Long-winded? Yes. Self-explanatory? Also yes. Will I still explain it? Third yes.
Welcome to a longstanding tradition passed down the years through various websites that we have cared to frequent. It’s your guide to fantasy football names! I’m your host, Senor Weaselo.
A good fantasy football team name has many things. Humor, random cultural references, risqué material, football references. Essentially, it’s what the Wikipedia article on the old site referred to as its (and DFO’s) genre, high-minded vulgarity. It is, in itself, an art form.
So, we’ve collected and come up with some good ones from, well, whoever’s brain. Is this an exhaustive list? Heck no. Feel free to come up with your own good ones below, or horde it for yourselves.
Without further ado:
NFL/NFL Related
Jetski Holiday
RB Cratchit
Alien vs. Watson (or, Alien vs. Matt Gaetz)
Stefon’s Shtreimels (I am obligated to take this if I draft Stefon Diggs)
Hackett (and) Slash
Canton Darkness Retreat
Monsters of the MID
Gambling Suspensions sponsored by DraftKings
God of WR
Johnny iPad
Johnny and Kyler’s Film Room
M&M Films
The Micah Parsons Project
Turnstilin’ on ‘Em
Coach Prime’s Blood Clot (WCS)
Kickstart My Heart (Sharkbait)
Blindsided (GTD)
Koach Kliff Khaos (Hippo)
Late Night Boutte Call (Sharkbait)
JV Footy (sure, we’ll take it)
Suicide PAC
A&PCC
Other non-footy sports (eh, get started for next season!)
Wanderlust (my best friend from HS)
Down in Front of Us
Process of Alienation
One-Man League
General Cultural References
John-Jacob Barbenheimer Schmidt
PEACHES (or Daisies if you think she’s the superior princess)
X
Only Murders in Small Town X
Xitteratti
Politics
George Santos Imaginarium
Mar-a-Lago Storage Facility
Hunter Biden’s Penus (Hippo, “spelled in Gob Bluth”)
Affirmative Action’s Caskey (Jalen Ramsey Show)
Z Sunflower Receivers
Hamberders & Indict Cokes
Four Seasons Bail Bonds
DFO-Specific and Others
Hobo Shank Steak
ChatGPTSD
Mountain Dew DNA Remover
Scrotal Recall (Spam)
Get Bris or Die Trying (Reverend)
Houston Texans
These, and more, can be yours, if you only see what the inner machinations of your brain can come up with! Now for news.
-Chiefs DT Chris Jones is saying that he’s willing to hold out until Week 8 regarding his contract. Jones has one season left on his 4 year, $80M deal. Andy Reid stated “there’s been no communication” with Jones.
-Titans CB Caleb Farley’s house exploded, likely from a gas leak. Unfortunately, his father was found dead in the debris and another person was injured.
-Commies WR Terry McLaurin’s MRI came back with no major damage to his toe and the team hopes he’ll be able to make Week 1. He’s listed as day-to-day.
-Panthers RB Miles Sanders (groin) also expects to be ready for Week 1.
-On the other hand, WR Corey Davis announced his retirement on Instagram.
Sports on tonight:
Baseball
New York’s *flip a coin* More Disappointing Baseball Team vs. *angry chopping intensifies* (NYM vs. ATL) (7:20, MLBN)
Northeast Team I Hate vs. Texan Team I Hate (BOS vs. HOU) (8:10, MLBN)
LLWS action:
Nolansville, TN vs. El Segundo, CA (7:00, ESPN)
ESPN The Ocho (replays) (on ESPNEWS)
Omegaball (3-team, 5-aside lesser footy) (8:00)
Dodgeball (9:00)
Kickball (10:00)
Quadball (formerly Muggle Quidditch) (11:00)
GAMBLOR Special!
Central American Cup: CD Aguila San Miguel (El Salvador) vs. CSD Comunicaciones (Guatemala) (10:00, FS2)
Early Bird Chess!
FIDE Chess World Cup Final/3rd Place Tiebreakers from Baku, Azerbaijan (approx. 6 AM tomorrow streaming on YouTube, also Free Artsakh)
Championship: Magnus Carlsen (World #1, current GOAT track, though he has food poisoning) vs. Rameshbabu Praggnanandhaa (youngest finalist, just turned 18, beat both Hikaru Nakamura [#2] and Fabiano Caruana [#3] in tourney)
Third Place: Fabiano Caruana (World #3 by Elo, probably #2 after this tournament) vs. Nijat Abosov (hometown Cinderella story of the tournament, currently ranked #97 by FIDE)
Lastly, can the Yankees accomplish a feat they haven’t done since before World War I when Frank Chance (of Tinker to Evers to Chance fame) was manager? Well, Luis Severino’s pitching, so I’d say it’s a pretty good chance.
Pray for Spam, because Ohtani tore his UCL and will not pitch again this season.
Thoughts and prayers. I definitely wasn’t taunting him just last night about Ohtani.
Oh shit, and Trout is going back to the IL. Halos gonna Halo.
I was afraid it was that. When I heard elbow and reduced speed, I immediately thought of Tommy John.
Ah, the always entertaining DFO Political Discussion
The rare gig-related potential name, straight from today: Facefucking Sesame Chicken
I wish there was an old Simpsons joke about India landing a craft on the lunar surface.
It’d be perfect here.
Unfortunately, Poochie died on the way to his home planet.
Apuuchie?
love watching the llws, the bloomin onion to the prime dirtbaw watching season (sept pennant/wildcard races abound, fuck watching baseball before august)
the stella weaver run at the llws was cool as all hell to watch, but i felt espn put a tad too much spotlight on her
nah, not because she’s a just a 12 year old girl, but come on…even *I* knew do NOT get attached to sports teams from tennessee; you KNOW how it ends
Here’s something that’ll make you feel old:
There was a feature about Purple Jesus on and kids were tweeting the creator & mocking him because he called Peterson AD, not AP. Those kids didn’t know Peterson ‘s nickname was AD 😳
Allreadytobeatatoddler’sgenitalareauntilthereare
Darkbruises
Abuse
DoozNutz
This generation doesn’t value running backs.
DeSantis looks like Alfred E. Newman.
I wanna know who the 9 other people were who were stupid enough to get on that plane
From what I read, it was full of Wagner higher ups.
If true, that’s less a hitjob and more Suicide by Cop.
“Is being special flight to glorious future! Join, comrades!”
FC Cincy and Inter Miami CF is in a Shootout in the US Open Semis.
So, apparently Barbie was modelled after a German sex worker?
https://youtu.be/xEDV5xZp4nY?si=pe6pchOll_FMJtpm
Yup. Did you get that nugget from the Barbie movie?
Yes, Klaus Barbie.
If anyone is watching the debates, when it comes to acceptable Republican alternatives, on a scale of Perfectly Acceptable to Hysterical Laughtercrying, how screwed am I in next year’s election?
Tim Scott? I mean, he’s worth your primary vote, I guess. Can’t hardly say that about anyone else.
It’s why we all must pray every night that Perfectly Acceptable Diamond Joe stays alive. Or at least -ish.
The Democratic Party has had 8 years of this shit. How do they not have someone in their farm system ready to take over by now?!
EXACTLY!!
CAUSE WE’RE HORRIBLE AT POLITICS
Julian Castro, but he’s kinda on the outs with Biden after his campaign went down in flames in 2020.
lol there’s Harris (who people hate for some WEIRD reason), Newsom (from COMMIEFORNIA), Mayor Pete (yawn from me, but he’s fine), Jeffries (after he’s Speaker for a bit), Gov. Gretch, and also a left-of-center veggie tray would make a better president than any Fascist asshole, I mean, conservative.
The point is, one party wants to run the country to help the majority of its people, and the other loves fascism, so don’t fret about the Dem bench.
Gretchen Whitmer is not tanned, but rested and ready. It would just be bloody as a severed jugular to get her to the nomination NOW.
Thus, Diamond Joe, punt to 2028.
Yeah, barring health issues, it’s Joecephus next year period.
2028 is honestly probably Harris. State AG, US Senator, then 8 years as VP. I’d bet a couple shekels she’s the next nominee post-Joe.
You want the Republicans to win in 2028?
There is no way in hell Americans will vote for a woman president let alone a woman of color.
Disagree totally. Americans voted in Hillary by 2 million votes and she was HATED.
The GOP ain’t winning a national election until they reckon with Trump, so 2028 will be a Dem. Just depends on which one.
Trump will be dead by 2028.
I’m sorry, I forgot about President Hillary…
lol yes I know she lost but that’s because people in Wyoming have their votes count for much more than ours, because…reasons?
And I was wrong…she beat Trump by closer to 3 million than 2.
Kinda my point
Then I missed it which is fine, let’s drink and discuss asses.
Can we do a Duke Brothers bet from Trading Places?
Always up for a bet, even if it’s high dollar.
it took a giant collapse for murica to vote for a man of color as prez
it took a plague for murica to vote for a woman of color as VP
its gonna take BOTH for harris to win…
(on the bright side, the GOP is actively trying to conjure both as we speak)
But you overestimate the alternative which is…?
I’m think Scott or Christie. I had heard good things about Ramaswamy, but I heard him on CNN and he came across like a more refined version of Trump or Ted Cruz but with charisma.
He wants to change the voting age to 25. Fuck that, fuck him.
With exceptions for those who serve in the military, though! Fascist motherfucker thinks Starship Troopers is an instruction manual.
I watched him hit tennis balls, though, he’s pretty good at that.
Which would need a Constitutional amendment, and good luck getting 3/4 of the states to ratify “The sky is blue.”
Ramaswamy is legitimately tech-bro insane
As far as the quality of the Republican Alternatives are concerned, you’re not going to get screwed at all, at best you’ll get a very slight ball tugging.
It’s going to be the Libertarian ticket.
White people sure have produced a lot of ugly.
One thing we’re very good at!
It’s surprised we got invited to do the Humpty Hump, y’all
I disagree
My love of the Monty Python aesthetic compels me to post this with no context whatsoever.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YeXfP4sbw1k&ab_channel=CarlKingLewis
Needs more Gabe Kaplan
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSw2cFXx44g&ab_channel=ForgottenMedia
Back when The Battle of the Network Stars really mattered!
Interpol Spokesman says Pringozhin was victim to a well-defined aircraft sabotage scheme. Investigators have seen this same modus operandi in multiple other cases of Russian executions. The name of this international assassin?
You guessed it.
Frank Stallone.
I’m starting to think that guy is kind of a jerk!
OJ killed his wife, some waiter, and Pringozhin.
Hey, if the wing doesn’t fit, you must acquit!
Who would have thought a qb who went to school in North Dakota didn’t have proper game speed?
America: [throws a few indictments at a former president]
Putin: “Oh! [waves hands around making a sarcastic face] You dumb fucking Americans with your ‘Fuck Around And Find Out’! [spits on ground in Russian] All you need to do is push a button! So easy!”
So true
Thinking about Pringles’ final moments and wondering if his thoughts were anything like the ones of Yamamoto as imagined by Neal Stephenson in this chapter of Crytonomicon.
https://tentacle.net/~chrisr/bookshelf/Stephenson,%20Neal%20-%20Cryptonomicon/slide41.html
My favorite bit:
Though to be historically accurate, Yamamoto was most likely already dead at this point, via a bullet to the head from the attacking P-38.
You know I’m not reading all that.
If you think *that’s* a lot to read, you should check out the whole thing. It’s over 1000 pages.
Fuck that book and fuck fake root beer!
Too bad the ending kind of sucks. It has that Neal Stephenson ending style, where it just kind of stops.
Like the Ashlii Babbit autobiography.
There are few things in life that are certain, but one of them is that I will never get tired of Ashlii Babbit jokes.
I like Ray Smith’s mug shot best; he’s going for “tough guy” but only managed to achieve “petulant baby with unfortunate hair”
21 Grump Street
Sheriff Patrick Labat has his name in the history books.
AZ has a State Mine Inspector gig I’m gonna go get someday.
Squiggy!
Me: Why do i feel naseuous when working out?
The First Article’s Banner Image:
THIS KEN CHEESEBRO I CALL HIM AARON HERNANDEZ BECAUSE THAT’S ONE HANDSOME PATRIOT WHO WON’T BE ABLE TO HANDLE THE PENITENTIARY BUTT-SEX FOR MORE THAN A COUPLE YEARS UNTIL HE DOES HIMSELF IN!
I think some Russian generals might be a tad nervous right now.
Never agree to a meeting above the 2nd floor.
They knew the risks they were taking when they chose to be Russian!
This is the most Russian evergreen comment ever.
Everfrozentundra
Prigozhin was playing third-dimensional chess and Putin was playing with explosives.
He sent an armored force to the capital and then stopped halfway there. Dude, if you try to kill the king you better kill him.
THIS.
As soon as he stopped, I knew he was dead.
In Mother Russia, Government slams plane into Terrorist Pennsylvania field!
Dude couldn’t beat Ukraine. Why am i not surprised he lost to Putin?
Vlad really should just bring over Mike Flynn to run their war machine.
“Run”? You spelled “Ruin” wrong.
Re: Affirmative Action’s Casket
It looks like EGG drove that bitch straight into the ground. I’m only really interested in it bc if that JRS post but, best I can tell…well look, remember when Kansas went full Darnold with Brownback and the Kansas Experiment? That’s about what WVU did ( they grossly overestimated enrollment for long term budget projections…. and long term is now now).
And now EGG is just waking away. I can’t say enough bad things about the fraternity that operates the nation’s major public universities.
E. Gordon Gee does it again! He’s the Space Karen of higher education administrators.
You let him go in the Sun?!
Four Indictments and a Funeral
/for the optimists out there
God it would be satisfying if one of them blew their own brains out. So satisfying.
One of the nobodies in GA. Like the clowns who copied the data. The entire Cult would turn on them before the brainmatter was dry.
I dunno. Robert Smith is a pretty nice guy!
– Gumby
Of course historical shit happens after I put this in the can.
If only you had control over time and human action. Maybe try a little harder next time, huh?
.
Vlad’s Discount Airlines
Upon examination of the shrapnel-riddled wreckage, Russian authorities have fixed the cause as “passenger error.”
Shouldn’t like Dan Crenshaw be “asking questions” because no one ever suggested this flight was going anywhere other than to…..
You guessed it.
Hunter Biden Island
Ben Gazzi is still at large!
See this is what happens when you let state employees work from home. Someone’s cat walks across the keyboard while they’re processing important birth certificate paperwork.
In fairness he’s Indian.
NATIVE AMERICAN!!!!
Rudy Jailiani.
Looks like Putin is cleaning up some loose ends.
“Putin’s Loose Ends” sounds like a name any team I would be in charge of should have…
BeefReeferLives: [opens mail from the court]
Mail: You’re getting punished like Emillo Estevez in Mighty Ducks for getting that dui. Show up with a new name for your kids team, District 5, at 6:30pm on Thursday, August…..
“PEACHES (or Daisies if you think she’s the superior princess)”
No comment.
Last quote from the bit, IIRC: “At Black Angus, your name is Peaches”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kM_xDjhkOU4