Y’all fucked now.

It’s gonna be Buffalo and Philadelphia fans in New Orleans, a town second only to Las Vegas in promoting itself as The Home of Excess. Hide your daughters, hide your folding tables, grease up your lightpoles: it’s gonna get weird.

Seriously. The Bills are succeeding even when they are using a completely different offensive playbook than their normal one. Kansas City is vulnerable. Philly will (probably) have a (mostly) healthy Jalen Hurts out there for the majority of the game. And Jayden Daniels is at significant risk of being Killed Dead the first time he goes for a long scramble after Frankie Luvu’s hit on Hurts during these teams’ last meeting.

Prepare your anuses for the inevitable.

COACHING SEARCH:

-Whelp, Ben Johnson decided that Caleb Williams was worth putting up with Ryan Pace and the McCaskeys.

Which is defensible until you remember that Penei Sewell and Company are staying in Detroit. Chicago led(?) the league in sacks allowed with 68, placing Williams at third on the list for most sacks taken in a single season. Detroit allowed only 33. The Bears pick 10th in a draft with one (1) likely stud offensive lineman. They may be able to buy some line help, but given that they will have to start by retaining Teven Jenkins, money may tighten up quick.

Also, quick cardiac stress test for my Bear Fan friends: Ben Johnson was mentored by John Shoop.

You ok? Handle that blood pressure spike alright?

CLEANUP ON AISLE 10!

-Whither the Raiders then? Tom Terrific was making a hard sell to Ben Johnson on life in the desert. What good is having a vanity minority owner if he can’t even convince a guy to come work for you?

-Allegedly the Cowboys assumed Mike McCarthy wasn’t going to leave and are now scrambling to conduct an actual coaching search.

I didn’t expect to say this, but I’m proud of McCarthy. Spinelessness has been a bona fide occupational qualification for the Dallas head coaching job since the Jimmy Johnson Divorce, with the Bill Parcells experiment setting it in stone. So for McCarthy to walk out because Jerry and Stephen wouldn’t give him some job security was an unexpected development.

I predict he ends up in Jacksonville and everyone involved from both teams ends up ruing their decisions.

-Aaron Glenn is going to make everyone’s life miserable in New York. Especially his own.