Wumbo Wednesday With Weaselo: Nocturnes Magazine, Vol. 1, Issue 2: Divisional Foes and the Best Game in League History?

Welcome back to Nocturnes Magazine, an inside-Wumbo Wednesday inside look at my diceball team in an attempt to get the Hippo to write an unabridged history of the several hundred year reign of Bernard Gilkey at Pretend Man City. WE’D ALL READ IT.

The Nocturnes started their inaugural campaign by taking on the other three teams in the East Division—the Seattle Super Saiyans, Springfield Isotopes, and Boston Barley—before finishing a nine-game homestand against fellow expansion team, the Anchorage Kodiaks.

Series 1 (@ SEA)
G1: W, 14-3 (POG: C-Chubby Kingman)
G2: L, 4-5 (POG: IF-Davey Gaston)
G3: L, 1-7 (POG: OF-Artie Cronin)

Hitter of the series: OF-Artie Cronin (8/14, 1 HR, 2 RBI, 2 R)
Pitcher of the series: SP-Dakota Story (7 IP, 3 R, W)

Brooklyn went through the gamut of the way the die rolls in this series. In the opener, 4 homers helped the Nocturnes cruise to victory, spearheaded by the first of these, Chubby Kingman’s 2-run shot which made it a 6-2 game and forced Seattle starter Martindale out due to the 6-run rule.

6-run rule? (SP is automatically knocked out of the game upon giving up 6 runs.)

The second game was a close affair throughout as Davey Gaston had a pinch-hit 3-run homer thanks to a card (Underdog: +2 to the swing, PLUS a single changes a double or a double changes to a homer) to make it a 4-2 game. But Seattle’s 9th inning was card assisted as well: pinch-hit single with an auto-advantage card, then a pinch-runner plus a card that led to an automatic steal of 2nd, then, after a single, a card that automatically advances other runners as the batter tries to stretch a single to a double. Figoda was out at 2nd on the Stretching It, but Andrews, the PR, still scored. 2 batters, 3 cards, ballgame. Then in the 3rd game, Brooklyn had 8 batter outs with advantage, leading to 9 outs (as one was a double play). Combine that with Seattle slugger Lorna Doom’s 3 HR game (4 in the series) and a pinch hitter for the pinch hitter, neutralizing a potential pitching card play and having a +4 instead leading to a grand slam (which wouldn’t have mattered as it was a 20 swing), it was a rough rubber game. But losing 2 of 3 on the road to a team that made its first playoff appearance the year prior is an early benchmark, but also a check of where to improve.

Series 2 (vs. SPR)
G1: L, 4-5 (POG: CI-Smokey Roberts)
G2: L, 4-5 (POG: CI-Smokey Roberts)
G3: W, 5-2 (POG: SP-Elton Hallenback)

Hitter of the series: C-Chubby Kingman (3/11, 2 2B, 2 RBI, 3 R)
Pitcher of the series: SP-Elton Hallenback (7 IP, 2 R, 13 K, W)

A pair of rough one-run losses to start off the home slate. In the home opener, Brooklyn trailed the pitcher’s duel between Dakota Story and Huck Novak until plating a pair to tie the game in the bottom of the 7th. Brooklyn scored 2 more to take a 4-2 lead in the 8th thanks to a 2-run single by Roberts, giving him POG honors. But closer Rusty Finch struggled in his first appearance and gave up 6 straight baserunners, including an RBI double and 2-run homer (where he had a 20 on the pitch and 20+1 on the swing, as Finch was getting advantages all outing). In the second game the Nocturnes scored 3 in the 1st, but nothing else for most of the game as Springfield scored 4 in the 4th and 1 in the 5th. It wasn’t until the 9th that the Brooklyn offense showed some life, loading the bases on 3 walks against ‘Topes closer Dibble and scoring a run on an RBI fielder’s choice before Miles Vengerov’s game-ending flyout that without Dibble’s By the Book -1 to righties, would have been a walk to reload the bases. With an early 4-game losing streak, lefty Elton Hallenback responded by throwing a gem, working into and out of trouble to throw 7 strong innings, striking out 13 and giving up only 2 runs as Brooklyn scored 5 runs in the 2nd and held on for the victory to salvage the final game. Rusty Finch did still struggle, loading the bases, but Woody Yates got the final out thanks to a flyout with a -4 card.

Series 3 (vs. BOS)
G1: L, 5-6 (POG: CI-Miles Vengerov)
G2: W, 18-17 (17 inn.) (POG: OF-Artie Cronin) (Highlighted game of the article, though it’s a long one)
G3: L, 2-3 (POG: SP-Elton Hallenback)

Hitter of the series: OF-Artie Cronin (5/16, 3 HR, 6 RBI, 5 R, 3 BB)
Pitcher of the series: LR-Hal Zanni (3 IP, 1 R, 4 K, W)

The 1st and 3rd games of this close series were actually fairly similar, as in both of these games the teams were tied after the end of 8 innings, and Brooklyn gave up a run in the 9th to fall. In the 1st game this was from a lack of advantages, as Woody Yates in the 8th and Niko Fawkes in the 9th combined to give Barley batters 6 straight advantages. Yates was able to avoid calamity, including inducing a flyout, on advantage, with an Out of Gas (+3) card being played in addition to the fatigue +1. Fawkes didn’t have the same luck, as the first two batters in the 9th went double-RBI single for the margin. The third game was from leaving reliever Gomer Phillips in a batter too long, where leadoff hitter Mendelbaum singled, was pinch-run for to take 2nd, and then a two-out double scored him in off of the maligned Finch. Phillips and Finch were the only two pitchers available in the bullpen, so in a tie game, anything to have potentially grabbed an extra out would have been crucial, as double fatigues would have been imminent had the game gone to extras, but the Brooklyn offense couldn’t muster up a rally against the Boston bullpen, which was all of one pitcher.

Why were they all unavailable? Well, that’s because a 17-inning game will do that, especially when neither starter gets out of the 5th, and neither starter in the first game got out of the 6th, already limiting usage. Every pitcher was used in this extra-inning instant classic, which meant that any pitcher used in the first game was unavailable due to relievers only being available for 2 of the 3 games in a series, plus all long relievers. It was a back and forth affair, as you can imagine from the score. After Boston scored in the top of the 1st, Brooklyn scored 2 in the bottom of the 2nd, then after Boston tied it back up, 5 in the bottom of the 3rd (chasing Smith) to take a 7-2 lead after 3 and hoping to cruise to a win after a multitude of close games. But Boston scored 6 in the 5th punctuated by a 2 out grand slam by the dangerous Burt Hilderbrand, which gave them an 8-7 lead and took out Claude Sellers. Brooklyn scored 2 in the 6th to retake the lead, but Boston responded with 2 in the top of the 7th (as Hilderbrand homered again) to make it 10-9. Brooklyn scored 4 in the bottom of the 7th, making it 13-10, as Artie Cronin’s 3-run homer was his second of the game. The Barley scored in the top of the 8th, for 13-11, as Rusty Finch came in after the second out in the 8th to try for a 4-out save.

This was one out too many, as with two outs (meaning that Finch would be fatigued for a +1), Merritt hit a game-tying homer on Finch’s card (20+1) to tie the game at 13, as Finch would again be denied his first save, his stats betraying his card. The Nocturnes didn’t score in the 9th, and no one would score until the 12th, as Ray Thunderchild pitched a perfect 10th and Woody Yates pitched a perfect 11th, but stayed in for the 12th, giving the +1. This was a mistake, as back to back homers gave Boston a 15-13 lead, then a bases loaded walk later in the inning made it 16-13 Boston and looked grim. But the bottom of the Nocturnes order responded as the 8-9 batters of Blumquist and Piscotty walked and singled, and Roberts singled as well. With 1 out, Ryne Snider doubled to drive in 2, lowering the deficit to 1. Vengerov walked to reload the bases for Guy Herzog, who grounded into a fielder’s choice and just beat out the return throw to 1st, which earned him an RBI as Roberts scored and retied the game. Cronin, of two homers thus far, couldn’t be the hero and grounded out to end the 12th. The 13th and 14th were scoreless before a two-out homer in the top of the 14th made it 17-16 Barley, Tillman’s second of the game. But after the first two batters struck out, Artie Cronin struck again for his 3rd home run of the game to make it 17-all. After Hal Zanni recovered in his second inning of work, the Nocturnes had bases loaded and 1 out in the bottom of the 16th, but Ryne Snider (who had 3 doubles and a homer) grounded into a double play, where the Barley infield got exactly the number needed—they needed a 12 to get the out and extend the game or Blumquist would score the winning run on a fielder’s choice, and they got a 12. Zanni, now fatigued and the last pitcher available, meaning he’d pitch the rest of the way through, double fatiguing in the 18th on if necessary, pitched around a 1-out double, as Miles Vengerov stepped up to the plate as Bradshaw was now the max double-fatigued, a 1-inning reliever in his 3rd inning of work. Vengerov hit a walk-off solo shot using that double fatigue (+2) to end the second-longest game in innings in league history and the highest-scoring game in league history. And of course, a most glorious scorigami.

Makes losing the rubber game a bit of a downer, right? Especially losing all three series (and with it all tiebreakers) to divisional rivals.

Series 4 (vs. ANC)
G1: W, 3-2 (POG: SP-Dakota Story)
G2: W, 8-7 (POG: C-Chubby Kingman)
G3: W, 8-1 (POG: SP-Elton Hallenback)

Hitter of the series: OF-Ritzy Chambers (5/10, HR, RBI, 3 BB, 6 R)
Pitchers of the series: BKN SP-Story, Sellers, & Hallenback (3 GS, 21.1 IP, 5 R, 27 K, 3-0)

All you needed to do was apparently get out of the division, as the Nocturnes won their first series and earned their first 3-game winning streak and series sweep against Anchorage.

The rotation was the story as all three starters went at least 7 innings. Dakota Story went 7 innings, allowing 1 run before Phillips, Finch, and (Specialist) Fawkes got the final 6 outs in the first game—Fawkes got the save with the tying run on 3rd. Sellers went 7+ but allowed the first two on in the 8th before departing—he was charged with those runs, giving him 3 on the night, as Yates and Thunderchild struggled, meaning Gomer Phillips came in to get the save, his first of the year, but making him unavailable for the 3rd game. Elton Hallenback went 7 1/3 and had a shutout going into the 8th, but a solo homer put the Kodiaks on the board and, with a rested bullpen and Anchorage playing a +1 Rally Cap for the inning (which led to the homer), you’re not going to take chances in another 8-1 game in the 8th, as it was that same margin in the second game before Anchorage rallied for 4 in the 8th and 2 in the 9th to force Phillips into service against the top of the Kodiaks order. Reed, Fairchild, and especially Jorgensen have been on top of the hitting leaderboards for hits and average, so with men on the corners, you have to bring in the heavy artillery with the game on the line, especially with Phillips armed with a By the Book -1 against them, which meant that Reed and Fairchild needed an 18 swing to get on base if Phillips got advantage (which he did, leaving Jorgensen on deck).

There were some good turnouts from this recovery of a series, as Chubby Kingman batted in the cleanup spot against a lefty and responded by being a triple away from the cycle. Had Brooklyn blown the lead (thank goodness) he would have been 4th up in the bottom of the 9th, and with the In the Gap card, a cycle watch was not impossible. However, take the win earlier, less stress. Ritzy Chambers had his first extra base hit of the season, his first home run in Game 3 to make it 7-0. Chambers hit 4 homers during the preseason so no nothing was a bit of a surprise. Even Rusty Finch got on track as he came in to get the last two outs to secure the sweep and did it on one pitch, a double play to end it.

Brooklyn sits at 6-6 after Series 4, currently in 3rd place in the DBL East, 1/2 game behind Boston for the division lead, but would lose out on tiebreakers to all three teams in the division. They embark on a 6-game road trip starting at the Delco Cheesesteaks next week as the wild card race heats up.


Okay, so what’s on in terms of live sports?

Hockey? Four Nations! It’s happening!
Canada vs. Sweden (8:00, TNT)

Fine, basketball? That we got:

Pro variety:
Wemby and Pals vs. Fuck these guys for reasons you already know (SA vs. BOS, 7:30, ESPN)
Jimmy Butler’s good days vs. FIRE NICO (GS vs. DAL, 9:30, ESPN)

JV variety:
“Holy shit, they’re ranked TOP 10?” (St. John’s vs. Villanova, in progress, FS1)
Mitch McConnell stroking out about tariffs affecting bourbon vs. Hippo’s pills (Louisville vs. NC State, 7:00, ESPN2)
Tigeuxrs vs. Mr. Pig (LSU vs. Arkansas, 9:00, ESPN2)
Cowboys vs. Main Men (Wyoming vs. New Mexico, 10:00, FS1)

CONCACAF footy? Yes.
Guadalajara vs. Cibao (not meats) (8:00, FS2)
Tigres vs. Real Esteli (as opposed to fake stars) (10:00, FS2)

In other news, we must all bow down to Marble League wagon *checks notes* Team Momo? You mean that wasn’t a fluke? Shit, I’ll take it!

We’re all going to Marblearth, where maybe the world isn’t as fucked! But we are marbles. Which is definitely a win.

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Senor Weaselo
Senor Weaselo plays the violin. He tucks it right under his chin. When he isn't doing that, he enjoys watching his teams (Yankees, Jets, Knicks, and Rangers), trying to ingest enough capsaicin to make himself breathe fire (it hasn't happened yet), and scheming to acquire the Bryant Park zamboni.
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rockingdog

Found a funny:

strung out harder than an 18 year old trust fund kid at hour 53 of burning man holy shit.

rockingdog

This MF looks like an Alien
Fool looks strung out harder than an 18 year old trust fund kid at hour 53 of burning man holy shit!

Yikes!

*feel free to spread this around

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WCS

Jar-Jar Binks mouth-eyes

2Pack

Jokes that straddle borders…

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

“I still jerk off manually.”

“Of course you do.”

Doktor Zymm

Why has no one written a travelogue called ‘A broad abroad’?

Mr. Ayo

Pretty sure all those literary geniuses knew it would be redundant.

2Pack

Yeah Dok… we’re waiting…

Doktor Zymm

Well, I’ve got the title. That’s the hardest part, right? Rest should be easy!

Brick Meathook

The second task is the ending. Then just fill in the middle part.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Or perhaps “da orb abroad” so it can be a palindrome.

Doktor Zymm

Not much ‘sport’ on tv right now. I could watch parliment question time, but I don’t know how interesting a functional government is

Doktor Zymm

Lol, they lost a bunch of portable rocket launchers 20 years ago and they’ve been getting traded around between Sydney crime bosses

Mr. Ayo

Yeah, I’m sure you know nothing about those “lost” rocket launchers.,

Doktor Zymm

I tried converting one to a t-shirt launcher and accidentally took out a helicopter in Calabasas during testing

Doktor Zymm

I just started work a couple of hours ago when I got into my hotel room, but I also got a complementary bottle of Australian wine at checkin so I’m thinking of calling it a day. Night? Day.

I have a meeting at 1 am local time then a flight at 6 am, so thinking I should drink this bottle, get to sleep early, then wake up at 12:30 am to start tomorrow which will be both Thursday and Friday.

I planned most of this trip when I was still unemployed, will take all this into account for next time I decide to work from halfway around the world!

Brick Meathook

But you’re young, and you’ve got your health.

What do want with a job.

SonOfSpam

Your decisions are much more interesting than mine.

/flips a coin
//shrugs, pees outside instead of the bathroom

Brick Meathook

Pee in the sink!

SonOfSpam

Hey, this ain’t my high school chemistry class

Doktor Zymm

You made saltpeter?

SonOfSpam

O Canada! CONGRATS ON THE BIG WIN MAY I MOVE THERE PLEASE I DON’T EAT MUCH WELL YEAH I DO BUT I LISTEN TO RUSH A LOT PLEASE?

WCS
Dunstan

I’m still trying to understand why the choices Mr. Mitchell faces are:

1) Slander and lies;
2) Going for a soda

and

1) Somebody hurts or dies;
2) Going for a soda

WCS

OT in Nations

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Mr. Ayo
Last edited 7 hours ago by Mr. Ayo
WCS

Of course that line scores the winner.

Dunstan

Will this instill new confidence in Mitch Marner that improves the Leafs playoff chances? Tune in now to any Canadian sports show!

WCS

Seems the FAHKIN SAWX signed Alex Bregman for a lot of money.

WCS
ArmedandHammered

Probably made to dress like a certain Red Sox pitcher, the one with the bloody sock, while Horatio line drives baseballs off a T at him.

WCS

I’m curious to know how Finland’s performance in the Four Nations impacts the Leafs Cup run.

ArmedandHammered

There will be a 12 hour discussion on all of the Canadian TV stations.

WCS

I just posted h ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4KDtWxnR4W0

ArmedandHammered

I tried to watch this one the other day, soooo bad and not in the usual MST3K way.

WCS

SSSLLLEEEEEPPPPPP

Game Time Decision

Sweet, we get the abridged version

ArmedandHammered

It is all they could do on such short notice.

Mr. Ayo

Dammit Redshirt, get your shit together! We don’t need another fucking pandemic now!

https://bsky.app/profile/covid19disease.bsky.social/post/3lhzhl6uk2s2o

WCS
Gumbygirl

Fast Finger Action would be a great fantasy football name

Mr. Ayo

McDavid to Crosby to MacKinnon

Son of a bitch. Annex our hat now before it’s too late!

WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yLHRPkBcVpw

So, Ayo, I think we need to talk about hawkey parents in the Pacific Northwest…

DFO law-talkin’ folk: this pillar of the community’s potential sentence seems pretty lenient. Does that seem like potential jurisdictional thing?

Mr. Ayo

Dude is perma banned from all hockey rinks and the kids and their family are getting the VIP treatment at the next Kraken game.

But yeah, fuck him. Assault of a minor or two (shout out Drake, Gaetz, Epstein, Trump, and many others) should be instantly tossed in prison for several years.

WCS

He’s got to be facing more charges than just that, right?

Mr. Ayo

Yeah, no. But any fan that sees him in public it’ll be hands on sight.

Doktor Zymm

Worried about his wife and kid, hope they’re able to leave. Dude should not be around other people

Gumbygirl

The coach had to stop a kid from highsticking that motherfucker into the top row. Should have let him have one swing.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Yeah, sorry, I tried to stop the kid but I just didn’t get there in time. And on the video it probably looks like I kicked the guy in the face on purpose while he was down, but I swear it was an accident, I just slipped on the ice.”

Last edited 8 hours ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Brick Meathook

I had to cut this paragraph from an op-ed piece I wrote today for the Wall Street Journal about index fund buy-point calculations. I liked it; I thought I’d share it here.

Screenshot-2025-02-12-at-9.43.36 PM
Mr. Ayo

Nothing beats the real Mayo

Brick Meathook

I want to see more “likes” here folks.

Don’t be a hater like GTD.

I’m a veteran.

Gumbygirl

I’ve done that with peanut butter.

Lol, not THAT!

Mr. Ayo

Like a fucking lady!

Beerguyrob

Saw this on teh twitterz today.

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LemonJello

Irsay doesn’t want to share his ayahuasca.

Mr. Ayo

WOOT HOCKEY!

Stop your fucking booing you frog-eating, french-speaking, Canadian separatists.

Game Time Decision

Mange merde

Mr. Ayo

Every day at DFO is a learning day

Game Time Decision

Litre can teach you some awesome swears

Brick Meathook
Doktor Zymm

There is a LOT going on here

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Gumbygirl

How the fuck does that even happen? Never mind, don’t wanna know.

Horatio Cornblower

A friend of my son’s lost one of his testicles that way after a rock climbing accident.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Well don’t leave us in suspense, did he eventually find it?

WCS

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Mr. Ayo

Dude.

2Pack

Oh my.
Fidgets uncomfortably.

Doktor Zymm

Whoever drew this had way too much fun, and what is that clock up to??

WCS

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Gumbygirl

The names! So good, Senor!