Let’s get to it.
Fallout:
-As another Brooks once said, “It’s good to be king but it’s not good being a Panteros running back”. Johnathan, after a laborious rehab regimen, was showing his wares and almost immediately tore the ACL in his previously injured knee. Thing is, he may have been able to help Carolina get a step up. They are now a surprisingly tough out. Since losing to the Broncos they have one and three point wins and their last losses are by 3, 3 and 6 points. Canales is doing something good here.
-Does anyone in their right mind think Belichick is going to take this UNC job? He just wants to keep his name in the news. Above everything else, he wants that all-time coaching wins record as well.
-Jameis keeps the starting QB job going forward because once you’ve moved on from the ickiest player in the league it’s up to the bean counters to do their [waves fingers] “abacus tricks” and figure when it’s best to jettison Watson.
-“Everything Detroit Touches Turns To Gold” is a thing that has never been typed/thought about before but here we are. The Lions/Packers tilt set a streaming audience record. Oh, did you think it was Green Bay that everyone wanted to watch? Streaming audiences overall are up 15% overall over last year which was up 9% over the previous season.
-The Lion In (Early) Winter: (great movie, btw) Cousins has to go a long way to prove that he’s not washed. Over his last four games he has 0 TD’s and 8 INT’s. (Darnell Mooney went for 142 but being a Bears castoff he’s uniquely suited to adjust to lousy QB play). Everyone keeps waiting for Darnold to collapse but it’s been put off for yet another week. Vikes coach O’Connell might be the very first coach that plays to his strengths. He had 5 completed passes of 15+ air yards and three that were 30+ yards.
-I Remember The NFC West: Seattle is on top and their point differential is +19. The Rams sit second in the division and their PD is -19, the Cards are at -5 and the Basement Niners are at 0.
To The Game!
Bengals/Cowboys:
-ESPN (they’ve gotta do some sort of hype job, right?) described Dallas as “suddenly surging”. They’re 2-5 in their last seven and if you’ll recall, they beat the pathetic Giants by just one TD back when we were all stuffing our faces with bird. Those 5 losses were by a combined 102 points.
-I figure this will be a high-scoring tilt but it’ll be by virtue of defensive breakdowns, linebackers tripping over refs, safeties blowing assignments, too many men on the field-that sort of thing.
-Can we institute a “Shining Diamond in the Outhouse” Award? Good god, Burrow leads the league in passing yards, completions and TD’s.
-Despite Joe’s Herculean efforts, Cincy hasn’t yet beaten a team with a winning record.
-The Lamb Lays Down In Arlington: Ceedee’s catch percentage on the road is (rounded up) 70%. At home he’s sitting at 53%.
Have at it.
Zac Taylor looks like he just got back from Fallujah 20 years ago.
O’Brien knows how I feel right now. Wheew.
If Joe Burrow had a decent offensive line, defensive line, linebackers, secondary, and better kicking, he’d be doing pretty well for himself.
Oh, wait…
Joe “Skee-Lo” Burrow
He wishes alright.
Well, Stafford eventually got traded.
Redshirt’s response (my artistic interpretation)
Oh, I forgot. I thought we wanted talent rewarded.
Redshirt made a poor decision about which team he was going to support as an adult and now he has to carry it to term.
I take that back. You don’t have to stay with any team forever.
Eli learned everything from his slip n slide days
It’s all fun and games until you hit a rock under the plastic!
indeed, we had a friends kids birthday party where had a big rental slip n slide with a foot foot of inflatable air between ground and person to stop this from happening was glorious..
No no, it’s all fun and games until you slide off into a red ant hill.
Soooooooo you can guess how I know that.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYugZVSEuEM
I loved that movie as a kid, so much. I’m pretty sure my best friend and I could still recite it, 30 years later, if we watched it together.
know what ya saying Verne
“Who do a duet jam when Ernest goes to camp. For the right earn, na’mean? Like Vern We need some more oil for the machines to burn, learn”
My brother and I asked our grandparents for turtles for Christmas one year, and while my WWII and Korea veteran pap liked the concept of amphibian airborne, wouldn’t sign off it.
I’m pretty sure I tried to do that with the box turtle we kept in the backyard, but my mom loves turtles, she’d have murdered me if I were to harm a turtle in some stupid stunt.
had same experience at father company picnic in a concrete tube in a park, remember being dunked and spending time in a garbage can full of ice cubes and beer cans chilling
Red ants were just a part of growing up in Dallas. We’d often fully step in one during soccer practice or out deep in the school field during recess.
Wasn’t milk also a way to provide relief or lessen swelling?
As I always say, it’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye, and then it’s all fun and games that someone can’t see.
3rd and 24? NFL BLITZ ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED
Rush running like a Red Barchetta on that scramble.
MY UNCLE HAS A COUNTRY PLACE
fuck simpsons cast this was the peak of AV Computer tech
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMSFqXGZ5TQ
Cooper’s going to be taking the Dreamline back to his house in the Subdivisions.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cj72Hgz2tTY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tF571JpHdy8
Cooper’s a bit uncomfortable in the Limelight.
On Sundays he can elude the eyes but not on Monday night
You can tell the Golden Globes were announced today by the acting on the penalties.
hoping for an encore of John Legend to prevent Collinsworth from coming on manningcast
Bob Dylan isn’t dead (as of this typing), so do we need a biopic?
Guess I’ll just go yell at clouds.
Hopefully there’s no Pete Seeger spinoff.
Probably doing it now so his estate doesn’t have to approve it and he’s old enough not to care
That wasn’t very good, Joe.
Gonna go ahead and have Dec 5th as well. I think I overfaced myself with the cheese advent calendar, it’s a LOT of cheese. Cheese curds are a nice munchable snack tho
Dec 5th: Braeval 2013 10yr Hart Brothers
without any context or background, Dec. 5 was four days ago…
yeah, I’m super behind on my Scotch advent calendar
Eh, this one is not my favorite, reminds me of something I don’t like but can’t quite place
Hitler?
Oddly enough I don’t associate any flavors or scents with Hitler
Not even almond?
Hold them to a touchdown. Lead a scoring drive of a record shattering 27 minutes.
It’s almost too easy.
When is ESPN gonna take Berman out back and Old Yeller him?
let’s hope United Healthcare starts sponsoring his segments
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vATLlSPnGxE
That’s not fair.
People loved Old Yeller.
How is he still alive and not imprisoned? He seems like he’d have the predilections of Louis C.K. with the charisma of Harvey Weinstein.
The lack of self-awareness Chris Berman has is just astounding.
Duffman has more self awareness
Mojave Desert, just west of Edwards Air Force Base.
On the left is a giant wind farm, at top is a space port, bottom left is a mountain being scraped away for all its gold ore, center top to bottom are all massive solar arrays, top right is one of two automobile proving grounds in the area (there’s also a racetrack nearby). To the east of this photo is the longest runway in the world.
https://ibb.co/CvQWd56
DFO Road Trip to Reefer City!
That racetrack, Willow Springs!
Two punts? Ah, that takes me back…
That AT&T commercial should’ve ended like the opening of Zero Dark Thirty
Latin squirrel
What a ringing endorsement for the Big Apple from Eli
Since Ceedee decided NOT to have a horrible game I’m gonna miss the playoffs in my money league. I guess I will have Dec 4th in my Scotch advent calendar and hope for him to somehow lose points the rest of the game.
Dec 4th: Benrinnes 2003 19yr Old Malt Cask 25th Anniversary K&L Exclusive Single Canasta Sherry Butt
Sherry Butt? Is she one of the Butt Sisters?
Meatball Marinara:
https://www.facebook.com/reel/386312687465339
Is that the guy who shot the health insurance guy?
That’s strong
I love that the dispensary around the corner from me has slowly started bringing in some old school strains like Blue Dream, Jack Herer, and Ice Cream Cake. The last year or so, I’ve been wanting to go back to those older quality strains instead of all this random ass named shit.
Honestly, all I really need is an endless supply of Durban Poison and I’d be happy for life.
I used to live near Durban, and spent a decent amount of time there. One time I took a bunch of ecstacy at a trance party there and started blindly making out with someone on the cuddle puddle mattresses and was delighted to eventually discover that it was a woman! A rather attractive one at that!
Rikki’s life is a Euphoria episode.
We dated casually for a little while afterwards but it was too long of a drive. One time a few weeks later I had hooked up with a Russian-born Australian lass who was headed up to Durban next and since I was driving there I gave her a lift and she kept pestering me about hanging out with her there until I eventually stopped prevaricating and explained that I had a date that night. She got real quiet for a while after that, I guess she was pretty upset or something.
That must have been some accent.
Dear Pretoria Forum:
I never believed your stories were true, but I recently had an experience I thought your readers would find interesting…
Ditto with me and good ol’ Blueberry
It’s gonna lessen your load.
I don’t feel like Christmas gift shopping. I think Ted Kacinski has a lot of good points about material stuff and consumerism etc.
Didn’t he, like, poop in a box and then mail it to people to drive home his point?
Maybe he was just getting his colon checked for cancer?
You think Ted’s Takes was cool, you should read Luigi’s Laments. That guy’s a straight shooter.
As soon as my kids were adults, I opted out completely. I don’t care if folks gossip about me at Thanksgiving.
(I still do give the kids money)
Best way to get em in the van
/ Marc Trestman has entered the chat
I just realized Gradey Dick isn’t Connor McDavid.
Not the first time you were surprised with Dick.
I wish. Apparently they only want to trick the “handsome” men with “functioning penises” who aren’t “crippled by alcoholism”.
How will this impact the Leafs’ Cup chances??
Tune into every Canadian sports show every single day at 15 minute intervals to find out!
..
They mean, like, a sip of beer. Don’t be doing shots or anything crazy like that.
Shit, a swig of water would be dangerous.
Hey, the Bengals Defense held them to a…air…kicky score?
https://www.facebook.com/reel/872906414831579
Seems like Rush can’t handle the Limelight.
As long as Limbaugh is still dead
Hope so, or I just shit on someone else’s headstone.
You are on a roll tonight.
It really is approaching the unreal
Nice play by Cammie Taylor Brittany!
The Bengals Defense is so checked out, you can see their golf bags on the sideline.
…note to self: keep insulting the defense
That comment aged like Jon-Benet
Since the game’s on ABC and ESPN, why not just put the Simpsons thing on one of those channels? I can’t be looking at, like, two screens.
Few cocktails in. Sup?
“Sup” as you refer to it consisted of salmon tacos made with leftovers plus fresh lettuce from the garden and an avocado we poached from a neighborhood tree. Now I’m drinkin’ box wine and thinking about a Christmas Flies Open movie bit I want to write.
Salmon plus lettuce and avocado is at best SLAP and is in no way SUP
If it helps I had some ube cake with coconut frosting afterwards.
Plot ripped from a Hallmark Movie? Featuring sexy Commentists?
I’ll punch it up. (the clown)
Actually this one is going to be a kids’ movie.
So…really really sexy?
Oh, I see, Olivia goes on vacation and forgets Elisha.
Attempt an Onside Kick. It’s our only hope.
So does ESPN deportes have the bumblebee guy?
Oh my god.
(ay dios mio)
if not, what an opportunisto missed ay yi yi!
So the Simpsons thing?
It’s fine. Mina is good, Orlovsky sucks. But we knew that.
get it every week with Troy and Buck doing their Patty and Selma impressions
We don’t get it up here in your hat.
I get everything but the peacock bullshit on my cable television.
And they’re our pants. Get it right.
We’re your power bottom.
That’s even better. You generate all the power.
Sourry
I don’t get the Peytoncast anymore though. It used to be on TSN. I like those boys.
“Me too, whoever they are!”
-J. Sandusky
Since you’re all dying to know, here’s my latest fantasy update:
I enter the final week of the regular season needing at most a win to guarantee a playoff spot, or at least to have the right people lose so I can win based on tie breakers.
Inexplicably I have had my best week of the season, and I currently have the highest score of any team any week this season, and it’s come against my brother, who’s leading the league in scoring, but sorely missed breece hall and Derrick Henry this week.
Behold
If you’re paying attention, last week I lost by exactly 1.5 points because jerry Judy or whatever the hell his name is decided to become a super saipan.
I got a 40 plus point league, let’s see how I screw this up
To clarify, we each have a starting RB playing tonight
THIS GUY BROCKY LAST WEEK I CALL HIM TONY DUNGY WALKING INTO HIS SON’S ROOM, LOCATING THE YOUNG MAN SUCCESSFULLY, THEN WALKING AWAY IN DENIAL THAT HIS OWN INTOLERANCE WAS THE PRIMARY REASON FOR THE TRAGEDY BECAUSE HE LEFT US HANGING.
man that was grim even for me
/slaps Rikki on his depraved ass, hard
Just slaps Rikki, hard.
Damn. I will also slap your naughty ass.
The Bengals Defense is like the Southern Border: People are going through it far too easily and the people in charge will likely lose their jobs because of it.
Dallas scoring TDs at Home? Cincy must really stink on Defense
Mike Brown so cheap he can’t even afford to cover Lamb in the red zone.
Just checked my email and wound up removing myself from some psychic ladies mailing list.
Wonder if she saw that coming?
If Cincy Score 30+, Dallas is going to win.
Why is there a silver-haired fox screaming at me en espanol?
Whoever he was, he’s on the deport list now.
Having Moe give the Cowboys the opening speech is so fucking perfect.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5y60uHfUgZ0
?crop=590%2C421%2Cx0%2Cy0
Lisa giving Cincy the pep talk seems right.
Micah’s Simpson portrait is gold
Tee Higgins 28 pts to avoid relegation!!
You did name your team Big Bag of Suck. What didya expect?
Correction, I renamed my team that after an 0-4 start. The Princesses had to be removed due to um, you know.
Doing Jack Shit today felt great.
Yeah he’s a good lay
Evening Folks
‘Sup?
Current state of the 2024 Cincinnati Bengals and the fan base:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhOrxkGlLDM&pp=ygUZaHVnZSB3YXRlcmZhbGwgbmV3IGdyb292ZQ%3D%3D
I thought it was this:
No, that was a game or two ago, when there was still hope. Now we’ve entered the point of the ride where we’re past the lift hill and heading towards the drop so there’s nothing to do just enjoy the ride and try not to throw up.
I may be out of practice at this, but I’m still an expert.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8iFSP_S5h8
One of those literally microseconds that shapes a decade.
Wasn’t there some lady commentist named VontazeMeBro?
Or was that at the old place?
She was definitely on KSK. I can’t remember if she ever made the move.
She did for a bit. Then she disappeared.
Went for smokes.
Think she had a kid
Yeah, done in by motherhood.
A tale as old as time.
She was here. She was in our fantasy league for a while, I remember because I wrote a “Too Many Cooks” parody mocking her for having like three kickers on her roster.
Her team could’ve been named the Rockettes
That was an out of body experience. It was as close to a fever dream as a game could get.
Redshirt rn
Actually the feelings of beating the Raiders and ending the curse canceled out the Steelers game where we went Full Bungal.