Wakey, Wakey-It’s Your Sunday Afternoon NFL Open Thread

We’ve got a nice selection of games in this window-a couple of interesting divisional tilts and of course there are a few teams that desperately need a W. [stares in Ohio]

To The Games!

Broncs/Jets:

With Garrett Wilson getting a TD last week, Rodgers for the first time ever threw a score to a wr that was drafted in the first round. The Packers front office could be just as passive-aggressive as Rodgers himself. Is Denver’s running game off to a slow start? Well, rookie Bo Nix leads the team in rushing with barely over 100 yards. (107) He’s also run into the end zone twice which is good because he hasn’t thrown the ball there yet.

Vikes/Packers:

Minny has knocked off two playoff teams from last year (Texans, Niners) and never trailed. Magic Sam is off to a sizzling start but grizzled 29 year-old vet [rolls eyes] Aaron Jones has been doing his part, running at a 5.4 ypc clip. As a bonus he gets his Narrative Revenge Game! Love is back for Green Bay and Addison for the Vikes which gives the latter a wonderful problem to have-what to do with Nailor?

Saints/Falcons:

These teams have played one another 110 times and each has won 55 tilts! Kamara has drunk from the Fountain of Youth and leads the NFL in scrimmage yards just like the old days. An odd thing about Atlanta last year was that they had a stingy run D and there has been some carryover-they’ve yet to surrender a rushing touchdown.

Eagles/Bucs:

Saquon leads the league in rushing because hey, competent o-line! Some Philly wr has to fill the void now that Smith has joined Brown on the injury list, perhaps Dotson? It’s time for that insurance piece to shine although there wasn’t much faith in him last week as he had only three targets.

Bengals/Panthers:

It’s The Battle of the De-Clawed Kitties! Carolina is excited about Dalton which is the first time anyone outside his family has felt that way. Vet Thielen has a hammy so the youngster Mingo and Legette will have to fill the void.

Jax/Texans:

Josh Allen threw for 4 scores vs the Jags D and Nico already has 12 catches for 15+ yards so expect mayhem from Stroud. Girlfriend has struggled mightily and leads all QB’s in turnovers since the year he entered the league.

Steelers/Colts:

I was of the opinion that Indy had a respectful D but both Mixon and Jacobs have run for 150+ yards against them. It looks like Warren is a no-go so they’ll see Najee in their nightmares this evening, no doubt. As Richardson works through his growing pains Michael Pittman is feeling the collateral damage in his stats-he has but 88 yards receiving to date.

Rams/Bears:

Can you believe that Caleb set the Bears single game passing record of 363 in only his third outing? All these years and no Chicago QB has ever gone for 400? It’s a bit difficult to believe. Speaking of tossing, Stafford needs just 223 yards to pass Eli for 10th all-time. He’ll need help from second-teamers Robinson and Tutu to get there. Good luck with that.

See you in the comments.

 

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King Hippo

I am barely able to pay attention, no clue as to why. Perhaps MOAR opium would help?

litre_cola

As you texted me, I just took another edible because fuck this. May load up the smoker with drumsticks and ribs.

King Hippo

GODDAMNIT BREECE

Spur

Eat it Philly
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jjfozz

Wedding at 530. I have to wear a suit. I would rather wear a skin made of hornets than a fucking suit. fuck.

ArmedandHammered

Just tell them that the burning you experience every time you enter consecrated ground, precludes you from attending anything held in a church.

jjfozz

Won’t work, the bride and groom are getting married at the venue, to the horror of my mother in law

2Pack

Go get ’em there Lucifer

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Did you know that the word ‘lucifer’ means ‘light-bringer’?” – jjfozz, bearing a lit tiki torch and a jerrycan full of gasoline

jjfozz

While the tiki torch has a nice ambience, a lit road flare will always get the job done

litre_cola

What a beating. Engage edibles.

King Hippo

my FF sides are gonna get slaughtered

litre_cola

Weaselo is taking me behind the woodshed.

ArmedandHammered

Touch of Downs has been a very special player for my team.

Gumbygirl

I’ve decided to pretend FF was canceled this week.

fleshwound_NPG

anthony richardson…NAWT dead, again!

(only semi-DEAD, letting flacco get ELITE reps)

fleshwound_NPG

STAFFORDCEPTION bails out the bears

fleshwound_NPG

nope!

King Hippo

Moroni’s trumptet sounds x2

Bogdanski

Love needs a few more weeks off

King Hippo

He can barely put weight on that leg, even just waiting for the snap.

Last edited 1 month ago by King Hippo
Spur

You saying, Love takes time

King Hippo
2Pack

This GB game is driving me to switch channels to Napoli coverage. Or in Marika’s case… non coverage…

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King Hippo

don’t want the poor gal getting tanlines…

2Pack

Agreed

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

What are you talking about, tan lines are awesome! It’s like a treasure map!

ArmedandHammered

directional arrows for those of us who are blind without glasses

fleshwound_NPG

dunno who is dumber

anthony richardson still running and getting hit, and hurt

the colts for letting him time and again

…my dude, motherfuckin SLIDE

Redshirt

(puts on Tin Foil Hat). That was planned. The Colts want that Old Man Flacco Magic .

King Hippo

That’s probably hard with that kidney shot or hip pointer, though

Don T

My sincere prayers for Anthony Richardson’s kidney. He was moving just like a boxer after a clean side blow.

King Hippo

That poor Stillers defender was just trying not to kill him on that last RPO.

fleshwound_NPG

FLACCODOWN

the next ELITE playoff run in the afc upcoming

King Hippo

Elite Humpty-Hump!

Mr. Ayo

ELITE injury

Redshirt

The Annual Richardson Injury seems early this year.

Redshirt

There’s the Andy I know and love!

Redshirt

Bengals CB Cam Taylor-Britt is being beaten like a drum.

fleshwound_NPG

ELITE backup getting the call in indy

fleshwound_NPG

anthony richardson, NAWT dead

(lol, he runs and gets hit again. my man is NAWT gonna survive the season…again)

fleshwound_NPG

anthony richardson…DEAD AGAIN

litre_cola

Who does he think he is Hamlin?

Mr. Ayo

Bizarre call to have a designed run for him there.

And by bizarre I mean completely idiotic.

King Hippo

Lesser Harbs says hold his non-alcoholic beer!

(starting Herbert AGAIN, even with a Week 5 bye on deck)

litre_cola

Doink.

Mr. Ayo

DOINK!

fleshwound_NPG

BLEERGH saves the yinzers, tackling the qb, 15 yards

make it flag football and put flags on the qbs

Redshirt

Oh, so NOW the defense shows up?!

King Hippo

somebody do a wellness check on Wakezilla?

King Hippo

Sooooooo dificil, punting for a TD!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Thank you Fox for broadcasting a 1-2 Rams team facing a 1-2 Bears team. Time to see if the MLB.tv subscription I got for free still works.

Spur

Woot Woot
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Spur

Come on Bucs. Kick that Eagle Ass
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fleshwound_NPG

my guide says rams/bears on fox but i am NAWT getting it likely because of home clots game over at cbs

still sailin the high seas, matey

Redshirt

2024 Bengals:

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Spur

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King Hippo

dun dun dun dun DUN!!!!!

Mr. Ayo

5 minutes of Red Zone lovely musak, less 30 seconds of ad time of course, then fitbawl!

King Hippo

proof that God lovestolerates us, inshallah!

Game Time Decision

Greetings from Utica NY

At the World Lacrosse Box Championships gold medal game for the women now and then the men at 4

Go Canada Go

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The Canadian men have nevar lost a game in the history of the tournament.
The women’s game should be a bit closer but still a Canadian win

/soUrry not soUrry

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Utica, huh? I thought lacrosse was more of an Albany thing.

fleshwound_NPG

“it’s more of a shelbyville idea…”

Game Time Decision

It is and Syracuse too but there’s a great facility here with 4 pads

Last edited 1 month ago by Game Time Decision
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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rockingdog

Found a funny:

I’ve designed a phone without all the annoying apps and features. There’s just one big button you smash that says WIFE and it calls your wife. If you don’t have a wife then you practice with it for when you do

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Does your wife have to get a special app so she can not answer?

Gatoraids

thats wifin

rockingdog

Is Bears RB RoJo gonna do anything today?
Rams DEF is horrible against the run, right??

That would be Rocking!

Spur

My picks

Steelers – 2.5
Commies/Cards – Over 49.5
Tits/Fins – Under 38.5

King Hippo

The best single on the best moviefilm soundtrack EVAR. Fight me!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MVhBEtTSEcE

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

One very cool thing about that movie is that it was the first time that many of us would have seen Steve Zahn.

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King Hippo

so many little hidden gems in that film

Spur
Unsurprised

Why?

King Hippo

real spicy meatball in Manchester

Last edited 1 month ago by King Hippo
litre_cola

Carta rojo! Adios Bruno you fuckstain.

King Hippo

little whingeing dachsund looking prick took like 10 minutes to leave the pitch too

blaxabbath

Afternoon thread. It’s 9am here.
Only 6am in Hawaii.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s so cool they have wifi in the barrel that you’re in.

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Redshirt

Due to being so judgmental about other people’s opinions and actions, Hell is canceled!

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Spur

I got the car washed, groceries, load of laundry and my jog done before the 9am. Am a Gruden Grinder!

blaxabbath

We hit record highs the last four days.

I see why the kids like focusing on the recovery anymore.

Spur

Morning Folks.

litre_cola

Just chatting with a Cowboys friend of mine and he is so pleased going into the day with a W already. He plans to just blissfully drink the whole day away.

King Hippo

heh, Men Untied caught ball-watching

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THESE GUYS MANCHESTER UNITED I CALL THEM MARK ROBINSON…

Doktor Zymm

I have absoutely no problem believing that no Bears QB has ever thrown for 400

Gatoraids

Sure the Sex Canon has throw for over 400 yards just not completions.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yesterday’s anti-trans attack ad that aired during the Alabama-Georgia game (artist’s conception):

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Horatio Cornblower

I was in a bar, (I know, very surprising) and saw that but couldn’t hear it.

I suspect I’m better off.

Redshirt

I’m more offended by how lazy they are up here in Ohio.

“Let’s talk about the unintended implications behind a transgender female participating with cisgender females so early in their transition before their hormonal and muscular characteristics can closely identify with the other…”

“BORING! Let’s just air the Macho Man Heather Swanson episode of South Park plus all the soft openings of Law and Order: SVU all condensed into one.”

Spur

Didn’t get to see it but let me guess a little girl and restrooms were elements in the ad.

Redshirt

Don’t forget a seedy looking guy in a wig. (Sarcasm)Because that is why men transition after all.(/Sarcasm)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Actually, no. There was a clip of Harris talking about a gender reassignment program for prisoners and it was cut up very strangely (reminiscent of the bit above) and the same clip was repeated twice in the same ad. For a national ad it was shockingly amateurish.

King Hippo

With a cartoon of Walz in farcical drag at the end (at least in NC version, I am sure that was Vance’s add)

Spur

I’ve seen that one before in Nevada. I assumed that was SuperPac ad not an official campaign ad. Trump Campaign, only the best people..

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I can’t remember if it was an official Trump ad. I *do* remember one the PAC ads because it was a Willie Horton style thing but after saying the word “criminal” about forty times they conspicuously avoided having Donald Trump voice his endorsement at the end of the ad.

Senor Weaselo

Fuck, I am tired while I wait for Senorita Weaselo to teach. Yesterday’s schedule may get a Wumbo description, but 1 AM hiccups while playing fucking suuucks.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Oh man I think the clock is slow…”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6M4_Ommfvv0

Gumbygirl

I don’t feel tardy!

King Hippo

Class DisMISSED!!!

ArmedandHammered
  • Sam Darnold
Gatoraids

waiting for one day for someone to use a sad slow acoustic trailercore version of this song in something, like the a True Life Movie of Christa McAuliffe

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh god I can envision it.

[stripped down backing track; soulful female voice] “Got it made…got it made…got it made…”

King Hippo

100% of my mental energy wishcasting NO/ATL Most GlorioUs DRAW now.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Gimli’s Groin Grabbers have left so many groins ungrabbed so far this season. Perhaps today is the day they turn things around.

litre_cola

I am going to 0-4. Book it.

ArmedandHammered

same here

Redshirt

Joe Burrow says he needs to be a more vocal leader. Maybe start with this:

NSFW: Language

h ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knXuiqdvZ4E&pp=ygUTbWFydmluIGxld2lzIHNwZWVjaA%3D%3D

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