Wumbo Wednesday With Weaselo: So Did the World End Yet?

…No? Damn it, well why the fuck not?

Guess nobody’s holy enough to get Raptured. I mean yeah, we’re still here but that was expected. But I guess Agent Orange wasn’t enough of a holy man while *checks notes* he got mad at something his own videographer accidentally did, then said everyone’s countries were going to Hell. You know, the things that build bridges between nations. And of course, newscasters calling for *checks notes again* bombing a building that is the world’s center for diplomacy and located in the middle of your own nation’s largest city.

Which, I know, blue wasteland, nuke it until it glows a la Mike Priefer. But seriously, are they fucking kidding me?

Okay, rant over, making with the funny and the news! Such as…

How fucked are the VEPs, as in a Hail Mary attempting to save the job move Jaxson Dart will be QB1 now? (If the Bengals want a very much cooked Russell Wilson or an eternally Jameis Jameis Winston you have to think one of them is available now!)

Meanwhile, on the other side of the same swamp that is unfortunately not called Snoopy Stadium, in part because both teams are Charlie Brown, the Jets have made a trade with Don T’s Tits, getting CB Travis Brownlee, Jr. and a 7th for a 6th.

What’s on tonight?

Pennant race baseball. Catch the fever! Important games (that none of them will be on nationally because Manfred sucks)

Liga Americana:

Suddenly shitty Tigs vs. Major League: I didn’t hate Back to the Minors (DET vs. CLE, 6:40. Teams are TIED for AL Central after the Tigers had a 15 1/2 game lead. We’re talking 1978 Red Sox levels of divisional collapse here!)

Just regular bad, thanks to His Holiness vs. Aaron Judge has already been robbed of at least 1 MVP, they might make it 2! (CWS vs. NYY, 7:05, probably on Prime. WEASEL ON THE GROUND!)

”Oh Jesus Christ, I have to root for the fucking Red Sox” vs. “What would the AL East mean for the Leafs’ Stanley Cup chances?” (BOS vs. TOR, 7:07. Jays have a 1 game lead plus tiebreaker, so basically a 2 game lead over the Yankees for the AL East and best record in the AL, magic number of 4. Yankees clinched a playoff spot and still need to hold off the Red Sox for at worst WC1 and home field in that series. Sox are a game up on the imploding Tigers for WC2.)

Pathetically bad, but only differently historically bad vs. Judge vs. Raleigh vs. Judge (COL vs. SEA, 9:40)

Coffin Dancers at the wayside vs. Nomads (HOU vs. not-OAK, or SAC, or LV, 10:05. Mariners have a 4-game lead on the Astros and I believe their magic number is 1 thanks to the recent sweep. Astros are currently out of the playoffs, 1 GB of the Tigers. Raleigh is locked with current Judge for MVP and would need 2 homers in 5 games for 60, 4 to tie ‘22 Judge [62].)

Mario Kart: Senior Circuit (National League)

Wild Card Fun!

Fledgling LOLMETS vs. Small Bastard Men (NYM vs. CHC, 8:05)

Good pitching matchup, inevitably fucking with Redshirt’s heart now-palpitations: PIT (Skenes) vs. CIN (Greene) (6:40)

Somehow still the Dodgers vs. Snakes Still Alive? (LAD vs. ARI, 9:40)

The #BFIB are still technically in it vs. The Former New York Baseball Giants (STL vs. SF, 9:45)

Fish Chaos vs. Phighting phor a Phirst-Round Bye (MIA vs. PHI, 6:45)

Yes, the Marlins are still technically in the race for the last Wild Card but would need a series of miracles. It’s really the Mets, Reds, and Diamondbacks for one spot. Crazier things have happened though.

I have never been to a playoff or division-clinching game. I was expecting it to be today (also since I was teaching yesterday and taking care of things with the diceball team, leading their division as we approach the midpoint). But alas, another year.