Welcome to the much-needed resumption of festivities. Please try to control one’s excitement, or at least cover one’s tumescence.
Villa and the Barcodes kick us off early (7:30, USA), and these two have each had a mighty tough summer. Isak is the straw that stirs Newcastle’s drink, and he’s thrown his toys out of the pram to try to force a lowball move to the filthy Redshite. Fuck’s sake, my mental health is bad enough without that coming to fruition. Villa haven’t done much business, either, as they try to claim their seat at the Prem “big kids” table. Boy howdy, does this have “bore draw” written all over it.
Mighty Whitey (a pre-season of almost complete stasis, per Litre) get the teevee treatment (10:00, USA), away to the Trashbirds. I enjoy watching each of these squadrons play, so at least it’s a decent choice for the neutral. Should you disagree, the Black Cats return to the top flight with a home tilt against the Hammers (Peacock). You’ll never see West Ham the same after watching season 2 of The White Lotus, that’s for sure. Will they likewise take it up the arse this weekend? MAYBE!
Spotlight Dance is City of Men gimping their way into Wolverhampton (12:30, NBC). Nobody seems to really expect much of a City-zen rebound, and that includes your humble scribe. I really want to see one, otherwise it will just be another half-hearted charge from the Gooners that falls well short (no ofence, Lowratio).
Sunday has a really great USA doubleheader, Chelski/Palace followed by Men Untied/Gooners. We plead for, nay DEMAND a return from Gov. Rhodes for this occasion. On to glory!
Monday night is Very Disappointing (because incapable of learning from past mistakes) Everton away to Leeds (3:00, USA/NBC?). I mean, Jesus Fuck. Jack Grealish?? Fuck off with that shit already. You never, ever want someone in the team who feels like he’s doing you a favour.
Queries:
- Have Arsenal sorted their attack? Did they do so at the expense of team balance?
- Will Eddie Howe’s head completely fall off at the final results of the Barcodes’ window?
- How would Chelski’s wage bill stack up, in terms of GDP if it were an Afrikan nation-state?
- Will one of the newbies finally break their duck and earn a 2nd season in the top flight?
- Is Jordan Pickford indeed a cat?
Foster Dog Update:
-his eye surgery was a success.
-Bear killed a skunk and would not release it from its mouth for 20 minutes. (this was at 10pm last Monday)
-He wants to belong to the pack that is Molly and Ruby so he now barks madly at the car that runs through our property to our neighbors house.
-He is deathly afraid of the ice cube tray just like Ruby and Molly.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING IN THIS MATTER
Oh thank god. They pulled that new Mets pitcher in the 6th.
And, as I foretold, the Mariners are sitting on nil runs.
Now we have a chance.
And they’re still being shutout. God dammit.
Is it already time for the Mariners usual late season collapse?
Here’s an uplifting story.
https://www.npr.org/2025/08/09/g-s1-81907/texas-big-game-hunter-killed-african-buffalo
They called the attack “sudden and unprovoked.” Go fuck yourself in hell, you piece of shit. Douchebag got exactly what he deserved.
lol at “unprovoked”. It was definitely provoked.
“Unwounded” African water buffaloes are the worst1 Such a temper, if you ask me.
If you’re a “big game hunter” and it’s not like 1825 or what have you then fuck right off. Also, fuck right off even if it is 1825. Big game animals are incredible and rare and of much more value than a dickhead who would hunt them.
I imagine his last moments on this world were filled with terror & pain, kind of like the last moments of the animals he needlessly killed.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-SSa-D1i-M
I hope he survived long enough to piss himself in pain and terror before the end came.
as his family was watching, yes. Hopefully the manly hunter befouled himself and screamed like a little girl.
“They should be careful, they could get run over by a boat!”
-Wifey, watching the end of Jaws, probably
I read this as Jews and wondered what was happening in Canada.
How often do you Google “End of Jews”, on a scale of Hannah Arendt to Stephen Miller?
I support ending Stephen Miller’s influence or intake of oxygen, whatevs.
https://ibb.co/XrYk71h7
Scary stuff!
Positively mental, I must say!
Cool, been watching old movies that Eugene Palette in them. Namely the Philo Vance series.
That have Eugene- that new strain named Watermelon Mojito is tasty in multiple ways. Shaka brah.
/wifey headed off to her mother’s birthday party
Me: [knowing the answer] “Do I have to go?”
Wifey: “You weren’t invited, so, no.”
/the last time I went to her birthday party she drunkenly insisted that she would be moving into our house.* (over and over again) Eventually expletives were involved on my part in front of several family members and that matter was put to rest and it was hella awkward for everyone.
*her plan was to sell her house, move into ours, occupy the main bedroom, not pay any rent or utilities/food (you guys are doing great-why should I help out, I’m retired) She’s the worst User I’ve ever come across and happens to be my MIL.
Escalating to a scene was a good investment both in preventing her from moving in and avoiding future parties! Well done!
This is a great reminder to cut back on my pornhub usage. I thought that last paragraph was going somewhere completely different.
If you’re into high-pitched screeching (is there any other kind?) being gaslighted and tits below the waistline, I could set you up.
Rule 34
.
All respect to you, but I can never see you as a teacher trying to corral anyone into settling down or being quiet or whatever on an on-going basis.
stopicanonlygetsoerect.gif
https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRDssowy7tqiUvD9h6rEbsfAnQMN8S-Lu-cw3ln8PzeANIDiIi_0ElsOyXwlkwhkfurbhS3dhFH2wWZwuPLURNTYw
Ah piss. It’s Chris Walby. And that’s who litre should be wearing in Saskatchewan at a CFL game. Not some down under wide beater jersey.
If the boy strays to the watermelon heads it’s his own damn fault.
Mariners are facing a just called up guy? Shutout incoming. Congrats Mets on this excellent gambit.
Oh for fucks sake.
https://twitter.com/DJMets33/status/1956822218567983352
I am next to the end zone bar. Pilsner country. Everyone is loser wasted, as expected.
Looks like a nice pure crowd, just as Sydney Sweeney wants.
But really just drunk, polite, mostly nice, prairie trash.
*Sydney Sweeney enthusiasts, she’s never made any political statements and I don’t think it’s her fault that white supremisists like her tits
She’s from Idaho (WHICH DOES EXIST AND SHARES A BORDER WITH THE TOTALLY REAL WYOMING) so she doesn’t really need to say anything, it’s already known.
She hardly looks like a potato at all!
Everyone likes her tits. It’s a ridiculous and hilarious thing that’s a thing at all. And probably says something about why the US dems could lose an election to Donald. Goddamn trump
If I believed in a god other than Sydney sweeney’s aryan tits I would pray for the USA. For all of our sakes.
Although it was a Canadian publication that started the whole thing, which would be an excellent bit of trolling if the National Post wasn’t legit a far-right rag
Did they start it? I saw it on CBC. Which made sense. I bet the NP was just baiting them. It’s so stupid. I’d be all for defunding CBC news but as I told the politician at my door I will never vote to defund CBC radio. It is chock full of great stuff.
and I disagree with calling them a far right rag. Compared to what the US calls far right at least they are downright socialist.
“If Chappelle had Sweeney’s buxom bust, we could have easily been having this same cultural conversation more than a year ago.”
https://nationalpost.com/opinion/amy-hamm-wokeness-is-no-match-for-sydney-sweeneys-undeniable-beauty
The US has been to the right of the rest of the free world since at least Reagan, but at least the author of this piece would fit right in with the scary Fox News ladies
Oh yeah they were stirring it up. That’s a comment piece though. The NP editorial is certainly more conservative but their reporting is just as critical of the right as the left.
The owner of the paper also own the Vancouver Sun which is quite a bit more left leaning but only in the opinion pieces. The reporting is solid.
I don’t know if people in the us know what that is anymore and it’s sad. I watch American news and it’s like TMZ mixed with Jerry Springer. They all have biases but no one else has Fox News.
But maybe I don’t know the right American media to watch. I should say that, I don’t mean to disparage. I only see the main channels and PBS.
I don’t really know what’s on TV nowadays, but NPR mostly does a great job. Probably why MAGA is trying to get rid of em
Yeah it’s awful. That’s why we watch Brits solving fake crimes instead.
I grew up watching the 7pm world news with my parents. Things were way better before the 24 hr news cycle. News can easily be interesting, but it’s not supposed to be entertainment.
Aside from running to a union leader to get a quote on anything related to business news, the CBC is the best radio I’ve ever listened to for 50 years running.
They do that for sure. But one quirks and quarks and all is forgiven
There’s also Because News, Q, Under The Influence, The Debaters, Ideas, (incredible-can’t rec enough) Laugh Out Loud, The Next Chapter, that other writers interview show-and that’s just off the top of my head.
Under the influence is another of my faves. And we all miss the vinyl cafe like a lost relative.
/ names FF team “Sydney Sweeney’s Aryan Tits”
Now that’s a crowd that sits in their assigned seat.
I gave this a plus but I gotta say this was a literal laugh comment for me. Well done mr hook
When in Rome.
speaking of a fun site to rate stadium food from around the world, though usually European based
https://scrandle.com/
The food is old style Pilsner. Full stop
[Billy Crystal voice]
“Have fun stringing some Fascists upside-down in the town square!”
My greatest NFL football fear? That the Pats will be good again. Can you imagine the amount of
roachesold fans that will come crawling out of the woodwork?My greatest NFL Fear is Cam Ward missing the rest of the season for a missed assignment by his OL. Before the bye. And choosing to watch it live alone at home instead of going to the beach or only watching Red Zone or something. But my infected laptop got stuck in the blue screen of death—this time, forever.
“If you want a picture of the future, imagine Ward overthrowing Calvin Ridley-forever.”
-Eric Blair, sports reporter
putting alot of work into cooking this imitation Kenny Rodgers roaster chicken today. lacking the critical red glare element tho
Busting my ass in the kitchen too.
Good news is I’m getting all of the labor done today so tomorrow will be a breeze.
Slowly getting transitioned to game day Sunday mode.
same really sweating running low on the basting of the cooked marinade i have left with 1 and half hours to go. normally a chicken would have plenty of pan juice to glaze with, but guess a good sign that the chicken is retaining it juices.
Made a middle Eastern marinade for an overnight chill. Making veggie stock for my weekly soup and also making a middle Eastern dip to accompany the chicken
Shit, tomorrow all I’ve got to do is make the chicken.
Easy street.
ABC is featuring the German Supercup. Is that the feces equivalent of the Nathan’s Hotdog-Eating Contest?
2 girls, 1 World Cup
One thing I like about Man City goal-scorers is that they acknowledge the guy that made the assist. I don’t see this very much on other teams and if I do it seems to be an afterthought.
That’s a Barcelona/Pep thing
As far as basketball is concerned, that’s a John Wooden UCLA thing that goes back to the Sixties. Yeesh, just playing pickup ball way back in the 80’s, it was bad form not to acknowledge a good pass that led to a bucket.
I don’t even feel like checking the NFL preseason schedule. Rather nap/stare into blank space. Hope this changes when September gets here.
Help me out-who should I retain in Math Hard! league or should I let everyone go?
I’d Super Franchise Bijan again. Then Franchise T. Tracy and Tee Higgins. Pass on the 2nd Super F (I did same)
“Individually these words make sense (except for Bijan, did he mean Bhutan? Are they playing some weird offshoot of Risk?) but as a sentence? Nope.”
-DFO’ers
I’m actively repressing my memories of these terms.
My first year, I could hear the laughter from the other league members from a thousand miles away.
im getting the same nap/stare experience watching this dolphins game
Turns out BritBox is like 90% detective shows. Taking a break from Father Brown and watching Death in Paradise
Hope other 10% is Are You Being Served
Also AbFab, IT Crowd, old Dr Who
IT IS!
Don’t sleep on “Daft Happenings in Berwick-upon-Tweed”. It’s like “Murder She Wrote” if everyone always had a pint of Guinness in one hand.
Now I have a mental image of a bicycle chase scene (I’ve decided this takes place in the 1920’s) and both the detective and bad guy are slurping their full pints as fast as possible so they don’t spill a drop. Also, a very slight incline almost ruins both of them because they’re so out of shape.
I would totally watch that
You. Me. Collab. Have your people call my people. Next Friday 7PM is good for me-I’ll be getting back from the gym. That’s Triceps/Rector Femoris Day, in case you were wondering.
Scotchnaut missed that meeting, having died of a combined cocaine/Muscle Milk/Traffic Cone insertion challenge. That competition has been suspended pending the inquiry
Detectorists. I think it’s on there. Absolutely love it.
And obviously Endeavour, Lewis, Vera for sure if you haven’t already.
I fucking love British detective shows.
I watched a couple seasons of that back when it first came out! Will have to pick it up again
If you like British-adjacent detective programs, check out Murdoch Mysteries. It’s a Canadian show that’s been on forever. You can catch it on the “Please Watch it, Eh? I’ll Buy You A Molson For Sure Next Time I’m In Flin Flon” streaming service.
/it’s an actual show
Oh I’ve seen all of those
Me too!
Silent witness. You’ve seen.
Shakespeare and Hathaway and McDonald and dodds I like too. But they’re cheesier. I mostly just watched Dodds for the hot lady detective.
That’s a good one too until they have that damn baby.
Also – the books it’s based on are terrific. Uite a bit different but in a good way. Maureen Jennings.
Damn. No hat trick for Haaland-he’s been subbed.
Heavy is teh head who WARES teh crown smgdh
REIJNDER GAMES!!!
Nice Rejoinder!
I tells ys, I am stuck between:
1) Pep is pissed, City will never lose again
2) Wolves are in major trouble this season
3) YES
Oh good, Man City looks awesome again.
It’s early days but I feel the same way about Pep that I felt about Parcells way back when-“He’s going to figure it out eventually”.
/just as an aside, no one talks about Parcells being a super intelligent risk-taking strategist because he was always portrayed in the media as full of bluster and the ultimate “player’s coach”.
Big Tuna absolutely belongs up in the Pantheon of elite coachery,
/grudgingly agreeing wink
AND NOW THE SEASON STARTS FOR THE REAL TEAMS!!!
Barcelona v Mallorca on ESPN2….
Btw, did anyone ever watch Mallorca Files? That was a fun show…
Raphinha, baby!!
Fucking perfect pass from Yamal…
Think this kid might be good.
Damn.
Real teams? Mallorca is a delicate whitefish best served with a raspberry gastrique. Everyone knows that.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vwMUX_uPJC4
UFO cake is my favorite
Lighthouse for me!
It is the girthiest!
https://youtu.be/lA4DFOCwnwk?si=dGNnvWcoQy-njNnF
I can’t wait to see ‘typhoon cake’
tl dr glans ruins ruse
Haaland reminds me of a huge dog that knocks over furniture, steps on people’s feet and hits guys in the nutsack with a wag of its tail and doesn’t even notice.
I fractured that guys jaw with my shoulder while trying to head the ball? Was that in the 1st or 2nd half?
-Haaland, responding to a reporter’s question after the game
What. The. Fuck. ???
https://www.reddit.com/r/MyBoyfriendIsAI/
I’m assuming this is for people who are dating Allen Iverson.
Is this the ‘wireborn’ shit? So creepy, and they obviously missed that day in health.
saw some of them bemoaning that chatgpt5 toned down the romance mode and people were complaining their AI date was now cold. This was probably due to facebook ai guidelines that says was appropriate for the ai to have sensual conversations with children amongst other things
https://www.reuters.com/investigates/special-report/meta-ai-chatbot-guidelines/
Her was a warning. Oops.
oooooh, should I get Bernard Gilkey an AI boo? I can hardly imagine his dick still work, tho…
Watching the AKC Diving Dogs Challenge.
I’m impressed on how they get the dogs to dive into the pool, they probably show them a picture of Kristi Gnome.
She’s not even a real gnome, she can’t do shoe repairs
Lowratio is seething at her even being mentioned in the same sentence as the noble gnome.
Well let’s see what Man City looks like this year. Sudoku is his same speedy, explosive self on the wing so that’s good.
Where is this Man City you speak of? Lindsey Graham. SC
Some people*
*actually, just this one guy. His job-funded by the provincial government-is to travel to communities that don’t have a grocery store and sell fresh fruit and veggies to the locals. Well, he didn’t place his order by the deadline and didn’t respond to texts or calls. This is a 120+ case order of various stuff. I’m flabbergasted. When he finally got back to me he said, “yeah, I’m playing in an out of town baseball tournament and kinda forgot.”
-What the fuck would you be doing next week with nothing to sell!? IT’S YOUR ACTUAL JOB.
-lucky for him I put something together, not knowing if he’d dropped dead, lost his job or ran out of funding.
-no ‘thank you’, just ‘yeah, you have a pretty good idea of what I need’.
-overall, he’s a very good guy but this lapse in judgement/memory just leaves me speechless. It would be like me forgetting to go into work for a few days. I just don’t get it.
-very proud that I didn’t resort to the ‘kids these days’ chestnut
Is he in the Little League World Series? If so, it’s pretty impressive for a high school kid to be playing at such a high level and holding down a full time job. If not, gtfo with that irresponsible shit
resorting to kids is how our pedophile president dealt with his loss of status following the bankruptcy of his casinos ppl forget that
When I make French toast I dump all the egg mixture in after soaking the bread and I don’t understand why this isn’t the standard recipe because it is delicious
Maybe it’s just for people with my plating style
When I make it I usually keep putting bread in until it all gets absorbed. But what you’re doing here kind of reminds me of this, which *is* a technique I use:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uscX0FikuJc
That’s what I do. But my best French toast tip- make a peanut butter sandwich, then dunk it in the goo (egg, splash of milk, vanilla, and pumpkin pie spice). Good maple syrup. I had it this morning, magnifique!
Holy Crap that sounds good and I don’t like French Toast all that much.
eggs kinda get in the way of the powdered sugar and syrup delivery device we use french toast for
Ah, see it works really well with the grand marnier whipped cream and blueberries
cant argue with gran mar in the equation. Though i did leave out the critical butter component for form a powdered sugar slurry
The egg goo also soaks up all the butter in the pan, so good
Get innnnnnn
controlled it with his bollocks, then slotted it home calmly, what a goal
Oh, you’re talking about the footy. I was still on the French toast thing. But yes, get innnnnn!
Won’t let this ruin my day, won’t let this ruin my day
Narrator – It DID ruin Litre’s day
or…..
I will take it!!! Now off to Roughriders v Tiger Cats
oh noes, methinks I heard Fronk’s scream all the way down here
great ball in from Pepe LePew made that’un
well that’s a shot in the ol’ dick
A question for non-California kommentists: are pineapples freely available in your local stores? How much do they cost? Around here they are plentiful and cost $3.50 or so.
Sure, but they’re 5.50 up here in Seattle.
because SOCIALISM smgdh
Hey, we’re socialist too!
They’ve always been available wherever I’ve lived. No idea on cost though because I’m not nearly ambitious enough to buy one uncut
I take it you prefer the kosher ones?
I often wonder how much money I’d save if I wasn’t so fucking lazy.
#MeToo. But also, I’d still much rather be lazy.
Available? Yes. Freely available? No.
“You know, West Ham dominating time of possession is like a mule with a spinning wheel!”
My first half Black Cats review was “lively, but they’ll ship goals by the shed load.”
So naturally they scored and are on track for 1-nil win. Oy vey, Rum Ham…
Fell down the labor history rabbit hole and brought back memories of this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kanawha_County_Textbook_War . I remember some folks being embarrassed by this. Barefoot hillbilly was still a stereotype back then, and this didn’t help it much. UMW District 17 got involved and had a wildcat strike over it. Bombs were set off, school busses were shot at. Those people were bugfuck nuts over it. Fast forward to 202x and covid, and everything old is new again.
Yeah, setting off bombs at schools and firing shotguns at school buses will do that…
When I was in high school, we played some barefoot hillbillies in football, a coal patch town called Portage, somewhere around Johnstown. We beat them at their home. They shot out the windows of our band bus. Everybody had to lie on the floor and the bus driver hauled ass out of there.
Reminds me of growing up in the mountains.
According to my highly inaccurate watch, for the first time in 3 years I achieved OPTIMAL SLEEP. I was dreaming about buying weird flavors of candy I haven’t had in years, like a strawberry Watchamacallit bar and now I want candy. THIS IS WHAT PEAK SLEEP PERFORMANCE FEELS LIKE
I had a dream I was swinging from a string from the top of a hill in the San Francisco area (not sure how I knew this) and the string kept stretching and stretching (on the order of hundreds of yards) so I was going lower and faster and it was kind of like a flying dream but not as much fun because I was concerned about what was going to happen when the string finally snapped because I was accumulating too much speed to land comfortably.
Do I get dreams of naked women? No, I get shit like going to see The Monkees, and raccoons excavating my yard from the septic tank to the basement, with the cinder block walls getting dug clear through. Fuckin’ raccoons are taking over around here, even in my sleep.
“Yeah, I really hate coons too.”
-Stephen Miller, talking about something else entirely
Can’t believe you would so flagrantly disrespect the memories of Bob McNair and Jerry Richardson by leaving them out of this joke.
They have tiny little people hands, just like Lowratio!
They are my next bet for evolution to sapience, once we off ourselves in WW3.
I’m here for the Fulham tilt.
Slightly hungover and with a lot to do before bailing at 2:00 pm for another bonfire/cookout, but here.
-I’m also here for the full ham. A. Reid.
Andy wants “all the ham”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOyAlOWPuoY
Am in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan. Yep Ballsy another one of them 15 hour drives on deck.
That’s such a Canadian place name. Is there a town in the US called Hopes and Prayers, Arkansas? Bootstraps, Missouri?
Bible Truth, Mississippi
That’s impressive
As promised, I have successfully prevented Hippo’s EPL viewing enjoyment from being distrupted by a hurricane!
Not sure I love the way it’s eyeing our corporate headquarters, though.
gots to be careful with dat monkey’s paw, yo
We’ll see what the 11 a.m. update says but it’s looking like this thing has gone from tropical storm to Cat 5 in a span of like 24 hours.
Yup, officially a Category 5. Didn’t quite break the record for how quickly it got there.
Did you use a black sharpie?
not only that, but he also failed to THANK US FOAR OUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER
Yes. I had a brown one but it got deported.
Good thing they let you keep the black one once you explained that you own it and steal its labor
That’s too much of a moral gray area. What I do instead is use the justice system to imprison them based on spurious charges and then exploit them for free labor.
You guys aren’t really talking about Sharpies, are you?
Only 3/5 of the time.
Let’s go Geordies
Uncle Teddy would be quite proud of everyone’s online activity/engagement on this Lesser Opening Day.
Stunned into paralysis by inactivity… Like all things… It will pass…