For those of y’all as starved for sportsball as Hippo? Find CBSSN on your cable box and maybe even dust off Paramount+ on your tablet, because the divisions below the Premiership (as is also the case in many/most other European nations). Enjoy the pageantry of the day, even if its not top-level footy.
Still streets ahead of MLS, though. Unless MAYBE you drop all the way down to a League Two fixture.
Everton also play Roma in their first “open door” friendly at the new stadium (9:50, ESPN+), and then NFL Pre-Season marathon(ish) on NFLN.
Enjoy the latter while you can, before ESPN ruins it (as early as possibly the 2026 season).
Nobody cares enough to read an actual preview, nor do I care enough to write any such content. FOOKIN SUE ME.
I’m not saying that high volume Youtubers are getting increasingly desperate for clicks but…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIb39ouzbvw
fewer and fewer of them, one in our neighborhood wasnt even stocking snowcones anymore
Me: (back from gym, eating a chicken-bacon-ranch wrap) (at 4:15 pm) “What time and where did you want to go out to dinner tonight?
Mrs. Horatio: “But you’re eating now.”
Me: “Have we even met?”
My favorite Yankee, Devin Williams.
He really is remarkable, although I kind of doubt we mean ‘remarkable’ in the same way.
My celebration of the novel At Swim-Two-Birds? A backstroke of exactly 45 meters out from the shoreline and a breaststroke back to shore as hard as I can. Also, I’ll be destroying James Joyce’s literary reputation in my mind.*
*except for his short story The Dead, that one hit so hard
Lara Loomer is banging Trump.
JD Vance is using all his vacation days to stay as far as away from the White House for as long as possible. He’s Cruzing, essentially.
ICE raided two Mexican restaurants up near princess’s way yesterday (local).
Border Patrol and ICE agents are wearing literal masks and jackboots.
Ukraine’s about to lose 20% of it’s territory, while Israel’s about to gain 20% while committing genocide while literally laughing about it.
https://www.youtube.com/@JTVGlobalJewishChannel
Ghizale’s going to be set free.
So much winning. Just so much winning.
But, hey, football is back!
I prefer not to think about the sex lives of those disgusting freaks but in all honesty I don’t think Trump has had a boner since Jeffrey Epstein got put out of business.
Mike White is a QB that is trying to be Josh Allen’s backup. MIC WHITE is a Beastie Boys cover band that has a sick remix of Southern Man.
But have they been seen together?
at 12:19 right before the snap the announcer is talking about him & how he has worked with this group of receivers in camp: “so we’ll expect him to be to be at least a little functional”
Yeah, don’t set the bar too high, there…
Mike White is also a showrunner who assembled (I’m not going to say “wrote” because I don’t know how much was improvised) this delightful scene.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKfDTyE0zTA
was originally written for Woody Harrelson to do but he had a last minute cancellation so Rockwell did it cuz his wife was on set
So my wife was going to go out and hang with friends, I have now been told I am grilling supper and will be hosting, so time to start cleaning. FML.
That’s nice of you to voluntold to do that.
Whelp, I guess you have no choice…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3n6dQsAMNk
Put an inflatable Kraft atop that Dreamboat statue, so it looks as if Brady is fisting him.
Truth Biscuit with the bomb.
Still a little Verdad left in that Bollo!
Coach Daboll: “Jaxon isn’t doing that bad.”
Russell Wilson: “Yeah, but too bad this is my team.”
Daboll: “…”
Wilson: “…”
Daboll: “…”
Wilson: “…”
Daboll: “…right.”
Wilson: “Giant Country, lets fee-fie-foe-fum!” (walks off)
Daboll: (to himself): “Why does he always end every conversation like that?!”
Thing is, I’m sure this conversation has already happened like three times this week.
We’re off on a very out of character excursion today. Think it’ll be a lot of fun and the weather is flawless.
We may document this one.
And we don’t have very far to travel.
You’re going to listen to bad music while eating nasty food?
Yes, basically correct.
Counterpoint, I’m staring at some weeds next to my fence in thre backyard, but I’ve convinced myself its too far away to deal with them.
I can’t move as my ass is plugging the hole in Reality that formed in my bean bag chair on the porch, so, although it appears I am lazy, I am saving civiliz…. why would I want to save this timeline? It does hold all my stuff….
Catalina?
Is it Wine Mixer season already?
“Which light white mixes best with temporary grievances?”
-An Ozempic of Karens
In the ballpark.
Lovely fucking day.
I will send Fredbird your regards, good sir!
…
Glad 3 Musketeers did not come like that.
It would have to be 3 pieces right?
That sounds delicious and diabeetus forming.
Kit Kat has four, for those binge eaters.
They make a “4 pack” Twix which ah just noe for no reason
I have a vague memory of one of those- 3 Musketeers, Milky Way, maybe Snickers? came in two pieces. Long ago and far away.
Mounds and Almond Joys are what you are thinking of, all so delicious.
No, I know they come in two pieces. This is one of the others, from waaay back , like early to mid- 60’s.
The Bills broadcast has not shown a replay of the Giants TD. Fuck Western New York!
And that includes you, North Tonawanda! I’ll never pay the entrance fee to your Herschell Carrousel Factory Museum, even though my Tourette’s loves going “Wheeeee!” thrice daily!
Wouldn’t Tourette’s be more like “Cocksuckercuntmotherfucker!!!” thrice daily?
“Fuckyou!” I mean, yes.
X marks the spot!*
*Dart threw a dart
$42 with fees, section 441, row 18
Is it stinking hot? That would be a huge factor in my decision.
Hot, but shady side, should be ok
Enjoy
I caused the extinction of three species when I asked AI to generate this image for me during the tail end of Request Line yesterday, so I’m reposting it with a reminder that the AFC North is the sexpestiest division in all of the NFL.
Now, now
it’s important to set goals for menfolk ,, ppl forget that!!
“There’s more to come” is an absolutely true, gross and predictive statement-all at the same time.
That’s right. There’s no stripes in that picture. The Bengals are saving themselves for the Grand Finale
Anyone remember when Laviska Shenault was going to be the next Percy Harvin?
/look at me, I’m Dennis Miller!
“I haven’t seen anyone this prouder since Bill Conqueror took out King Harry at Hastings, chachi.”
That’s so on point. What’s the opposite of goosebumps?
So should I go to the Bears game tomorrow, and if I do should I buy the $30 shitty seats, or spring for the $80 really good seats?
Boots. On. The. Ground!
/also buy $30 tix, move to the $80 at HT and decide if it feels $50 better
Cheap seats. Good seats are only worth it if you care about the outcome.
Which one has the discount mimosas?
That would be no seats and staying home
*sips grapefruit mimosa*
MST3K – Favorite Moments – Mitchell – YouTube
Trubisky is still in the league?!
Mitchell: Even his name sounds like a beer.
Huh, that’s where Russell Wilson ended up. Poor, poor Giants.
The best part of scotchy’s insanity query is how most of the neutral Clubhouse is also watching.
I mean, guys? #MeToo
Don’t worry, Jameis Winston will take him under his wing.
I’m stupid giddy about seeing the Giants play. Is this a low-key cry for help?
Sounds like a nice, gentle, slide into the happy kind of insanity to me
“And then he caught it on his helmet and everyone was happy.”
-Me, rocking back and forth at Sunny Side Retirement Home, three years hence
Low key?
**looks around clubhouse**
(Condescendingly) “Absolutely.”
OH YES. Just don’t sign up for Rapey Jameis’ Bible study group. That would be weird.
Sounds DangeRuss
Logistics Problem:
Youngest skull fracture Boy (YSFB) enjoyed the long weekend last week, camping and boating with his gf and buddies. He went back there again but the axle on his boat trailer is busted beyond repair. He did purchase another trailer online that we’ll have to deliver to him so he can pull his boat out of the water. In summation, he has to haul back his camper, his boat and his wrecked trailer (we’ll also need to bring his snowmobile trailer* up to transport the broken trailer back) home.
*that is in storage in our old warehouse
Degree of Difficulty:
Everything is sitting at a lake that is a two hour drive away up a dirt road that splits off to an old, unmaintained logging road.
“Dearest [nickname]:
“The measure of a man is how many times he gets up, not how many times he falls down.
“When are you coming over to pick up your stuff, boy?
“Best,
“-Daddy”
Take out the “s snd text. Leave the spaces, for tone
This sounds like the conditions statement for a complicated situational training exercise. I have some experience here (no he doesn’t) so I recommend that you “simply” hook the good boat trailer with boat aboard to the camper, then hook the snowmobile trailer to the boat trailer and finally mount the wrecked trailer on the snowmobile trailer. You now have what we in the bidnezz call… A train. Go slow on those dirt roads and make really wide turns. Good luck, I trained in Poland you know, so I look forward to your remarks upon closure back home all safe and sound.
I’m almost certain that the camper (it’s an ancient thing from the 80’s that has a built-in cassette player!) doesn’t have a rear trailer hitch which complicates things a bit. Also, “I trained in Poland” sounds ominous as hell.
Why does he need to bring back the broken trailer?
For the same reason that most people don’t litter.
I would have thought there would be someone there willing to haul it away in exchange for getting to keep it for salvage
or at least a nearby disposal place it could be dropped off instead of hauling for 2 hours
There’s no ‘salvage’ to be done. And that fella (out of the good of his heart) would have to carry some sort of trailer two hours up the road just to bring it back to a landfill?
Ah, so it’s not repairable nor has value in the metal. Gotcha
I figured it could at least be burned FOAR WARMTH, being Canadia and all
Disassemble it and see if any parts can be used to improve the camping area.
Make a lean to shelter or something, you know, a hobo trap.
Mrs. Horatio recently spent a fair amount of time putting together a trip for myself, my daughter, daughter’s boyfriend, and my mother (!) to go an see my son up in Vermont. Mrs. Horatio was going to stay home, so that she could take care of the pets, and also not spend a weekend with my mother. Fair play to her.
Today, my mother, in the most passive-aggressive way imaginable, called up and canceled because “you should really go up as a family and surely Horatio would want to spend the four hours in a car with his wife and not his mother” and holy shit woman, get off the cross, I need that wood for the fire.
Also, she’s in no way spending a weekend alone at our house feeding the pets, because she’s recently taken to falling and doing things like dropping bricks on her head because she tried to do something about bees the day before the bee-guy was coming to her house to do it professionally, (and also when my daughter was literally right there in her house), and I don’t need two dead pets and possibly a dead mother when I get back from a weekend in Vermont, and then all those busybodies from Blax’s neighborhood coming over and asking why I don’t know where my mother parked her car.
Life is really complicated sometimes.
Especially when it really doesn’t need to be.
“Dead mothers need the most attention.” – Norman Bates
It boggles the mind how fucking good Jordan Pickford is, and how fucked Everton would be without him.
Maybe also a bit concerning that a 25m signing (from Chelski’s bomb squad) was instantly our best attacking player.
Ye get the Everton game? I’m here watching Brugge on Brugge violence.
was on ESPN+
More “Things in Pennsylvania”
https://ibb.co/CSSpkkb
In keeping with my ability to prevent things from happening by predicting them, I am predicting that this storm develops into a Cat 5 hurricane and makes a direct hit on King Hippo’s house.
https://imgur.com/Qc1NCyx
/checks Caribbean trajectory
//updates Enemies list
It is too close to footy season for Hippo to even imagine losing power. That said, I am across the street from Town Hall (and all our local government offices), so I have mad priority for repair work,
God, I don’t ask for much, but a direct hit on Mar-A-Lago and I’ll enter the seminary.
Let’s hedge our bets, which god should I promise something to?
I hear a lot of good things about Cthulu.
I hear The Flying Spaghetti Monster is a pretty cool deity. & if you become an adherent you can have a fun DL picture!
https://www.azcentral.com/story/news/local/chandler/2017/06/01/arizona-man-wears-colander-drivers-license-photo-name-religious-freedom/362732001/
Ra-men! All hail his noodly appendages! Gumby’s bootcamp dogtags have “Morrisonism” as his religious affiliation.
.
“That, or something having to do with semen-I’m not fussy.”
-Horatio, upon further reflection
Why, so your taxpayer dollars can be spent rebuilding it out of solid gold?
My brother is talking to a civil rights lawyer about his detention, turns out they did not read him his Miranda rights.
But it’s their word against his and my mom. I don’t think this is going anywhere.
Hard to believe there aren’t recordings, but I’m sure the lawyer would know. Good luck, I hope your family is able to make something happen in the right direction
The attorney will know what’s best. Good luck to your brother. And it’s either due process mother fuckers, or affirming everyday “This divtatorship is peachy”.
“This might be the most hospital ball any hospital ball has ever hospitaled.”
https://www.reddit.com/r/nfl/comments/1mlao4z/highlight_demarcco_hellams_draws_a_flag_for_a_big/
That looks like shoulder to upper chest. Should have flagged the QB.
Perfect hit
Forget it, Balls. It’s Mahomesville.
For breakfast I am enjoying passion fruit from my very own vine.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCMy6kq5ZA0
Morning. So far this AM, I fought an invoicing platform and the platform won.
For now.
This small batch, artisanal, doing absolutely EVERYTHING personally for my business is getting testy. Saving grace, the full labor force is highly motivated to build the nest egg for Stroke #1 😜
/artist rendition of post-Kubiak face
Called my mom yesterday she has Covid again from the cruise.
I guess another reason to never go on a cruise.
Her mistake was breathing near other people
People tend not to breathe (or do anything else) around you if you refuse to wear pants, just sayin…
One of these things is not like the others, one of these things is nawt the same
there’s a reason its unopened, should poor a little out to trick people better
This is for litre, he finished one and wants another!
Hell yeah I do. I like it as I also like Skyline chili.
There will be Cheezies for all in LA in a few weeks! (Am legit bringing 8 bags)
I bet those kill the Malort aftertaste
Survived night 1 with BC Dick. It’s a marathon not a sprint. I do not want to go to the basement pub and see the carnage.
Not a bad night. Forgot about finishing the Malort but we’ll just have to mix some tequila and rye together to make up for it.
Goes great with the skyline, I bet.
Crawling up the walls waiting for the Roma/Everton feed to start. Come on Everton, these are shite!!
Potomac River, Mather Gorge
https://ibb.co/dwRD9YR7
My neighbor died last week. He was a single dude like 49 or 50. Nice guy. Story is, he’s hanging out with the neighbors at night. Goes home — drives to a girl’s place he hooks up with. They’re laying there all late, she looks over, he’s dead. She gets him cpr and medics get him but he dies at hospital.
The guy’s like uncle from MN is out here handling the estate, I guess. Dude had no next of kin. Apparently there’s an executor to the will somewhere but no will. Single guy estate planning, I guess. And, really, it don’t matter. There’s no surviving spouse to support. It’s just life. I’m interested in how his property goes to market (or not).
The women on my street are nuts. They think it’s like their place to do something. They want to know why the girl didn’t know where his car was, for example. And where is his wallet/credit cards. I’m like, none of it matters. If the cops want to investigate (they dont) then they can do the work. But you drunk women just ‘feeling like I should do something’ is only going to create problems.
Thays all. Thanks.
It’s all the murder shows they watch. Wife really enjoys them for some reason.
I feel sorry for the girl he was with. First, she has to deal with her lover dying next to her and all of the weirdness that entailed. & now she has to deal with a bunch of busybody bitches getting all up in her shit. Ugh.
Feeling like I should do something is middle aged white women saying let me confuse and fuck things up. Plus this is how you get anti-vaxxers and being overly sensitive.
Why would she know where he parked??
Because it’s a stupid gotcha question that gets the “what else is she hiding?” wheels turning in their Chardonnay-addled brains.
She should say “I don’t know where he parked: I was fucking him, not his car.”
In a driveway somewhere, Dave feels a stirring in his drivetrain.
Right? This mindset of both, “we’re shocked and still processing,” and “my keen observation skills are saying something isn’t right so I’d better operate as Private I now” leaves no space for, “others are confused too.”
And they will just fuck it up.
What a needless tragedy. Because estate planning is a cinch!
If you know the right attorney, of course. Huh. I’m still sleepy. Let me stretch—Aaaaaa
[hands business card with outstretched hand]
A friend of Mrs. Horatio’s died without an estate a few years ago. I called a friend of mine who is a probate judge who said “don’t worry, there are always cousins” and by god within 2-3 weeks cousins were crawling out of the woodwork.
I don’t think this woman had talked to any of them in decades, let alone years. They got everything.
So if you don’t want a bunch of cousins you have no relationship with to inherit a huge windfall, get a will. Because otherwise it’s gonna be ants at a picnic.
I’ll be dead, I won’t care
Well then don’t blame me when your volcano-lair goes to that weird cousin thrice-removed with the unfortunate political views.
I have 1 first cousin, he’s a stoner dating a nurse, then at least 2 second cousins that I know of that I like, so between them and my parents and aunt there are at at least six people who would have to die before we get to the cousins I don’t know but who live in Florida so are probably suspect. But also, will be dead, won’t care, sucks for the rest of y’all pulse-havers!
All we can really ask for as a legacy is for people to say that it sucks that we died.
And they’ll be more likely to say that if it’s a pain in the ass to deal with your estate!
Sounds like you’re ready for some football.
https://youtu.be/xvNzhKTXweQ?feature=shared
wooooo gooo football
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0iqLhdInGrk
I spent a day catching up on sleep. Turns out, that stuff is good for you, AND it makes you feel better, too. Who knew?
It’s good for you and makes you feel good?
Well then, I just might have to try some of that “sleep” stuff out sometime…
4.5/5, would recommend!
Now I know why I had such a hard time sleeping last night, you sleep thief! GIVE IT BACK!
I could have slept in as late as I wanted tonight for the first time in months, instead I inexplicably woke up an hour before I have to for work after staying up late playing Skyrim. I don’t feel tired, but I suspect I will nap later and it will be glorious
I got up at 11:24 am today.
I also went to bed at 2:30-3:00 because poker, like being a bat, is a nocturnal activity.
https://ibb.co/Z1dPzmGd
Rug munching at its finest!
I am a huge fan of that act.
I thought that was a picture of Jim irsay’s wake.
Ciao Hippo. Nuthin but friendlies on over here too. Marika is still at the beach. 2 weeks from now her and the boys are back at work.
We gots Belgian futbol on the teeeveeee