Apparently it’s going to be a chilly one today in Buffalo-she’s supposed to be around -12 Celsius. For you Los Angelenos, that’s around the temperature that your lavender and roasted pistachio gelato served up by Epiphany (“such a nice smile!”) should be at.
To The Game!
Ravens/Bills:
–This is the game that Henry was brought in for. If the field ends up being slippery he’ll be even more difficult to tackle. Of the eight playoff games he’s played, he’s run for 150+ yards in half of them.
-The Bills are very fortunate in that three defensive starters that weren’t available when they last played Baltimore will be on the field today. Cornerback Johnson but much more importantly, linebackers Matt Milano (the signal-caller) and Terrel Bernard should solidify the defense.
-The Ravens have played 10 playoff teams and their record is 7-3 in those games. They surrendered an average of 18.5 points against them. The Bills played only 5 playoff teams and their record was 2-3. More worryingly, they gave up 33(!) points on average.
-That said, Buffalo is now 9-0 at home this year.
-The Ravens are the first offense to pass for 4,000 yards and run for 3,000 in the same season.
-Henry is a load of course but don’t overlook James Cook-of his 16 total TD’s, 13 of them have come after week five.
-Can Baltimore feel good if this tilt comes down to a last-second field goal? Though Jason Tucker finished at 73.3% for the year, that is a career-low for him.
Strength vs Strength: Allen is now the QB with the most rushing yards in the playoffs. The Ravens allowed the fifth-least rush yards to quarterbacks this year.
Have at it.
INSURMOUNTABLE LEAD!
the bounces are going buffalos way so far
doh, expired
Lamar better try and poop again before he comes out for the second half and does it on the field.
ah, BLEERGH wants BUFFALO REVENGE NARRATIVE
That PI call was pretty Chiefy.
I love that expression
Perfectly put
.
Ravens can’t stop the run.
cant stop tripping over own dick, too
I can’t wait to see this reemerge in New Orleans
This.
Wow. I didn’t realize I had a ton of sweat pants hiding around here.
Need to see some yellow and red cards for this nonsense after the play.
Derrick Henry TD, si vous plait.
If that was Mahomes, the defender would be ejected.
No lies detected.
I love the lineman trying to suplex him across the goal line.
One hell of a mosh pit
when in buffalo…
Damar Hamlin sponsorship opportunity
I’ve had that! It’s a tasty product. Right on the edge of being one of those Oregon beers people use as a stereotype.
I’ve been to their Newport brewery. It’s interesting. I’ve heard shitty things about them, but the beer is pretty good. I think. I haven’t have a Rogue in years.
I also haven’t had it in ages, but I remember it being one of my favorite beers back in the day. There’s so many more options now and they have much wider distribution now so no idea how it would hold up nowadays.
Does Lamar have to go to the toilet? He dropped that ball like he had to grab a magazine before locking the door.
Sorry Ms Jackson, turnovers are real
/Andy Reid perks up
Holy shit. That was wild.
The change is sudden!
No hands but Derrick Henry can run.
I’m still amazed that Damar Hamlin died in the field a couple of years ago, and yet he’s playing in this game.
That was bullshit dying. You know what I want to see.
Spoiler that shit. Jesus.
Thanks
Tua thinking,” hmm, I could use a manicure!”
Right then, he’s probably thinking “purple monkey dishwasher” just less coherently.
Talking about imposing your will and it’s against the Steelers? Weird.
Stay out of this one, BLEEERGH
oh my cats we can haz PUNT???
Since neither of these teams are the Chiefs will the terrible calls be randomly distributed?
Yes but in ways that benefit the Chiefs somehow.
Sudden change.
SUDDEN. CHANGE.
https://youtu.be/2Fr1UTuwQVM?si=UemgJOBpLwnjM6cD
Is that what those are called nowadays?
It’s more of a Utica expression
Track meet mode ENGAGED
Cashed out $300 and freerolling the remaining $37.50
This morning $15 went to hedging my futures bet with Litre as a straight bet on Washington to win, so if the Iggles somehow lose the Conference game I’ll treat for a consolation drink
Ayahuasca shots for everyone!
Field goals get you three points closer to losing. – Bill Parcells, not being DAS RAYCESS for once
Fuck kickers forever.
Inshallah, homey
YOU DON’T GET TO BE ANGRY
I am overjoyed but Fuck Elliot with a rusty screwdriver. It should never have been that much of a nail biter.
Fuck it, Josh is going deep.
ravens as a home-field frontrunner? historically, disappoint in the playoffs
ravens if they have to go on the road for multiple rounds? super bowl team
All-Birds Owl? I could enjoy that.
Iggles/Ravens is the YEAR OF THE RUNNINGBACK BOWL
One of the better narratives with the remaining teams
I’m firmly “anyone but Kansas City”
Yeah, any game with KC is narrative THREEPEAT which is the WORST narrative
I *think* I want the Ratbirds to win, but really do hope both squadrons have fun out there
It’s kinda weird to see the Bills as home underdogs, even if it is only by 1 point
RITE?? Lamar! in the zone is just scary af, though. I wouldn’t bet against him. Nor Brokeback, really.
?v=1671510165&width=1946
I had no idea there was an Archbishop on the Ravens!
OOF.
About the same temp there as in Chicago right now
Time for the All Narrative Bowl!
Which will be rewritten with a loss to the Chefs next week.
We know we have incurred God’s wrath, for there is NO snow in WNY
We allowed Trump to return. Even the Antichrist will only be elected once, per mythology.
Got to get pumped for this game!
https://youtu.be/BmtDZPyaVpc?si=zmtFIUmVKhuoE3_7
Let’s go!
Damnit. My phone rendered the Critic video here instead.
Chili was excellent. Also hit on my parlay, but with much less at stake. I hedged with one Saquon TD, should’ve done two.
Lamar loaded up on metamucil-he’s ready.
It’s hard to poop in cold this frigid, tho!
the runs will be big this game
Those peas were off. Undercooked? Under spiced? IDK.
I’m looking at recipes that will be fully of yummy peaness.
God bless Maurice LaMarche and the writers of The Critic.
https://youtu.be/IH1PJTY9AVA
I think that’s Phil Hartman using his Horst voice as the professor at the very beginning.
https://youtu.be/6i7ycxiog40
I’m a simple man. I see a reference to The Critic, I +1
The All-NFC East Championship game has to piss off Jerrah to no end.
Well, at least we have that going for us
#ShamePizza on its way!
eagles vs commies next week
also in the world, eagles vs commies the next four years or so (it will not be close)
philly/buffalo, the ultimate chaos super bowl, still on the table
philly/baltimore, the birds bowl, also still on the table!
Go Birds
I’m going to assume two things:
– Kelly Stafford has Roger Goodell on speed dial
– Goodell has her blocked.
go birds
https://streamable.com/n7h9q
Scotchy rite (as usual), Captain Cook is likely the key to any Bills Mafia victory.
Unless he comes up against any Pacific Islanders.