Welcome back! There was some quality participation in various threads last week and it was great seeing the usuals come hard after taking the summer off. That’s some good commentin’!
Notes:
-The Pac 12 is rising slowly from…something. Basically they offered membership to any school with State after their name and [waves hands around] a general West-ish location. So welcome aboard Fresno State, Boise State, Colorado State and San Diego State. Oregon State and Washington State breath a huge sigh of relief.
-Looks like Malik Willis starts at least one game for Green Bay after being acquired in late August. My only notion of him is that he’s really, really raw.
-Detroit Lions legend Joe Schmidt passed away at the age of 92. For those that may not know, he was one of the most prominent remaining links to the excellent Lions teams of the 50’s. As a linebacker he was the gold standard in that his no-nonsense play caused folks to compare Butkus to him when the latter first entered the league. He was an eight-time All Pro and get this, he coached the team from the mid-sixties to the early 70’s and had a career winning record!
To The Game!
Bills/Fins:
-Rodgers loves to blither about owning Chicago but Josh Allen is 11-2 vs Miami and has thrown for two or more TD’s in every game.
-James Cook’s best buddy just might be OC Joe Brady. Since Ken Dorsey was fired Cook’s usage has gone bananas though I think he’s a bit too small for this kind of work. Then again, it’s not like he gets those goal line carries. He’s a good fit between the 20’s for the most part. I figure Ray Davis would get some action there but did I get sniped? Yes.
-Mostert is out and Achane is limping and a game-timer. Are we going to get a Jeff Wilson day? McDonald brought him onboard from San Fran because he’s trustworthy in pass protection but he’s a bit of a plodder which doesn’t fit the speed-demon profile that Miami’s backs tend to have. Rookie Jaylen Wright fits that bill but it might be too early in his development.
-Ex-Bills safety Jordan Poyer and his punctured lung have been cleared to play for the Fins but not to fly home. Something’s wrong there, just can’t put my finger on it.
Do a thing in the comments.
I’m impressed Tua can even play without a brain
“HARF HARF IT NOT HARD. BEN NO NEED BRAIN TO PLAY”
Big Ben was powered by R–
I’m not paying very good attention to this sportsball contest, and worried that Ginger Hammer will be disappoint with me.
It is not attention that he is worried about you not paying. Buy a fucking Jersey from the official shop already!
Cook with the goal line TD because the Bills want me to look stupid!*
*adjusts medication
Nice hat. Is that Cam?
Oops, forgot to replace the Dolphins D in Freezer Vodka
“What’s that about Dolphin D??”
A loss to BGR’s autodraft would not be good. The bastards drafted him 2 kickers high.
At least it can’t get worse than -4….
It can’t get worse … YET
Hard to describe just how goddamned difficult that throw was. And it was PERFECT
ARE THESE FUCKHEAD REFS GOING TO CALL HOLDING?
one team made cops look bad this week and the refs are gonna stand in solidarity
on the other hand we didnt have the best record vs the Bills with these uniforms
My wife just brought me mexican food.
The day she gets rid of me and takes half my smokes is gonna be unwelcome.
Tyreek is proof that SPITE is a powerful motivator.
This is true, they even made a t-shirt about it, and a t-shirt wouldn’t lie!
This shirt is brilliant.
Indeed. Shame I only wear solid color tees.
so has Tua’s and Cousins agent
So the refs aren’t going to call holding on the Bills all game but they will on the Dolphins? Sounds about right
There’s a car at my gym with plate WNBAPG.
At least I’m hanging with professional athlete women (possibly retired).
hmmm…ticha? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GpTHHoyREzU
nba robbed sac town of a title for the lakers, but at least they had TWO white chocolates https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90DRboUa3JU
Randy Moss and Jason Williams were teammates on the 1994 DuPont HS basketball team. Somehow they lost the championship game. Randy Moss is still salty about it.
Top Amazon and NFL dudes in the same booth. That my friends is a vortex of evil.
How many NDA’s do you think the Amazon dude had to sign before talking to Goodell?
Probably the other way around.
I disagree-Goodell (as much as I hate him) is a next-level power broker the likes of which we won’t likely see during the rest of our lives. He has a ton of platforms jockeying for the rights to show his product and the asking price has escalated from 10’s of millions to 10’s of billions.
Bezos would wipe his ass with an NDA
If Kamala convinces Joe to send a drone strike to that booth, she wins in November. Even The Donald will vote for her; he’ll just deny it but we all know he will.
moves him up two spots in the richest people list. stone cold lock he votes for her if she does the deed
oh shit, they put nika muhl in a mazda commercial
since seattle aint doin shit with her put her to good use
“we’re gonna have ai put a red bubble over a potential blitzer”
that’s the edge rusher, of course he’s goin
Someday AI might be able to highlight small things like a football or baseball or basketball or tennis ball in order to help viewers track it on the screen. The “Glow Ball” they could call it. But we’re just not there yet.
1996 > ai
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grOttsHuuzE
They’re rebuilding the fucking WAC.
It worked so great the first time, why not bring back a classic?
Go to the PAC-WAC JV Cincy. Stay with your own kind.
The 6 Pac
Sure, Canva, every office is like that when planning a presentation. Get fucked.
It’s a fucking job. I don’t want to love. Just let me do my job duties and then clock THE FUCK OUT AT FIVE
Volkswagen: For the last time, quit asking us about 1935-1945!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9p0jLMssSk
And anything about diesel fuel emissions!
VW leaving Germany is so fucking funny. If only the Germans had a word for this feeling.
Fuck. Everyone Chosen Robbie to be the weak link today.
My hot take is that Ramsey should have been our WR3 tonight
Why don’t the Bills just throw those cops that caught Hill into their secondary for a game?
I read that like Lrrrr
The asshole in me justs love the fact that Hill was admitted being kinda rude and then as if summoned by fate, Buford T. Justice the IV comes down to open a can of whoop-ass.
If it wasn’t horrifically sad, it’d be poetic.
I have seen videos of people (white) being complete assholes and all they say is good day. A black driver may as well get down on the ground face first when pulled over.
Yup. I’m pro-police but even I’m getting tired of the rotten apples.
Good. Fuck the police. Their fucking job is literally to act professionally when people are at or acting their worse. This is the biggest bullshit excuse these losers can muster. Fucking pussies. If him being rude is too much for them, they are too big a bunch of losers to do the job.
TWOA INTERCEPTIONS
That fucker is killing my fantasy time
You’ve always got your….real time.
Dolphins hiring of Wile E Coyote as Offensive Coordinator bringing an explosive offense
The Acme of Offenses!
I wonder if it’s ever an issue for Achane that his name sounds like 8Chan?
OH NO, IVE BEEN FOUND OUT
I been calling him that in me column, it just ain’t catching on. SAD PANDA.
after the Herman Cain, this might me my favoUrite repeating gif
Just finished the Poisonwood Bible and holy shit is that a motherfucker of a book.
It’s not the glove, Baker Allen wasn’t paying attention
Kirk Herbstreet has never had sex in any position but missionary.
Fully clothed with a cloth soaked in holy water over the naughty parts.
No eye contact, and door must remain cracked.
Welll, except that one time. AT CAMP. (wink wink)
So I googled his family, saw his wife was a cheerleader, and spent a good five minutes looking at cheerleaders.
Where was I going with this?
You see what keeps me writing my JV column on Saturdays, even if only like 3 ppls read it
I’m one of the three!
I read it. Not sure I fully understand it, but I do read it.
You were about to post the SFW cheerleaders with directions to the NSFWs?
Apparently he had an affair with Erin Andrews and you know she would be on top.
Truth Biscuit is the Bills backup??? Es verdad?
Touchdown baby! All night long! Tua going to give it to you!
/hip thrusts
Tua’s hip shatters into elevnty-billion pieces
If you said me, I’d believe that. My hips are shot
in truth, you DO fuck an awful lot.
I’m convinced his hip is shattered into pieces but they are in enough shape to still be functional. Like moving gears instead of a ball and socket joint.
It’s criminal that the Dolphins don’t wear these jerseys as their primary ones
All aboard the Achane, baby! Choo Choo!
I’m -.46 right now in my fantasy league because Tua is a fucking bonehead
I’d thought that read .46 and just assumed that was your BAC.
Not tonight, for some reason I feel like shit. Maybe a gummie.
…..
I loathe both candidates, so I’m writing in my choice. Here’s the short list:
Always go with the MILF
I was inches from closing the deal. Pardon the pun.
I’ll write in the MILF.
He looks kinda Haitian . . .
In the words of my grandfather:
that is both racist and accurate
So I see the Cheeto has been keeping company with 911 conspiracy theorist Loomer. Good times.
He took her to the memorial service. What the actual fuck?
SHe also has been livin at Mar-O-Lago!
She saw Jean-Ralphio’s life not as a warning, but a life goal.
Good place, right person to exchange racist jokes. The SUPER obvious ones.
Even MTG thinks she’s racist and batshit insane.
WHEN MAJORIE TAYLOR GREENE BECOMES THE VOICE OF REASON, SHIT HAS GONE COMPLETED SIDEWAYS!!!!
This fucking dipshit created a fan club for ISIS to own the libs only to get owned by the administration for creating AN ISIS FUCKING FAN CLUB
/this past Monday morning
Me: [sends out text to office staff, some clients and sales reps] “I’m off this week and traveling for a few days. I’ll be doing “X” and “Y” but all other enquiries should be directed to the assistant manager and warehouse supervisor who are onsite.”
Everyone: [radio silence]
Me: “I guess everything is being handled. That’s great for once.”
Everyone: [first thing Tuesday morning] “I THINK I NEED THIS. AND THAT. THERE’S AN IT PROBLEM. A DRIVER IS SICK. WHAT IS OUR COST ON THIS ITEM? ARE YOU BUSY? CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR FIVE MINUTES? IS THE INVENTORY ON T-BONE STEAKS CORRECT? WHAT’S THE COST ON BROCCOLI? DID YOU GET MY EMAIL?”
/I hate everyone right now
Okay, so you’re in “meat” sales and distribution. Now disposal seems so much easier.
Scotchnaut. He has the MEATS!
(no questions asked, eh?)
“WE’RE NOT EATING CATS! WE’RE NOT EATING CATS!”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Xhw3LC-tVQ&t=1020s
(chant breaks out at 17:00)
Losing Alf’s vote
.
Democrats are such huge fucking dorks.
And now, great moments in soundcheck: Senor playing the world’s smallest violin track.
One person (the cellist) got the joke, so mission accomplished!
In The Devil Went Down to Georgia….don’t you agree that Old Scratch played better? I don’t even find it particularly close.
except for their slightly different late 80s/early 90s jerseys the phins should never stray from this uni set
Anything but the sun orange ones.
yeah the slightly lighter aqua ones anything but the newer derpy dolphin logs
Out of all the issues with the NFL’s names, mascots and logos, the fish having a helmet wasn’t even on the list.
just put down $1k in repairs to the wifeys car, and around half of that was rear brakes/rotors that my dad messed with 4 years ago and probably fucked up
i demand good thursdaykkake tonight
Due to “manufacturer parts only,” I found out it’s going to cost $1150 to replace the turn signal in mine.
Cool.
they offered to replace my key fob (which is held together by electric tape)
150 fucking dollars
fuck off, tape is practically free
No Pennsyltucky driver has ever used his turn signal. I call shenanigans.
Did I say (type?) anything about using it?
He just needs it for the inspection sticker.
The lady Yinzer is on the trolley.
A $50 bribe makes way MOAR sense!
(or even a blowie, we’re talking FOUR FIGURES here)
You should have bought a BMW and then you wouldn’t need to worry about it
holy shit, the montana/marino bowl was 40 years ago, and is the last time the phins have been to the superb
the bears have been twice since
I’m about to play car service craps in a few weeks. And I’m due for that phone call…
“Mr. Redshirt? We took a look at your car and there some issues that need addressed.”
Damn it, Redshirt, again? When they’re dead, they’re just hookers! We’ve been over this!
Yeah, yeah, I know. You were very clear during the Screw Than Kill Incidents of ‘18.
I kinda want to order shame pizza, but ever since I noticed how much more expensive it is in California compared to Chicago I’ve been irritated enough not to
Yes! The consumer decides!
Get a shame CALZONE instead
oh it’s time for 4TH PILL, innit?
Hippo had to open up his mouth….
Mrashawn in CUBA? Is Beastmode sum kind of COMMIE amgdh
Cuba Cubans are tough mofos who party hard. Good fit. He could get weed in La Habana.
Uh oh…
But, but, but Republicans have been doing that for decades!
Hey, we messed up with Trump but we got Ro… wait…
McCain was a worthy…oh, yeah, Palin.
But Bush 43 was… oh, we have to get Cheney and his cabinet too.
Dole was…old and we were pretty much conceding it anyway.
Bush 41 wasn’t that bad…though again Dukakis you were also conceding it that time.
Reagan! Reagan was good…except for the drugs…and AIDS…and trickle down economics.
Ford. … he was pardoned Nixon but everyone was okay with that kinda.
Nixon. Yeah.
Eisenhower. He made interstates?
Yeah, I’m stopping now. I’m about to bring up Dewey, Wilkie and Smith. That’ll get me to depressed and I haven’t even made it to Hoover or Coolidge yet.
If you go down that route, do the Democrats too.
Biden
Obama
Clinton
Carter
Who else?
McGovern.
LBJ.
JFK.
Stevenson twice.
Truman.
FDR.
Since I penciled in Hoover and Coolidge, you can throw in Smith and Davis. Plus Landen was in ‘36, not Smith.
That’s an awful offseason idea. Do a recap of every Presidential election.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wPH4MEK4tk
🎵One of these lists is not like the other🎶
ike is the last good pubbie and hes been dead for so long the afl still existed when he was breathing
tbf, any democrat is the wrong person
but any republican is the WORST person
One person’s compost is another person’s pile of shit.
President is one of those things where anyone who actually wants the job probably shouldn’t have it
.
Name things that would be MOAR unpleasant than reading the ESPN comments section of a Tyreek Hill arrest article. Aaaaaaannnnnnd GO!
I don’t know how they grade sand.
But coarse.
also in case didn’t see other thread, vicuprofen is the best, readily-prescribed PILL GOD for back/neck muscle ailments. Can also get metaxalone as a non-drowsy muscle relaxer for working hours and such.
Thank you!
I’ll see what the neighbor girl can divert from me on her shift tonight. Just kidding she’s an NP and these women on the street are swapping pills like it’s some kind of nursing home pog tournament.
ooooh, she got nice shoulders? AND low standards, maybe?
Commute to Cakalaky?
the MOAR distance in any relationship with Hippo, the happier the poor gal will be. TRUST ME.
“Welcome to the Ann Arbor Trump Rally!”
I had almost this exact thought earlier today
shoulders alert MEOOOOWWWWW!!!
I would fucking love Montana and Montana State to join the PAC 12. Montana is expanding its stadium to 30k.
Ayo can then be the PAC-8 Bastard Man Commisioner!
They gotta bring on Hawaii.
PAC-9, and now you’re Ayo’s lieutenant
Can I have Montana? It’s too raciststy in Idaho.
You’ll get a Dakota and like it.
North, all day. Hockey at UND and football at NDSU. Also top 3 pizza that I have ever had in my life in Bismarck! Been there 3 times over 10 years, has never changed from perfection. Close your eyes you are in Italy. In a brewery to boot!
Wait, there’s a Texas STATE?? And why they not in PAC-7????
So instead of flying south for the winter, the geese in OH are flying south to avoid the Haitians?
Ohio negro “doesn’t understand” how locals would so easily take up a conspiracy theory against his work ethic.
https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/41235818/bengals-tee-higgins-confused-talk-faking-injury
Ohio.
All those people who bitch about Tee’s work ethic are the same people whose posted their comments while on the way to the casino with the unemployment and welfare checks partially funded by my paychecks.
and who definitely love FREEDUM TRUMP AND HAET SOSHLISM
Because if anyone understands the plight of the poor white man, it the blue blood who was born with a silver spoon shoved up his ass.