Did you enjoy the early happenings? I sure nuff did. Or maybe I didn’t. I am writing this Friday afternoon.
Clemson (-14.5) at Florida State (7:00, ESPN)
This could be interesting, if the Semenholes had a quartered back. But they don’t even have the well-below-cromulent DJ Ukelele no MOAR. They’s right fucked.
Tennessee (-13.5) at Arkansas (7:30, ABC)
I don’t exactly smell upset, but this is a tricky matchup. Pig Sooey will at least make you work for it this year (PHRASING), and the Vols are inconsistent offensively. So long as they aren’t playing a MAC school. Or…SIGH…NC State.
Michigan (+1.5) at Washington (7:30, NBC)
One of these weeks, the wheels are gonna fall off of the Michigan jalopy. Hippo predicts it happens in Seattle, tonight. Watch and rejoice.
Kansas (+2.5) at Arizona State (8:00, ESPN2)
I am not saying that I highlighted this just FOAR the cheerleaders. It’s a rare afternoon kickoff in Tempe, the coeds will be scantily clad as well.
Miami-FL (-10) at California (10:30, ESPN)
You know this matchup, and the Golden Shower Bears in general, will only disappoint here. Which is too bad, because humanity doesn’t need this Hurricanes boomlet. QB Cam Ward is legit, though.
Guns Up!! (+6.5) at Arizona (11:00, Fox)
Late night with the Fightin’ Blax! Don’t mind if’n ah do. This has all the hallmarks of chaotic, late night PAC-tion, just without the conference affiliation.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mzjv6gnoYzY&list=FLSeuEMQg2AgEwplE9IoHJdg&index=27
Lots of upsets today, including a certain Cousinfucker squadron I happen to be a little biased towards.
A certain Vice Presidential candidate does not like your video
Ooh, Fox has their jam band music guy working tonight. A little Phish – First Tube just played.
GOT HEEM!
https://vimeo.com/1016629745?share=copy
That’s really fucking annoying
Welcome to Bladerunner 2024
I hate those fucking things.
I saw one of those for the first time Wednesday night! I was down on OSU campus with my daughter. “What the hell is that?” Daughter: -rolls eyes-.
ASU coeds gonna FUCK tonight!
gonna be a SLIGHT uptick in OnlyFans content in the coming days
Yes, because it’s a night.
But also, GREAT FOOTBALL DAY
The only person I’ve known with an ASU degree was a smoking hot woman who fucked like a demon.
Big fan of ASU.
Downtown Los Angeles, today
https://vimeo.com/1016624587?share=copy
I heard the WHAT THE FUCK???
They were self-driving advertising boxes wandering around; they had “Venom” written on them, which I think is a movie. I saw about six of them, and I really wanted to run over one of them, just to see what would happen. If I got a ticket I would tell the judge that I didn’t know it was an ad platform, I thought it was a demon’s baby carriage being pushed by a ghost.
Where’s a Medieval peasant who’s mind to blow when you need a serf??!
And now Arkansas beat Tennessee!! WOOOOOO!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hYU7yJ6gaF8
HAHAHAHAHA
BY TEN!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
MICHIGAN LOST BY TEN!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
ENJOY THE OUTBACK BOWL!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA(passes out from lack of oxygen due to laughing)
greed is trying to outright destroy college football
college football will not be going quietly into that good night
https://twitter.com/thatlawyerLisa/status/1842434063891927548
Not a big fan of Nike U., but I am willing to recognize greatness when I see it.
That woman who posted it could be hotter.
So can you have the same video but posted by some cute influencer?
You have to picture her wearing just the yellow hat.
Nobody walks in L.A., but when they do it looks like this:
https://ibb.co/q0yqNN3
Downtown Los Angeles, today
Big Hamburglar fans.
Droogs?
Getting ready for a bit of the old ultra violence. But first a stop at the Moloko Plus.
There aren’t enough milk bars imo
L.A. COMIC CON at the Convention Center. The mean streets of DTLA were loaded with pedestrians like this; Raymond Chandler is vomiting in his coffin.
What’s funny is when you vomit it sounds like “NOIR”
three stooges reboot look mid at best
It’s apparently not available on the Onion site but this is one of my favorite articles from back when they were a paper only in Madison:
https://gist.github.com/gruber/1063574
Fuck Woody Allen’s hot dog hatin ass
This was the very first Onion article I ever read and it’s still one of my favorites.
It’s funny, just two days ago I directed my brother-in-law to the “Lord Rescinds Blessed Status of World’s Meek” article.
I left my TV on the YouTube TV Multiview which was showing four College Football games, and now it is showing MLB Playoffs, 2 College Football games and College Volleyball game on at the same time.
I…I think I just got a sneak preview of Heaven.
A quick note to stadium entertainment coordinators everywhere.
Stop turning the stadium lights off!
The fuck is wrong with you!?
That’s when the shankings happen!
Give me that remote you little asshole!
Not every game’s a Raiders game.
And Minnesota beats USC! What a day!
What a Rose Bowl! Alright, time to put on the Orange Bowl before New Year’s!
Wait, it’s October?!
You honestly think Minnesota could ever make the Rose Bowl Game? Are you sneaking into Hippo’s Strategic Pill Supply?
JV SeaTruthers hand the former Lesser JV Harbs’ first “conference” loss since 2021, which is pretty incredible.
*first non-cheating conference loss
In true law-talkin’ guy SPEEK: those wins have yet to be vacated
If Ohio State isn’t motivated to win this game, they should Death Penalty themselves and shut down the program. If this happened when Woody Hayes was alive, slapping would ensue but this time it would be righteous.
Hell, if someone on Bo Schembecler’s staff tried to pull this shit, he’d probably vacate the wins himself.
James Carville has Ben Button syndrome.
How does he look 30 years older than he does currently in a picture taken 30 years ago?!
He’s a skeletor https://youtu.be/PS3PpiTH8WU?si=GJwKDyLNHgit-QMw
Cajun Style
Intentional walk with two strikes? That’s…a choice.
out dave roberts-ing dave roberts? that is indeed a choice!
Yankees win! THHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE YANKEES WIN!!!
Huge win.
They stole that one, and I don’t see the Royals taking 3 out of 4 from New York.
Of course, I also didn’t see the Red Sox taking 4 straight from the Yankees in ’04, so perhaps take my baseball wisdom with a grain of salt.
And exhale.
https://twitter.com/SickosCommittee/status/1842736790530064878
replay of the freeman stolen base giving us good angles of how shitty of quality mlb uniforms are
those can be made into daisy dukes now
MLB got them from either Temu or DH Gate
Let’s not talk crazy, at DHGate those kids work their little hands to the bone. They had better or off to the mines with them.
And they’re not see through!
Royal Retros for my money.
Gotta do something for all those war crimes* Dad committed in Vietnam.
*Drinking all the 33 beer he could get his hands on
OMG OMG!!!!
Bogarts with a double!!!
Tatis and Merrill both score!!!!
5-3 Padres take the lead!!!!
That’s ROCKINGGGG!!!!!
WOOOOO!
My fucking Fox Sports app keeps crashing so I’m watching highlights like some kind of chump.
what bob costas was talking about a minute ago about interviewing ichiro
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GtImIqR5neU
Bob Costas is just tiresome.
Careful, that’s Lowratio’s cousin.
Lowratio has been vaccinated against pink eye.
His presence is now
https://youtu.be/NjNn4bbbgSw?si=uVznl0dy08lFEsPS
Damn
Othani with the 3 run HR to tie it 3-3
That’s not Rocking.
I may cheer for a division rival but I hate the Blue team so fucking much.
– Lady G to Vladimir Putin
I dunno, it’s *kinda* rockin’.
Yea I guess so
https://bsky.app/profile/cjzero.bsky.social/post/3l5sncj5fw224
That bat flip…
Well if he just hits homer he can’t steal bases. Hopefully that’s the only Shohei doing Shohei stuff
That’s Classical?
Jazz Chisholm is good baseball player, while CHAZ Jism was a problem in Seattle a few years back.
“Dark MAGA” more like Dork MAGA amirite?
Team Discovery Channel!
That’s kind of an insult to Nelson.
Yeah, and Martin’s actually smart.
He’s basically Ricky from “Better Off Dead.”
Also, we’d all be better off if he were dead.
If someone could photograph a “soy bomb” t-shirt onto him I would be so happy.
First of all, the Padres are going to beat the Dodgers as is the annual fall rite of passage but…
One day Ohtani is going to pitch a critical game in the post season and I would watch the shit out of that.
Over the NFL.
When I heard there was a documentary involving Will Ferrell and discovering trans identity, I did some acid and was very disappointed I didn’t see a “Janet Reno’s Dance Party” tucking episode
Drinking.’
food is here.
standy by for further instructions
fucking fuck, goof food is winnign vs alcohol, time to step this fucking shit up anothcc
Oh boy, hide yo’ wives in Dundalk
Panic on the streets of Baltimore!
wasting many millions of dollars, wasting many lives, and a lot of expensive arms turned to scrap
russian military, or los angeles dodgers
shohei ohtani, the georgy zhukov of baseball
Rocking dog! Padres are indeed rocking!
YES YES YES!!!!
Machado with the 2 run HomeRUN!!!!
Padres lead 3-0!!!! ⚾️
Gooooo Padres!
That’s ROCKINGGGG!!!!
lol dodgers already?
I mentioned earlier that I thought the Trump/Bidenomics ad was a pretty good one; the Harris/ACA ad I just saw during MI-WA was even better. Grabs your attention with an interesting story *before* you find out what kind of ad it is.
saw this on the ex-twitter site:
what do you call a college football coach from alabama that takes a ranked football team into vanderbilt and comes away with a loss?
senator.
For a while I have been saying that you could replace every other Senator with a sack of hammers and Tuberville would still be the dumbest one by a mile.
https://bsky.app/profile/cjzero.bsky.social/post/3l5si352hum2v
Yooooo
Vandy QB is ROCKING!!!!
Hey, let’s not forget he also lost to UConn.
https://www.espn.com/video/clip/_/id/41629903
Aww, the Fightin’ Lowratios are cromulent, too!
Found a funny:
Zombie fiction is, at its core, about the fear of seeing your own body age and decay. Ghost stories are about the impossibility of grappling with the past. Vampires are about what if you got so horny you died
The Padres-Dodgers game hasn’t started yet, but I already want to unleash BOLTMAN upon the Fox Graphics Team.
we live in a world where pitt is undefeated and bama is not
It’s kind of awesome!
THIS MICHIGAN WOLVERINES TEAM I CALL THEM A CASTRATI SEX CULT BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH THEY HAVE AN ORJI THEY’RE NOT SCORING
BOW DOWN!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDPSLb0pXhE
I’m nervous about Game 1 of this Padres vs Dodgers series ⚾️
Hopefully Padres are rocking tonight!!!!
I swear every major league relief pitcher has a “uses Sovereign Citizen as a defense in a custody case” beard
Moo Deng means bouncy pork
Best night for the Commodores since they had a gangbang with the Bay City Rollers. 35-40 was the head count not a score.
Yea that was Rocking!
Good job Vandy!!!
Damm usually when you hold a banner headline in degeneracy for this long Justin Bieber has an existential breakdown
You east coast folks may enjoy the 9:30 London games but my ass lives on the west coast.
And my team is hosting that cockpocket QB and the Jest tomorrow at 6:30 AM Best Coast time and you NOE I will not miss mandatory Hippo rules viewing.
Forecast: 72 and clear with 100% chance of crunk!
Don’t forget to have a walk!
I did that today. Sunday is a day of rest as our lord and savoir tells us.
Sssshhhhhhhhhh Do you hear it? A thousand voices from the future crying out “But, you just can’t leave out a 1-loss Bama team, there’s 12 whole slots…”
They’ll lose again. Count on it
i now want them to run the table. think about it, a bama national champ run with its only loss to fucking vandy
theyre STILL gonna fire the coach
Only option after that would be to increase it to a 24 team playoff
VANDY!!!
Nice win today for your
inbredboys.Best part is, Bama lost to a MIGRANT QUARTERBACK
PPPAWWWWWWWWLLLLLLLL
imagine how good the Sex Panthers must be!!!!
Diego Pavia for Heisman!
What a game in Nashville. Ballsy 4th down call!
As Bob Dylan said “When you ain’t got nothin, you got nothin to lose” or at least I think that’s what he said, mumbly fuck.