Week 2’s slate is much less robust, plus we have the stupid international break (so no Prem morning action). But at least Sunday will be…glorious.
Wahoowa (+3.5) at NC State (Noon, ESPN2)
Neither of these squadrons is any good, but UVA at least showed a little spunk (PHRASING) in their opener. My Wolven Sort? Just our typical chucklefuckery. Two ACC teams, but this is a nonconference game, because that’s just how this Timeline rolls.
Team Cornpone (+3.5) at Cornpone State (Noon, Fox)
B1G Noon, without Michigan or THEEEEE featured? Well, be still my beating heart. Iowa was supposed to have its quartered backery issues fixed, and their new pussy threw for…44 yards total in their opener. Against 1-AA competition.
BayBay (+2.5) at SMU (Noon, CW)
As weak as this slate is, how did Starwipe Network get a matchup this good? And why cram it into the early window?
BDSM State (+28.5) at Oregon (3:30, CBS)
Even for the Discipline Daddies, this beatdown is going to hurt beyond the “Hurts So Good” phase. Remember y’all’s safe words out there.
Johnny Reb (-8.5) at Kenfucky (3:30, ABC)
Finally, we get a matchup between conference foes that actually goddamned counts as a conference game. Lane Kiffin’s bunch somehow managed to lose this tilt at home last season, which IIRC was the only SEC (PAAAAAWWWWWLLLLLL) tilt the Blue Moons won all season. YIKES.
Kansas (+6.5) at Missouri (3:30, ESPN2)
Underrated game of the day, and not just because of the potential for John Brown/Bleeding Kansas jokes. But I surely am expecting everyone to bring the heat on that front. DO NOT DISAPPOINT TEH ELDERLY MAMMAL.
Ohio State has a player named Bo Jackson!?!? FUCK!
Troy currently leading Dabo. Dabo! DABO!, and USF is doing to Florida what Ohio is doing to WVU right now.
Now the Florida Men will REALLY React Reasonably
Good Lord, will WCS ever React Reasonably when he wakes up…
Oh, I’m quite aware.
Ohio-Ohio State is on Peacock? How dare they take the Ohio Civil War away from me?!
I got way ahead of myself. Ignore this.
Boy, if I had a nickel for every time I said that.
Okay, at 63-0, I think its time to give the Seniors and Walk-Ons some game action.
Also, Ohio State has a freshman RB named Bo Jackson, Jr. Not related to THE Bo Jackson but may the dissimilarities end there.
Well, at least the Darkest Timeline does have some rays of sunshine.
So fucking stupid. Internet mob justice is for the most childish and bloodthirsty hall monitor and nerd losers in the world.
HGH Natalie Portman wins! All those drugs finally paid off.
I’d like to give a shout-out to Wifey. Her niece suffered the death of her mother at the age of 14 and has become an extremely difficult person to deal with. Four years on she has made her dad’s life a living hell. Wifey jumped into the breach un-asked. Things are a bit better now.
My Prediction?: Wifey is going to wear down those rough edges with unrelenting love and acceptance and the niece is going to be so confused that eventually she’ll reciprocate against her “better” judgement.
/I’ve got $25 riding on it. Apparently FanDuel will give odds on pretty much anything
Trump is planning to attend the US Open men’s final tomorrow, and the gutless, despicable USTA has asked broadcasters not to show any negative crowd reaction.
Always fun trying to tell your money source what to do.
The US Open is going to have more shots of downtown than YouTube did during last night in Brazil.
It’ll be like The Sopranos on PAX.
https://youtu.be/A8FUUzmaCxc?si=HnDewYwHWZJdGxac
Trump has made broadcasters so much money in the last decade they would have done that anyway.
3rd and goal from the 25? JV NFL BLITZ!
Free Staters 21, Missouri Compromise 6
CW apparently is doing Law & Order Toronto, so that really should set the Leafs uo nicely, eh?
“But WHO would kill someone over poor salary cap management….”
Scotchy’s Dead Dad would!!
Massive protests in Washington DC today. 🇺🇸
That’s ROCKINGGGG!!!!
My Dead Dad: “Ken Dryden (who almost lost the ’72 Summit Series to the Soviets despite playing in front of 13(!) future Hall of Famers’), passed away yesterday. How does this affect the Leafs? They’ll finish third in the division.”
How have I not seen this wifi name before?
Sure, that’s the Network ID when its still young, but before you know it, its worn out and
(`)(-).
“Say goodbye to these, Michael. Because this is the last time.”
(`)(,)
Iowa State victorious in ¡El Assico!, 16-13. A very ¡Assy! contest, worthy of inclusion in the pantheon.
Way to represent the Big 10, Iowa.
itchy win >>> rage-filled loss
Undefeated Wolfpack are playoff-bound.
Ha! Just so long as they beat Belicheat (or his failson, if he bails early as I suspect) in the finale.
In the most Iowa drive of all-time, the Hawkeyes took over on their two, down 13-10. They proceeded on a scoring drive of 77 yards in 16 plays, while using 9:26. The score is now tied, 13-13.
¡¡El Assico! never disappoints in its disappointments!
Only thing I noticed re Iowa was that it smells like manure the whole way through, El Assico is quite apt.
Used to live in Iowa and Illinois and the hog farms are plentiful.
You drive thru Henry County Illinois on a hot and humid day and shit howdy that smell will haunt you to your grave.
if one drives US 70 “Down East” in North Cakalaky, you get pockets of the same
“everybody but the center” false starts are THE ABSOLUTE TITS
Duke just fucked up pretty bad. Had 2 players wearing #8 for a punt on a 4th & 3, so the 5 yard penalty gave Illinois the ball back. /chortles
I don’t know why they even allow that nonsense. Suck it up Buddy that numbers not available, pick another and get over yourself.
Jersey numbers on every team should be organized by size. Just like 5 year old soccer.
I’d make it real easy. Seniors, arranged by GPA in order, pick first. Then Juniors by GPA… etc…
That’s why my skinny ass got #1. They don’t give #1 to the Right Wing Back.
Duke makes some good plays, then shoots themselves in the dick again…
/Sideshow Bob rake gif
There’s 100 available numbers between 0 and 99; pick an available number. If you’re number 101 and over, grab a t-shirt or sweatshirt and try again next spring.
The last Big 12 (16) team to play in Athens, OH was Iowa State in 2023. Ohio won in a shootout, 10-7. Terrific.
My Rainbow Warriors (Losers Investment Club: BOWS) host 0-2 Sam Houston State tonight at 9pm. I’m too far away to attend but was greeted with a sign that we are covering this week.
“GO BOWS!”
–
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Toh39G6rKEw
Been awake too long, getting weirder than usual.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VtrdqLy0nbQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYTW1zzDDvE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZjkmRTSH2k
Oh, what the piss?! Duke’s Mayonnaise is now the “official (Satan’s jizz) of West Virginia Mountaineers sports.” That was uncalled for, 2025.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uR71UTz2UmM
If you’re reading between the lines, prove it by typing the number fourteen.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3I3-KTJbtY
Time to get the neighbors going. It was surreal when I got back one day and my mom had my brother’s CD of these guys playing on the stereo.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bg8vTSyHFkQ
27-10 WVU is my call.
Hello, Allegheny 911? Yes, one of your operators needs a nap.
I got this, I got this.
14
And home.
Most excellent gathering of the tribe.
NOT a most excellent ball game though.
It did give us a reason to leave early and go back to the brewery which was awesome.
This guy and his breweries!
Great seeing you and the other miscreants!
You as well. As always an excellent time was had.
Me: “It’s College ball Saturday, I don’t have to see Jerry Jones’ stupid visage anywhere.”
Dr. Pepper Ad: “Not so fast…”
Ummmm this is fool about to declare War on Chicago? Wtf??!???
That doesn’t seem Rocking…
“They successfully raid at dawn, with Kilgore ordering a napalm sortie on the local cadres. He and his men then proceed to mercilessly kill, shoot and blow up numerous innocent civilians, showing a complete and utter disregard for civilian and human life, and showing Kilgore as what he is, a bloodthirsty, sadistic and amoral warmonger. This arguably makes him eviler than the film’s main antagonist, Colonel Walter E. Kurtz, as he is willing to involve innocent civilians in his reign of mass murder and destruction, and shows no guilt for his deeds.”
https://villains.fandom.com/wiki/Bill_Kilgore
Donald Trump is the biggest faggot in the world. Full stop.
He did molest kids of both genders.
The cattiest, bitchiest queen of all time.
party of projection is back again with their Obama going to take tTexas in Operation Jade Helm and deployment of fema snipers
The dude dodged Vietnam and is now portraying himself as a tough military leader.
While he fucking rapes kids.
All the places he sends troops are the best places to live, it’s a great way to make a list of potential cities to move to
Had to switch to the Iowa – Iowa State game, Texas game has now turned into a blow out. The spirit of Pay Pay has finally possessed Arch. Thank you AFN for 3 early game options.
¡El Assico!
This NC State defense, I call it new fish on maximum security, because we sure are loose at the back.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xl_mWGyEUm8
No chance in Naraka I’m going to make 14:00 kick. Was done at 06:15, and had Duke WCS’ gymnastics class at 10:00. Haven’t slept, but have had numerous cups of tea!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqm9tg0o0yQ
This is still available in 2025. I’m amazed. And it’s still hysterical.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ulsNaD9uDos
I never saw that movie, but in my head that scene ends with Mark Wahlberg having his eye knocked own with a piece of word before being shot in the face.
The Texas derp has abated.
Lil Archie PeyPey finally throwed a good pass & is having a happy. Woo.
Gus Johnson just announced the score as “Iowa State up 3-nil.” I am now certain Gus reads DFO’s footy coverage.
Plot twist: The governor is Gus Johnson’s burner account.
We just need Gus Johnson to say The King’s Afrikan Water Pistols.
oh, I am ALL ABOUT that rumoUr….
Wahoowa 5/6 on 3rd down conversions.
Their 1 miss set up 4th and 1, they ran up the gut for a 38-yard TD.
Jesus, FUCK.
The Texas derp continues.
Did scotchy and Horatio (and/or Lowratio) make a #ShameBet on SillyCuse/UConn?
Somebody (me) almost forgot they were playing. Sillycuse losing 7-0.
I wouldn’t bet on UConn football for love or money.
They’re up 14-6 at the half, something I do not expect to continue.
¡El Assico! is ¡here!
Methodists lead the Baptists, 7-nil. After 12 seconds in Dallas.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zyw4520E26Q
Those titties ain’t dead, though
Real Talk, y’all. That annoying, anthropmorphic buffalo with wings/weird face shape gal Buffalo Wild Wings ad…creeps me the FUCK OUT
Disturbing and annoying at the same time.
Week 3 international break? The fuck, Prem?
Series A too. World Cup qualifying games going on all weekend.
But let’s muddle through with some of this, shall we?
Fly girls indeed!!
Look, Yeah Right, how else are we supposed to see Portugal beat Armenia 5-0?
Hippo be all liek
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDZV8TdnCoo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZ_i3Ar8yZ4
“Neither of these squadrons is any good, but UVA at least showed a little spunk (PHRASING) in their opener. My Wolven Sort? Just our typical chucklefuckery. Two ACC teams, but this is a nonconference game, because that’s just how this Timeline rolls.”
It’s “outside the scheduling rotation.”
This is one of the stupidest things I have ever heard.
I’ve got their scheduling rotation hanging