It’s been a long time coming for a game that counts in the regular season standings but we’re here and it’s great. [mutes TV] I’ll provide my own ball-washing should I feel the need, thank you very much! A few little notes and then I’ll wax elephant regarding the tilt on offer.
-Darius Slay, no doubt influenced by folks on twitter, said some dumb, ill-informed things about Sao Paolo and is now walking it back. No doubt influenced by folks on twitter, he’s saying all nice things about the country and how he can’t wait to play there. Fucking dumbass.
-The Steelers essentially replaced Matt Canada with Arthur Smith (a real American name, damnit!) and one might be inclined to believe the results may be nearly the same. Also, Russell Wilson has an ankle owie but I’m sure he’ll be fine to start.
-The teen that shot Niners rookie wr Rickey Pearsall was mighty contrite at his arraignment, saying he was “very sorry”. Well, that just about wraps that up-silly kids and their gun-related shenanigans, have you ever?
To The Game!
Ravens/Chiefs:
-If you’ve the memory of a gerbil like me, these squadoos met in the AFC Champeenship and we know how that went down.
-Many a Baltimore fan was angry and perplexed that their team ran only 11 times after the 1st quarter that day, seemingly wandering away from their strength. Are they going to lean even harder into the run game this year? A certain signing would leave one to believe so.
-Lamar is 1-4 vs Mahomes but guess what, most everybody is. Something I did not know-he finished 4th in both passer rating and yards per attempt. The gossip was that he really worked on his delivery/throwing motion and that bore fruit.
-The other (huge) piece, King Henry enters his age 30 season and I’ve no doubt he’ll have a monster season barring injury. Though one must say that age 30+ rb’s that are effective are a rare breed. I think back to John Riggins, Adrian Peterson, Ottis Anderson, Frank Gore and Ricky Williams. The thing that those guys had in common though was that they missed entire seasons or didn’t play regularly for long stretches of time so had escaped the thousands of hits they’d otherwise rack up.
-Proppage-Isiah Pacheko is marked down at 80.5 combined yardage and with Clyde Edwards-Helaire out at the moment this looks like a gimee. Also, Rashee Rice looks like he’s going over his 5.5 receptions number unless Kelce decides to turn into a ballhog.
Welcome back, we’ve missed you!
We are one million percent into “… then as farce.”
https://twitter.com/internetarchive/status/1831784233414906355?s=12
Beetlejuice looks like they shot it in Meow Wolf.
The fat fucking Balmer boy can eat every dick in the Mid-Atlantic
Stavvy?
“text anywhere via satellite” – aka, tell someone “lol” for a mere $50
God I love a good jet sweep.
“Oh, you said ‘good’ jet sweep…”
— Matt C., current parts unknown
A sweep? Buddy, we’re not even maintaining the doors.
-Boeing
45-45 tie?
And my Freezer Vodka team bench gets the second TD of the season, lol
SUDDEN CHANGE!
Harrison Butker
University at the Republic of Gilead
Brittany Mahomes would like to know more about this institution of higher learning.
TayTay needs to kick her in the cooch, knock some sense into her.
Guile Head?
I really hate it when my team has a “bad” year and they win the Owl. Yeah, that’s tough alright.
Rice runs like he drives; just plowing into whoever is in front of him!
Running backs named Rice and hitting things go together like peanut butter and jelly
Lamar showing off legs at the start
Off to sell beer. Later gators. I’ll be at the Seahawks home opener, and hopefully will have some stories to share.
#FuckRogerGoodell
Don’t you really need to just offer beer? Its sells itself.
Go C’s!
My Freezer Vodka team is the proud recipient of the first TD of the season!
Clear lack of chemistry in the Henry TD celebration. For shame, Ratbirds!
Real Talk, DonT. Did that hurt a little?
He just wants Tractorcito to be happy. Really. He’s glad.
TRACTORCITO!
I haven’t seen her since Theon Greyjoy tossed her off the Winterfell battlements.
Looks like she did well on the rebound.
FUCK
We’re JUST 3 minutes in and my wife is already asleep leaning on me and I can’t get up for another beer without disturbing her. FACK
You didn’t put a couch minifridge on the gift registry?
I saw JD Vance’s review of that thing, he said it was too frigid.
Just more reason to replace the end table with a beer fridge.
You already got your ring. Get up and get your beer. What’s the worst that can happen?
A game of Flag Football broke out
Flagaggedon, I’m sure this won’t get tiresome at all!
Harbaugh’s got to be so happy to see his offense hasn’t missed a beat since the end of last season. They’re still playing Kansas City and they’re still completely inept.
SO. MUCH. BLEERGH.
First first down of the season!
DRINK!
Way ahead of you
First penalty of the season!
DRINK!
CHUH CHUH
4th and 5th now!
Way ahead of you
only a matter of time before one of the players says they’re from Wakanda Tech during the Intros.
“School of hard knocks”
The Charles Xavier School for Gifted Students
BLEERGH making its presence known early in the season.
PRAISE BE
Well, Henry’s knee survived the first play.
and teh 2nd!
That’s better than how QAaron fared!
VACCINES ARE GOOD FOR LIGAMENTS!
You know, I was so sure I was going to learn the new kickoff rules before the season started.
But then you would be bored when they repeatedly explain them to us!
I’m ignoring them. Imaginary rules!
About damn time
…and yet STILL a touchback. try again, nfl
No problem with this singer, but raising “that our flag was still there” is fake difficulty.
At this rate, we may as well get Porky to wander in. The Superb Owl will kick off before this game does.
THIS PRE GAME LEMME TELL YA I CALL IT NINA HARTLEY ON A TUESDAY BECAUSE WE HAVE TAKEN SOMETHING SO LONG AND SO HARD BUT FINALLY, FINALLY AT LONG LAST THE BALLS HAVE COME
Why is Melissa Stark wearing a tablecloth?
its my tablecloth and its all we could find
Well if that bomber is supposed to be so stealthy, how come we can all see it???!
I thought those weren’t supposed to be able to fly in the rain
That’s the F-35
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73ZsDdK0sTI
It’s Enrico Palazzo!
Ah, stealth bomber. In 5 minutes cool
Hopefully on its way for a little job near Kursk
nah, the russians are doing a fine job fucking up themselves
How have they not figured this out? Do a PIP with the ASL person. You can do this morons!
If anyone is interested, Super Bowl ticket packages are available NOW!
https://onlocationexp.com/nfl/super-bowl-ticket-packages
God bless being on a season ticket mailing list.
They start at $7500 for:
Since it’s NOLA, it’s likely Bobby Hebert or Steve Gleason.
WHAT’S STOPPING YOU?!
Oh, and hi. I’m here until I have to see beer at the ball game.
Your autodraft last night was something.
Oh, ’twas. I was driving home when it occurred. The only pick I actually made was the Chiefs D, who I’ve sat tonight because I expect it to be ugly.
Another anthem?
WHEN ARE THEY GONNA GET TO THE FIREWORKS FACTORY 😭😭😭
More songs????
Gentlemen.
Where?
GOD WE ARE SO FUCKING BACK
HOW THE FUCK Y’ALL DOING
fackin’ a FACK!!!!!
Hm, actually, since the US national anthem was written in Baltimore I’m kind of surprised they play it at Ravens’ away games
How is Henne still out here just being a gum-chomping cocky-ass lucky bastard?
Maybe someone was trying to explain the concept of ‘leftovers’ to Andy Reid
BAN OWNERS!
I’d say drown them in cheese, but that’s just physically impossible.
That’s babies are baptized there.
See ya guys, I’m off to KC to inject Kelce with polio