The Slate of Foregone Conclusions

Many of these tilts seem to be straightforward in their end results so I guess with my history it’ll be “Upset Day”. Sigh. I’m exceptionally lousy this year in all things footballing and there’s so much of the season still to come. Ugh.

To The Games!

Fins/Falcons:

Please interview Tua mid-game on the sidelines, I’m in the mood to hear something stupid that further undermines the morale of the team. Bijan and Allgeier should be able to run all day long on this defense that has plainly given up on everything.

Jets/Bengals:

Flacco just plainly came out and said it, that he has no fond memories of playing in New York. Ambassador Woody takes yet another hit. Fields will get another kick at the cat by default due to Tyrod’s “Out” status. Against said housecats he will likely go 10-25 for 76 yards.

Browns/Pats:

Cleveland’s D need always to be reckoned with but Maye is in the middle of a heater-a six game stretch of throwing for 200+ yards with a 100+ passing rating. Only the likes of Mahomes, Brady and Manning have accomplished this. His counterpart Gabriel? No one’s blowing his horn. On “long” passes (10+ yards) he is 10 of 30 to date.

Giants/Eagles:

Didn’t these guys just play? Sulky A.J. Brown has been ruled out and will no doubt post a cryptic Bible passage, followed by a, “That’s not what I meant!” declaration. If Daboll had any in-game management skills the Giants could easily be 4-3.

Bills/Panteros:

There’s only one way to do this Carolina-run Chuba and Rico right down Buffalo’s 31st ranked run D’s throat. Here’s a surprise, the Panthers boast the league’s #3 run D themselves with much of the credit/flowers going to Derrick Brown, returning after a season-ending injury last year.

Bears/Ravens:

Baltimore is favored by 2.5 despite the fact they’ve lost three home games to date. Could they possibly, finally give the ball to Henry? Chicago is 20 frickin’ 8th vs the run! C’mon! Caleb regressed last week, throwing for just 172 yards on 57% passing.

Niners/Texans:

These guys don’t meet one another very often as their 4-1 history indicates. I’ll leave it up to you to determine who has the lead in wins. McCaffrey has 100+ scrimmage yards in every game to start the season and the last to do that was David Johnson back in 2016. Houston will need to turn the ball over to win and Mac Jones-said to be adequate lately-has three picks and no TD tosses over the last two weeks.

Give me your blurst.

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Redshirt

Welp…

IMG_0155
LemonJello

Bears brought the schiesse to Charm City today.

fleshwound_NPG

caleb not throwing ints is now woke

caleb-woke
blaxabbath

I widely benched him for Flacco!

LemonJello

Uh-oh, Saquon has his annual owwie now?

blaxabbath

You can take the New York Giants running back out of New York…

Horatio Cornblower

Eh, they’re up 31-13 and he has 175 yards and 2 TDs. They might just be sitting the starters.

BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Got the lawn cut. Hopefully for the last time this year but probably not
As there was frost on the roof this morning, I brought in the hose
Put the cover on the air conditioner to try to keep the ice and snows off
Did a bit of raking up leaves. But would rather cut them with the mower
Almost winter ready

LemonJello

All stocked up on caribou jerky and pickled goose eggs?

BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

That and full Maple syrup stock

BC Dick

Gotta have a full bundle of pemmican too

blaxabbath

What kind of idiot am I for starting the Browns TE on National Tight Ends Day? Of course he has 1.00 POINT today. I mean, this is a front office group that actively supports the federal push to eliminate womens health insirance subsidies for their own fans during Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

So this weeks ass-kicking is on me for being the Cleveland Browns of fantasy football ownership.

Doktor Zymm

Started the WRONG Browns TE

Redshirt

Bengals got lucky.

Redshirt

…also PEE-REINE!

BaldingSpiritually

Yeah, I’m checking out of this game. Two fumbles, a toss directly to a defensive lineman, a screwup to end the half, commercials for Copilot. I risk heavy drinking if I keep watching this game.

Unsurprised

Dislocated. Is that better or worse than broken?

Redshirt

Slight structural integrity issues?

blaxabbath

“It’s a quirky type of back injury, actually…”

– Dolphins Team Doctor

ArmedandHammered

Usually the tendons attached to the bone are messed up, I’d prefer a break myself.

Last edited 4 months ago by ArmedandHammered
Mr. Ayo

Worse

BugEyedBoo

I broke my ankle and was completely healed in three months. He’s going to need about a year to recover from that.

Redshirt

Bengals are letting the Jets stick around.

Unsurprised

They’re in a holding pattern.

Hopefully, they run out of fuel over a wild animal “preserve” run by the most hillbilly fucker in Ohucky

Unsurprised

Do you think Waddle is so fast to spite his name?

blaxabbath

That explains ‘Woody Johnson.’

-Woody Johnson’s Hooker

ArmedandHammered

Why do you think they spent so much on ED research?

blaxabbath

Nice.

blaxabbath

THIS GUY NEW YORK GIANTS RUNNING BACK CAM SKATTEBO NOW I CALL THIS GUY ONE MRS SEBASTIAN BLAX AT DANCE LESSONS BECAUSE THOSE ANKLES ARE GOING ALL KINDS OF WAYS THEY SHOULDN’T BE!

jjfozz

i continue to have circular conversations with my mother about my sister’s inability to kick her alcoholic asshole fuckface husband out of her house.

fuck this shit. i’m not saying another word. my blood pressure is sky high right now

blaxabbath

You just hate the guy because he can’t bring himself to share one damn drink.

jjfozz

He’s the guy who comes into your house, goes right to the bar, and pours himself hte most expensive liquor you own.

Unsurprised

Straight to jail. Then Hell.

Last edited 4 months ago by Unsurprised
Redshirt

No, the jury would let Fozz walk and he’d get a high five from Satan himself.

Unsurprised

Yeah. The shithead would just try and steal some of Satan’s stash.

blaxabbath

Why’s he need the pricey stuff? Like, parents love young blax because I’d roll in and eat all the leftovers their kids won’t touch.

Would you like him more if he was like, “Couldn’t help but notice you’ve stull got some big goofy bottle of cheap wine just gathering dust on your precious shelf space. Last time we met here, you mentioned how you hated that bottle and I thought I might offer my ‘superpower’ to help you make room for that soda stream your SIL is ready to regift at your wife?”

Unsurprised

The obvious structural death of society that legal gambling is causing makes me think it was a mistake to crush the mob. But this also reminds me that there used to be guys you could call about this shit.

Last edited 4 months ago by Unsurprised
jjfozz

I talked to my sons about what we would do if he ever touched my sister. We came up with a few plans, including letting my middle son loose with a baseball bat since he’s not 18. Truthfully, I’m hard pressed to say I wouldn’t do something about it. Fuck the law, sometimes it’s up to you.

Unsurprised

Agreed.

Besides, it’s only a crime if it’s reported.

blaxabbath

Best thing you do is tell them to just clear their minds right there you solo handle it, as the leader.

Besides — whats good ever comes of having teenage co-conspiritors?

Horatio Cornblower

They found “partial human remains” in the reservoir down the street from my house about two weeks ago and apparently have yet to figure out who they belonged to.

What I’m saying is if someone were to hypothetically need to dump a body there’s something(s)* in the water there that apparently remove fingerprints and teeth.

*Pike. There are some massive pike in there.

Last edited 4 months ago by Horatio Cornblower
LemonJello

It can’t be easy having Pete Hegseth in your family, that’s for sure.

Unsurprised

Diggs’ first TD of the season!?!

LemonJello

Raccoon With A Meth Pipe is taking Bondi Fetish Garden Noems to the woodshed.

jjfozz

I think I saw that movie on the dark net

Horatio Cornblower

It’s nice that the Eagles finally remembered Saquon Barkley was a thing.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m really going to get knocked out of the Elimination Pool because Atlanta can’t beat fucking Miami?

yeah right

Ok, this tourist trap gets a pass.

Because this is flawless.

Look what you’ve done, Dok!

1000022915
yeah right

Pro tip: if the menu has pictures of the food it’s questionable.

Think Denny’s.

Gumbygirl

If I don’t have the lowest score in Freezer Vodka League history this week, I would be verra surprised. Jeeesus Christ on a cracker, what a fucking shitshow.

Doktor Zymm

I got 66 or something a couple weeks ago, but don’t know if that’s the record low

Redshirt

Just saw Skattebo injury. Wow.

LemonJello

comment image

yeah right

Fucking hilarious.

English bloke bored the shit out of his dinner guest who just walked off then to fill in the silence he broke out the recording device of his phone and now he’s blathering non stop into the ether.

There are certain folks I never want to engage in conversation with.

And that’s rare!

blaxabbath

That would be enough to send me on an 13 kilometre walk.

Unsurprised

Why should you walk? He’s the asshole. Make him take a walk into the wilderness.

jjfozz

You could watch The Road – a tryout for next big “country” star – or get whacked on the toes with a heated ball peen hammer.

What do you choose?

LemonJello

“So, that toes/hammer thing…how much to just watch?”

-Rex Ryan,blatantly adjusting himself

Unsurprised

I’d rather re-enact The Road by Cormac

fleshwound_NPG

*looks at tyler huntley’s stats*

bears defense out here sending applications to work for the make-a-wish foundation

makin dreams come true

yeah right

For a tourist trap that’s a pretty damn good pan tomate and jamon Iberico.

BaldingSpiritually

Now that’s the Black Panthers I know and love, taking a sack deep in enemy territory with no timeouts and 12 seconds left on the clock

rockingdog

Whoa that 49ers Kittle Touchdown catch was ROCKINGGG!!!

yeah right

Sitting next to 2 English blokes and one of them is averaging 300 spoken words per minute while intimidating the fuck out of the other guy.

Christ, I thought I was verbose.

ArmedandHammered

Dalton getting confused as to who he plays for.

Unsurprised

Wow. Just now seeing Tua’s eye. It’s like his brain (or what’s left of it) is trying to escape.

Last edited 4 months ago by Unsurprised
BaldingSpiritually

Welp, was fun having a competitive Black Panther team that made games interesting while it lasted.

ArmedandHammered

Dalton making Bryce look really good.

Unsurprised

The video of Rex Ryan talking about Nick Mangold is heartbreaking

Unsurprised

Ravens lead? What!?!

Last edited 4 months ago by Unsurprised
BrettFavresColonoscopy

The Bearistocrats!

Brocky

He was a skater boy…

She said, “Holy fuck your ankle!”

yeah right

Shit
Found a tourist trap.

Fuck it, they have beer, pan tomate and jamon.

I’ll survive.

yeah right

No manchego?

Fucking savages.

BC Dick

So the trap worked.
Would’ve got me too

yeah right

Frosty cold beer?

You got me, coppers!

fleshwound_NPG

tyler huntley should not be looking like 1989 joe montana

but the bears secondary (their corners specifically) caught the plague this week

King Hippo

Trump ain’t gonna like that, Border Patrol exercising judgment and restraint

Redshirt

Aborted Flea Flicker First Down? Sure, why not?

ArmedandHammered

Feet not posed to go dat way.

SonOfSpam

Uh oh, Sk8rBoi is down bad. See you later boi.

Gumbygirl

Foot was on backwards. Hoo boy.

fleshwound_NPG

at least this will delay his cte for a bit

SonOfSpam

That’s some good bright-sidin’

King Hippo

uh oh, ded sk8rboi??

King Hippo

I am not squeamish. I yelped and bit into my left hand. JEEBUS.

SonOfSpam

I did not look. Prefer to be ignorant and blissful.

Doktor Zymm

They’re not replaying it, so gotta be bad. Poor kid

King Hippo

Hope he’s back for 2026, poor kid.

blaxabbath

Maybe his fellow ASU #SunDevil4Life l Kyle Rittenhouse can call up with some advice on weaseling out of personal responsibility.

I know, I know….ASU is ‘acceptable MAGA’.

Redshirt

I saw it. The foot was internally no longer connected to his leg.

Senor Weaselo

Touchdown… Jets?

Hey, can they do that?

SonOfSpam

There is a little-known codicil that on the fourth Sunday of the tenth month, etc

ArmedandHammered

Capt. Cook skinning panthers.

King Hippo

I bet when DraftFanKingDuel’s ad cuts into RZ audio, Scott Hanson says go fuck your mother

Redshirt

TEE!

King Hippo

Yeah y’all got boned

jjfozz

I think Monken’s wife stuck a post it note on his forehead this morning that said “Run Henry All Day. You Fucking Twit.”

yeah right

I’m sitting here in my rental and I’m fed and I have wine and beer on my fridge and there’s nothing on TV…

FUCK IT!

There’s always room for tapas.

Out the door we go!

Doktor Zymm

There are actually quite a few bars showing NFL in Barcelona

Doktor Zymm

I would try here, looks like good beer too: https://cocovailbeerhall.com/en/home/

Doktor Zymm

Legit question, why isn’t the Giants D better?

Unsurprised

Performance anxiety?

King Hippo

Vertical Enhancement does not necessarily correlate to better “motion in teh ocean”

King Hippo

Also, sometimes they forget there is a 4th quarter imogodbless

/hides from scotchy

Redshirt

Ryan Fitzpatrick, Neil O’Donnell and Boomer Esiason in Bengals uniforms?! Ugh, diverging emotions are disorienting.