Pull up a hammock/bean bag chair and make yourself comfy. This tilt might be entertaining in a morbid kind of way when all is said and done.

Flotsam and Jetsam:

– Are you a sundowning clown who hasn’t been told ‘No’ in decades? Do you have ‘inadvertent’ fingers with a mind of their own? Well that’s gonna cost you 250K-you know, your escort budget for the first six months of the year.

-Two weeks after Browning got a vote of confidence from Zac Taylor, one Joe Flacco is being thrown into the fire as the Bengals starter. He’s up against the Packers again just like in week 3. Has a QB ever played the same non-divisional opponent twice in the regular season? I’m guessing this is a playigami(?)

-This Rings a Bell: After some recent decent play there’s chatter that Indy is talking about a juicy extension with Daniel Jones. He will get injured shortly after the ink dries.

To The Game!

Eagles/Giants:

-Hurts has but one turnover this year but Philly fans love drama so the talk is that he’s 7 of 22 on deep passes and that kind of stat is not tolerable. Yeesh!

-Time is a Flat Circle Alert: The last time the Giants beat these guys was in 2023 (the Eagles were resting their starters) when they had a wide receiver room completely bereft of talent. Ta Da! Here’s a rundown of ball-catchers that are starting tonight: Wan’Dale has 23 catches from the slot (OK, fine) and next up is complete washout Jalin Hyatt with 0 grabs on 3 targets (Oh my) as well as Lil’Jordan Humphrey who was just brought up from the practice squad. (Yikes!)

-New York has lost ten straight Thursday Night affairs.

-It was A.J. Brown whinging a few weeks ago because he was not getting the ball and it should have been Saquon a few days ago-he was given all of one(!) rushing attempt in the 2nd half last week. His yards gained rushing average is down by 72 compared to last year. Are they saving him? Or do they know that he breaks down under heavy usage? Does Sirriani get the benefit of the doubt here?

-This tilt is in the slippery hands of rookies Dart and Sk8erboi, who had four turnovers between them last week.

Enjoy the latest iteration of The Gong Show!

 

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jjfozz

Eli is so excited about tonight he tore a hole in the bottom of his footie pajamas

Brick Meathook

He missed the plate but I think he went back and touched (they haven’t shown it or mentioned it).

Jimbo

Are we’re talking about Andy Reid because he never misses a plate.

Jimbo

Doyers! Woooo. That is all.

jjfozz

My mom having a cold one at the Ravens game. Notice the gigantic nose. Luckily, I also have one.

IMG_1043
Doktor Zymm

Reminds me of the Humpty Dance lyrics
“All the girls they adore me
Oh yes, ladies, I’m really bein’ sincere
‘Cause in a 69 my humpty nose will tickle ya rear
My nose is big, uh-uh I’m not ashamed
Big like a pickle, I’m still gettin’ paid
I get laid by the ladies, ya know I’m in charge
Both how I’m livin’ and my nose is large
I get stupid, I shoot an arrow like Cupid
I use a word that don’t mean nothin’, like looptid”

Gumbygirl

I’m wearing very similar earrings.

Brick Meathook

Bye Bye Phillies

jjfozz

Before a tush push, teams should be given a full minute to prepare any Braveheart-style defensive obstacles they can build.

Doktor Zymm

The Greeks generally welcomed a good tush push, but their phalanxes were great at defending when necessary

jjfozz

They were very good at plugging holes in their ranks

BugEyedBoo

Never left their buddy’s behind.

Gumbygirl

Wow, that was stupid.

Doktor Zymm

It’s like Eberflus and the spirit of Iggles Andy Reid had a ghost baby that possessed both coaches

jjfozz

At the end of the day, it’s just a fucking cup of coffee. You got cream, you got sugar. That’s it. Why in fuck is it so complicated?

Doktor Zymm

Stupid gambling app doesn’t want to let me lose money on this game. I guess I should be happy about that?

ArmedandHammered

Nice to know that even the apps are not completely degenerate.

BeefReeferLives

/Ron Howard voiceover: “The apps were, of course, completely degenerate.”

Redshirt

Same here. Suddenly my credit card isn’t good for the app? Fine. I’ll put my four-figure credit limit and 800 credit score away, thank you very much. Hope you enjoy my discretionary money account with far less than I willing to all-but-hand you this weekend!

Doktor Zymm

Annoyingly, the thing I wanted to bet but couldn’t find in time after the second Giants TD is probably gonna happen. Wanted Giants -2.5 at the half, Hurts TD, Eagles -6.5 full time.

Doktor Zymm

Made a couple dumb bets on the Monday game instead

Redshirt

…that’s a safe bet. I went with a six leg +1500 parlay and an eight leg +15000 parlay. The eight leg is sort of alive but the +1500 is within reach, though I would appreciate a Skattebo screen or two.

Doktor Zymm

I also wanted to bet final score giants 20, Iggles 36, but it wasn’t even an option

Redshirt

It’s finally happened. The Eagles offense has devolved into nothing but Tush Pushes.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ugh as someone with Barkley on my FF team, I’m now anti tush push

Redshirt

I suddenly came around for perfectly inconsequential reasons.

IMG_2125
litre_cola

Piss off the world. Run it 4 times

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Think they would have gotten that if Jason Kelce’s japanese maple tree was still out there?

https://www.instagram.com/p/DPjSZuLAHj9/?igsh=MXc4b2VranJuZHI0NA==

Fronkenshteen

Every personnel decision and play call Philly makes confuses and annoys me. Like I’ve never watched a game before.

Mr. Ayo

A.new season starts to RELEASE THE KRAKEN!!!

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I remember when Climate Pledge Arena was when we got high off furniture polish in my buddy’s basement

BeefReeferLives

Endust fumes pack a mean buzz, yo

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

The Philly Special, or as it was known in the 80s, Fast Eddie Savitz’s apartment

jjfozz

this springsteen movie can ride a rocket straight to hell

Doktor Zymm

I like Jaxxson’s obviously fake bling

Doktor Zymm

Along with the mini-mullet I feel like he should get some vintage polyester shirts with an eyebleeding pattern that he wears half buttoned and a pair of coUrdoroy bell bottoms.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Skattebo: sounds like a slur, runs like a Ford

jjfozz

WE had a discussion a few weeks ago here that it also sounded like a perverse sexual meaning.

Example: “Even though I had 5 tequila shots, when she pulled out the raw liver, egg beater, and rubber gloves I still wasn’t sure about getting a skattebo.”

Redshirt

Usually you’ll have to pay the lady extra for a skattebo.

jjfozz

I prefer an enema before a night of skattebos

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Oh it’s okay when the Eagles do the Tush Push but when Dr. Paduch does it he gets a life sentence

jjfozz

Altar Boys been avoiding the tush push for centuries.

Redshirt

I think because of a false start on the weak end.

jjfozz

There’s always a chance for illegal motion

Unsurprised

If I wanted to see a couple of older gentlemen blow a Trojan in public, I’d go down to Santa Monica Boulevard.

Gatoraids

Philly watched too much Giants tape

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

So that’s why Lex Steele is trending in Center City

Redshirt

Okay, um, it’s gonna be one of those Thursdays.

Doktor Zymm

This seems very good for the VEP, but I suspect it’s just that thing Philly does sometimes where they don’t play the first half. Imma say Eagles 36-21

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Giants did an unexpected good!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Usually when a dart ruins Philly’s Thursday night, someone dipped Frank Rizzo’s stogie in PCP

litre_cola

The OC will be relieved of his duties tomorrow.

Gumbygirl

Eli with the dumb look!

Redshirt

No commercial? Huh.

Doktor Zymm

I really hope they MOST GLORIOUS TIE both for the symmetry and because then 3/4 NFC East teams will have a tie

WCS

Mr. Crosby and Mr. Malkin creating beautiful things.

Doktor Zymm

Let’s see if an aerator makes this mediocre wine that I’ve been improperly storing for a few years any better. Might have to pop out for some diet coke if not

BrettFavresColonoscopy

kalimotxo ftw

Don T

Vic Fangio: Weak Iggles link? This feels like comfy heresy.

Redshirt

Me: (bets Saquon Barkley under 83.5 rushing yards)

Saquon Barkley:

IMG_2124
Horatio Cornblower

Sirriani took the under

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

SKATTEBO SKATTEBO WILL YOU DO THE FANDANGO

WCS

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Doktor Zymm

Skattebo is a great Halloween name

Senor Weaselo

It was about this point in time Senor Weaselo remembered he was going to wait for the new week before streaming defenses, and then didn’t do that.

Doktor Zymm

Oh VEP, bless your heart, smh

Doktor Zymm

CAN THIS TEAM SCORE MORE POINTS THAN THE OTHER TEAM??

Such incisive pregame commentary!

ArmedandHammered

Only a select few can be that inane and still have work.

Redshirt

Odds are usually in that team’s favor when…

(Free Preview over. Only Paid Subscribers see the entire comment.)

Brick Meathook

Don’t tell Gumbygirl:

IMG_5379
WCS

Will we tell the others?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

This baseball game is fineish but kinda boring. Over to the Saquon show shortly.

Doktor Zymm

Having an excellent day so far, got some work done in the morning, saw my Chicago gentleman friend in the afternoon, got a massage and watched all the smol bears fans head over to probably watch their team be eliminated in the evening, and picked up my favorite by the slice pizza on the walk back. Now I get to eat said pizza with a glass of wine and watch a hopefully hilarious football game. If it sucks, I overheard someone talking about the movie Hocus Pocus which I haven’t seen in years, so that’s my back up. Life is good today!

Gumbygirl

I love Hocus Pocus!

Don T

Keep it rolling Dok! 🎉 🎈

Bogdanski

It’s Milwaukee. Cub’s aren’t getting eliminated tonight

Fronkenshteen

Please let these offenses throw haymakers at each other all night. God I need a big one out of Barkley tonight. Phrasing.

blaxabbath

I wonder what Jerruh’s escort budget is. I mean, he’s well-beyond “power is sexy” — so how does that play out? Does he have to handle is own hookers? Does Junior set them up and have to call them Mother, each time?

The logistics of Jerry Jones’ life must be gross and have been so for a while.

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Doktor Zymm

I assume his coke dealer also handles the hookers

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I tried a new cocktail recipe tonight.

https://www.reddit.com/r/cocktails/comments/1nyuvdc/harvest_moon/

Didn’t care for it, but it’s possible if not likely that my Lillet Blanc has gone bad.

BeefReeferLives

Thanks for the pointer. Just put my L.B. in the fridge so it will last longer.

Don T

I just cleaned my bong #AdultinG

blaxabbath

Does your bong have an ice chamber?

Don T

I’m not a Bond villain. The striking handsomeness might throw some people that way tho 🤷🏻‍♂️

BeefReeferLives

Nice.

That 1st hit from a freshly cleaned rig is the best.

ArmedandHammered

Clean, fresh water, sparkling clean bowl, and a new stainless steel screen, these are a few essential things.

Horatio Cornblower

Friend of mine: My parents are having health issues, flying in last minute, can’t get a rental car, can you drive me around 2-3 hours starting at 10:30 pm tomorrow?
Me: (tries getting out of poker tournament, currently can’t because I represent the minimum number of player to make tournament count for year end point/big tournament)
Mrs. Horatio: Here’s a picture of the beachfront condo I’m staying at for free with my high school friends for the next few days! Love you!
Me: Well the universe certainly doesn’t.

ballsofsteelandfury

But will you have fresh sheets waiting for Mrs. Horatio?

Don T

AND turn the mattress. Sorry to be Capt. Obvious whatever [trails off]

blaxabbath

Life is Pain.

Don T

¡Buenas noches! Yelled affably. Stupid plain characters.
For tonite, the Caribbean delegation is serving garlic shrimp, fried smashed green plantains, and White Tariffs.*

* WTs being cheap Scotch* + rocks + big splash o’ milk.**

** “[This blended whisky] tastes like a pressed two-by-four after a week of acid rain”
—Richard Thomas

Me: 😛

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