

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Game Time Decision

Tied at 4 after the second period, tight game and Goalies just standing on their heads

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

buncha me first glory boys smh

Game Time Decision

Meh, they work hard
8-5 Laker win
Now up 2 games to none in a best of 7

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Release the kraken crackers!

Last edited 1 month ago by BrettFavresColonoscopy
blaxabbath

Hope those WOKE jerseys don’t hold you back.

Gumbygirl

I just bought my Lindy’s Fantasy Football mag. All of yinz in the Lowratio league- be afraid!

LemonJello

I can only imagine what you would have gotten if you sent Gumby out to pick that up.

Redshirt

.

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Mr. Ayo

Don’t let him in the playhouse!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“you got a purty mouth…”

Gumbygirl

Cowboy Curtis will whoop his ass if he tries anything with Chairry!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I miss Enrico Pallazzo.

Doktor Zymm

Found a fun limerick website, poem like this one are inspiring me to try a couch-related composition

There was a young man of Peru
Who was hard up for something to do.
So he took out his carrot
And buggared his parrot,
And sent the results to the Zoo

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I believe I shared this one a couple weeks ago:

There once was a fellow named Vance,
Left alone in the house – by chance,
He was feeling quite chipper,
So he tuned into Flipper,
And found he’d unfastened his pants.

Doktor Zymm

I just found out he didn’t change his name to Vance until he was 26, but I think it’s still the appropriate name to use since it’s the one best known by the public and is also easier to rhyme than ‘Hamel’

Doktor Zymm

I can only think of ‘camel’

Oh, and ‘trammel’

Last edited 1 month ago by Doktor Zymm
Recovery Whiskey

Mammal

Flannel

BrettFavresColonoscopy

hippocampal?

rockingdog

Found a funny:

the scariest part of a burglary is being forced to meet new people

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Every morning JD Vance eats a healthy breakfast to give him the energy he needs to get through the day.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Feel like I left an oral sex joke on the table here.

Unsurprised

Colon pillows are the worst way to wear a CPAP

Redshirt

This Preseason is starting to become a Murder Mystery.

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Doktor Zymm

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LemonJello

BirdMurderDome right now:

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Doktor Zymm

DEI hires, smh

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Recovery Whiskey

Laughs in Roger Wehrli

LemonJello

It’s about time white male athletes got a break.

Unsurprised

White? We better check with Mr. Calipers to make sure.

Recovery Whiskey

“You are posting too much … slow down!”

Rate limits not midseason form

Recovery Whiskey

Russell Wilson starting might be worth a hate watch

Recovery Whiskey

“Let’s go to the octo-box!”

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Redshirt

“False advertising!” – James V., OH

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Gumbygirl

Roomy.

Horatio Cornblower

One thing, (among many) that I don’t like about the Little League World Series is kids hit-fiving an opponent who just went deep on them. Stop that. There’s sportsmanship and there’s being a loser, and that’s being a loser.

ballsofsteelandfury

What kind of bullshit is that???

God these kids today are so fucking soft!

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Last edited 1 month ago by ballsofsteelandfury
Recovery Whiskey

Velvet Underground for NFL.

Recovery Whiskey

Showing two black guys under 45 calling this is just trolling NE fans

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“WHEA-AH THE HELL IS TAWMMY HEINSAWN?”

King Hippo

I want one of these Euro-fixtures in Serbia. Show these motherfuckers what REAL FEAR is. Sell it as punishment detail for any franchise who displeases the Ginger Hammer.

Recovery Whiskey

A CONCACAF pitch in Central America would be fun. 6” of mud and armed fans behind barbed wire.

ballsofsteelandfury

And piss raining down in bottles!

litre_cola

Starting to think Kenny Pickett is not the answer.

King Hippo

Buy him off with an ice cream truck

LemonJello

Is the question,”Sweet Jesus, who is that shitty QB on the field now?”

Then he could very well be the answer.

Recovery Whiskey

Is a QB named “pick it” a good idea.

Redshirt

I didn’t know the Bears practiced on an Native American Graveyard.

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LemonJello

I blame Enrico Fermi and his Chicago Pile 1.

Unsurprised

The Bears are also known as Chicago Pile Deuce.

Recovery Whiskey

Did watching New England be inept post-Dreambot get old? Nope!

King Hippo

Maye with that 2-yard wounded duck completion. Hook it straight into my veins,

litre_cola

I think my laptop have covipox19. Damn. Routinely get the black screen of death for 5 secs.

King Hippo

I wonder if there was a thing going around. Mine kept locking up and/or crashing earlier in week, but since I did the “restart to update” yesterday, it’s been working properly. Knock on wood.

LemonJello

Fun Fact: “Knock on Wood” was what JD Vance called getting frisky with the patio bench on a Ohio summer night.

Redshirt

This is Putin’s revenge for Ukraine invading that Cul-de-Sac in Russia.

Sharkbait

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Last edited 1 month ago by Sharkbait
Gumbygirl

Smack it with a hammer.

Recovery Whiskey

Good evening Kommentariat. Welcome to this thing of ours.

King Hippo

Austin Hopper? Still alive. WHO KNEW?

Doktor Zymm

That seems like one of the very best times to swim in a Canadian lake

King Hippo

how nekkid were you? And did they at least compliment your ass?

Doktor Zymm

“Is EeeEff Calf available?”
-Jerral Jones

King Hippo

I am actually going to watch this shitshow. Aprapos of that, here’s a methadone song (and for reals, this whole album was surprisingly solid):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FEJt1mAeWA8

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Counterpoint: I’m still not going to watch preseason football even without the Olympics as counter programming

King Hippo

APOSTATE

Doktor Zymm

I thought about watching, but then realized I would have to carry a laptop into a different room and click some stuff and I already did like 4 other things today

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Dr. Mrs. is trying to get me to plan our trip to Spain and I’m like, I already drove all the way to the beach and back and now you want me to do *more* stuff?

Doktor Zymm

I’ll plan your trip to Spain for you. Do you like sitting around outside drinking cold beer and nibbling on tapas?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yes, and the Dr. Mrs. enjoys that too but only for about fifteen minutes.

ballsofsteelandfury

Here’s your plan:

Fly into Madrid (cheapest fares)
Rent a car
Drive south to Sevilla
Learn flamenco
Drive south to Cádiz
Take ferry to Tangier
Go to Fes and buy a Fez
Ferry back
Drive back through Granada
Leave from Madrid
¡Ole!

litre_cola

Sub Fez for Essouairia or Marrakech and you got yourself a good time right there.

Also defo go to Granada to see the Alhambra.

Doktor Zymm

Yeah, Alhambra is amazing and Granada as a whole is great. I saw a few really good bands there too

Doktor Zymm

Bummer, it should be minimum of 2 hours.

But anyway, go to some combination of Bilbao, Madrid, Santiago de Compostela (with optional short hike on the camino), and Granada. Don’t bother with Barcelona.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We’re going to hang around Barcelona long enough to see Sagrada Familia now that it’s completed.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Can you believe it? And now she’s all “I can’t cook dinner tonight because my knee is still sore from when I got hit by a car while riding my bike today.”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Wouldn’t have happened if you’d bought her that flying vacuum.