Back In The Saddle Again-Your First REAL Thursday Night NFL Football Open Thread of 2024

It’s been a long time coming for a game that counts in the regular season standings but we’re here and it’s great. [mutes TV] I’ll provide my own ball-washing should I feel the need, thank you very much! A few little notes and then I’ll wax elephant regarding the tilt on offer.

-Darius Slay, no doubt influenced by folks on twitter, said some dumb, ill-informed things about Sao Paolo and is now walking it back. No doubt influenced by folks on twitter, he’s saying all nice things about the country and how he can’t wait to play there. Fucking dumbass.

-The Steelers essentially replaced Matt Canada with Arthur Smith (a real American name, damnit!) and one might be inclined to believe the results may be nearly the same. Also, Russell Wilson has an ankle owie but I’m sure he’ll be fine to start.

-The teen that shot Niners rookie wr Rickey Pearsall was mighty contrite at his arraignment, saying he was “very sorry”. Well, that just about wraps that up-silly kids and their gun-related shenanigans, have you ever?

To The Game!

Ravens/Chiefs:

-If you’ve the memory of a gerbil like me, these squadoos met in the AFC Champeenship and we know how that went down.

-Many a Baltimore fan was angry and perplexed that their team ran only 11 times after the 1st quarter that day, seemingly wandering away from their strength. Are they going to lean even harder into the run game this year? A certain signing would leave one to believe so.

-Lamar is 1-4 vs Mahomes but guess what, most everybody is. Something I did not know-he finished 4th in both passer rating and yards per attempt. The gossip was that he really worked on his delivery/throwing motion and that bore fruit.

-The other (huge) piece, King Henry enters his age 30 season and I’ve no doubt he’ll have a monster season barring injury. Though one must say that age 30+ rb’s that are effective are a rare breed. I think back to John Riggins, Adrian Peterson, Ottis Anderson, Frank Gore and Ricky Williams. The thing that those guys had in common though was that they missed entire seasons or didn’t play regularly for long stretches of time so had escaped the thousands of hits they’d otherwise rack up.

-Proppage-Isiah Pacheko is marked down at 80.5 combined yardage and with Clyde Edwards-Helaire out at the moment this looks like a gimee. Also, Rashee Rice looks like he’s going over his 5.5 receptions number unless Kelce decides to turn into a ballhog.

Welcome back, we’ve missed you!

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Unsurprised

We are one million percent into “… then as farce.”

https://twitter.com/internetarchive/status/1831784233414906355?s=12

makeitsnowondem

Beetlejuice looks like they shot it in Meow Wolf.

Unsurprised

The fat fucking Balmer boy can eat every dick in the Mid-Atlantic

The Maestro

Stavvy?

King Hippo

“text anywhere via satellite” – aka, tell someone “lol” for a mere $50

The Maestro

God I love a good jet sweep.

WCS

“Oh, you said ‘good’ jet sweep…”

— Matt C., current parts unknown

makeitsnowondem

A sweep? Buddy, we’re not even maintaining the doors.

-Boeing

WCS

45-45 tie?

Doktor Zymm

And my Freezer Vodka team bench gets the second TD of the season, lol

The Maestro

SUDDEN CHANGE!

clint greasewood

Harrison Butker
University at the Republic of Gilead

Spur

Brittany Mahomes would like to know more about this institution of higher learning.

Gumbygirl

TayTay needs to kick her in the cooch, knock some sense into her.

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Unsurprised

Guile Head?

WCS

I really hate it when my team has a “bad” year and they win the Owl. Yeah, that’s tough alright.

LemonJello

Rice runs like he drives; just plowing into whoever is in front of him!

Wakezilla

Running backs named Rice and hitting things go together like peanut butter and jelly

Gatoraids

Lamar showing off legs at the start

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Beerguyrob

Off to sell beer. Later gators. I’ll be at the Seahawks home opener, and hopefully will have some stories to share.

#FuckRogerGoodell

Spur

Don’t you really need to just offer beer? Its sells itself.

Wakezilla

Go C’s!

Doktor Zymm

My Freezer Vodka team is the proud recipient of the first TD of the season!

Don T

Clear lack of chemistry in the Henry TD celebration. For shame, Ratbirds!

King Hippo

Real Talk, DonT. Did that hurt a little?

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

He just wants Tractorcito to be happy. Really. He’s glad.

Mr. Ayo

TRACTORCITO!

Spur

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Horatio Cornblower

I haven’t seen her since Theon Greyjoy tossed her off the Winterfell battlements.

Looks like she did well on the rebound.

Unsurprised

FUCK

The Maestro

We’re JUST 3 minutes in and my wife is already asleep leaning on me and I can’t get up for another beer without disturbing her. FACK

Doktor Zymm

You didn’t put a couch minifridge on the gift registry?

makeitsnowondem

I saw JD Vance’s review of that thing, he said it was too frigid.

Beerguyrob

Just more reason to replace the end table with a beer fridge.

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Mr. Ayo

You already got your ring. Get up and get your beer. What’s the worst that can happen?

Spur

A game of Flag Football broke out

Doktor Zymm

Flagaggedon, I’m sure this won’t get tiresome at all!

makeitsnowondem

Harbaugh’s got to be so happy to see his offense hasn’t missed a beat since the end of last season. They’re still playing Kansas City and they’re still completely inept.

fleshwound_NPG

SO. MUCH. BLEERGH.

Brocky

First first down of the season!

DRINK!

Mr. Ayo

Way ahead of you

Brocky

First penalty of the season!

DRINK!

The Maestro

CHUH CHUH

King Hippo

4th and 5th now!

Mr. Ayo

Way ahead of you

Spur

only a matter of time before one of the players says they’re from Wakanda Tech during the Intros.

WCS

“School of hard knocks”

Dunstan

The Charles Xavier School for Gifted Students

LemonJello

BLEERGH making its presence known early in the season.

King Hippo

PRAISE BE

Beerguyrob

Well, Henry’s knee survived the first play.

King Hippo

and teh 2nd!

The Maestro

That’s better than how QAaron fared!

Beerguyrob

VACCINES ARE GOOD FOR LIGAMENTS!

makeitsnowondem

You know, I was so sure I was going to learn the new kickoff rules before the season started.

Doktor Zymm

But then you would be bored when they repeatedly explain them to us!

Gumbygirl

I’m ignoring them. Imaginary rules!

Doktor Zymm

About damn time

fleshwound_NPG

…and yet STILL a touchback. try again, nfl

makeitsnowondem

No problem with this singer, but raising “that our flag was still there” is fake difficulty.

WCS

At this rate, we may as well get Porky to wander in. The Superb Owl will kick off before this game does.

fleshwound_NPG

THIS PRE GAME LEMME TELL YA I CALL IT NINA HARTLEY ON A TUESDAY BECAUSE WE HAVE TAKEN SOMETHING SO LONG AND SO HARD BUT FINALLY, FINALLY AT LONG LAST THE BALLS HAVE COME

King Hippo

Why is Melissa Stark wearing a tablecloth?

fleshwound_NPG

its my tablecloth and its all we could find

The Maestro

Well if that bomber is supposed to be so stealthy, how come we can all see it???!

Doktor Zymm

I thought those weren’t supposed to be able to fly in the rain

Unsurprised

That’s the F-35

Unsurprised

It’s Enrico Palazzo!

Don T

Ah, stealth bomber. In 5 minutes cool

Spur

Hopefully on its way for a little job near Kursk

fleshwound_NPG

nah, the russians are doing a fine job fucking up themselves

Mr. Ayo

How have they not figured this out? Do a PIP with the ASL person. You can do this morons!

Beerguyrob

If anyone is interested, Super Bowl ticket packages are available NOW!

https://onlocationexp.com/nfl/super-bowl-ticket-packages

God bless being on a season ticket mailing list.

They start at $7500 for:

  • Ticket – choose your seat!
  • pre-game party at Champion’s Square on the Super Bowl campus
  • Chef-curated cuisine inspired by New Orleans
  • Premium Open Bar
  • Live Musical Entertainment, and
  • NFL Legend Appearance.

Since it’s NOLA, it’s likely Bobby Hebert or Steve Gleason.

WHAT’S STOPPING YOU?!

Beerguyrob

Oh, and hi. I’m here until I have to see beer at the ball game.

litre_cola

Your autodraft last night was something.

Beerguyrob

Oh, ’twas. I was driving home when it occurred. The only pick I actually made was the Chiefs D, who I’ve sat tonight because I expect it to be ugly.

clint greasewood

Another anthem?

Don T

WHEN ARE THEY GONNA GET TO THE FIREWORKS FACTORY 😭😭😭

litre_cola

More songs????

makeitsnowondem

Gentlemen.

Beerguyrob

Where?

The Maestro

GOD WE ARE SO FUCKING BACK

HOW THE FUCK Y’ALL DOING

King Hippo

fackin’ a FACK!!!!!

Doktor Zymm

Hm, actually, since the US national anthem was written in Baltimore I’m kind of surprised they play it at Ravens’ away games

fleshwound_NPG

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WCS

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Doktor Zymm

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Horatio Cornblower

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Bogdanski

How is Henne still out here just being a gum-chomping cocky-ass lucky bastard?

WCS

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Doktor Zymm

Maybe someone was trying to explain the concept of ‘leftovers’ to Andy Reid

Mr. Ayo

BAN OWNERS!

Doktor Zymm

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Mr. Ayo

I’d say drown them in cheese, but that’s just physically impossible.

WCS

That’s babies are baptized there.

jjfozz

See ya guys, I’m off to KC to inject Kelce with polio