TGIF! Hopefully everyone’s recovered from the adrenaline rush of last night’s game. Gotta love the MLB playoffs!
Survival – Personal Edition
Let’s make a cummerbund! This is if you forgot yours, don’t own one, or somehow fouled yours up but the event requires one.
- Ascertain if you’re at a white tie or black tie event. White tie, find white napkins, black tie, black or navy napkins. You’re looking for starched, cloth napkins just in case you were just peeling open a pack of paper napkins.
- Let’s get to folding. First, lay the napkin on a flat surface with one corner pointing towards you
- Fold the corner closest to you to the center of the napkin. Repeat with the corner on the opposite end.
- Fold the bottom flat edge up and over the top edge so the bottom edge extends about 1 (one) inch past the top edge.
- Fold both top edges back down so that the lower of the two edges is about 1 (one) inch above the new bottom edge.
- Stand back and admire your work. The napkin should now have three pleats and be in the general shape of a cummerbund. If not, reread these instructions and try again.
- Lastly, we need to secure it to yourself. Grab a few more napkins and roll them up diagonally so they’re as long as possible and as thing as possible. Pin those to the ends of the cummerbund and fit as appropriate. Also, make sure the pleats of your cummerbund are facing up. Keep your jacket on and no one will see the edges of the cummerbund even when unbuttoned.
Great job! Just make sure you remove your napkin cummerbund in private and you’re in the clear.
Click here to get to commenting
Survival – Species Edition
Time to put the sexy in Friday!
Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to the comments!
I just spent a shitload of money on junk. And a nice cider.
https://www.msn.com/en-us/sports/nfl/dolphins-part-ways-with-veteran-quarterback/ar-AA1rIFPn
The Japanese found Tim Boyle.
Great. Now Fisher Stevens is going to get a second Oscar before John Goodman gets one.
Took three weeks but the new tattoo finally healed.
Probably gonna need a touch up on the green.
That girl ground her tattoo gun in my arm like I owed her money.
Cheaper to get it done in Pedro.
Yeah, but the Irish hepatitis lasts forever!
I kid, you know.
Figure out a way to share with the rest.
A picture of the ink, not the Irish hepatitis, regardless of joking or not.
I’ll wait for the finished product.
Needs more ink!
And the dairy is unpasteurized!
As lactose intolerant Wifey can attest.
https://twitter.com/SickosCommittee/status/1842422472726970863
/watched Fox News Boston news
Did you know that the city of Boston is defined by nothing but crime? Story after story.
According to commercials, so is all of Southern California.
And yes, it’s older white guys telling us this vital info.
The way Trump and Fox News describe America makes it EXACTLY a “shit hole ” he so eloquently described other countries back in 2016. And now he’s running to be KING OF SHIT HOLE! Again! Woo.
This is not a coincidence
That’s what happens when you give the Irish an inch.
No shit. Every Irishman we met in Belfast knew someone in Boston.
And most of them who had been to the US had been to Boston only.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxtgJIQk1Ec
Yinz’ll either love or loathe this.
This is good! RIP Brad Delp, but thanks for sticking around long enough for me to see you in concert.
Boston’s first album was perfect.
Saw them live in ’86. They headlined but had the complete lack of foresight to have Black Sabbath in their original formation and Van Halen on their first stadium tour ever after their first album open for them.
It was a massacre.
I saw them on that tour. My boyfriend at the time (not Gumby, we were still just friends then) got hopelessly lost in Pittsburgh and we didn’t get home until almost 3 am. I had to get up at 6 the next day to take the SAT’s. That was the first time I ever took speed. I finished all the sections of the test way before everyone else, and just sat there zooming!
https://twitter.com/andyblackledge/status/1780016840187781310
The Arizona Coyotes were an abomination that should have been strangled in the crib, but goddamn do I love whoever did this.
Did I just order a purple Schlitz shirt?
Yes. Yes I did.
That reminds me that I still need to write up the malt liquor post!
If you need me to chime in on Mickey’s Big Mouth or King Cobra or Old 8 lemme know.
I’ve got stories.
I’ve got Haffenreffer covered.
“Extra small?”
-Lowratio
Here’s my Schlitz story.
On one of my Jeopardy games, there was a “Have a Beer” category. The clues were all beer slogans, and you had to name the beer. So the 4th from the top clue was “The beer that made Milwaukee famous” and I rang in, not very confidently, and answered “Miller?” and NO YOU ARE WRONG AND GET NOTHING AND IN FACT YOU LOSE GOOD DAY.
Anyway, my mom told her soon-to-be-husband about it and when I met him for the first time, he brought me a Schlitz mug, for the sole purpose of rubbing in my horrible guess. He’s a good dude.
That’s outstanding hustle.
Yeah, he’s good people for a Redacteds fan.
Oh that’s too bad.
Hey. I’m a redacted.
Jesus, me and the Schlitz Bull did not get along.
I just got a fox news ad on my arrrrggghh stream of the UNLV game. I need a red hat!
Color guy on the Oregon game asked if he could say something “that will get me in trouble” and then, when I was expecting him to say “So I was reading ‘Mein Kampf’ and that Hitler fella had some good….” right before the screen went dark, and instead he just talked about Oregon having the best music which, what the fuck, guy, nobody cares.
Related, during my recent antiquing expedition I did find a copy of Mein Kampf on sale. I did not buy it, because $200 is a lot to spend for kindling.
“Old man gets drunk and complains about TV”
I can’t argue with that, as we’ve entered the ‘shopping on the internet’ portion of the evening. Was going for one of these
but the site seems shady as fuck.
Not able to find the game but the SillyCuse QB McCord attempting 50(!) pass attempts is one hell of a something.
sport surge in the google
OT baby
I just saw a grown man diaper ad. Piss yourself like a man!
I have pissed in an adult diaper, but it was a birthday celebration and we all did because drunk.
It’s very difficult to convince your bladder to let go while wearing a diaper.
All the colors of artificial turf available and Oregon went with taupe for the their home field
Scotchy, u watching Cuse v Rebs?
Where’s the game? Can’t find it
FS1
I think Canuckia will have a different provider.
They’ll rerun it after a 4-hour special on the Maple Leafs chances for the Cup this year.
“The odds on Austin Matthews stealing Taylor from Kelce and scoring 70+ goals are down to 3-1. You should get in on the action!”
-every fucking betting site in Canada, probably
Former KSKer and current Shoresy writer Trevor Risk posted something about Toronto clear-cutting a park to make way for some industrial park back by Doug Ford and now I want everything in Toronto to burn.
Except the forests.
I will also accept only Doug Ford burning and Toronto remaining unscathed.
If you guys only had ‘conservatives’ like Doug Ford that don’t even dare to fully weigh in on abortion, trans folks, immigrants, guns, etc.
Alberta’s leader blamed the US on Chemtrails this week. Serioulsly. Our leader is far more whackadoodle than yours.
https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/marjorie-taylor-greene-hurricane-helene-conspiracy-1235124836/
What’s more, the people who believe her cite chemtrails as proof.
I can hate both, and with good reason.
To quote Piratesloth arrrrggghhhh
Litre and Balls yakked about Jerry Tarkanian below and I’d like to expand because his story needs to be told because it unfolded in the wasteland that is the West Coast (kidding!)
-his middle name is Esther (have to get that out of the way)
-he took over as coach of a nothing basketball school at the time-Long Beach State-and left with a 122-20 record.
-how did he do that? Well, he recruited from the junior college ranks and took chances on black players that had fallen through the cracks. That Long Beach State team totally befuddled the 1971 UCLA powerhouse in the NCAA tourney-the latter escaped with a 57-55 win
-Very Important Note-while at Long Beach he wrote a newspaper column stating that with respect to violations of any kind, the NCAA only went after smaller schools that 1) couldn’t properly defend themselves because they didn’t have the means to do so, and 2) didn’t contribute to the NCAA’s revenue stream in any meaningful way. Oh Boy.
-Dude was prescient-after he left, the NCAA hit Long Beach with two years probation for recruiting violations
-He went to UNLV, a program that had previous records of 13-15 and 14-12. The teams record win totals the following four years?-20-6, 24-5, 29-2 and 29-3.
-He was constantly badgered by the NCAA, receiving visits on a regular basis by their officials.
-Walter Byers, executive director of the NCAA, when asked to describe UNLV’s style of play under Tark called it, “ghetto run and shoot basketball”
-He sued them twice, he won once to the tune 2.5 mil.
-He bit towels during games
Legend.
The 1997 and ’98 NCAA Tournaments made me a college hoops fan.
I still believe Larry Johnson & Co. took a ton of money to throw that game against Duke.
[rolls eyes]
And I believe that Gordon Heyward took a ton of money for intentionally missing that shot from halfcourt that rimmed out.
Based on the shattered leg he suffered later he definitely sold his soul for something along the way.
inadvertent Clubhouse derby brawl
If you think I’m picking a fight with a guy who knows 72 recipes for ‘Literally Hobo Stew’ you are out of your mind.
Legend status definitely achieved.
Tark the Shark! His teams were always fun to watch.
God DAMN. That’s racist even for the NCAA.
This is a very smooth and very dangerous beer. Fortunately I only bought four of them, because you could drink 15 of these (PUSSY!!) before you realized what you’d done.
I love zero gravity beers. I’m gonna have to look for that one
My son’s gf tended bar at their brewery. We swung by on our way back from Montreal for a couple of days and on the last day met my son there for breakfast. I will testify that they do some killer waffles.
I of course had to get a breakfast stout. Went to pay and the manager said it was on him because “your son is in here all the time” which brought a tear of pride to my eye.
We went to Quebec City a few years ago and stayed in Burlington on the way back. We overshot and hit Prohibition Pig, and then on the way back to Burlington we hit Queen City brewing, zero gravity across the street, and then Foam near our hotel. It was an excellent impromptu brewery hop
I wanted to hit Queen City, (right across the street from Zero Gravity), but they didn’t open for an hour. Hit the chocolatier’s next door and while their hot chocolate was good if not great, their chocolate bars were a religious experience.
Lake Champlain Chocolates if you’re in the area.
I’ve only been to Pro Pig once and wasn’t impressed, but it was right after Covid, there were still a lot of restrictions, and I very much doubt they were firing on all cylinders.
I have heard very good things and I will definitely go back.
Hope a ride on the trip to get the stranded astronauts back?
He said “zero gravity.”
What’s the ABV? And is it really zero gravity as gravity is used in discussions of beer? Looks good
5.5% but seems to punch above that. As for the gravity thing I do not know.
It’s the first lady for me today Buddy. And thanks for the tip, but I’ve avoided ever needing a cummberbund so far in my reakless life… so I think I’m good.
I don’t know who this is, but she’s trending on Twitter, fits tonight’s theme, and it’s sort of like a tribute to tWBS.
She’s a wrestler, her name is Tiffany Stratton. Google lens told me.
You learned that when Gumby bought you tickets to see Til Tiesday in concert, and well…
Yep, she would have gained a new stalker off of that pic….
I’m pretty sure he’s haunting her as we speak
“You’re so purty, Darlin. How did you end up in this thankless job.
No, let’s sit over here where it’s quiter and I can look at your pretty face.”
Jesus Christ, that felt like I was possessed there for a second!
UConn’s really hoping to land a bid to the Big XII, and watching this game betwixt Houston and TCU I can see why. I mean, who wouldn’t want to play on Friday nights on ESPN in front of literally hundreds and hundreds of people, all to still lose millions of dollars a year because no one in New England gives a shit about college football?
Big East 3.0
Guess who just signed up for 16 hours of call-taking?
Guess who signed up for 16 hours of call-taking without realizing he forgot to bring his daily meds and something extra to eat?
Call DoorDash for the food and tell them there’s a little something extra in it for them if they can rob a pharmacy on the way over.
Music playing in the background while WCS answers calls.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dp11DjaUc5A&ab_channel=PSC%C3%A9sar
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1t4KLOm7pO0&list=PLFi9V6EFsFInH1_Q86JxepTUe_d19SqxG&index=8
Actually, it’s this!
I’m high enough for both of us!
Watching the Last Voyage of the Demeter with my wife, while I am fairly stoned. Really made that movie enjoyable. Helped to be snuggle up with the wife in the bean bag sofa on the deck in the dark and watch it on my PC. For once lately, I am really happy to be me.
I mean we watched, I was not kommenting while watching the movie with my wife, even I am not that idiot about women.
Preach sister
James Harrison?
BITCH YOU THINK YOU GOT AN EMERGENCY NOW!?!? I WILL COME OVER TO YOUR HOUSE AND I WILL SHOW YOU AN EMERGENCY!!! NOW YOU GRAB THAT FIRE EXTINGUISHER FROM UNDER THE SINK, AIM IT AT THE BASE OF THE FIRE, AND SPRAY!!! GODDAMMIT I AM NOT HERE TO HOLD YOUR HAND!!
The fire is out? OK, that’s great. You have a nice night and thank you for calling Allegheny 911.
Emily Feld selection, of whom I mentioned in last week’s SF comments.
https://postimg.cc/gallery/78jFF3YN
Anyone else on the UNLV train? (Not Scotchy tonight). Especially after the NIL gone wrong with their QB. You know who wouldn’t have fucked up giving players money? Tark. That’s who.
Tark was a LEGEND
I don’t know what the size limit is anymore, but here’s a safe gif of Sydney Sweeney
https://postimg.cc/ZByVjWXw
Happy seasonal affective disorder season to those who celebrate. Threw an office chair through my closet door today. I’m a bit on edge, you could say.
Oh, you don’t have a near perfect sun replacement light?
https://www.ebay.com/itm/155267914449
I need that.
It’s far cheaper to harness the power of the atom and make your own little minisun in the comfort of your lair
Could be worse, you could be Eric Ten Haag or a Man U supporter. Those fuckers are edgy right now.
Silly Fronk. Take your rage out on your students, like the rest of your colleagues do!
The reproduction of that glorious piece of magnificent art is hanging over my left shoulder about 6 feet away.
I got to study it in person at LACMA back in the before times. Gonna say 1999?
My girlfriend at the time was seriously worried that I may have been tripping but I was a reasonably straight man during that era.
Not before nor after mind you.
Looking at it live with the multitude of paint layers is insane.
It’s almost 3D.
Metal Machines have ripped the sky
Rattling windows as they streak by
Safe to say the edible has kicked in
Same. Now to the wine.
Just cracked beer number 7 probably shouldn’t drive anymore this evening.
Unless you do it real fast because then you will be in the zone.
“DAMN STRAIGHT LETS GO MAKE PREGNANT MINORITIES LIVES WORSE WHILE WE’RE DOING IT!”
— Brett K., DC
Oasis in LA, let’s gooooo!
Which Gallagher kills the other? PLACE YOU BETS
I will watch like in the coliseum
Saving my ticket $ for the (hopefully) US editions to the current Brian Jonestown Massacre tour. Now THOSE boys know how to have a real onstage donnybrook!
And their music is actually good as well.
We may all be meeting up for week 1 of the nfl A&H and weed is legal there too!
Why would I need to worry about a cummerbund when I’m not wearing pants?
What else do you wear with the fancy underroos?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sKQX4vTxxEA
YA BETTA CALL SOMEBODDDDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
EDIT: mildly, if understandable, disappointed no one enjoys this as much as I do. No, the world needs more King Laserfaces like we need Trumps, but it’s so on brand for Marmalard.
Good God! Who is that??
Sydney Sweeney. Actress who isn’t afraid to use what genetics gave her.
Smart girl
h
ttps://postimg.cc/gallery/3vs6BYx
She takes her vitamins.
I appreciate that there’s a “More Like …” section for #1
h
ttps://www.babepedia.com/babe/Lauren_Mellor
Hippo is like moth to #6’s flame…
.
I had no idea Diddy had a team in the Baby Oil Football League.
He’s the commissioner
#2 is giving me really good flashbacks