That’s right, it may have been 90 degrees all goddamned week, but we have crossed the magick demarcation line into FALL! I do not wish to speak of the footy this week (though it is on the telly this morning), so let’s get straight into the loaded-FOAR-bear JV NFL schedules:
Georgia Tech (-13.5) at Wake Forest (Noon, ESPN)
Navigating the ACC season is all about that rake step (as my Wolven Sort reminded Hippo – AND Other Hippo – last week). Wake is not good at all (see their home loss to NC State), but this is a lot of points for a pretty one-dimensional swarm of Bees, especially on the road. I guaran-damn-tee y’all there is value in the moneyline, as I’d say Wake has like a 30-40% shot to pull the upset outright. GOLDEN RULE – ACC squadrons may look good for a few weeks, but are absolutely NOT ANY GOOD.
Southern Cal (-6.5) at Illinois (Noon, Fox)
How made are the Illini about Indiana pulling their pants down last weekend? I guess we’ll find out today. Bad body clock game for Troi Boiz, too.
Notre Dame (-3.5) at Pirate Kansas (Noon, ABC)
Finally, a match where I don’t favoUr the home dog. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love Pig Sooey to win…there’s just no fucking chance. The Powers That BE won’t stand for the Irish to be out of playoff contention this early.
THEEEE Ohio State (-8.5) at Washington (3:30, CBS)
Outside of the banner pic, I see no reason to BOW DOWN to this version of the Huskies. But maybe they’ll surprise us.
LSU (+1.5) at Johnny Reb (3:30, ABC)
Five games in, and we get the very first road underdog…and it’s the #4 team in the country. THIS is why Hippo is an SEC homer.
War Damn Eagle (+6.5) at Bonfire Cult (3:30, ESPN)
Auburn has no passing game, nor offensive line to speak of. TAMU might literally kill someone out there. But do we really trust THEIR offensing unit? A slugfest could be in the mix.
Indiana (-7.5) at Iowa (3:30, Peacock)
Apparently, Hoosier folk really dislike Iowa, which is a rivalry factoid I never once noticed before. And I been watching football at least 50 years.
Tennessee (-7.5) at Mississippi State (4:15, SECN)
Sneaky game of the week – Cowbells can be VERY tough at home, especially if/when they smell blood. Vols passing game is tough to slow down, though. But maybe MSU makes this into a wild shootout?
Looking for an operational flame thrower so I can torch my goddamn lawn and not have to work on it until next spring.
As a kid, I suggested we switch to Astroturf, but my father vetoed the idea.
We built the third home we lived in. It was a realization of my father’s dream. It was on two acres and I fucking spent most of my adolescence on that fucking lawn. He absolutely loved being out there working. I think he was insane.
So.. I’m guessing that you’re going with the Astroturf, now that your dad doesn’t have a veto any more.
Unfortunately Maryland is the only state in the entire US that bans them
Here in California we call that “the sun”.
My self-esteem is low enough that I feel like I should be watching Westwood Klavern at Northwestern. I mean, that’s the footy HIPPO DESERVES.
/the day that wifey stopped questioning my cooking
Wifey: “What the hell? That spaghetti sauce has too much meat in it!”
Me: “This is a Bolognese. It’s a meat sauce with a bit of tomato.
Wifey:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n03g8nsaBro
Washington’s strategy is to piss off BLEERGH:
Definitely keeping them busy.
BOW DOWN just over here shooting all their paws off.
…and Ohio State is busting their own nuts. And not in the fun way.
/Hippo flips over
/BOW DOWN false start from the 2
(turns on TV)
“The Huskies have stopped the Buckeyes on Fourth Down.”
(turns off TV)
Well, its all uphill from here.
Troi Boiz have a winning strategy with “isolate the honky CB”
Jason Sehorn sheds a tear.
Iowa has an exclusive contract of all of the good ones, now.
“HE WAS REALLY GOOD FOR 3 1/2 YEARS!”
-not me, someone else that is a Giants fanboy
Angie Harmon?
They’re divorced, you bastard!
Direct quote from that last play from me:
“Oh, shit…oh, shit…oh, shit…oh, shit…never a doubt!”
These Bearcats, I call then Border Ruffians because they are giving the Jayhawks what for.
JV WKRP tries to kickoff out of bounds, idjit returner won’t let ’em
Can’t return the kick for a touchdown if you are not selfish teamplayer!
There’s a Bleeding Kansas joke to be made about the Jayhawk defense, but can’t get phrasing right.
Great minds think alike.
Illini just don’t want it bad enough, I guess.
I’m getting all the cfl I can right now. I’ll watch baseball playoffs for the last time this year. Sports is ruined. All of it. By craven greed.
I just watched a 1/6 size screen of muted golf while someone blared an ad for gas pills at me on the rest of it. For minutes on end.
What the fuck is this? They don’t need that extra cash, they’re ruining the experience for pure greed.
They been doing that to RedZone (only like 4 times, 30 seconds each – but know it will worsen). I haven’t watched a baseball fixture since 2020, and don’t miss it.
Football is pretty much my last hobby, other than reading.
I hear y. Reading has been consistently beating sports for a long while now. And British detective shows on the knowledge network.
The NFL will go down soon too. Look at the kickoff and the instant reviews. Cowtowing to sports betting and networks demanding high scoring games to drive ratings.
It’s not about the sports and hasn’t been for a while.
I still watch minor league stuff. Anything without the budget for a time sucking review process.
I always enjoyed minor league baseball, back when my liver/guts still allowed me to drank.
The minor league team here has a thing where they pick one player on the opposing team and if he strikes out beer is half price for the rest of the inning.
It’s a wood bat summer league. For college kids in the US mostly to get work with real baseball sticks. It’s not bad, a handful of major leaguers have been through.
I LOVE THAT PROMOTION
And of course, that’s a shame. No one can watch baseball sober.
Indeed. Tis a fine background activity for being outside (when weather is right) and medium to medium-heavy drunk.
Yankees announcers falling all over themselves praising the Yankees’ performance over the las 8 games, not so much being eager to note those last 8 games have come against the Orioles-White Sox-Still more Orioles.
Not quite play-off preparation.
If you didn’t fart around in the beginning of the season, you wouldn’t have to deal with September Shenanigans. My Reds playoff hopes resides on the Florida Fish.
Oh they were great at the beginning of the season. Mid-June to Mid-August? Eh, not so much.
Ah, went to Cruise Control too early.
I would have been fine if after 161 games it was behind us. Not everything has to be “right there in front of us,” Booney.
What the hell was that cameraman?! The ball was in the air towards the endzone and just as the pass reaches the apex, the camera just stops.
Let’s enjoy some coffee with Lauren Bacall:
(audio is essential; unmute it)
https://www.facebook.com/reel/1085818846885912
https://ibb.co/hxcjRz01
I’ve seen Cincinnati miss tackle a team obviously running out the clock to lead to a Field Goal, but I never seen it happen to Cincinnati.
End of Troi Boiz/Illini Q2 has been like an NBA fixture
An oldie from 2022:
https://vimeo.com/693405435
Has anyone been to a movie theatre lately? What did you pay for a bag of popcorn? The reason I ask is that I was recently requested to price out a 50lb bag of popcorn kernels.
9.49 regular or 10.49 for a large
I’m willing to aver that theaters are making at least 2,000% profit on every bag of popcorn sold.
That’s where theaters have always made their real money, at the concession stand. This dates back to before movies existed.
This dates back to before movies existed
Caveman: “GET YOUR LICORICE HERE BEFORE THE SABRE-TOOTHED TIGER HUNTS YOU DOWN!”
While you’re looking at Urko’s cave paintings, how about some tasty popped lizards? Only 4 colorful pebbles for 2!
I’d imagine they sold all sorts of interesting snacks back in the day…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1PJix23IeF8
Hey, barrels of artificially butter flavored palm kernel oil ain’t cheap.
/what? they are?
Definitely. You’ll be able to eat at Applebees at least once a week now!
Every playoff baseball ad features Cal Raleigh’s ass now.
As well they should. (Sir Mix A Lot is from Seattle, after all)
“Their helmets are almost touching” – are we SRSLY not doing PHRASING any MOAR??
That was the alternate title to Brokeback Mountain, ppl forget that.
Did Hippo guffaw? DID HE EVAR!!!!
Officials in the Overrated-Arkansas game breathing a huge sigh of relief that they won’t have to debase themselves too badly today.
Was hoping to do the full Irish breakfast tomorrow but it’s a no-go. The food is there but there’s no son to slap into next week.
You could still drink whisky and start a fight with the neighbours
It’s a two minute walk to each of my neighbours-I’m not Superman!
A true Irishman would at least huck a petrol bomb at them.
The fake loan messages that scammers keep leaving on my voicemail are getting better, they almost sound like real people now! The AI revolution at work!
“We give expletive loaning rates!”
-Yor Patroit Bonk
I get at least one phone message a day telling me that the loan department is doing the final work on my loan. There’s several versions of it. I never listen to them but I read the transcript voicemails before I delete and report junk, which doesn’t seem to do any good.
Yeah, I was hoping that the secret service taking out that massive SIM card server ring would help, but it hasn’t
Last week I got a text expressing concern about my Coinbase account.
I don’t have a Coinbase account.
I get threats to harm my family in mainland China sometimes. The translations are terrific.
Well damn, your imaginary relative sure is in some bizarre trouble!
Should you yell accounting in your food?
Truly a question to ponder…
I can’t tell if he’s threatening to violate your loved one or treat her to lunch?
That’s the question I ask myself all the time, how is BC Dick a deal?
I keep dropping the price but no one’s buying
Why doesn’t the defense just take 40 seconds to walk off the field any time the offense makes a substitution, since there’s apparently no rule against it
I need to go out and walk, but I’m having trouble getting motivated. Oh look, it’s Fat Bear Week! Putting on my shoes…
First walk after your birthday!
Happy birthday GG!
Make sure to check out fat bear week junior.
I did! I’m all in on 602 in the senior chonk division, apparently he does a stomp dance when he’s fishing.
Speaking of, the wildlife cams at explore.org are pretty cool. They also have pretty zen underwater cams that are fun to have on with music.
https://explore.org/livecams/brown-bears/brown-bear-salmon-cam-brooks-falls
Happy Belated Birthday!
Anyone been to the new Paul Anderson picture? I’m fixing to go to the cineplex this week and I’ve heard good things. Those folks are all studio shills, though.
Going to see it Wednesday.
I read the book that it’s loosely based on, and don’t have any reason to doubt the positive buzz it’s getting.
what was the book?
Vineland I think. Pretty sure I have it and haven’t read it.
I think they should’ve casted Jesse plemons instead. Just because I think he’s the tops for acting talent. The only flaw I see is dicaprio
Cast. I’m ashamed of that.
Vineland by Thomas Pynchon.
I love Pynchon-the majority of his work is readable yet challenging. I feel the same way about China Mieville.
the one I tried to read was…NOT readable (or perhaps I am just too dum)
Give The Crying of Lot 49 a try. If you can stand that V. is a brutal thing but I’m not talking about readability.
“A screaming comes across the sky” from Gravity’s Rainbow is one of the best opening lines ever.
Then the rest of the book happens.
I’ve only read The City & The City and found it to be exactly that.
Give Perdido Street Station a go. Myself, Hippo and yeah right thinks it worthy of eyeballs. The world-building is in place already so it takes a bit of time to get acclimated.
Fucking LOVED That book.
Nice scorebug, TNT. I have your taking notes, Fox.
Bowling Green apparently has a Team Kitty and daaaaaawwwwwww, I’mma root for them as me 2nd team now.
I discovered there are kitties you can visit with in Santa Rosa mall!
That is just an EXCELLENT bidness model
The AFLAC trivia quiz should be In what year did Bret Bielma last see his penis?
Probably around the same year cellphones got cameras.
I’m so grateful Illinois and USC FINALLY get the chance to resume their historic rivalry… Thank you conference realignment!
This refers to college football and the NYT being thought of as a ‘left wing’ paper.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90WD_ats6eE&list=RD90WD_ats6eE&start_radio=1
Just wait for UCLA/Rutgers. There will be BLOOD in that’un fer sure!
Chit chat about the weather isn’t so safe, it leads directly to these sorts of rivalries
“Omega Blake” sounds like he would be an ally to Flash Gordon.
Hippo can haz happy!
I was on my dope run, saw 1-1 on the SiriusXM broadcast and was already blaming you
I’ve managed to secure some actual footage of Hippo on multiple dope runs-enjoy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D21WCUtkSDo
Tl;dr
Wow
Wow
Crash
Wow
Wow
Crash
Repeat for 10 minutes
No wonder they’re all crashing, this race is sponsored by Skoda!
Skoda is a sharp Nordic sheep’s cheese that is aged in Mats Sundin’s old skates. What are you going on about?
SKODA- slowest kars on der autobahn
LaVarr Arrington is wasted, and smoked a sativa blunt five minutes beforehand.
Apparently, every United supporter alive is wandering the interwebs to say How do you lose to a set piece coach? It’s quite lovely, really.
/soUrry, Wakey
That’ll do Burnley; that’ll do.
I was doing Immaculate Grid today, (got a 5; it was a good day), and got to use Raul Mondesi in one of the grids. Raul’s great for this game, because he had some years where he put up great numbers, but not such a great career that most people think of, so he’ll more often than not give you a very low score for that grid.
“Gee Horatio” you say, making a dismissive wanking motion, “how is it you think of Raul Mondesi in this game?”
I’m glad you asked, and for now I’ll overlook that rude gesture but if you do it again I’ll turn this car around and there’ll be no Applebees for anyone.
When I was a relatively new attorney I worked at a firm where there was an attractive young woman on staff who was determined to bang Derek Jeter. And she was good-looking enough that you wouldn’t dismiss her chances out of hand. She never did, but she did manage to get Raul Mondesi’s attention and she did bang him.
A lot.
I know a lot about Raul, including many things I’d rather not know. But she did tell me about a time she went to dinner with Raul and his friends Manny (Ramirez) and Pedro (yes, that one). According to her Raul and Manny had maybe three brain cells between them, and Raul had two of those. Those two would routinely have $10,000+ in their pockets, and think nothing of taking that wad of cash out like peacocks displaying their tails, which is probably what they were actually doing.
Pedro was apparently very smart and kept telling them, in so many words, that they were dumbfucks and should stop doing that. She was convinced that Raul would blow all his money, that Manny would try to blow all his money but simply had too much of it, and that if either of them managed to not blow all their money it would be because of Pedro.
What you’re saying is she didn’t have a chance to tip her hat and call Pedro Daddy?
It rained overnight in Los Angeles, making this the perfect day to hang around the house and do chores with JV football on in the background. And it looks like there’s a bunch of worthwhile games to put on.
The Bamboo: “You dumb son of a bitch”
Kronos is perhaps 1/3 dead at this point. I’m not messing with it today; maybe tomorrow or the day after.
And yes, once I’m finished I will start referring to myself as “Zeus”.
Wouldn’t the rain make it easier to remove Kang?
Muddier for sure, but softer ground.
It does, definitely. I actually hose it down some when I’m working. But it’s not good when it’s too wet, which it is now. Also I don’t want to.
Take tomorrow’s first half Raiders anger out on it!
I’ve been having start up gremlins so gotta take Red (better name still pending because I can’t call her Ruby Rose if I’ve never seen an episode of RWBY, and you can’t call a Barcelona Red car Carmen because everyone knows that story takes place in Seville, total amateur hour!) to Toyota.
I think it’s just spark plugs because she’s at 65k and I was supposed to do it at 60k. I hope it’s not battery or starter motor.
It is also Senorita Weaselo’s last day teaching at the studio that I also work at. And will be taking over her Saturdays for. It’s too much mileage for her for not enough money, but hey, if it means I can eventually free my Tuesdays or Thursdays I’ll make the swap!
What is the engine doing on start up?
It occasionally sounded like it was struggling to turn. Combined with the ESB warning staying on longer, they’ve diagnosed it as battery so I’m across the street at Popeyes trying the Last Dab wings. Which is just their ghost pepper wings (not enough ghost pepper) with a packet of Last Dab Apollo. Which after a test wing I blew through the packet in the next four and had one cool-down wing left. Now you can say casually taking a sip of your beverage voids any challenge but I do have to teach later and I’m a little rusty.
So in conclusion, more sauce please.
That’s what I thought. Spark plugs are good for 100K unless they’re fouled.
I just watched highlights of the AFL Grand Final and let me tell you I haven’t seen a collapse like that since…well, you all know where I’m going with this, no need to overload the DHS database with mentions of our wonderfully subversive site.
The 2025 Detroit Tigers?
The 2025 Houston Astericks?
I’ll take a shot at it…the 1978 Red Sox?
[two year-old Rikki shakes tiny little fist]
A faint FAHK YOU YOU FAHKING FAHK is heard from the playroom
Archduke Ferdinand’s blood pressure in Sarajevo?
2017 Atlanta Falcons?
Just watch the Gran Final, what a fucking collapse by Geelong.
Oh and as much as I hate Brentford, laughing at Man U is the best.
Seems like a good day to make some chili. Wifey is gone to Canmore Alberta for a hiking vacation for 10 days.
/vacation?
TV off, Prem still a bad joke this season
Burnley just equalized and Palace is up? What the hell are you talking about sir?
/this was before Bruno’s penno
AND DO NAE BE JINXING PALACE LIKE THAT
I just now seen that Graham Potter has gotten the sack.
Yeah, but who cares if the next guy will get sacked by Christmas? We’re going down. There’s just no talent on the team and play like 11 Jay Cutlers.
Morning
Seems like something Jackie Treehorn would be into.
Yoga pants leave precious little room for a hidden tumescence ,, ppl forget that!
I have to wonder if the Twin Cities are centering an entire week around one football that happens to be in on a different continent, and hours ahead of regular time? I don’t know whether to be sad or proud of this around here.
O/U on how many times Art Rooney being Ambassador to Ireland 3.5.
How did yeah right end up a Vikes fan, anyway?
My brother’s fiancé is going to Utah for an MBA. It’s beyond Thunderdome that WVU and the Utes are conference foes now. Mountaineers have a lot of issues right now. The Fightin’ Willinghams are not what they usually are, but it’s hard to see much success for the Cousin Fuckers today. 27-16 UU
There’s a pantsload of better, far more important games that I’ll see almost none of.
Oh, and the MURICKANS have a lot of work to do today at the Ryder Cup. Friday morning’s matches were all Europe, and they did well in the afternoon, too. It’s 5 1/2 – 2 1/2 Team Euros.
Even if they win they have to go home to those hellholes with their living wages and parental leave, health care and a glaring lack of constant school shootings and murderous police officers.
I pity those scumbags. Really bad people, all of them.
It was the Purple People Eaters. Playing outdoor in frigid conditions with no heaters on the sidelines. No gloves either. That was one badass fierce motherfucking team. Plus they used to beat the Rams every year as a right of winter passage.
It was all about the timing. Plus I’ll always love Bud Grant.
Alan Page had a lot to do with it too.
Canadian women are playing England in the Rugby Final. The latter have won 62 of their last 63 but I like our chances.
They have been impressive. A maple leaf team you can cheer for without being held at gun point by Elliote Friedman.
So you’re saying the Leafs definitely bring the Cup home this season, eh?
There will be a think piece from a small man in a tight suit linking the two. It is not a question.
The English are one of the best resourced teams while the Canadians had to crowdfund the money to travel to the WC. Go scrappy underdogs!
1-0 Bees! What a hit by Igor Thiago. A rising, half-volley off the inside of the post just under the crossbar. Brentford FC is like a lizard that can regrow parts of it’s body lost in combat.
I’m up for a walk with the deer. Still a bit drunk.
The NFL should just take Saturday from the N C Double Assholes. They could do it. College ball can have Sunday. College kids can drink all
Sunday and still be fine for classes Monday. My old ass cannot.