Your Monday Night Football Open Thread

Of course there’s a baseballing thing going on as well. And the Senators! Who could forget that the Sens are playing? [pretty much everyone raises their hands]

Fallout:

-Feelin’ HOT, HOT, HOT: That would be the butts of Dallas DC Eberflus and Cincy’s Al Golden. The Cowboys have given up 250 points and the Bengals have surrendered 253. The next closest team are the Titans way back at 230. Just a note-I’ve not seen someone in career freefall quite like Eberflus-Head Coach, Defensive Coordinator and who knows what next year? Quality Control Consultant? Scout? Gatherer of Potatoes?

-Rich Bleed The Poor, Part The Millionth: Has a Titans fire sale begun?-fairly good slot cb McCreary is off to the Rams for a relative pittance. Please Tennessee, spend your extra draft capital on the offensive line. Trust me.

-Skattebo had successful surgery in Philly last night. Why there? Well, he had an ‘open dislocation’ (GAH!) that needed to be attended to immediately. Gotta love all the Internet folks that pulled on their suspenders and typed, “When I dislocated a joint, blah, blah, blah…”.

To The Game!

Commies/Chiefs:

-In case you forgot (as I did) Daniels is still out so Mariota is in. Out of curiousity I looked up his career earnings-they’re at 83 million and counting. As part of his current contract he gets paid $30,000 every week to not be on the practice squad.

-As of the present it would seem that Washington caught lightning in a bottle last year because they’re staring at their (very likely) third straight loss this evening.

-Good News! Both McLaurin and Deebo should be available tonight. Bad News! That’s not nearly enough to get a W.

-Can I pile on? The Commies have eight defensive starters 28 or older. They’ll get tuckered out this evening.

-K.C. has only lost one Monday Nighter during the Mahomes Era.

-With Kareem Hunt sorta hobbled with a bone bruise look for rook rb Brashard Smith to get a larger piece of the action.

Have at it.

5 5 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
327 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I just realized that the home run for the Blue Jays in the fourth inning was the first time a Kirk shot has ever made me sad.

Unsurprised

What about the end of Star Trek: Generations?

Unsurprised

/Sees self out for ruining someone else’s perfectly good joke

Horatio Cornblower

Paul Skenes mouldering away in Pittsburgh is a fucking crime.

Fortunately Bob Nutting’ll trade him away for cash by the middle of next season.

WCS

You know, you’re right, and fuck you, too.

LemonJello

So, Yankees or Dodgers?

WCS

FACKIN SAWX CAWSE BAWSTAHN HAWNTS WCS FOREVAH NO ONE DENIES THIS

Horatio Cornblower

If it’s cash I think it’s be the Yankees. They have to do something to distract from the fans that they’re run by idiots.

If it’s players it’s going to be someone else, because the Yankee farm system is pure dogshit.

Don T

I think the Commies, like Washington throwback unis, ain’t coming back.

Brick Meathook
LemonJello

Love what you’ve done with your guest bathroom, Brick.

SonOfSpam

You should see the view from the Bidet Cam.

Horatio Cornblower

Liberace thinks that’s a bit much.

WCS

Images like the above don’t appear when I’m on duty. The webpage is blocked; “online-storage-and-backup” ist verbotten. Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s fun, Brick.

Brick Meathook

For WCS:

IMG_0041
Brick Meathook

This is The Tune Inn on Capitol Hill, deep in the heart of BFC country. I didn’t expect to be here tonight, and BFC’s not here, but I go way back with this place, back when Capitol Hill was a shit hole and this was a true dive.

BugEyedBoo

Needs more taxidermy.

Brick Meathook

Maybe

IMG_0046
SonOfSpam

Aikman just criticized Lattimore for not “going down on it” and I guess the rumours are true.

Horatio Cornblower

It’s OK to be gay; it’s not OK to be a selfish lover.

SonOfSpam

Yeah his name is Aikman, not Maiktheotherguydoalltheworkman.

Unsurprised

This team is as fucking useless as all American commies are

WCS

Having seen essentially none of this contest, the score and time are somewhat confusing to me.

Won’t matter, anyway. It’s not like we don’t already know the inevitable outcome.

comment image

Unsurprised

That’s an odd way to spell REFS

Horatio Cornblower

It’s Flemish.

Unsurprised

I was suspecting Gaelic or Welsh or one of those other made up Tolkien languages

Horatio Cornblower

If I remember right Tolkien based the Elvish language on Finnish.

I could look that up, but it seems like work.

LemonJello

Did you learn Khuzdul, or was Lowratio already fluent in English when he came into your service?

Gumbygirl

Is Billy Bob wearing a disguise?

SonOfSpam

Isn’t “Jaylin Lane” the name of an adult film thespian?

WCS

It is now.

Horatio Cornblower

That’s not how you spell ‘lesbi..”

Oh, the actors. Never mind.

SonOfSpam

When they get close to scoring, they always feed the KHunt.

Unsurprised

Flopping cocksuckers

ArmedandHammered

Need more context.

ArmedandHammered

Switched back to football, I would have thought KC would be up multiple scores.

jjfozz

it’s time to put Berman on an ice floe and push him out to sea

WCS

Wasn’t that in, like, 1991?

ArmedandHammered

Global warming, no ice floes large enough exist any more.

BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Wrap him in leather and then send him out to sea

Horatio Cornblower

Weird way to spell ‘concrete’

Brick Meathook
LemonJello

Horatio, I think your Applebee’s reservation is safe. Enjoy!

Last edited 4 months ago by LemonJello
NotShogunButShogun

Is this a game of any kind? Other than the one played on the viewing audience that is.

Unsurprised

Is 2 parts salmon, 1 part garlic a healthy ratio?

jjfozz

Not according to my grandmother, who didn’t know what the hell salmon was.

WCS

comment image

Selmon?

Horatio Cornblower

That guy was a goddamn beast.

Gumbygirl

My knee is screaming. I’ve gone 4 days with over 10,000 steps, was doing about 8,000 but I bumped it up. The Asics shoes I bought myself for my birthday already have a hole in the toe. And somewhat inexplicably, I’m going to Florida next week. Thank you for listening to me complain, I’ll shut up and watch this stupid game now!

SonOfSpam

Good job! But why Florida? Lose a bet?

Gumbygirl

Cheap trip, and I need a distraction. My sister in law has a conference in West Palm, so I’m tagging along.

SonOfSpam

“Conference in West Palm” is code for hanging out at the Mar-a-Lago pool.

Gumbygirl

I’m hoping to huck an unwrapped Baby Ruth over the fence.

jjfozz

The players bring trick plays to Reid, wrapped in bacon, stuffed in a tenderloin, and topped with lobster.

SonOfSpam

I know it’s a lesser sport, but Ohtani has a double and a homer and it’s the 3rd inning.

Musta bet on himself.

jjfozz

I made reservations for 1587 Prime, I’ll be bringing a suitcase full of rats and cochroaches that will mysteriously open once I sit down.

Let me know who’s in so I can reserve a table.

SonOfSpam

I wonder whether it’s priced reasonably for the food quality. I’m guessing yes, like maybe $15-20 for a nice ribeye.

jjfozz
LemonJello

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

Oh, but you laughed about Applebees, didn’t you?

SonOfSpam

Of course it’s overpriced, but honestly not as bad as I thought.

But to eat there you must be in Missouri, so that’s a big surcharge.

Unsurprised

Is 1587 the weight limit for each chair?

LemonJello

Average bill for a party of four.

Horatio Cornblower

If they skip drinks.

Unsurprised

Well, fuck.

Redshirt

(last week gameplan meeting)
Mahomes: “So what do you want?”
Reid: “Turnovers!”
Mahomes: “You sure? That doesn’t make…”
Reid: “I WANT TURNOVERS!”
Mahomes: “Alright! Fine!”

LemonJello

Why does Northrop-Grumman have TV ads? Wouldn’t it save them time to just directly pay Kegsbreath and YamTits to spend tax dollars on their planes?

WCS

Someone at the Ice Stillers game fell off a walkway and dropped about 30 feet.
This is literally the night after a worker at Heinz Field fell off a scoreboard.
A fan fell off the centerfield wall of PNC Park earlier this summer.

Did stagediving become a sports thing rather than rock concerts?

LemonJello

Its probably something the kids do for the TikToks.

WCS

comment image

Gumbygirl

People are getting noticeably stupider.

WCS

It’s what happens when kids who regularly consumed lead paint and lead gasoline fumes having kids who then did the same.

Redshirt

Thank you, FC Cincinnati!

IMG_2273
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Noooooiiiccce

Gumbygirl

You were 69 out of a hundred!

LemonJello

4-2 final score?

WCS

6-4 in overtime

Doktor Zymm
Unsurprised

I was expecting a tea bag.

Redshirt

IMG_2272
Unsurprised

And that snazzy shoulder ensemble

LemonJello

With this cromulence from the Commies, what un-lubed rogering will the refs cook up for them in the 2nd half?

Redshirt

As a sacrifice, I’ve placed bets for the Chiefs.

Doktor Zymm

Your sacrifice is appreciated

Redshirt

I figured if I have the “gift” I may as well use it.

Doktor Zymm

I did something similar for the Owl and it worked, totally worth the $5!

jjfozz

The ChatGTP commercials are cute, but I have a few prompts:

“Show me how to butcher a human body without making a mess.”

“What poisons don’t show up in autopsies?”

“Plan a diet for Andy Reid.”

“How neutral is Wichita?”

Doktor Zymm

“Putting these together, I’d describe Wichita as moderately neutral — it’s not at one extreme end of the political/social spectrum, but neither is it strongly progressive or radical in policy. It is a city that maintains some traditional/ conservative elements, while also adopting inclusive policies in certain areas. The “neutrality” depends heavily on the specific issue (climate policy, LGBTQ+ rights, economic policy, etc).
If you mean “neutral” in some other sense (e.g., politically neutral in elections, socially neutral in terms of race/class, or economically neutral), I can dig up data on that too. Would you like me to explore one of those dimensions?”

Doktor Zymm

This is not nearly entertaining enough for the power and water usage, but it IS mildly entertaining

Screenshot-2025-10-27-173707
Bogdanski

At least we have the international equivalent of Wichita, re: sports

Redshirt

“What is the proper way to deprogram an entire political partisans devoted to a corrupt, selfish demagogue?”

“How to convince old members of a minority political party with a history of failure to step aside and let their younger colleagues take over?”

Doktor Zymm

The Manningcast is a godsend for getting through this game, ugh

LemonJello

Uh-oh, Spaghetti-O’s.

SUDDEN CHANGE IN KC

SonOfSpam

Was just about to type “Hey what a nice opening drive” and then lol so much for a competitive game

Mr. Ayo

That was a quite hilarious SUDDEN CHANGE

BeefReeferLives

Loved the pre-game “pick-em” segment:

“Soooo, Kansas City? Everybody picking the Chiefs?”
“Yup”
“Uh-huh”
/Sigh “Yeah.”

Such enthusiasm from Ryan Clark… Any more excitement there and a funeral is going to break out.

Redshirt

..

IMG_2269
fleshwound_NPG

tbf, who can actually sack him, or wants to

ballsofsteelandfury
rockingdog

That’s Rocking lol

ArmedandHammered

Which experience is going to suck worse – watching this game or passing the kidney stone that is currently ripping it’s way through my system?

SonOfSpam

Damn, good luck with the stone. Hope it somehow finds its way out the back door. That’s a possibility, right?

ArmedandHammered

Unfortunately, no.

Redshirt

.

IMG_2255
jjfozz

People who propagate meatless holidays should be served kidney pie, blood sausage and tripe until they burst.

BugEyedBoo

Does Friday during Lent count?

jjfozz

Nah, cause fish is meat. Plus, I ignore that rule completely. And mention it in front of my mother in law.

SonOfSpam

“Lookit me, I’m suffering like Jesus by eating shrimp and scallops!”

BC Dick

Shellfish? I think that’s straight to hell.

BugEyedBoo

Not Kosher, for sure.

WCS

Listening to hawkey while in the shower is amazing, except the commercials.

Yes, I am naked while you are reading this. UNSEXY MONDAY

BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Did you dic-tate this post?

ArmedandHammered

Does the excitement and cheering help you finish?

SonOfSpam

As long as you’re pantsless, all good.

WCS

comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Who could have predicted that Eberflus would be a disaster, other than everyone who watched him run the Bears further into the ground?

fleshwound_NPG

no way in fuckin hell i watch this game unless it is within a possession in the 4th, which it wont

my boomer dad called them the [REDACTED]s again today so chefs 38-9

Jimbo

Half the Commie fans were wearing (REDACTED) gear at the game I went to, mostly the older crowd.

Doktor Zymm

We need to get them all the name of a good knockoff jersey supplier so they can replace them on the cheap

WCS

Ice Stillers already up 2-0 over the Late Ice Rams, 90 seconds and all of three shots into regulation.

comment image

WCS

2-1 already. Oh lawd.

King Hippo

Thanks for the excellent intro work, as always. I can’t get myself up (PHRASING) for this one, neither.

ballsofsteelandfury

Who’s the home team?

Cuz the only chance I see of Washington winning is if the turf monster eats up Mahomes & Co.

ballsofsteelandfury

Just checked and the game is in KC.

comment image

1 2 3