You’re Here And It’s Glorious. Your Sunday Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

We’ve made it all the way back with detours on both Thursday and Friday night. (not bad tilts either!) But now it’s Sunday, time to ignore (or revel?) in the family as the games unfold. I expect a roll call of snacks and beverages from all those that post their thoughts/wares on this here thingy.

To The Games!

Steelers/Falcons:

Tomlin’s voodoo will ensure that Pitt has another winning season which will make it twenty straight for the franchise and tie the Cowboys mark from 1965-85. For a guy that has posted three consecutive 1,000 yard rushing campaigns, Najee doesn’t seem to get much respect-everyone wants the kid with the new, faster wheels-Jaylen Warren-to take over. But committee it will be and the Steelers win chances will be enhanced as a result.

Cards/Bills:

Murray’s been around for six years already? Man, that’s the sound of me getting older and time flying by. Do you see/feel a window closing in Buffalo? That’s the scuttlebutt given that they axed six of their captains and retained only 11 players that were on the roster last year. The wr room seems a bit compromised to me in the skill department but I know exactly squat.

Titans/Bears:

Two new-ish looking teams take the field. Recent signees Boyd, Pollard and Ridley bring some dynamism to a Tennessee project that said goodbye to their identity when King Henry left the castle. We’ll just have to see how this Will Levis kid adjusts in his second year. At some point this season I may just write something respectful regarding Chicago’s offense which will be the first time in the ten years I’ve been doing this gig.

Pats/Bengals:

What is New England anyway? Does it even matter if Burrow is healthy and there’s drama going on with his wideouts and the new weird haircut and what the hell? I’m a simple scribe and this game confuses me. I have no idea what is going on with either of these teams.

Texans/Colts:

Can Diggs regain his form from two years ago? One of my fantasy teams (I know, I know) happens to think that Slowik will get things figured out. So that answers my next question about the juice left in Mixon’s legs as well. Is Richardson essentially a rookie or has the extra time studying the game while rehabbing given him an added maturity? Opinions differ.

Jax/Fins:

Folks are down on Lawrence a wee bit but the wavy-haired wonder has the fifth-most passing yards of any qb at the three year mark of his career ever. Somehow ham-handed Evan Engram, with 114 catches, came within two of franchise record-holder Jimmy Smith. Maybe we should call him White Flight because getting the hell out of New York did him a helluva good.

Panthers/Saints:

Come on down, Dave Canales! Somehow you’re the seventh head coach in six seasons for Carolina. That ‘somehow’ is due to Tepper being an incompetent boob that won’t let his football people do their jobs. I eagerly await the inevitably leaked reports of the ‘toxic workplace’ he’s created.

Vikes/Giants:

This is the year we find out if JJ is quarterback-proof. Actually, Darnold will likely get out of the gate fast (no better team to do it against than New York) before eventually being who he is. The Giants flipped athleticism at the rb spot for some at the wr position in the form of wr Nabers. It’s the hope that kills you.

Enjoy.

5 3 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
372 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
WCS

Cousins showing his inner Falcons-loathing there.

Duchess

Bears Defense playing like the Bears defense of old. Bears offense is playing like the Bears offense of old.

King Hippo

but Malibu Stacy has NEW HAT!!!

WCS

IwantitIwantitIwantitIwantitIwantitmemememememe

The Maestro

I will say this about Chicago: for better or for worse, at least the city is consistent about being in the same spot on a map and in our hearts.

rockingdog

Justin Fields?? Really, Steelers??
Pretty sus…

WCS

It’s interesting. Let’s call it that.

King Hippo

Richardson put plenty of gravy on that’un

rockingdog

Yoooooo!
That was Rockingggg!!!!

King Hippo

his honky ran a really nice go route, too!

Mr. Ayo

God damn, what an arm. That kid might be good after all.

King Hippo

of course, Hippo has ZERO shares

ArmedandHammered

goddammit Hill, fucking catch something.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

caught a charge, if I’m not mistaken….

Mr. Ayo

He caught a pair of handcuffs, a boot, and a speeding ticket this morning

King Hippo

(other than police attention)

The Maestro

Whaddya mean? He already caught a charge this morning, I hear.

ArmedandHammered

Catch something that at least resembles a football, I play fantasy football, not fantasy “criminal charges laid on palyers”

King Hippo

Qards showing why everyone been taking the touchbacks.

rockingdog

Panthers QB first pass of the season is a PICK INT!
Hahahaha! Yikes!

Doesn’t seem rocking

Duchess

I’d make a joke about Will Levis and Mayo but he’s having a hard enough day already.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

oh dear god

comment image

Last edited 2 months ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Duchess

To be fair those were never intended to be viewed on color tv.

Gumbygirl

Wow, that’s…wow.

Mr. Ayo

Bryce Young in mid season form already!

Spur

those NYG lineman sure dont seem to care how many hits Dany Dimes is taking.

The Maestro

What Temu supplier did the Giants order today’s uniform from?? Yeesh.

rockingdog

They kinda seem like Hockey uniforms
Lmao

Senor Weaselo

The New York Football Canadiens!

2Pack

They are 100 year old throw backs in “honor” of their 100th year in the shield.

Horatio Cornblower

I got $100 on the bastard offspring of Fanatics and Nike.

The Maestro

Happy RedZone Sunday, my fellow degenerates. Life is so fucking good.

Last edited 2 months ago by The Maestro
Spur

The New York Giants Throw Up Uniforms

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Olivia has a sticker for that.

comment image

Smithchez

THIS GUY RAHID SHAHEED I CALL HIM SPEEDY SHEEDY BECAUSE THE NEURONS IN MY BRAIN ARE MISFIRING

litre_cola

Bottle of white before a pub party? Hell yeah, blackout time estimation is 3 pm.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

…pub party…

I assume that’s short for “pubic party”?

WCS

haldo

Senor Weaselo

All right, time to see what’s OH MY GOD BURN THE CENTURY REDS.

ArmedandHammered

So I am out on the porch to stay out of my wife’s way and so she can watch tennis later. As soon as football started she came out here and started to vacuum the rug on the porch where I am, to get out of her way.

King Hippo

that;s great passive-aggressive hustle!

ArmedandHammered

She learned well from her mom, the champion of passive aggressive.

litre_cola

You sure you aren’t with Dr. Mrs RTD with all that vacuuming?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

comment image

Duchess

“So this is what it feels like when doves cry”

ArmedandHammered

She is not even using the right vacuum. I have a shop vac out here to do the rabbit area but she uses the regular floor vacuum and complains when the hay clogs it up which will not happen with the shop vac.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Listen if you have so many opinions about how it should be done maybe you should be doing the vacuuming…”

ArmedandHammered

It was gotten at her request, goddamn it, you think I buy anything for the house without checking with her first? Well except the 6ft bean bag I am sitting on now. Maybe why she vacuumed out here first.

Horatio Cornblower

See that’s when I would simply walk into the house and unplug the vacuum.

King Hippo

duh, of course 8-chan ran it down the right

Smithchez

Good god are those Giants uniforms hideous.

Mr. Ayo

Then let the collectors grab them already and get them off my TV. Hideous.

King Hippo

holy shit, what the fuck is that kit, VEP???

King Hippo

Apparently this is free preview of RedZone Channel this week, for the cheapskates/infidels who ain’t already signed up

Spur

comment image

Gumbygirl

Excellent timing for my internet to start working five minutes before gametime! It’s been off since last night. Fucking Spectrum.

Duchess

Lisan al-Caleb, He will lead you to the paradise!

Redshirt

Let’s do this.

IMG_0045.jpeg
rockingdog

Lmao!

yeah right

Gonna have some brats, Potato salad and pork rinds as is tradition.

See y’all on the other side.

Dunstan

I’m not going to ask what kind of animal those “steaks” and “sausages” were cut from.

ArmedandHammered

You only doing a single serving of chili?

fleshwound_NPG

HOW THE FUCK YA DOIN BOYS?! MEN! ITS FINALLY HERE!

rex-ryan-howthafuckyadoinboys.jpg
King Hippo

I am seriously on the edge of tears I am so happy it’s today

Spur

save those tears for when the Donks offense take the field

King Hippo

oh, I have resigned myself to 3-14

fleshwound_NPG

fitting, i get nacho for my game

Duchess

I have a feeling Tom Brady is going bust as an announcer.

Oh and how the fuck you doing boys?

King Hippo

DUCHESS in da house too!!!

Gatoraids

Tossing tomatoes at him to lead him to inflammation

rockingdog

Found a funny:

avocado toast but instead of avocado it’s pepperoni and instead of toast it’s pizza dough and sauce and cheese

Smithchez

Good afternoon and happy football you fine, fancy motherfuckers.

King Hippo

WELCOME HOME!!! And the Jest can’t let you down today, even…

Smithchez

Good to be back! Also, they’re the Jets, they exist in a perpetual state of letting me down.

LemonJello

comment image

“You don’t wear a tux for Sunday football? Pity.”

Smithchez

comment image

Wakezilla

BREAKING: TY HILL HAS BEEN DETAINED INFRONT OF HARD ROCK STADIUM BY THE POLICE FOR DRIVING WHILE BLACK!

Spur
rockingdog

Got word that Kendrick Lamar is performing at the Super Bowl Halftime Show this year!

THATS ROCKING!!!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Nah, you want to go with something indescribably dull so she’ll get bored and want to fool around.

King Hippo

If this is Western Civilization’s end (coin flip), let’s make this FITBAW SEASON memorable.

Doktor Zymm

Kind of considering putting Curtis Samuels in my flex instead of Chase Brown just because of the dearth of people for Josh Allen to throw to. I probably won’t though because I’m not doing it right now and I won’t be looking at my team again until halftime

Redshirt

With WR issues, Bengals may rely on the running game. That’s no guarantee they’ll succeed though.

King Hippo

I have left Zack Moss in

Gumbygirl

He’s mine.

Gatoraids

Turns off pregame shows, and preps with the Glorious Redzone Launch music in preparation for the glorious Octobox

Redshirt

Legend has it, God Himself listened to the Redzone Launch for seven days straight before He created the universe.

King Hippo

This is the way, the truth, and the light. Maybe do a line of beak in solidarity with The Greatest Living American (Scott Muthafuckin’ Hanson).

/ok, I guess coffee shall suffice

King Hippo

whoa now let’s NAWT say sommet we can’t take back!!!

rockingdog

That’s ROCKING!

Redshirt

Redshirt: “ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOT-“ (phone beeps) “BREAKING: Tee Higgins inactive”

Redshirt: “ARE YOU READY F-” (phone beeps) “BREAKING: JaMarr Chase active but limited”

Redshirt: (stares at phone)

Phone: (…)

Redshirt: (stares at phone)

Phone: (…)

Redshirt: (stares at phone)

Phone: (…)

Redshirt: “Are-” (phone beeps) “BREAKING: Rookie Jermaine Burton underperforming in practice. May not see field.”

Redshirt: “Well I better get ready for some football. I think I’ll be needed at WR today.”

LemonJello

This will help, Redshirt:

comment image

Spur

I took

Bucs -3.5
Chargers -3
Texans -2.5

fleshwound_NPG

ah football season. where i turn on my tv, watch commercials of tv shows that remind me that without sports, tv is truly dead

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The NBA playoffs are like that for me. I get to see what shows TNT is going to be broadcasting into the abyss during the upcoming year.

Spur

NBA doesn’t realize how much the Inside the NBA boosts the NBA games. When the contract is up, am going to straight streaming Spurs games.

fleshwound_NPG

and pretty soon what tnt will be broadcasting all year round

thanks, adam silver!

Spur
blaxabbath

Don’t sell single cigarettes; don’t get arrested.

blaxabbath

I feel like comments on posts older than six hours never see the light of day (BECAUSE DFO IS CUTTING EDGE, ELON!) and I wanted to drop a praise because —

Well first, one of my favorite joke templates around here is, “This is an example of a piss poor defense” — example: RB’s cut through the line like a hot knife through butter. Because soft defense, to me, is like the most offensive thing you can be in the NFL (probably the old rules NFL) so clowning on soft defenses is very appropriate. Very natural.

So Dok dropped this is her WAS preview and it made me chuckle and so I wanted to give praise.

comment image

Spur
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Crazy coincidence that someone was going by at such a slow speed and was able to record it. Almost too crazy…

comment image

King Hippo

THAT’s an actual, bonafide FULL OCTOBOX, y’all!!!

Donks/Obama 2012 shirt is on, let’s do a thing!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Cards/Bills:

Ah, the gambling addict’s dilemma.

fleshwound_NPG

nfl script writers borrowing from golf? so who is gonna get attacked on thanksgiving by their wife for cheating with porn stars

blaxabbath

Just a matter of time until the Saudis buy a team and the salary cap gets cut to $40mil total per team.

Horatio Cornblower

Oh good, Terry Bradshaw’s still alive.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

comment image

1 2 3 4