Wumbo Wednesday With Weaselo: Things That Suck

No, this is not a precursor to Sexy Friday. It’s just been a rough week and a half. Hence, things annoyed me, and those things suck. And that’s not even including allllll this shit *points to map of the U.S.* where we can go with an “In here, life is BEAUTIFUL” Cabaret bit. And I love making that joke! It’s one of my favorite bits!

You know what isn’t one of my favorite bits though? Driving to Lakewood, NJ thrice in one week. Good news is two of those times was from Senorita Weaselo’s, which nearly halved the time. But it took just under 3 hours from Apartment Weaselo, not including the Gatorade run at the Judy Blume rest stop on the Garden State.

Oh, in things that don’t suck, the rest stops on the Garden State are also named after people. And yes, Judy Blume is one of those people a rest stop is named for. (So is Bon Jovi, but that one’s not as cool.)

Back to suck things, anxiety. Someone close to me (in respect to them not wanting to talk too much about it, I’ll keep who it is off for now) Thursday night had an anxiety attack. It’s Wednesday and they’re on the upswing, but the feeling is still there, of looming “Something bad I can’t put my finger on is going to happen.” So yeah. Anxiety attacks suck. We have unfortunately mostly been through them in some shape or form, but really bad ones? Really suck.

Also being physically ill for no particular reason. I just suddenly started feeling like shit on my way to go teach, and I was coming from Senorita Weaselo’s so with traffic it’s an hour and change, and it was just a whole lot of “Am I dehydrated? Am I going to make it? I’m in here for who knows how long and the AC is uncomfortable (I may need to get that cabin filter checked out) and I apparently need to pick my poison.”

It’s bad, from a vibes sense, when I get the grape fake-Pedialyte, because all the good flavors were gone.

Anyway, about this week’s sporting stuff. Wow, Rob Manfred’s Fun With Tiebreakers. I don’t know which one is more ridiculous to be honest. As someone who was at the ‘08 All-Star Game, and it’s the best baseball game I have ever attended with the second-dirtiest scorecard (because I ran out of paper after 12… the 17-inning diceball game I had to use a second page and keep going), I can understand the “We don’t want to have one pitcher end up having to go a billion innings” contingency, but, can’t believe I’m saying this, we’ll even take one Manfredball inning before going right to a swing-off, where the Aaron Boone Experience did its magic. Again, I can make sense of only using players currently in the game but who even was the third guy? And then the swing-off guy gets MVP? What the fuck?

As opposed to the thing we don’t have swing-offs for, the thing that it’s based off, the Home Run Derby! Let’s go off of longest homer, to the decimal points. Do I trust Statcast down to the inch? Because that’s approximately how far apart Raleigh and Rooker’s farthest homers were, rather than go to an aforementioned swing off.

In conclusion, Rob Manfred remains an intergalactic disgrace.

So, what’s on tonight? Summer League basketball? South American footy? The women’s South American Euros? I don’t fucking know!

Not the Espys. Nobody cares.

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Senor Weaselo
Senor Weaselo plays the violin. He tucks it right under his chin. When he isn't doing that, he enjoys watching his teams (Yankees, Jets, Knicks, and Rangers), trying to ingest enough capsaicin to make himself breathe fire (it hasn't happened yet), and scheming to acquire the Bryant Park zamboni.
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WCS

https://www.cbsnews.com/pittsburgh/news/beechwood-boulevard-violent-crash-pittsburgh-point-breeze/

Popped my “fatality on dispatch” cherry overnight. This absolutely sucks.

2Pack

What a sad milestone. Stay sane my friend. Some things are just out of our control.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Liking your comment out of support, not moral turpitude

scotchnaut

Watching “Invasion of the Girl Snatchers” (originally titled The Hidan of Maukbeiangjow so you can see why the name was changed) a weird sci-fi thing filmed in Alabama in 1973. Apparently the guy that put up the money wanted nudity and light bondage and that’s what we’ve got 12 minutes in.

WCS

I get to watch live Open Championship (British Open, for us uncivilized Yanks) while dispatching. I think I love this jorb.

WCS

Definitely read that as “Nectarines” and now I wonder if I’m getting enough vitamin C…

2Pack

I’ve noticed something these past very humid weeks. When passing a guy on a run, I smell nothing. Could be BO offset perhaps. But when I pass a lady I get the most pleasant scents of jasmine and lilac or whatever. That’s great hustle ladies.

WCS

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Mr. Ayo

I think you’ve found a market inefficiency. Douse yourself in an exotic scent for your runs and see how the ladies react.

2Pack

jots down a note…

yes
blaxabbath

Sounds like the French guys aren’t out on runs these days.

Brick Meathook

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ballsofsteelandfury
Gumbygirl

“The ref doesn’t speak donkey” I’m deed!

1000006461
2Pack

A Tinto Brass flick just came on. This could slightly delay my run.

Redshirt

Yeah, an unknown lifeform being discovered tracks in the Darkest Timeline.

IMG_1607
Doktor Zymm

It’s clearly intelligent since it knew to come to the land of MAHA where it can thrive without fears of biocontainment

WCS

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That’s… disconcerting…

edit: no X-Files fans? Really?

Last edited 7 months ago by WCS
Mr. Ayo

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Last edited 7 months ago by Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I didn’t fuck it up!

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Yet. Still have to move it to a shelf.

Mr. Ayo

Also, fun fact. The fourth stack in the rear wasn’t used. The designers added it for aesthetic reasons.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“A cylindrical opening at the back end that isn’t being used for anything? Oh, that’s awful.” – Balls, shaking his head sadly

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Jimbo

Le Titanic. Is that like Le Grill?

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SonOfSpam

Watch out for random chunks of shelf-ice.

ballsofsteelandfury

Ayo should definitely put an ice bucket in front of it on the shelf.

Mr. Ayo

That could make for a funny photo. And much less sad that all its bits just scattered on a carpeted floor.

Doktor Zymm

Do the Lusitania next!

Or the USS Maine!

Last edited 7 months ago by Doktor Zymm
Mr. Ayo

I’m kind of all shipped out now. Also, the Lusitania is too similar. And the USS Maine is different, but not enough from the Endurance.

There is a shelf space limit here.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Or the USS Maine!

“The what?” – Trent Green

WCS

“Who?”

— Trent Green, looking at his Topps rookie card

Doktor Zymm

Lowratio really gets around

Screenshot_20250716-1843272
ballsofsteelandfury

Would you turn down a European vacation in exchange for one night’s work?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Probably, yeah.” – Albert Haynesworth

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Doktor Zymm

My favorite part of that whole sequence is when the lineman just looks around for a couple seconds trying to figure out what to do when his blocking assignment decides to have a little nap

WCS

“Uhh… well, okay…”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Like, what’s the problem here? If they weren’t invited guests, one assumes they were paid as performers, so…

Mr. Ayo

The “party dwarf” threatened to sue if the press didn’t drop their complaints as it’s hurting his business.

Horatio, how does this effect your end of year budgeting forecasts?

Brick Meathook

This is what happens when you let Big Dwarf manipulate the midget markets.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Not sure, let me look it up real quick.” – Horatio, cracking open a reference text

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Gumbygirl

.

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scotchnaut

If Jason Pierre-Paul was a Gypsy way back in the day, I imagine he’d sound something like this-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5oGtZi47jE&list=RDM5oGtZi47jE&start_radio=1&ab_channel=JJIB4FORLIFE

Bogdanski

Amazing. I can’t believe I’ve never made this connection. JPP could’ve played guitar in Black Sabbath too

Dunstan

Shockingly for a DFOer, I don’t actually watch a lot of NFL football in recent years, so it’s particularly weird that I had a football dream last night.

I was playing on the kick return team for the Miami Dolphins. Not as the primary returner, because even in my dreams I’m not a skill player. The opponents, who were probably the Belichek-led Patriots, scored late in the first half, and kicked off a squib kick that bounced to me. I picked up a couple of good blocks, and made it right to the goal line before being tackled, because again, even in my dreams I’m not a sports hero.

Fortunately, there was still 0.1 seconds left on the clock, 1st and goal from the 1-foot line, we can kick a field goal or even gamble on the TD if we’re feeling frisky. Except — I look around and my teammates, and the entire Miami sideline, are gone. Somehow they thought that time had expired, and went off to the locker room. Because even in my dreams, the Dolphins are incompetent and let me down.

So I’m there yelling in the vain hopes that someone in the tunnel will hear me, yelling at the officials that this is their fault for not communicating to the sideline that there was time left, and trying to figure out what happens next. If we take a delay of game penalty, is there a runoff and time expires, or do we just get backed up and maybe my idiot teammates will return before the repeated penalties take us out of field goal range? Or is there some rule that of course Belichek has memorized that there’s a loss of down, and eventually we’ll turn the ball over on downs and I’ll get plowed into the ground while 11 Pats run down the field for an uncontested TD. Fucking Belichek. That’s when I woke up.

Doktor Zymm

Someone told me that those dream where you have to pee and can’t find a decent toilet are all about unresolved feelings. That’s bullshit, since I always have to pee when I wake up from one of those dreams.

Therefore this dream is about how irritating it was that teams, especially divisional teams like the Dolphins, couldn’t stop tripping over their own dicks whenever they played the Pats.

It’s funny how the Giants also tripped over their own dicks while playing the Pats, but somehow turned it into a neat flip and stuck the landing like a drunk Nadia Comaneci. Maybe that’ll be tonight’s dream!

WCS

Any time I’ve dreamt I needed to pee, or have a stuffy nose and having problems breathing, I wake up needing to urinate and/or find the Afrin.

SonOfSpam

When I have a pee dream (settle down Trump, not like that), it ALWAYS means I got a full bladder. No psychoanalysis needed. But in my dreams, there’s always something wrong with the toilet (overflowing, seat broken, whatever) so I can’t pee in the dream, which I guess is what keeps the sheets dry IRL.

This has been another edition of “Dude, I did NOT need to know that about you”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Therefore this dream is about how irritating it was that teams, especially divisional teams like the Dolphins, couldn’t stop tripping over their own dicks whenever they played the Pats.

Except, you know, when the Chiefs stand to gain from it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_WuVnS-Ess

Mr. Ayo

So our city’s trash and recycling services has been on strike for the past two weeks. Today temps are in the mid 90s. My apartment’s common areas are odiferous crime scenes right now. And I have huge piles of garbage and recycling building up in my apartment. The local rats must be thriving.

Just a wonderful time.

Doktor Zymm

Make a deal with your local Camorra. I think that’s how Naples fixed their 15 year long trash crisis

Gumbygirl

Put it in the trunk, drive to Tacoma, find a dumpster. Or just toss it out in a Walmart parking lot.

Mr. Ayo

Tacoma is a great idea. Unfortunately neither of my cars has much of a usable trunk.

Next week, it’ll all ride shotgun with me and the top down in the Miata to Tacoma.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Doug Liman directed, in succession, Swingers (1996), Go (1999), and The Bourne Identity (2002). That’s a stellar run.

WCS

I don’t think I’ve seen a better representation of just the overall “vibe” of the turn of the millennium, pre-9/11 than this movie.

It feels like my high school years.

Last edited 7 months ago by WCS
Gumbygirl

It already has an Aroma, they’ll never notice!

blaxabbath

Not the Espys. Nobody cares.

Or

Not the Epstein Files. Nobody cares that the President traveled together with his sons and Bill Clinton on the flight to Epstein Island.

blaxabbath

I mean, unless he didnt call his fiercest supporters weaklings who will buy any bullshit.

And no one has called this a “mistruth” yet so it must be dead on.

scotchnaut

Nobody cares about a bunch of high-profile folks going to an island populated by underage female accountants muddying their tax returns. Yes, of course it’s illegal but rich people get away with this stuff all the time.

SonOfSpam

T-Mobile gave us MLS games for free, so I get (?) to watch the LA Galaxy host Austin tonight.

Yep, sprots desert.

ballsofsteelandfury

I have a T-Mobile phone too!! I watch porn on it.

Last edited 7 months ago by ballsofsteelandfury
SonOfSpam

Never watched porn on a phone. Do you need a special coating or anything?

ballsofsteelandfury

The usual screen protector does the job

Mr. Ayo

It’s Lowratio’s favoUrite medium. Like IMAX to him.

Doktor Zymm

50 days till real football!
15 days till the hof game!

WCS

Folks, I’m going to be fighting severe weather all night. Be safe, wherever yinz may be.

Doktor Zymm

The weather here in the Bay is so un-severe that it would starve to death if it tried to make a living as a dominatrix

SonOfSpam

Yes, here we are getting a few clouds with a low of 63, then tomorrow it will be 80, lather rinse repeat for the next week.

scotchnaut

Hmmm…

Severe Weather: “I coming at you-atmospheric pressure, sudden downfalls, sleet, tornados, washouts-Brother, you won’t have a clue what’s coming!”

WCS: [tears off wife-beater shirt] “Bring it on-I just finished a three week course in climate change management!”

Severe Weather: “La-De-Fucking-Da! I just triggered an under-ocean volcano just south of the Canary Islands!” [raises eyebrows]

WCS; “Oh fuck! Weather Team Warriors-ACTIVATE!”

/to be continued

Doktor Zymm

Ooh, is this the trailer for Sharknado 8?

scotchnaut

It could be. IF WCS’s AGENT WOULD RETURN MY CALLS!

/you spank a guy into multiple orgasms and then, wtf? Totally. Unprofessional.

WCS

Whatever you and Roger do in your free time doesn’t concern me.

scotchnaut

“We’re talking about you!”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YdbqlYiQujA

WCS

It’s good!

Mr. Ayo

Call your local airports and tell them to stop the weather modifications.

Mr. Ayo

Don’t forget Tour The French replays for entertainment. They’re finally in the mountains.

scotchnaut

Tour The Frenchies? Anxiety/Depression? Is there no better tune to capture both things than this? (I believe that Fatty McHarmonica was talking about struggles with mental health)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G4OTDztS_iA&list=RDG4OTDztS_iA&start_radio=1&ab_channel=BluesTravelerVEVO

King Hippo

Well, shit. I’d be depressed if I was that fat too.

/yeah, I am still pretty fat

//also am depressed anyway, and was even when thin

SonOfSpam

John Popper’s considerably less fat today, which is nice!

I, however, am still quite fat.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, wasn’t he one of the original lap band success stories?

WCS

I thought he died during COVID Times?

Doktor Zymm

If so, he would DEFINITELY be less fat today

Doktor Zymm

What did high-achieving masochists do with their life before there were cycling competitions?

Mr. Ayo

Marathons, Triathlon, etc. Same absolute sickos without technology.

King Hippo

If this is a Flash Mob Mock Draft, I emphatically select LIFE.

It seems like getting a rest stop named after one is kind of a backhanded compliment. Unless, of course, one is a Golden Shower enthusiast.

FUCK ROB FUCKING MANFRED.

Doktor Zymm

I think it was in the Thursday Next books that one of the villains got a rest stop named after his mum as a ransom demand

scotchnaut

That series doesn’t get nearly enough Hosanna’s* as far as I’m concerned.

*second definition, “expression of adoration”

Doktor Zymm

I’m excited there’s going to be another one, even though it’s still more than a year till scheduled release

scotchnaut

Meh. I love Fforde but I don’t trust him as far as deadlines are concerned.

Doktor Zymm

I’m just happy he started writing at all again, but yeah, not confident enough to pre-order