Ugh, not this shit again. Anyway, it’s me, Beerguyrob,

and as per usual, I am preparing a bye-week-ish report on the Falcons and…

Y’know what? No! I’m not doing this again. It’s been almost eight years. How in the fuck did they end up as my team again? I’m going to take this up with management!

*trundles down to the wine cellar. Opens door*

Oh…hi Scotchy. What’s up?

I, uhh… just wanna ask about why I have to…

Oh… okay. I see you’re busy. I’ll come back later.

Anyway, one early highlight of the research was finding out that typing “Falcons at their bye” into Google brought up last year’s [DFO] bye-week report on page 3 of the search. 

Lookit us just gaming that algorithm. Big Time!

Anyway, back to the terror at hand. Last year at this time, the Falcons were:

• 4-6
• Coached by Arthur Smith
• QB – Desmond Ridder
• Kyle Pitts was Fantasy poison

Well, this year they are:

• 6-5
• Coached by Raheem Morris
  • Arthur Smith is currently talking nanobubbles & snowmen on the Steelers sideline with Russell Wilson
• QB – Kirk Cousins
• Kyle Pitts is still Fantasy poison

Smells like success! 

With that in mind, it’s time for a deep dive into how things shape up in HOTLANTA!.

Let’s see what the fansites are saying:

• A below average team with an above average record
• Historically terrible pass-rush
• This remains a franchise best known for squandering a 28-3 lead

It’s going great!

Admittedly, going into the break after getting walloped by Bo Nix 38-6 earns you some of those headlines. But are they that bad?

Offence:

It’s been a surprisingly decent Kirk Cousins show so far. To borrow the numbers compiled by Blogging Dirty, he currently has 2,807 yards, 17 touchdowns, nine interceptions, a 68.1%, and a 96.6 passer rating. He is third in yards, seventh in touchdowns, 10th in completion percentage, and 13th in passer rating. The main complaints about him seem to involve his decision-making and his release time. He’s taking too long to make a decision on where to go, and his current throwing motion leaves him vulnerable once he does. He’s also not as mobile, but the Falcons knew what they were getting in that department when they signed him.

He also spent the bye week auditioning for a broadcasting job.

Their only option at present is the hilariously named Michael Penix Jr, which sounds like something a Latinx would say in Phoenix while listening to Hendrix. A number of people have begun arguing that it might be time to give Penix the keys, if only to see what promise lies ahead. But that seems kind of stupid, given that Kirk is worth $50 million per, and is a $65 million dead cap hit if they cut him after this season.

There’s no one else listed on their depth chart, so I guess either the punter or #3 WR are the emergency backups. They don’t have Desmond Ridder to kick around anymore, after shipping him off to Arizona for Rondale Moore (who ended up on IR before the season started), who then let him off their practice roster for the Raiders to sign.

Running back seems to be pretty solid. The combination of Bijan Robinson & Tyler Allgeier are projected to combine for 2000 rushing yards by the end of the year. Drake London is the clear standout at Wide Receiver, mostly by virtue of being the only one to stay healthy through all 11 games. This has led him to amass 710 receiving yards and six TDS, far-and-away Cousins’ favourite choice amongst the crew he’s had.

As for perennial fantasy disappointment Kyle Pitts? Well, I’ll defer to the words of ESPN:

Perhaps no player has been more frustrating to roster in fantasy over the past three seasons than Pitts, as the Falcons and coach Arthur Smith constantly mismanaged his massive talent level while trying to reinvent the wheel. Pitts has just 149 catches for six touchdowns in his three seasons, but things were looking up to start the season.

But since the season began, the headlines have turned once again to statements like, 

• “Kyle Pitts Is Just Bad”
• “The Kyle Pitts question won’t go away” 
• “Maybe Kyle Pitts is the Problem in Atlanta” 

The general impression I’m getting from all this is “whelming”. Not good enough to be great; not bad enough to be awful.

So if the O isn’t the problem, what’s up with their D?

It pretty much comes (sorry) down to their defence, which has been all sorts of awful this season. Describing the defence as “historically bad” isn’t something a supposed fan site should be saying about their team, but that’s what’s being said. They are ranked 25th in terms of overall defence.

The secondary is also bad. The pass defence is actually ranked 26th in the league, and has given up the fourth most touchdowns this season. They can’t keep teams out of their end zone, and have to rely on either their opponent’s incompetence or Kirk Cousins’ competence.

For all that garbage, they have already set one dubious record this year,

They are dead last in sacks at this point in the season, seven behind the next-worst team, and are on par to finish with their lowest season sack total since 2015, which had one fewer game to play. It’s led most fans to consider lifelong allegiances,

I could go on, and so could Raheem Morris, but for a 6-5 team there has been a lot of words written about them I can’t use in school – especially when I’m trying to finish this between classes.

Conclusion:

Because the rest of the division is shit, they still have a chance. According to Profootballnetwork.com, they are still the prohibitive favourite to win the division. They’ve got three very winnable games ahead of them versus the Raiders, Giants, and Panthers. Coming out of their bye, they also face a Chargers team that seems to define the word “mercurial” and a Commanders team that defined the word “inept” in losing to the Cowboys in hilarious fashion. Winning those three and one of the other two would get them to ten wins, which ought to be enough to win them the division, especially since they hold the tiebreaker with Tampa by virtue of a series sweep this season.

To quote a paid professional sports writer, “[g]iven their division, it likely would take a total collapse for the Falcons to squander their spot atop the NFL South.”