2023 PREDICTION: “12-5, tied for AFC East crown. As always, the injury factor will be dispositive, but we have reason for Hope.”
2023 REALITY: 11-6, winning the AFC East, disposing of the Steelers and running face-first into the Taylor Swift Buzzsaw.
It was a Tale of Two Seasons for the 2023 Bills, by turns sucking unexpectedly and rising to the occasion. Losses to trashpile teams like the Jets, Broncos and Patriots left them at 6-6 going into the bye week. They shitcanned prior Hot Commodity offensive coordinator Ken Dorsey and installed shitty Carolina castoff Joe Brady as interim OC.
And it worked!
Despite missing large sections of their back seven (linebackers, safeties and cornerbacks) due to injuries, the Bills rattled off five straight wins to get into the playoffs.
Even with a defense consisting of more Thoughts and Prayers than a Republican Congressman after mass shootings, the Bills played the Chiefs tough in yet another Instant Classic. It came down to shitty strategic calls by and a predictable Wide Right.
2024 Big Damn Changes:
Equally predictable was the bill coming due for three years of trying to Run It Back with mostly the same roster. A lot of guys left. A lot of guys got cut or traded to get under the cap. Stefon Diggs tantrumed his way out of a second town, sufficiently hard that the famously conservative Bills decide that they would rather eat $31 million in dead cap space during Josh Allen’s prime than deal with his bullshit.
But that’s not all. Thanks to the bloodletting, the Bills are in fact toting around twice that amount in total dead money- more than 20% of their cap space.
The offense may look like a bit of a throwback this year, as our three most proven weapons are two tight ends and a running back. James Cook broke 1500 yards from scrimmage last year, while Dalton Kincaid and Dawson Knox (aka The Roadhouse Twins) may be the best tight end duo in the league. This, combined with an almost-entirely-new set of receivers, means we are likely to see more two-tight-end sets than is currently fashionable.
But fuck fashionable. Fashionable got us influencers, bell-bottoms and ten thousand Sean McVay clones fucking up teams across the league. Let’s get nuts! Let’s get Old School!
The defense looks frightening. Not in the “intimidates other teams” sense; more in the “I am afraid to watch” area. It’s patched together in an apparently random way. Rasul Douglas was a brilliant midseason pickup, Christian Benford was surprisingly good, and Taron Johnson was quitely a second-team All-Pro at nickel. But both of our starting safeties have left the field in an ambulance in the last 18 months, which is…not great. Still! Patched together might work!
Schedule:
It’s tough sledding- seven playoff opponents, including the Goddamned Chiefs, the Niners, away at the Ravens and away at the Texans. But the last three games are Patriots-Jets-Patriots, so by the time every single one of our stars is crippled, at least we will be playing the chumps.
2024 PREDICTION: 11-6, playoffs. It’s gonna hurt, but I am Ready to Love Again.
“It didn’t feel like a Trump rally!” Greg Guttfield’s main criticism of night one of the DNC.
He then alludes that the American people just aren’t excited for Kamala Harris. And why didn’t she speak after Joe did? What’s she got to hide? Why didn’t Jill and Joe Biden hug more like Christians?
He’s just asking questions folks. No bias or spin here.
A FOX News poll shows Trump with a 49-48% lead in PA among “likely voters.”
Well, just cancel the election now. He’s got this wrapped up. Anything else is clearly just a commie take over and soshizm or whatever.
YOUNG CONTENT CREATORS GRANTED ACCESS AT THE DNC
MAINSTREAM MEDIA PRAISE BIDEN
DON LEMON INTERVIEWS NEW JERSEY VOTERS
These have been the headline chryons for FOX’s coverage of the DNC.
This is an honest question: what, how, who, and why do any of these matter? FOX knows things are shitty for them right now, so I know they’re desperate. But, seriously, THESE are the best they have to offer?
They’re not trying anymore, either. They quiet-quit when Biden stepped down. That said, the cynicism and capitalist machine must continue on, so let’s keep throwing literal poo at the wall to see what we can call chicken salad.
ABORTION ON DEMAND
Do free abortions and vasectomies at the DNC “advance the message”?
I swear, Chawlie writed these wurds.
Found a funny:
me: hey how’s it going
fred flintstone: i’m pushing it with my feet
I just learned 1 in 6 of the 1968 DNC protestors was a fed. That doesn’t even count the local pigs. This week it’s probably closer to 1 in 3.
But to be perfectly frank,
Apparently you can buy a Trump is a Scab shirt online.
That seems Rockingggg!
https://uawactiongear.org/trump-is-a-scab-unisex-red-tee/
I have an amazingly sweet setup in Chicago, it’s super annoying that I can’t properly horseback ride here. Why can’t all the pieces of my ideal life be closer together?
Determine what you want your life to be.
Then say no to everything that is not that.
Pretty much what I’m doing, but that doesn’t help with the geographical dispersal part. Teleportation is really the key, but the laws of physics remain a cruel mistress
I’m working on that. Using TNT, I’ve got the first part down; it’s the rearranging part that’s proving elusive.
Same problem you have, eh? We should trade notes.
If you watch the explosion video backwards, it provides some helpful tips. But it seems like you need some kind of adhesive or double-sided tape. Velcro doesn’t stick to entrails like it should.
I’m working from a different angle, synthetic humans with resonance. I’m only on the v2 and they aren’t any good yet
A smart entrepreneur would set up stables north of town just off of I-94.
A lot of places around here that were dairy farms 15 year’s ago are riding clubs now. So there must be money in it.
City riding places in the US have been drying up and are all basically gone now. There’s money there, true, but it’s just a few that drive things at the international competition level and most people who ride aren’t in those spheres
I was going to say, look to the north. Kenosha or Racine have got to have something
There are tons of rich people in Chicagoland. They have to be riding their horses somewhere!
Yup, about 90 minutes drive out of town. Barrington and such. Hour each way with my own car I can do. 90 min on rentals, impossible
This may shock you, but Reverend Warnock is an excellent speaker.
Also, he’s an actual Christian. Like, what they’re supposed to be.
Like with the charity and stuff? Neat!
Good thing we can vote for his sister!
It’s good to know that in the end, the ultimate loser of the 2016 election was the country and humanity as a whole.
Great experiment, this whole “two-party system.”
Baby Boomers cannot handle being responsible consumers.
I’m actually in Chicago today, heading back to CA tomorrow night before heading to Guyana.
I’m far enough north that there’s no DNC stuff in evidence, but I did get a decent idea of whatall is going on as far as parties and road closures and it sounds like a time
Guyana? Going to reclaim Jonestown for the MAGA types to move their cult to?
They don’t seem to be inclined to flee the country unfortunately
Do you have to BYOKA or is it provided?
I know I probably told yinz this, but Gumby worked with a Guyanese man who was in their Army or National Guard, out doing training in the jungle. They were the first ones on the scene. He said he’ll never be able to forget the smell.
I’ve been trying to think of how to respond to this, and just wow.
No one should have to experience that.
https://youtu.be/bRa8b2vUQSU?si=GoduOC3ls_eu6zSp
https://youtu.be/Zw2175gHXxQ?si=xfd-MBRXEyypeUMw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E297U6jqQj0&list=PL-b-H3khNrUUQ5DM4FkF982-74NCRUAdl&index=1
haldo
/watching Stop Making Sense for the first time in 10(?) years
I really should track down L.B. She and I went to this movie and danced in the front row way too many times.
Room mate: “Where you going?”
Me: “Out. Just going out.”
Room mate: “You’re not going to that movie again? JFC.”
Me: [eyes shift back and forth] “Nope.”
Room mate: “Sure. Say hello to that nerd for me.”
/he was a Springsteen fan, NTTAWWT
Hey, this Hillary lady’s giving a nice speech.
She should totally run for President next time!
She’s basking as the crowd chants “Lock him up” and is NOT telling them to stop.
I’m generally against an overly punitive legal system and in favor of rehabilitation, but in Trump’s case, what’s to rehabilitate?
hello dnc
dave out of context always rules
Because Hippo is a FARE Hippo (no promises re Other Hippo), I will match the zero minutes I watched of the RNC with zero minutes of the DNC.
If sommet important happens, Josh Marshall will let my Black ass know.
I’m running the PBS stream in the background just so I get counted in the ratings.
Should anyone care to join me…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8zMKDk_UwO0
CNN’s coverage of the DNC (artist’s conception):
its still mid-august. plenty of time for them to fuck this up
also, plenty of time for trump to fuck this up further
remember when trump was convicted and biden’s re-election was a lock? that was a fun week in may. its been a looooong summer.
It’s more fun to think of Trump getting shot and everyone insisting that *he* was a lock.
[wife is making very loud noises in the kitchen while washing cooking implements]
Me: [internal dialogue] “Should we have the fight now out in the open or wait until we’re both in bed? Decisions, decisions…”
Also Scotchy’s internal dialogue: “She ruins the edge on one more knife and…”
Never during dishes. I have a scar across my stomach due to knives being too accessible
The Right Reverend Cesarean Section?
Explains the Mayhem thing
Just make sure there are witnesses around and that you have an escape route pre-planned. Never start a fight, suddenly find yourself in a fight, or in the cold war argument without an escape plan ready to execute.
I’m activating a sleeper cell in Estonia as you speak!
Minshew Mania has rolled into Vegas! Named starting QB of That’s Rikki’s Raiders!
Tonight’s Girlfriend: “Oh god, what’s a Minshew? Should I cover my face?”
Gonna be my soundtrack for the season.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hh1S3Gj8fao
Apparently, I missed the part in the Arsenal/Wolves match where one feller tried to give the man he was guarding the shocker. Somehow? Not VAR’d.
Wait, y’all are gonna START that resurrected dead guy this season? At least you get to play the Jest and P*ts 4x, he could cover those chucklefucks even if still actively dead.
They just can’t start him on a short week of rest…
There better be a HUGE “but …” (balls …) because just seeing that gif makes me want to choke Jason Sudekis to death with his own severed penis. Assuming Olivia Wilde hasn’t already.
My wife and I watched “State of the Union” with Hepburn and Tracy. Both were fantastic of course but I was surprised how much of the same issues we are facing, they were having as well back in the 50’s. Alan Ladd is awesome in it as well. And Hepburn is absolutely beautiful. But do watch it for the political stuff, a bit ham handed by today’s standard, but still relevant. And in watching it, I wondered how cynical and pessimistic we would sound to them with their idealism. The terror they show towards communism has me laughing but really should I?
Condition: Fresh from the oven lasagna
Yes. The poors and lefty losers like me know our place
Yes, I know they were Republican, I was referring more to the shittyness of politics and how it was all a numbers game just like it is today
The main political snake in that movie – he was one of the assholes who had almost begged to rat to McCarthy at the hearings, which he did voraciously. Hepburn hated him, I mean that old timey righteous fate, so the only times the two of them spoke was during their scenes and only their dialogue. It really comes through in the movie. And Alan Ladd was a national treasure.
Gerrymandering was invented in 1812.
DFO: Come for the football and dick jokes, stay for the shout-outs to Elbridge Gerry!
Some words I like and don’t use as often as I like: gerrymander, deprecated, and ancillary.
That Steelers preseason game didn’t inspire any confidence.
Either the Steelers’ Defence will be out of this world this year or the Bills’ Offense is going to struggle.
My money is on the latter.