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Wumbo Wednesday With Weaselo Presents The [Door Flies Open] 2024 Fantasy Football Name Guide

Senor Weaselo

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Greetings, and once again, welcome to another fantasy football name guide, a tradition that stands the test of time since the old site, and many other sites that cover football, either of the reality or fantasy kind. Hell, even ESPN’s gotten into the mix.

Which, incidentally, is probably how we know the concept’s in the process of jumping the shark. But they have to keep it PG or you get the ESPN censors saying that that name isn’t allowed, and yeah, those are as clichéd as it gets. But we don’t have that option of censor here, short of just dropping racial slurs. (Which will of course wait until the presidential debates where Hippo will tell us what the GAMBLOR odds are of Agent Orange doing just that.)

Again, like last year’s and the year before’s, we’ve got things broken into sections. Some might work better for the respective DFO leagues, but again, the world is entirely at your oyster!

Actually based on NFL things (mostly)
Zappedan Fast
Levis’s Manly Mayo Musk
Draft Board Color Code Co.
Green Team (Banned in Brazil)
Jet Sweep Campaign Trail
Stroud-O-Matic
Meet the Jimmy Grahams

JV Footy (we’ll count it)
Slim to NIL

Pop-culture (and some Olympic) references
Fantasy Football sponsored by Snoop Dogg (or Flavor Flav)
Ankara Assassins
Raygun Dance Company
Cybertruck Dumpster Divers
(Team Name Shelved By Zaslav)
Deadpool & Wolverine & Knuckles
Morgan Stanley Yacht Club

Political references (as it is an election year)
War Crime Speedrun
Musical War Profiteers
One More Red Nightmare
Diamond Joe’s Retirement Ice Cream Social
Sofa Kings
Hillbilly L-Sectional
Chotchkie’s Ear Pillows
The White Badge of Stupid
Brainworm Buffet
Central Park Bear Patrol
Ballz to the Walz (Rockingdog)
White Guy Taco Night
Kamala’s Racial Draft
Dixieland Jizz

DFO-specific references
Unfrozen Sex Dwarf Lawyer
Hippospeak Translators
Great-Great-Great Grandsons of Gilkey
Zooropa All-Stars
Blair Witches

Okay, that’s a solid starting point. Have at you!

News:

-Bo Nix will be QB1 for Donks Woo! He’s the first Broncos rookie QB since Elway.

–Feud Watch! Brian Flores wishes his former QB the best as he attempts to sidestep the beef with Tua.

-Meanwhile in Jerrahworld, the talks with CeeDee Lamb on an extension have been “promising.”

What’s on TV?
Baseball and stuff:
-Good-record teams who played a terrible game last night: Baseballdacteds vs. RE-SIGN SOTO (CLE vs. NYY, 7:00, Amazon Prime)
-Beer Team vs. Best Fans of Beer Team (MIL vs. STL, 7:45, FS1)

Yeah, that’s the big stuff. Go forth and comment!

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Gumbygirl

Here’s a pop culture ff name for us old fucks- Fleetwood Mac and Cheese

6
rockingdog

Whoa
They got Tim Walz neighbor to talk at the DNC!
He seems like a cool guy!

And look they got the HS football team!!! 🏈
Hahahaha!

That’s Rocking!

6
rockingdog

“When we’re stuck in the snow bank, they push us out!”
Hahahaha!

That’s Rocking!

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I appreciated that there was a mix of very polished and quite unpolished speakers.

3
Dunstan

I tried to search for this but couldn’t find it, though I doubt I’m the first to think of it.

Can someone with more skills than me put together a Fairey-style “Hope” Obama poster, only with Trump and/or Vance and the word “Weird”?

0
Dunstan

Found this one — knew it had to be out there

il_794xN.6183901762_kqcj.jpg
7
rockingdog

Watching the DNC event
Hey that’s John Legend!
He’s signing Let’s Go Crazy!

That’s Rockingggg!

3
BugEyedBoo

.

6ce9796d3125060246250c72eab91a46569b9343e668b2aa2f998eab4e8a330b.jpg
8
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You couldn’t pay a child to love you more than Gus Walz clearly loves his own father. Unless you were Matt Gaetz, of course, and that would be an entirely different kind of love.

4
rockingdog

Found a funny:

Mr. Kenobi has referred to Mos Eisley as a “wretched hive of scum and villainy.” But we sat down with some patrons at a local cantina and they painted a very different picture of life in the the struggling spaceport town and explained why they continue to support Mr. Jabba’s leadership.

7
rockingdog

There is more!
Hahahaha!

These are Rocking!

https://bsky.app/profile/richterscale.bsky.social/post/3l2afofnh4k2y

4
Dunstan

Fact Check: Darth Vader claimed that “Obi-Wan lied to you about your father.” But what Mr. Kenobi said was, in fact, true, from a certain point of view.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Polifact rates this “mostly true”.

5
Redshirt

Star Wars: Return of the Jedi: Special Special Special Edition Ending

Luke: “The Emperor is dead! You’re free!”
Muggle: “But what of the Empire?”
Leia: “I’m certain it will return to the Republic.”
Muggle: “The same Republic led by corrupt Senators who neglected the poor Outer Rim in favor to the more populous and wealthy worlds?”
Luke: “But the Emperor was evil!”
Muggle: “Who favored a strong Educational system, infrastructure and housing for the poor and elderly!”
Leia: “Okay, fine! We’ll do it better this time! You can trust our judgment.”
Muggle: “Are you the two siblings who made out on the Hoth outpost?”
Luke: “We didn’t know we were siblings then!”
Leia: “I did.”

(cue Star Wars theme and End Credits)

8
Horatio Cornblower

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRE8LcaewYbhoeFZ7GY7elt_-hrt9e5yfhqsw&s

Last edited 1 year ago by Horatio Cornblower
0
jjfozz

I won’t give details of last night’s dream, but here is a direct quote:

“She uses shredded cheese and it’s supposed to feel amazing, and it sounds really sexy.”

No lie.

10
Redshirt

Old fat guys wearing their High School Football Jerseys. I take back my previous comment, they are pandering to Republicans.

6
blaxabbath

Damn man. I am going HAM trying to get this work all done so I can fly our on Saturday. Anyone here have a brother in the like continuous industrial printer business? I’d like to pay him for his consulting and/or purchase of the printer for me.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wes Moore looks like he was created in a lab to star in a Michael Bay movie.

comment image

2
Redshirt

What was he staring at to go from “Political Portrait” to “Full Eye F*** Mode”?

0
Doktor Zymm

Maryland flag cameo!

FB_IMG_1724199093163.jpg
5
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Brain dump of possible names:

NFL Death Spiral
CTEvolution
Hard Knockers
Kroenke’s Krumpled Krew
Bill Belichick’s Snuff Film Studies Program
The Rotting Corpse of Jerry Jones
Swiftie Boat Veterans for Truth
Jason Was the One True Kelce
NFL JACKED UP Presented by Kellen Winslow
Jovan Belcher’s Cleaning Crew
Three Yards and a Cloud of Virginia McCaskey
Aaron Rodgers Is A Festering Bowl of Dog Snot

1
Dunstan

Robert Kraft’s Happy Endings
Wichita Neutrals
Britt Reid’s Designated Drivers

1
Redshirt

Joe Burrow’s Perpetual Rehab

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Tonight’s DNC seems pretty chill – it’s like tonight’s the night they reassure all the old white Democrats that things aren’t going to get *too* crazy.

3
BrettFavresColonoscopy

How does it feel to finally be a target demographic?

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

…and of course the musical act to close out the night is “Let’s Go Crazy”.

4
Redshirt

I’ll refrain from posting SPOILERS about the closing song to “I’m Not the Bad Guy, Duh” theme tomorrow.

1
Redshirt

They should’ve picked a night to reassure Anti-Trump Republicans and Independents as well.

“We’re just going to make it harder for bad persons to get guns, but you guys are cool, so you’ll still have guns.”

“Yeah, abortions suck and between you, me and the four walls, we hate it a little bit, too. But let’s make them safe. We’ll work to strengthen the adoption options as well, so we’re doing this both Pro-Choice and Pro-Life.”

2
Dunstan

Maybe they can bring out Hilary to do the Macarena again. That may have been the whitest thing ever at a DNC.

0
Redshirt

If they bring out Hillary again, as BLEERGH is my witness, I’ll vote for Trump twice!

4
Dunstan

How deplorable!

3
Horatio Cornblower

Todd Marinovich’s Couch seems like a decent FF name, but I feel like I need to workshop it a little.

2
ArmedandHammered

Couch Surfing with Todd Marinovich?

2
Dunstan

“Tell me more….” — J.D., Ohio

2
litre_cola

comment image

You see I stamp my pills with my initials, so when you turn it upside down it’s like 2 wins.

8
Horatio Cornblower

Guy looks like he just got off Todd Marinovich’s couch, (which is beneath an underpass), and rolled into work and I would take him over Capt. Blue Bunny in a cocaine heartbeat.

2
litre_cola

McDaniel’s Merry Meth Makers?

2
Redshirt

From 0-6 to 11-6. The Reds have somehow condensed the bipolar season into a game.

IMG_0113.jpeg
1
ArmedandHammered

Yacht Wreck – soulful music for billionaires to slowly drown by.

4
Horatio Cornblower

I hate Yahoo’s character limit on names, because it keeps me from stealing from Shoresy, naming my team ‘Andrew Lloyd Weber Presents The Jims’ then only drafting guys names James, Jim, or Jimmy.

6
litre_cola

There is not Ligue Trois yet. But that would get you there.

3
Horatio Cornblower

I’d be down in the National League immediately.

3
Doktor Zymm

Yeah, I had a whole movie title that Sofa Loren was starring in, but had to keep it just to Sofa Loren

6
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Once, when I was in Chicago, at the DNC, I met a mysterious old former President. He said he was about to die and wanted to talk to me about the election. I said, “Okay, as long as it’s not a long story. Some of us have a plane to catch, you know.” He started telling his story, about the election and his administration and all, and I thought: “This story isn’t too long.” But then, he kept going, and I started thinking, “Uh-oh, this story is getting long.” But then, the story was over, and I said to myself: “You know, that story wasn’t too long after all.” I forget what the story was about, but there was a good movie on the plane. It was a little long, though.

Last edited 1 year ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
2
Horatio Cornblower

Mrs. Horatio is watching the convention and I’ve walked by three times and Bill Clinton has been on each time and each time I would have bet the house he would have died before finishing whatever sentence he was on.

Nevertheless, he persisted.

5
Sharkbait

I need one more good name for my money league. I like the yacht club one, but I think theres a better one out there involving communist orcas

1
Doktor Zymm

The Orcatober Revolution?

2
ArmedandHammered

Not communist related – AP’s FF orca themed team: Killer Whaling on the Kids

2
Horatio Cornblower

The best/worst name I ever saw was on KSK, right after the Aurora theater shootings, when someone had The Dark Knight Rises And Fires and holy shit do you have to be out of your mind to use that then.

Anyway, if you use it now no one will know what you’re talking about.

5
Sharkbait

I was Casey Anthony Daycare after she got acquitted. I also won the league that season

4
Horatio Cornblower

Hey, she was innocent, so it’s all good.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Black & White & Dead All Over

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Orcanized Crime

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Someone pointed out that Trump speaking behind his bulletproof glass looks like a sad old goldfish and I can’t stop laughing.

10
ArmedandHammered

I like to imagine what he would look like behind bars.

1
Gumbygirl

Your wish is my command!

ElTGH4QWkAIDBws (1).jpeg
2
Sharkbait

I’m Couchfuckers FC in the Vodka league

1
litre_cola

I believe I will keep the same name to make sure everyone keeps their head on a swivel.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My team this year is named Gimli’s Groin Grabbers.

1
litre_cola

You have Lowratio’s attention. (I assume he is a hobbit)

2
Horatio Cornblower

He’s a dwarf from the Iron Hills, and you have made a powerful, if stubby, enemy.

I’d advise you to watch your shins.

4
litre_cola

Right where the ferocious litre_pug likes em.

1
Horatio Cornblower

I’m sensing a wagering opportunity here, albeit one in extremely bad taste and more than likely against certain union regulations.

0
ArmedandHammered

A Mister R. Mexico is on the line to inquire about said opportunity.

3
Sharkbait

comment image

12
rockingdog

Found a funny:

The Harris/Emhoff family (modern, blended, Californian, high powered lawyers) interacting with the Walz family (traditional, midwestern, teachers) is like the set up to a tv show/sitcom

Lmao

7
ArmedandHammered

Holy shit, Spelling would’ve eaten that up. A modern Jeffersons.

2
Horatio Cornblower

Norman Lear: “Nah, too far-fetched.”

2
LemonJello

Kouch Kushion Kopulation?

Couch Cushion Copulator?

3
rockingdog

Found an Obama size comparison meme generator

https://imgflip.com/memegenerator/545897577/Obama-size-comparison

Seems Rockingggg!

2
Mr. Ayo

comment image

12
LemonJello

“Hmmpphh, he wishes.”
-D. Favre

1
Gumbygirl

Trump’s mushroom dick

910t6u.jpg
2
LemonJello

Ooh! Bearsenschiesse Film Klub

There’s a championship FF team name!

9
LemonJello

I just changed my Lowratio League team name to Bearsenschiesse Barons.

Hello, promotion to Freezer Vodka League!

3
Redshirt

“One More Red Nightmare”

I come here to forget about the Reds, not be reminded of them.

3
rockingdog

You put my team name on the list!
Balls to the Walz!
Yay! That’s Rockingggg!!

I also like White Guy Taco Nite 🌮

3
Doktor Zymm

I think I’m setting a new record for packing light with all luggage coming in around 10 lbs (4.5 kg)
I could probably get it down to 8, but a few non-essentials are worth it

1
LemonJello

I’m sure having a worldwide network of well-stocked secret labs/lairs doesn’t hurt the traveling light efforts.

4
Gumbygirl

You should do a post about what’s in your travel bag. I am a horrible overpacker. Teach me your ways!

2
Doktor Zymm

That would be fun! My best tip is silk pyjamas, they’re comfy, pack down small and light, and are appropriate even for formal occasions!

2
litre_cola

/Silky Gerrard nods and smiles

3
ArmedandHammered

Stan’s Sentient Toupee

2
Doktor Zymm

BoNix Best Boneitis Balm
comment image/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/1000?cb=20210921165438

3
scotchnaut

Jesus Blankie AKA Stroud of Turin.

3
ballsofsteelandfury

I thought the definitive DFO-specific name this year was Dok’s Spider Tits

5
ArmedandHammered

I have a random question – If you preferred love seats over couches, does that mean you like dwarf women or a pedo? Does the age of the couch matter, just how old was that couch from the novel?

2
ArmedandHammered

And since couches can’t give consent, I guess it could be considered rape.

2
ArmedandHammered

Team name “Pedo-couch rapist” or is that too political? So confused, so stoned, so cold and I thought I knew her so well.

3
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