Hey there’s a wee bit of Premier League football action before the NFL type revs up so join in, if you dare.
To The Games!
Saints/Cowboys:
Zeke and Rico split the backfield carries last week, settling nothing whatsoever. In a dearthly scoring week Derek Carr of all qb’s led the league in most end zone throws with four. Rashid Shaheed reminds me a bit of Tyreek in how he’s starting his career-of the burner’s 10 TD’s so far, five of them have come from more than 50 yards out.
Bucs/Lions:
Buoyed by last week’s stats Baker continues to impress. In his last seven games he has 18 TD’s and just 4 INT’s. Let’s see how he fares vs the Detroit pass rush though. Cool your fantasy jets on rook Bucky Irving-he acquitted himself well but that was on just 20 snaps.
Colts/Packers:
Love is questionable and the Packers brain trust would be deemed so as well if they threw that asset on to the field today. So we have Malik Willis behind center-he’s started all of three games and didn’t pass for even 100 yards in any of them. His peer on the other side of the ball is Richardson who is entertaining in a “NO, NO, NO…YES!” kind of way.
Jets/Titans:
Rodgers has now gone 7 games without having a multiple TD game and is currently 23 games into not having thrown for 300 yards. The end is near and he did it his way, which was the wrong way. Speaking of lousy qb-ing, Will Levis gifted his opponent a pick-six and his team with a paltry four yards per pass attempt.
Niners/Vikes:
The Magical Disappearing Man McCaffrey is headed to IR. Oof! Do you think Baby Shanny regrets giving him a million billion touches last year? Ah, who’s kidding, as long as Mason can deliver on the cheap San Fran’s offense will roll along. Darnold was perfectly cromulent last week, making fans think that maybe the ghost sightings won’t start for a few more weeks at least.
Seahawks/Pats:
I can’t get a handle on either of these teams just yet but good on both for getting the W last week. We know that Rhamondre will get some work and Seattle’s 31st-ranked run D gave up only 99 yards on the ground so there’s something to track I guess.
Giants/Commies:
A multi-week stay in the basement of the NFC East awaits the loser of this tilt. Thing is, both Dimes and Kayvon have a history of playing well against Washington. Red Zone would be wise to steer clear of this travesty.
Chargers/Panteros:
Fantasy folks that were down on Herbert going into the season were rewarded with a 144 yard effort last week. Look for that number to go up because Carolina (and their qb) didn’t appear to make any progress at all in the offseason.
Browns/Jax:
Despite 10 attempts Watson didn’t complete a single pass of 15+ air yards last week. Something must have been on his mind. He’s yet to throw for 300 yards as a Brown. Tank Bigsby was a huge disappointment last year but made an impression with 73 yards on 12 carries. Perhaps he’s got things figured out, which is nice to see from a 2nd-year player.
Raiders/Ravens:
The reigning NFL MVP got off to the hottest of starts last week, running for the most yards (qb) in an opening game ever. Will he hold up running that often at his new reduced weight? [shakes Ozempic stick] “Signs Point To No”.
Have at it.
Richardson just did a “NO NO NO….NNNOOOO”
I like the cut of this Rasheed Shaheed’s jib.
Fucking Dallas. Always turning into pumpkins
Weird, is it January already?
Lookin like a good day for Brisket!
[With a mouth full of PF Changs] “HI, I’M MARK DAVIS!”
In fareness, 26 is basically 40 in stripper years
“She was the very first ‘Tomorrow Night’ girlfriend I’ve ever had. She’s special just like me.”
-Davis
Feel the flat route with his hands
Schoon-man
Announcer: “Getting crunched between two guys, Malachi Corley? Welcome to your
pornNFL career.”Goff dammit
– the Dr. Mrs. to yours truly, every morning
Jayden Daniels, leading Blax over Grimace Touched My Butthole
Ah crap, looks like the refs are gonna treat Jayden Daniels more like Cam than Brady
I hope they’re ready for the wrath of li’l Jayden’s mom.
There’s no shortage of athletic young black men to sacrifice for the $.
Panthers do a slightly better!
Lookit y’all Black Panthers
Carr trouble for Dallas
Bitchin Kamara!
He ran over a Cowperson
Carr benefiting from being on a team that doesn’t contain Henry Ruggs or Britt Reid
“ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL!!!???”
NY Giants: “No.”
New season, new hostess.
Need more pics.
And a name
More to follow. Gotta do my usual research.
Vegas not willing to gamble on 3rd and long.
i have to illegal stream the Dallas game here. They want to show RaMMIT and Cards in the afternoon, why?
Far be it from Hippo to question the wisdom of The Shield, but 10/3 is a fucking ridiculous split.
need to get those late afternoon DUI numbers down.
OPEN YOUR NOTEBOOKS
my picks
Chargers – 4.5
NYGvWah – under 43.5
Rams +1.5
Seems reasonable enough
Although maybe giving too much credit to the WAS and NYG defenses
Ugh, computer better finish this forced update of windows in the next 5 minutes
Ms. Jackson if u nasty
Morning Folks
Who or what has ever been dumb enough to go to war with the Swifties, and lived to tell the tale?
if they thought being Swift boated was bad
Kinda wonder how Brittany Mahomes is going to react to this. It would be gratifying if she said something like “You just lost my vote, asshole” but if she’s actually a member of the cult her reaction will be something more like “Taylor attacked him and he’s just defending himself.”
I don’t think she’ll respond at all, unless she’s way dumber than we think
It’s not physically possible for her to be any dumber than *I* think she is.
Was going to say this
Oh, it’s a high bar, but it’s ALWAYS possible
THIS BRITTANY MAHOMES I CALL HER KELLY STAFFORD BECAUSE HALF HER BRAIN IS MISSING.
[Nods and bombs another hospital]
–Israel
I think it’s the call to his cult to kill their children and grandchildren
He’s trying to balance out all the dead boomers he sent to a timely grave before the 2020 election.
After playing the first two (exhibition since the next season won’t start with us until December) games…
THIS BROOKLYN NOCTURNES BULLPEN I CALL THEM ASHY LARRY BECAUSE ONCE THEY COME IN THE GOOD ROLLS GO AWAY AT THE WORST POSSIBLE TIME.
Is Tom Brady running for President? I swear to God, the only political commercials I keep getting is Kamala Harris for president and Fox Sports begging people to give Tom a second chance.
Man, I just got my first load of Tom Brady the broadcaster on the Fox pregame show. What an awkward dork.
He makes JD Vance seem as suave as…no I can’t make that joke, there’s nobody in the world that can surpass Vance’s awkwardness.
Daaleks were more emotional
He making Bradshaw look like Cronkite.
JD VANCE: Do you want a picture [with me] too?
WOMAN: I’m okay.
https://www.tiktok.com/@couriernewsroom/video/7414681456749972766?_r=1&_t=8pkJ6T6vMmw
Doxy: Victorian prostitute
Doxie: Daschund
I can’t imagine the Commies nor VEP actually beating anyone. So…season’s first Most Glorious DRAW??
It’s the battle for the basement of the NFC East
things are going well
Totally
Aw man joining Steph Curry’s family for roast pig and a rewatch of the debate sounds like heaven.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ow8BoZCMoM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hFMr1pbr7S4
Kelce needs to kick his ass
florida state STILL have not won a game since
https://www.espn.com/college-football/story/_/id/39049738/ron-desantis-slams-cfp-says-sue-florida-state-snub
Solheim Cup, anyone?
Bueller?
In my superflex league Tannehill, Drake Maye, and Penix are all owned.
*laughs in Yahoo grade of C- for drafting too many QBs*
I’m actually really looking forward to the horrible Europe games so there will be a purpose to being awake right now
amen, sistah
https://streamable.com/5sbzv
“OK Will, for this next photo I want you to really flex that right bicep.”
Huge game next week. Hoping Arsenal goes for it this time and doesn’t play for the tie like last year. Not gonna catch Man City that way.
I mean, you’re not gonna catch Man City anyway, but at least try.
Ooh, that didn’t miss by much. Huge sigh of relief.
I wonder if there’s a market for an ad-free search engine. As in, it only indexes websites that don’t serve ads. Sites like ours.
So you want to make a search engine that only sends people to Wikipedia and our site?
Yeah, I mean I figure they will get bored of wikipedia eventually.
I don’t know, it’s been over 23 years and I’m still not really bored with it, although I don’t bother playing the Hitler game anymore (where you go to a random page and try to get to Hitler within 5 clicks)
“One of the teenagers is about to be called on…”
Premier League substitution announcement or Matt Gaetz speed-dating list? You make the call!!
“Teenagers?? Everybody knows that children make the best soldiers!”
-Joseph Kony, Lord’s Resistance Army
Ooh, that’s a solid callback, Governor.
Greetings, men of justice! I see that the King’s finest are doing the Lord’s work once again. Outstanding leap by our imported Brazilian coffee bean to grab the lead — I haven’t seen an undesirable leap that high since I told my manservant that it would be permissible for him to sleep in the horse stables at night! Onward to glory!
There it is. Little shove in the back there though.
a love tap, much like Ricky Pearsall’s speed holes (Questionable)
yeah right and Taj no doubt are at Mass, and limited in their Wi-Fi access
I do like the Pistoleros’ Afrika kit. Arsenal are back, and Blacker than EVAR!
I thought it was more Mexico, in fact it more of a Mexico looking kit that anything El Tri has worn in the last 6 years.
Think I read sommet about this being a callback to their historic connection to Gov. Rhodes’ continent, but I’ll be arsed if I can Google it.
As we texted, this is far superior to their abomination last year.
That being said the hot pink Barbie Mighty Whitey kit was fucking class last year.
Sweet backstory to y’all Whites’ hottest supporter, too.
THis ref is handing our yellows like Oprah hands out cars.
Those bees will surely get released soon.
Napoli plays here in a bit and she needs help shorting her clothes. Easy choice…
Can’t believe Oshimen went to Turkiye
I can understand the money, but leaving for that market is odd.
Marika had a tissy with him last year.
https://www.facebook.com/share/p/17y1kPJig7/
Holy Bananas!
Prediccion – Spurs 1 Gunners 2
You bet it is